Needing Support

[raspberrybaret]

I have been reading on this forum for a couple of weeks, and it has truely changed my life...I think I finally built up the courage to actually post a question now. My story is basically like a lot of you guys'...I became addicted to Lortab after the birth of a child.  The first time I had ever had anything more than a tylenol and WHAT A FEELING!!  Felt like I could actually be a mom, work and do everything I had NO energy to do anymore.  Depression has always been an issue with me...especially with all those post partum hormones:)  Now on and off for about 3 years...I am truely ready to get this out of my life.  I can't deal with it anymore.  Since I started reading this forum I have now tapered from 8/day (lortab 5/500) to 3/day...today is 2/day.  I am really scared about this.  I feel like I'm loosing my security blanket.  I have never told anyone about this and I don't think I ever could.  I feel like such a failure.  I really need some encouragment.  Thank you for anyone that can help.  

[jediwannabe]

It sounds like you know you are making the right decision, and that's awesome!!



have you ever had to go through W/D's before?  Do you know what to expect?  

[raspberrybaret]

I am pretty clear about what will happen, and I think it already is because of how fast i have tapered.  Some days I feel like I can do this, other days I just want to lay around and cry.  Awful thing I've done to my body so I'm sure I deserve everytime I have to run to the bathroom!!  Yesterday was pretty bad, I planned on tapering a lot more slowly but has just gone a lot faster than expected.  I just think I want this to be over ASAP.  

[kally1]

In my experience, im also tappering down (from 5 a day norco for 5 years now down to 2 a day) If you keep on a schedule and keep it up, your body will eventually get used to the reduction of pills. And you won't need anymore than that smaller dose to feel ok. Not high,,,but ok. You have to have a strong will to keep up with the tappering because it's too easy just to take only one more. So it has to be something you absolutely have your mind set on. Take it slow, take care...gl

[jediwannabe]

well my dear....be strong and just stick with it.  Considering that you were only taking 8 L5's a day....the W/D won't be nearly as bad for you as what some of us have gone though.  I threw up for 48 hours straight my first 2 days....but i was taking oxycontin.  

if you REALLY want to recover....and are a strong willed person....you'll be able to do it.  

Just remember...everytime you want to take a pill to stop the withdrawals...it's just going to start the whole process over.

For what you'll be going thru.  Drink LOTS of water and gatorade....i've been drinking chicken broth just so i have the energy to walk.  If you can get some Valium or Xanex, it would help with the sleeping problems (if you are having them yet).  

I'm here for you if you need to talk.  Having someone like that really helps

[raspberrybaret]

Thank you for the support!  I just wish I had never gotten myself into this mess.  I feel like a complete failure.  I have a huge weekend ahead of me and I worry about the triggers i will face.  I think it's kind of a social thing, those pills make it easier for me to play well with others :)  I'm sure someone out there knows what that is like.  

[TitaniumJen]

I'm so glad I have this forum to find out that I'm not the only person going through this agony.  I want so bad to get off all the meds, but still need something for the pain.  Although, after going through the withdraws, sometimes I feel like maybe the pain is kind of tolerable after all.  This is so so hard.  I quit taking morphine 90mg of slow release tablets cold turkey 9 days ago, and I am still having extreme anxiety.  I'm still taking Lortab 10s and Soma along with Xanax as needed and Zoloft at night.  I told my Pain Mgmt. dr. the morphine was hurting me more than it was helping me.  I probably should have let him reduce the dose slowly, but I truly could hardly function.  My muscle strength and joint mobility is so much better, but the anxiety is stressful.  He told me to get a 2nd opinion, so I went to my PCP yesterday who put me in the ER to get blood work and talk to another dr.  Alot of help they were, they gave even more drugs (Adavan) to calm my anxiety, made me wait a couple of hours and told me to go back to my pain dr.  This is such a vicious cycle.  I don't want to be an addict; I've become one due to my 4 spine surgeries.  I've detoxed off Lortab, Oxycontin and Oxycodone before and only tood 3 days to do so.  I've never detoxed this long or had anxiety like this for so long.  Noone understands or can explain to me why this is happening and how I get through it.  I own a business, need to run it, take care of my kids on the weekends, and feel like I have to put my detox on hold and hide my feelings just to get through a normal day.  I'm tired of living a dual life.  I want my life back.
Best of luck to you.  You are so brave and smart to get off the meds.

