Aa
Need opinions about a situation that ended with a fam member in trouble...
At this point I am furious at my friends and my younger brother's friends... I need to know if my level of anger is reasonable.
Long story short...that will probably end out long...
My younger brother and I went to the same college. He is finishing up...I am done and moved away.
My best friend from my college years dropped out, but stayed in the area and continued to hang out with those that dropped out as well, hadnt moved after grad, or are younger than us.
My "best friend" and I always had this whats mine is yours, whats yours is mine, were like brothers relationship. For a while it was like that...but as the years passed I began to realize that I was the only one holding up my side. Part of the reason I took off after school.
We stay in touch occassionally and often he talks about running into my brother. He purposely calls him to take him out and "get him ****** up." This has always pissed me off and I have told him many times to let my brother do his own thing with kids his own age. (And yes I am aware that my brother has his own brain and is responsible for himself, but he doesnt know this guy like I do)
My friend never grew up. He is literally a child and a selfish one at that...and infant essentially. He is always the first to take. He isn't the last to give, he never gives. He expects people to take care of him when he gets in a jam, has no problem asking for favors as if he is entitled, and no problem denying the favors of others simply because they do not benifit him. He is lazy leech....every single thing he does is to better his situation in some way. But...
He is a great actor. He is everybody's friend. The life of the party. The lovable mess that people don't mind bending over backwards for...be it out of pity, humor, or the fact that he's a good drinking buddy.
Anyway...
A few days ago my old pal called up my little brother and invited him to go on a party bus. My brother agreed and went along. He didn't know the other people on the bus and expected that he would be hanging out with my friend. Well, what are the odds...my buddy pumped him full of drinks and then ignored him once my brother was blacked out drunk. He had fulfilled what he wanted...he had gotten my little brother ****** up, in front of a number of our old friends...he was proud and now done with my brother.
Being the inrresponsible person he is, my friend just told my brother they were just riding around drinking, hitting bars. In reality they were traveling 100 miles to some concert or something. When they arrived, they all got off the bus and dispersed into the crowd. My brother was smashed and alone...thinking he was still near his home. He went into a bar to call a cab to go home and the bartender informed him that he was 100 miles away and no taxi was going to drive him that far. Not knowing what else do do he trys to find a ride going bar to bar, asking for help.
Mean while, my friend and his crew go to their concert party thing, and head back to their bus once it has ended. They wait 15 minutes for my brother... and then my friend calls me to ask if I had heard from him because he is missing. (remember I am states away from them) I immediately get worried, and my friend promises that there is no way he will leave my brother, that we are like family, and I can count on him to hold the bus until they find him. I tell him to call him if he shows up and definitely if they are going to leave without him.
Mean time, I start calling police stations, detoxs, and hospitals, No luck. I can another friend who was on the bus and she gives me a clearer story of what happened. And then tells me that they had already left on the bus and that my best friend who promised all that stuff was with them.
So I try calling him 4 times over the next 3 hours, between calling the various police and hospitals. I text him a bunch of times....his only response..."dude, we waited for 2 hours" ...
The truth of the situation is that they walked back to their party bus, turned on the music and continued to get drunk. Waited a total of 30 minutes(thing ended at 4:30ish...they got to the bus by about 5:00ish...and left at 5:25)
So my friend lied about how long they waited...and not a single person even ventured off the bus to look for him before they left. No one talk a quick walk around the area, tried to find a PA system, or even checked with police or hospitals before they took off. The got drunk and listened to music for a half hour... then just left without him and without calling me.
So throughout this time, i have called the police station, hospital, and detox center atleast 15 times each(luckily he was in a small town and they were all incredible kind and eager to help).... I get a call about 4 hours after i was orginally told he was missing, from a police officer.
Officer explained to me that he was found in a bar trying find a ride home. But had no money, cards, or phone... the only option they had was to take him to a detox facility because he hadnt committed any crime. (Nice cops...where im from, first of all they never would have looked for him, told me to stop calling after the second time, and would have thrown him in jail for public intox when they found him)
So I eventually got to talk to him, everything ended out being okay...he just got stuck in there for 30 hours (state mandate) And I managed to find him a ride home on a shuttle service when he got out.
