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Nervous about my Percocet addiction...
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Nervous about my Percocet addiction...

I have been taking percocets for about 2 months now.  It has quickly escalated and I took about 15 over the course of the day yesterday.  I had a very hard time sleeping and kept dreaming that I couldn't breathe.  I'm not sure if I was really struggling to breathe or if it was just a weird dream, but I have a feeling it was from the percocets.  What's so frusterating is that I have anxiety and depression, and the euphoric feeling that I get from percocets is what keeps me coming back for more.  I am nervous that my family and husband are going to find out.  I hide it really well and no one has asked me what's going on or mentioned that I'm acting different so I don't think they suspect anything yet.  I was able to get a pretty large amount of percocets recently and I think that since I know how many I have, I am taking more and more since they are there.  The main side effects that I have noticed so far is itching (just general itching, anywhere on my body, more specifically on my face it seems like) and sweating.  Does anyone know of any long term effects that this could be having on my body?  Is this the kind of pill that is hard on your kidneys and liver to take?  It seemed like I was also noticing a "foggy" kind of vision in both of my eyes at different times, could this possibly be related to the percocets or is that just a coincidence?  My sex drive has been totally depleted and even when I masterbate (sorry if that is too much information) I am unable to orgasm no matter what if I am buzzed off the pills.  I guess I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else has this issue and if anyone has any advice for me.  I guess to be honest with you all, I don't really want to quit, I just want to lower the amount that I'm taking.  Unless it can cause permanent damage to my body in some way.  I love the euphoric feeling that it gives me and I am more social, more energetic and generally just happier with life.  I am still able to get this feeling and get buzzed off of about 4-6 pills a day but my will power is pathetic and I have just been taking more pills since I know I can.  But I am afraid I am getting to dependent on them and don't want to go through any kind of withdrawls when I run out in case I am unable to get more.  Any comments or advice would be very appreciated, and especially if you can answer any of my questions.  Thanks!!

Emily
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Emily-  Your situation is a scary one. You are headed for a lot of heartbreak, sweetie. Think about stopping the pills now before too much time is invested. 15 pills in a day is a lot!  It will be hell on your liver AND kidney's, not to mention your brain. Once your brain is
used to all that opiate, it will not function normally nor will you produce the proper amount of brain chemicals!  I hope you stop while you can. Very soon you just won't have a choice. Also, that euphoria that you love so much will bite you!  You'll end up having to take pills just to feel normal!

All the symptoms you mention are directly related to the Percocet.  You're very lucky you didn't stop breathing while asleep. The pills really depress the respiratory center along with other "feelings". It's not that good so please walk away,okay?
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You are already in trouble and you dont even seem to know it.......still want to use huh?  What do you plan on doing when 30-40mg of percs at a time dont touch you and you cant tell that you even took them? Except its easy because you will be sicker than a dog if you run out and dont have a load of them in your system. Get sick, search frantically for more and more pills. Take pills and then start over. Sound like a good life plan? Maybe you will try a methadone clinic.  Replace search rantically for pills with "stand in line at 7am to get dose to keep from being sick at 8am.....repeat daily forever. Dont plan a vacation that doesnt involve a methadone clinic. Heck - dont plan anything that doesnt involve a methadone clinic. Your life will be revolving around some form of opiate very shortly and you better get smarter about it...........................
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Well thank you for your kind words and compassion.  I was just trying to be honest.  I didn't expect anyone to condone what I was doing or encourage me to keep doing it, but I also don't need to be scolded and talked down to like that.
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Being straight and up front about this stuff is what works....you cant deal with it on your own terms. It has terms all of its own. Sorry if you perceived the news as hostile.....its not meant that way. I can blow smoke up your skirt if thats what you think works. Best of luck to you with all of the truth that comes from the bottom of my heart.  I could have written your post 40 years ago......but I got wrapped up in some pills and that took a lot of time to get squared away - - -  I am sure that you will be the first historical exception to narcotics and their tricks.
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Emily-  Your situation is a scary one. You are headed for a lot of heartbreak, sweetie. Think about stopping the pills now before too much time is invested. 15 pills in a day is a lot!  It will be hell on your liver AND kidney's, not to mention your brain. Once your brain is
used to all that opiate, it will not function normally nor will you produce the proper amount of brain chemicals!  I hope you stop while you can. Very soon you just won't have a choice. Also, that euphoria that you love so much will bite you!  You'll end up having to take pills just to feel normal!

