Need some help to be strong

[maisymae]

I will run out of the meds.tomorrow morning and know what I will be in for.  It's been 5 days since I have had the Lortab 7.5, but have been taking up to 10 Darvocet per day to counteract the withdrawls from the Lortab.  I only got to day 2 last time (end of May) before the utter sadness and hopelessness got to me.  Yes, the physical symtoms are horrid, but i somehow know I can get through them....it's the feeling like it all is about to come crashing down any second that I am so scared to face again.  I'm a mom, like so many on here, and I tell myself I can get through this for them, but in those darkest moments, I know I will be looking on here to see if someone can help with some kind words.  It's one thing to read the other encouraging posts....it's another to know that those words are meant for you!!
Thanks in advance to all who can help!

[dominosarah]

We are here for you and will support you.  Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of your life!!  It is time to break free of those chains that are holding you down.  You can get thru this, it is tough but you be in control of you now.  Have you checked out the health pages?  Look into the amino acids or some sort of vitamins.  I take Ester C, B-12 and B-6.  Aftercare is very important to our success too.  Stay positive in your thinking and remember we are here........sara

[Stupid172]

Here a few remedies that I used during my detox. Immodium AD for the runs, I took a multivitamin every day because for the first 2 days it was hard for me to keep anything down, I took a HOT bath 2-3 times each day for my aching body, I used Excedrin for the headaches and other pain, I used a sleeping aid, Tylenol PM worked great for Day 2 and 3, but I had to use Xanax for the first night, the Tylenol just didn't cut it. Everyone is different, don't trade one for another, but that is just what worked best for me.  Trying to get a good night's sleep is essential in detox, although hard, you can find something to help. Try to prepare yourself mentally and physically for what's about to happen, get movies or somethng else you enjoy doing to keep your mind busy. I came across this great site that allowed me watch alot of movies online, including ones already in the theater. http://www.watch-movies-online.tv/ I was glued to watching movie after movie, it really helped.  You are doing the right thing, I am on Day 4 and I feel significantly better, I know I'm not out of the woods quite yet, but I can feel my body coming back. We are all here for you! Congratulations!

[maisymae]

Thank you...the tears are coming and I'm not even off the dumb meds all the way yet!!  I am using the rest of today to "get ready" so to speak.  Being a mother of young children and knowing I will be out of commission for a few days at least, I am trying to get ready.  But like I said, the emotions will be the hardest for me.  I do have those Vitamins on hand.  Thank you for suggesting them.  I am not always great about taking them, but I will certainly get them in my body from now on.  By "aftercare"...what exactly do you mean?  I have come clean to my husband, and he is trying to be supportive.  I just don't think he has any basis of understanding.  I do know he will keep me accountable from now on and I imagine that will be a big part of staying off the meds.
Thanks again for your words....I am sure I will be back on here tomorrow (not so chipper) and the next day, and the next day and the next day.....and well, you get the drift!!
:)

[TroubledDude]

I am you about 25 days ago. I was terrified of the withdrawal and it wasn't the physical side that was scaring me. The mental part is such a B****. The good news is that it does end. I feel so much better than I have in a long time, even while I was on. Just set your mind to it, keep your chin up and you will be okay in no time!

[dominosarah]

I am really glad you have told your husband.  He may not fully understand but he is there for you and will hold you accountable.  Family support is very helpful.  Aftercare can be any type of counseling, therapist, minister, AA/NA.  Once we get thru the wd's the mental part of this comes into play.  It is very important to find out why we used in the first place and how to get thru stressful periods or just plain day to day living.  We have abused our minds and bodies and it takes awhile to get our brains thinking without being numb.  Let yourself feel your emotions, crying is okay and it helps.  You also may sneeze about a million times during this too.  That is normal.  Get up and move around as much as you can.  Stay positive!!!          sara

[kiylen]