So ultimately, my "best friend" took my brother out to get him "****** up" because it would be fun, funny, and make him look cool. Called when he went missing....because to him that is covering his *** from responsibilty. Promised not to leave without him, promised to look for him, and promised to call if they were going to leave.... did none of those. Then ignored every call and text i made throughout the night. NOr did he or a single other person who was on that bus call to the next day or the day after that.
I even texted my friend today to ask the name of the bus company to find out if they had my brothers things and he didn't respond.
The only person that contacted me was his roommate the next day, who knew nothing except that his roommate did not come home for 36 hours and wasnt answering his phone....only stand up person in the situation.
It has been a few days and I am still just furious. Most at my "best friend"...my other 2 friends on the bus...and my brothers friends who were on the bus.
I let "friends" get away when this kind of stuff would happen to me... but when its family you just look at it differently.
I would never leave a friends sibling stranded 100 miles away from home. I dont think I would do that to a stranger sitting next to me on a greyhound if I could help it.
Basically...I am continually losing faith in the majority of the planet. You really cant count on anyone, and people are only there for ya when there is oemthing they can take.
So do I have a right to be a furious as I am?
dammit this got long....actually feel kind of better...maybe just needed to vent.
Long story short...that will probably end out long...
My younger brother and I went to the same college. He is finishing up...I am done and moved away.
My best friend from my college years dropped out, but stayed in the area and continued to hang out with those that dropped out as well, hadnt moved after grad, or are younger than us.
My "best friend" and I always had this whats mine is yours, whats yours is mine, were like brothers relationship. For a while it was like that...but as the years passed I began to realize that I was the only one holding up my side. Part of the reason I took off after school.
We stay in touch occassionally and often he talks about running into my brother. He purposely calls him to take him out and "get him ****** up." This has always pissed me off and I have told him many times to let my brother do his own thing with kids his own age. (And yes I am aware that my brother has his own brain and is responsible for himself, but he doesnt know this guy like I do)
My friend never grew up. He is literally a child and a selfish one at that...and infant essentially. He is always the first to take. He isn't the last to give, he never gives. He expects people to take care of him when he gets in a jam, has no problem asking for favors as if he is entitled, and no problem denying the favors of others simply because they do not benifit him. He is lazy leech....every single thing he does is to better his situation in some way. But...
He is a great actor. He is everybody's friend. The life of the party. The lovable mess that people don't mind bending over backwards for...be it out of pity, humor, or the fact that he's a good drinking buddy.
Anyway...
A few days ago my old pal called up my little brother and invited him to go on a party bus. My brother agreed and went along. He didn't know the other people on the bus and expected that he would be hanging out with my friend. Well, what are the odds...my buddy pumped him full of drinks and then ignored him once my brother was blacked out drunk. He had fulfilled what he wanted...he had gotten my little brother ****** up, in front of a number of our old friends...he was proud and now done with my brother.
Being the inrresponsible person he is, my friend just told my brother they were just riding around drinking, hitting bars. In reality they were traveling 100 miles to some concert or something. When they arrived, they all got off the bus and dispersed into the crowd. My brother was smashed and alone...thinking he was still near his home. He went into a bar to call a cab to go home and the bartender informed him that he was 100 miles away and no taxi was going to drive him that far. Not knowing what else do do he trys to find a ride going bar to bar, asking for help.
Mean while, my friend and his crew go to their concert party thing, and head back to their bus once it has ended. They wait 15 minutes for my brother... and then my friend calls me to ask if I had heard from him because he is missing. (remember I am states away from them) I immediately get worried, and my friend promises that there is no way he will leave my brother, that we are like family, and I can count on him to hold the bus until they find him. I tell him to call him if he shows up and definitely if they are going to leave without him.
Mean time, I start calling police stations, detoxs, and hospitals, No luck. I can another friend who was on the bus and she gives me a clearer story of what happened. And then tells me that they had already left on the bus and that my best friend who promised all that stuff was with them.
So I try calling him 4 times over the next 3 hours, between calling the various police and hospitals. I text him a bunch of times....his only response..."dude, we waited for 2 hours" ...