All the symptoms you mention are directly related to the Percocet.  You're very lucky you didn't stop breathing while asleep. The pills really depress the respiratory center along with other "feelings". It's not that good so please walk away,okay?
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Hi frusteratedpercgal, Welcome to the forum. Do not take offense to Eagle as his intentions are to let you know if you continue You will either die our become a maintained addict it is life and death Your life and very serious.. Taking the amount that you are is not good I agree with Vicki that all the symptoms you are speaking of are related to the percs. This is what I had a od on. I had lost the ability to write to recognize my home I have lived in for over 25 years the ability to do simple math and to communicate..  It took a while to gain back.. I also have Liver and Kidney disease thanks to my addictions.. It is life and death. in 2 months you are up to 15 in a day. where will you be in 2 more months. They are also right about the euphoric feeling leaving and you will not be able to retrieve it but you will try and this is where the danger of od lies. I had such a build up in my system that my liver could not filter my kidney just about gave out. the Future if you were to continue. I recommend getting honest with your loved ones then speak to a Dr. although you Think nobody notices they do. we are the only ones that are fooled.. I wish you the very best I hope you stay Educate yourself on addiction Read of what others have lost chasing the high and maybe you will be one of the lucky ones that can come out unscathed. I pray so. lesa
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Emily, please don't take offense if someone sounds harsh.  It's only because they know where you're headed.  Vicki also gave you great advice.  She's so smart and knows what she's talking about.  I'm doing a taper from a bunch a stuff.  Long story for me.  I'm not an addict but dependent because of chronic pain.  I never actually got a euphoria from any of my medication.  When I first started taking it, it would make me sleepy and then as my tolerance built, I just felt normal.

You have jumped to a large number of pills in a short time.  I won't go into all my details.  If you want to, you can read my journal and some of my posts.  I decided myself to get off this and see where I am with my pain.

I will tell you that four years ago I had my first surgery and was on 5 mg. percocet.  I wound up on Fentanyl, morphine, oxycontin, oxycodone, Neurontin, Cymbalta and more all trying to control my pain.  They would up the dose or change the medication but eventually nothing was working.  You are already seeing some of the negative side effects.  It only gets worse.

Eventually you will be totally numb emotionally.  Your short-term memory will be totally shot. You'll start being reclusive. And you'll start feeling terrible physically.  The pills will suck the life from you.  If you're the slightest bit vain, forget it.  You'll start loosing your looks.  My skin is dull and I have constant dark circles.  I lost all motivation to exercise.  I have no appetite and don't enjoy food.  You'll end up having to take fistfuls of laxatives just to go to the bathroom.  Your nails will split and break.

And that's just from being on it and following my doctor's orders.  I never took more than I was supposed to or ran out early.  I did wind up in withdrawal a couple of months ago after getting a stomach bug.  I wound up in the ER.  The withdrawal was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life.  Even now, my stomach isn't okay.  I'm constantly nauseas from tapering down.  Even with the taper, I still have withdrawal symptoms.  

Percocet has Tylenol in it and you are really risking your liver.  

Really read through the posts here.  You will find all kinds of people.  Some are "addicts" and some are "dependent."  If I could go back, I would never have let them put me on so much medication.

No one sets out to become addicted.  No one wants to relapse.  Think about it ... why do so many people relapse?  Get off this treadmill now while you still have a choice.  Otherwise you will be risking everything, your marriage, your kids, your job, your health.  I can promise you if you end up playing with these pills, very soon you will be kicking yourself.

And I can also tell you that it was humiliating for me when I was in the emergency room.  Two nurses made snide comments.  One was downright mean.  The doctor initially told me, "We're not giving you any narcotics."  They were convinced I was drug seeking.  I told him I had a boat load of narcotics at home.  I was in withdrawal because of the stomach flu and I needed IV fluids.  After he called my pain management doctor, he changed his attitude toward me and did give me a little something to try to get me out of the withdrawal.  But the damage was done.

Think about what 10356 said about how his tolerance was so high his organs couldn't filter the pills properly.  And Eagle is right.  A lot of people turn to methadone or suboxone because of the fear of withdrawals from percocets, vicodin, etc.  And then they find out that those withdrawals are even worse.