Sweetie, I know all about the depression.  I am detoxing off of methadone, a LONG, probably the longest of any drug for withdrawal and detox.  I have hit a point in my taper where I am so emotional.  I have two children, single mom, and I feel I cannot be there for them like I should be and go through this at the same time.  The guilt adds up because it's not their fault and I feel SO bad but don't want to take it out on them.  This is going to take months for me to finish up and the problem with these drugs is they deplete your "feel good" chemicals in your brain and it takes a while to for your brain to learn to produce them again.  So sometimes even when the physical is gone, the mental remains.  We are here for you.  Message me or send me notes directly, ANYTIME.  I WILL respond.  I have been there before.  This is not my first time trying to beat this but with God's grace, love and strength, it will be my last.  You are worth a clean life and you know it.  Easier said than done, I know. Please know we all need each other and you can come to me with anything.  I'm sure that goes for everyone else on here too.  Good luck and know you are not alone in this!!!

[maisymae]

Yes, I will be OK.....even better!  Today I can say that....tomorrow might be a different story.  But thank you for your kindness.  I am so very happy for you and your success!  Be proud of yourself.  I hope to feel that pride in 25 days!!  BTW, I have been on these horrible pills about 9 months, slowly working up to the dose of about 8-10 a day.  I know I should take no pride in saying "only" 9 months....it was about 7 too long (no more real pain).  Since i only got to day 2 last time I tried to get off of them, am I looking at more than about the 4 HORRIBLE days?  Maybe it is just different for everyone and does not really have to do with the the ammount of time you used.  I just think I might do better if I knew what day the worst would be over.  I bet that is the ??? everyone asks....i am no different.
Thanks...:)

[dominosarah]

Usually day 3 is the worst.  Be positive in your thinking.  I too was very afraid of wd's but i decided i had to get thru them and i would come he!! or high water.  Doesnt matter how long you have been on them, if they are controlling you it is a problem and your feelings are yours.  We will be right beside you cheering you on.........sara

[maisymae]

Thank you again for the posts...I have to go...I KNOW I will be back tomorrow and hopefully in the near future on here supporting someone who needs my help.  Wow...won't that feel nice???
Bless you all!!

[jormilmar]

I know the worst part for getting off ms contin is the back pain! I'm on 440 mg of ms contin a day for chronic pain, and when I don't take them the back pain is so bad I want to die. Does anyone else go through this?

[jormilmar]

I know the worst part for getting off ms contin is the back pain! I'm on 440 mg of ms contin a day for chronic pain, and when I don't take them the back pain is so bad I want to die. Does anyone else go through this?

[ZJILLIAN]

Let us know how you are doing? It's okay to keep posting and asking for support as fears surface. We have all been were you are.

[maisymae]

I felt a little guilty posting yesterday.  Yes, I felt the anxiety, the aches, and I had the runs (took immodium), but it just was not as bad as I was expecting.  I am still waiting for the worse to hit.  I even slept a little last night.  
My biggest issue today is fear.  You see I am sure I will need to "come clean" to my parents.  I have been taking most of my pills from my Dad who gets them for back pain and from what I can tell, does not abuse them.  He just gets them mail order and in large quantities, I don't think it ever caught up to me.  Until now.... They get back today from a 3 week vacation.  I live in the same city and of course, have access to their home.  He kept a bottle in his nightstand and over the past 3 weeks, I completely cleared him out!!  How will he NOT notice that???  I am trying to find the courage to tell them before they ask.  I even wrote a letter just in case I chickened out.  I want to make it right.  I want the guilt to go away.  I just know this is going to "blind side" them.  We are close and this is going to really change things.....I know.
So that is what I am feeling right now.  On top of the w/d symptoms....more just utter shame and anxiety as the minutes tick closer to when they get home.  They have had such a wonderful vacation and now I get to really ruin it for them!!
Well, it's almost time to wake up the kiddos and put on my "happy" face!
Thanks for checking in with me.....