The truth of the situation is that they walked back to their party bus, turned on the music and continued to get drunk. Waited a total of 30 minutes(thing ended at 4:30ish...they got to the bus by about 5:00ish...and left at 5:25)
So my friend lied about how long they waited...and not a single person even ventured off the bus to look for him before they left. No one talk a quick walk around the area, tried to find a PA system, or even checked with police or hospitals before they took off. The got drunk and listened to music for a half hour... then just left without him and without calling me.
So throughout this time, i have called the police station, hospital, and detox center atleast 15 times each(luckily he was in a small town and they were all incredible kind and eager to help).... I get a call about 4 hours after i was orginally told he was missing, from a police officer.
Officer explained to me that he was found in a bar trying find a ride home. But had no money, cards, or phone... the only option they had was to take him to a detox facility because he hadnt committed any crime. (Nice cops...where im from, first of all they never would have looked for him, told me to stop calling after the second time, and would have thrown him in jail for public intox when they found him)
So I eventually got to talk to him, everything ended out being okay...he just got stuck in there for 30 hours (state mandate) And I managed to find him a ride home on a shuttle service when he got out.
So ultimately, my "best friend" took my brother out to get him "****** up" because it would be fun, funny, and make him look cool. Called when he went missing....because to him that is covering his *** from responsibilty. Promised not to leave without him, promised to look for him, and promised to call if they were going to leave.... did none of those. Then ignored every call and text i made throughout the night. NOr did he or a single other person who was on that bus call to the next day or the day after that.
I even texted my friend today to ask the name of the bus company to find out if they had my brothers things and he didn't respond.
The only person that contacted me was his roommate the next day, who knew nothing except that his roommate did not come home for 36 hours and wasnt answering his phone....only stand up person in the situation.
It has been a few days and I am still just furious. Most at my "best friend"...my other 2 friends on the bus...and my brothers friends who were on the bus.
I let "friends" get away when this kind of stuff would happen to me... but when its family you just look at it differently.
I would never leave a friends sibling stranded 100 miles away from home. I dont think I would do that to a stranger sitting next to me on a greyhound if I could help it.
Basically...I am continually losing faith in the majority of the planet. You really cant count on anyone, and people are only there for ya when there is oemthing they can take.
So do I have a right to be a furious as I am?
dammit this got long....actually feel kind of better...maybe just needed to vent.
sounds like your friend has ASPD...antisocial personality disorder. look it up.
btw i think u have every reason to be mad
btw i think u have every reason to be mad
Hi,
I also would be very mad and feel you have every right to be.
But it sounds like it is eating you up inside.
Once I obsessed over this girl that got me kicked out of a nice apartment so she could move in, she started dating the landlord.
A friend asked me once after one of my***itch sessions about her.
"Do you think she thinks about you as much as you do her? Do you
think she wastes the time or enrgey feeling bad about what she did to you"?
Of course she didn't. she only thought about herself.
That friend really opened my eyes to that.
I use it to this day to keep myself from panic attacks or depression, anxiety.
It helps me focus on what is real instead of constant worring about all the bad things.
good luck to you
I hope things work out for you
paaddict
I also would be very mad and feel you have every right to be.
But it sounds like it is eating you up inside.
Once I obsessed over this girl that got me kicked out of a nice apartment so she could move in, she started dating the landlord.
A friend asked me once after one of my***itch sessions about her.
"Do you think she thinks about you as much as you do her? Do you
think she wastes the time or enrgey feeling bad about what she did to you"?
Of course she didn't. she only thought about herself.
That friend really opened my eyes to that.
I use it to this day to keep myself from panic attacks or depression, anxiety.
It helps me focus on what is real instead of constant worring about all the bad things.
good luck to you
I hope things work out for you
paaddict
You have every right to be angry at the whole situation. Anger is however a cover up for another emotion and I would continue to talk it out in writing here or in person. Your brother needs to be held accountable for his state as I'm sure no-one forced the drinks into him and Blacking out is serious. Your BF isn't much of a friend to anyone it seems and I think if he still has any respect for himself and your family, telling him how much he has disappointed you and let you and your family down may deter him from these actions against your family in the future. He is after all immature and acting quite irrational. You need to talk to your brother about your feelings and how this has all made you feel. You cannot rescue or change anyone but you and the rest you need to give to God. It sounds like your brother could use some space from alcohol so that he can assert the situation for himself and say "NO" next time your so called best friend wants to get him lit. Hang in there
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