[Marce4]

Hi ladies...welcome to the forum.  So So many of us lead similar lives and to deal with this guilt alone is the worst.  You are here and there is so much support to be found!  First of all...YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE....cut yourself a break!  We all got here be it from surgery/legitimate pain or not...it really doesn't matter...What does matter is what we do about it!  I am mother of four, a nurse, involved with school functions, on boards, sports, soccer coach and last but not least.....I'm an addict! I was taking 10-15 10mg Norco daily for about 2 1/2 years...tried to detox three times....this last one I did with the support of my husband, older children and the wonderful people here....I am starting week 6 c/t and have never been so grateful to be alive.  You guys have made a huge step by coming here. We are all different so I don't know what will work for you to get into recovery...be it c/t, tapering, suboxone, rehab. It doesn't matter...just ask as many questions as you need and many good people here are more than happy to share their experiences and methods in getting clean.  There are many ways to handle w/ds as well.  I think for me depression and anxiety were just as difficult as the physical symptoms. There are ways to deal with this as well.  I am on effexor and that has worked q;uite well for me.  I learned so much from the great people here just by reading their posts!

I pray for you both and if I can help, please let me know!  I know you can do this! Getting your life back is such a great motivator. Just think about how nice it will be not having to worry about how many pills you have left, where can you get more and how much of a financial burden this habit has placed on you and your family!  Find your strength and have faith in yourself!

Peace to you,
Marcie

[raspberrybaret]

Thank you so much for your post.  I have a ton of questions, but I am kind of scared to ask some on here.  Is it safe?  I guess I am feeling like I still don't want anyone to know.  I have really stuck with this whole tapering thing.  The kids are husband probably think I am loosing my mind with my entire attitude changing in the last 2 weeks!!  I really wish I could tell him.  

One question for you:  is it hard to work around meds being a nurse??

[CATUF]

The fact that you loved them from the start is very telling.  I can relate to that exactly - it was a "ohh, baby - where have you been all my life" feeling.

I didn't know it then, but that type of reaction points to a brain chemistry imbalance that opiates, among other substances, addresses quite nicely - a chronic shortage of the same neurotransmitters that make "normal" people feel good in day-to-day life w/o staying high 24-7.  

You are not and have not been taking massive doses (YET), so your w/d shouldn't be that bad.  Whatever they are, they'll be just a small fraction of what you'll go through later if you don't stop now, because your addiction will grow and grow and grow.  So, you'll either suffer much worse w/d or, like me, you'll pass on into a whole new realm of addiction that you can't even imagine now.  If you go there, you may or may not make it back - even if you do, it will be after doing serious harm to everyone and everything you care about.

There are a few books that I would strongly recommend:
1.  End Your Addiction Now, by Charles Gant;
2.  Staying Sober, by Gorski & Miller;
3.  Staying Clean & Sober, by Miller & Miller; and
4.  The Mood Cure, by Julia Ross

The first-listed has some very easy 15-20 question quizes to help you determine what neurotransmitter deficiencies you suffer and it tells you exactly what you need (amino acids and other supps) to treat.  Everything you need can be purchased at GNC, etc.  You can also buy pre-sorted paks at www.powerrecovery.com.  I've done both.  I think the paks are better, but they're more expensive.  I did the paks exclusively for the first 7-8 months and now at just over 21 months I've decided to go back to them.

I'm now a big advocate of rehab - the longer the better, but I'm aware that most people won't do that until there's just no choice.  I know I sure didn't.  

[raspberrybaret]

So do you think a legitimate anti-depressant is in order if I could have a brain chemistry issue?  I just feel stupid talking to my doctor about this.  

[jediwannabe]

i'm going to see if i can find any of those books locally and read them.  I've relapsed over 10 times after going through all of this pain for weeks at a time.  I'd really....REALLY...like to find a way to quit for good this time.  But i dont have the means, or time, to go to some sort of physical rehab clinic.  My only choice is to take care of the problem myself, with my friends and families support....but that can only go so far.  Those books sound interesting.  I'll check them out.

[ScottQuit021907]

Some of what you are feeling in terms of depression may be related to the opiates, specifically the mild withdrawal. How did you feel before you took opiates? If you felt fine, I would suspect that you will once again feel fine at some point after withdrawing from the opiates. It's possible that the opiates have altered your brain chemistry and anti-depressants are truly what you need, but how will you know until you have the opiate problem behind you?

Scott

p.s. I know withdrawals are hard but it will get better I promise!

[raspberrybaret]

It's hard to remember how I felt before...I excersized regularly and ate well on oh yeah..Wasn't married and didn't have kids-ha, ha.  Life is harder now.  More stressful.  I feel like the pills gave me the energy and all that nonsense you feel on them.  You are right though...I should wait and see how I feel after this is over.  

[ScottQuit021907]

I guess all I'm saying is that you probably don't wanna take anti-depressants if you don't need them.

[Marce4]

Actually, I am so busy at work that it has not been a problem....I am an L&D nurse and narcotics are VERY frequently used post-op (c-sections) in labor (nubain/phenergan) and post delivery (Percocet, Tyleno #3). Meds are disepnsed from a PYXSIS and we have to put in a code with our fingerprints(so to speak) in when we need them.  I don't want to lose my job so it wouldn't be worth it to risk, even when I crave them. I have seen other nurses who have tried and they have most always been caught!  I personally have known them and I love my job too much!  I wouldn't have the time anyway, I am always running!