[ZJILLIAN]

You know with your parents, if you have been real close I think that they will surprise you and this might end up with you being even closer since you are being honest with them about a problem. Remember addiction really is a disease, you are not a bad person, you are ill. Really, I believe the people who say that some of us are wired to become addicts if the right substance is given to us at the right time. We don't become addicts because we want to. It really is something bigger than us when it gets going. Having those pills available made it pretty much impossible to resist. So please don't be so terribly hard on yourself.

I think that how you present it to your parents will make all the difference. Keep your guilt under control. Explain to them how you have been feeling, what led you to take the pills to feel better, what was wrong in your life that needed fixing that the pills seemed to answer. You obviously were feeling depressed? lonely? bored? etc.

Also stress what you have been doing to stop and how sorry you are etc. Ask for forgiveness. You can do this. What most of us have found out is that our family pretty much love us and stick with us and it takes a lot of abuse of that love and trust to spoil a relationship.

The main thing is to stop using. Also a lot of what you are feeling is because of the drugs and withdrawal. It messes up our emotions and makes everything too intense.

Keep posting and let me know how you are doing with this.

[maisymae]

Thanks for your kind comments.  Yes, I do know my mom and dad will still love me.  I think they will just be baffled.  I have actually had some pretty major health issues in the past...(Crohn's Disease since age 14, severe anemia that resulted in blood tranfusions, severe endometriosis that resulted in an emergency hysterectomy at age 29)  Why was I able to get through all that and not look to "pain meds" to solve my problems?  Why now?  Why did a bout of dumb kidney stones start me down this path?  I am truly having a hard time answering that question to myself.  I have a great family.  I have a faith-based system in place that supports me mentally and spiritually.  Why did I let this happen?  I don't know if I can explain it to them.  Like I said...this is REALLY going to surprise them.  This is NOT like me....
Hopefully, like you said, as the meds leave my body and I get throught the withdrawls, I will have a better perspective on it all.
Again, thanks for you words and help...it means so much!

[ZJILLIAN]

Actually for me after reading your AWFUL medical history the question is NOT why did you use but rather, HOW DID YOU NOT USE before now given the real pain, fear, frustration, depression, lonliness etc. that all your illnesses must have caused you.

The point is to start now fresh; No recriminations! No guilt! Just a deep sympathy for your self and your poor body to have had to go through so much suffering at such a young age.

The drug use is easy compared to what you have already been through. I think what might be useful is to try to understand the emotions behind the drug use. Sometimes when young people get sick they actually feel very protective of their parents. They don't want to let their know how they really are feeling because they don't want their PARENTS to worry and be unhappy.

I think this drug incident is a wonderful opportunity for you and your parents to have a real honest talk about feelings and guilt.

Please be forgiving of yourself. You are doing a great job! Keep posting.

[kiylen]

I know when I came clean to my Dad, he already knew something was different about me.  He's not very educated about addictions, never had a reason to be, but knows what all I have been through mentally, physically and emotionally.  He told me the best thing is that I am recognizing my problem, being honest and asked if I'm ready for help.  I told him yes and we talked about how I didn't want this to distance us and I never meant to disappoint him.  He actually said no, I know that right now you're going to need me more than ever.  I forgive you, but you know you have to earn trust back.  I don't know your parents, but they ARE your parents and just think how you would react if it were your child.  You are on the right track and please know we are all here.  Ask them to pray with you about it.  A faith-based family can overcome anything because they have God.  I'm a Christian myself and overcoming a terrible addiction right now.  God is my lifeline.  I know God will be yours and most likely, your family too.  Please let us know how everything works out.

[maisymae]

Thank you both for your words of encouragement!  I will definately let you know how it goes.  As for now, I am just trying to stay hydrated (even though it is so hard to even think about eating or drinking!), and keep my mind off my physical discomfort.  I actually feel bad complaining.  I did this to myself...it seems right to have this as a reminder to never go back!!  Thanks again for caring enough to respond to my posts!!  Take care....