I would hate anyone to have to go through this.  I just turned 49.  I am educated and I knew a lot about addiction.  Never did I think I'd end up dealing with this.  And I don't even have to deal with the mental part of it.  For me, it's just the physical, and I can tell you that's more than enough.

I have so much admiration for the people who come here and post and try to help others.  And I also admire all those who get off the pills, whether it only took them one time or twenty times.  (And don't misunderstand me please.  I don't want to offend anyone and some people are okay with staying on pain medication for life because their pain is so bad.  And I may find once I come off that I will need something.  But for me, it will be a last resort.  When I finally finish my taper, I plan on looking into acupuncture, meditation, and other ways to handle my pain.  I don't want to be a slave to a pill bottle or a clock.)

Keep reading and learning.  Hopefully you'll make the decision that your life will be out of control before much longer.  Learn from others.  No one wants to see anyone go through this!!!
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you've been given excellent advice by people who have been through a hell you cannot even imagine right now with the pills.

The way I see it your at a crossroads, keep going with the pills and you will destroy yourself. You'll lose it all, the tolerance goes up up up and soon those 15 won't even give u a buzz. More likely you'll spend insane amounts of money on them chasing that high. While your doing that the rest of your life falls apart. The pills become the center of your existence. And a miserable existence it is being in the grips of opiate addiction.

My advice is RUN!! DUMP those pills, put up with a few days of feeling yucky and turn back before it's too late. I can relate to everything you wrote. I also suffer from severe anxiety and depression and thought pills to be a "cure". But what the pills giveth they taketh away. That buzz you like will disappear and you will need the pills just to not get sick. The energy, same goes. Soon you'll need them regardless and no extra energy. And worst of all.. You think your depressions bad now? Times it by 100 and that's what it'll be like if you stay on them. Please please heed our warnings. You don't want this and it's not too late to turn back. This is a horrible life that you want to avoid. I wish I'd listened when I was warned, it would have saved me from indescribable suffering. I hope and pray you make the right choice.
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Hi and welcome ! The only thing I would like to add is I know about that breathing thing you are going threw ! I am not so sure you ARE dreaming that as much as experiencing it for real ! Tell you what I mean . I used to have those same sensations especially when I was laying down . Feels like you can't quite catch your breath right ? You know Emily that's quite a lot of percs for such a short time of abuse ! And respiratory problems can happen when your body does not have the tolerance to that amount so PLEASE be careful ! Overdoes is easy and can happen with the same does on any given day . It happened to me with just three 10/500 Lortabs . Sweating then cold and clammy , couldn't catch my breath . Scared the Hell out of me ! I am not trying to scare you I just don't want you to go threw that . Please stop as you only been abusing a short time .  We will support you here . You can believe that ! Peace Jimmy
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you're only wise move here is to stop now.  you're got red flags all over the place and experienced people pointing out the flags you apparently can't see.

of course i didn't stop when it became my only wise move.  i ignored my red flags and avoided the  people who would point them out to me.  almost killed me in the end, and it did take me through losing all the things i thought i was protecting by keeping my little secret, secret.

having made it through to the other side i'm grateful for everything the black hole of addiction gave me.  but if i knew then what i know know, i wouldn't risk it . . . it's a long and painful ride and it's not at all certain that you do come out the other side.

CATUF
2216
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The support you will get here is really amazing.  If it hadn't been reading here, I would have been in more trouble.  I started on the pain management forum and started reading this forum because of family members with alcohol and drug problems.  I thought it was interesting.  But then I started noticing how so many people started as pain patients.  All along I had just sort of went along with whatever the doctor suggested.  I did always ask about addiction and they told me when you have "real" pain you don't get addicted.  Of course, that's not true.  I'm fortunate at this point I'm only physically dependent.  The truth is, I was always overly paranoid about my medications because so many people I know have addictions.  And I figure if people who are a lot smarter and stronger than I am can become addicted, then why not me?

At one point, my doctor wanted me to think about methadone for my pain.  If it hadn't been for all the reading I've done here, I probably would have gone along with it.  Thank God I didn't go there.

I hope you will heed the advice of everyone here.  Though usually we all ignore whatever advice we're given, whether it's about drugs, alcohol, romances, etc.  Everyone always figures it won't happen to them.  Don't let it happen to you.

It's probably hard to really imagine how bad these pills can be.  My emotions were so numbed.  Really, even now just doing my taper I can feel them coming back.  And I want them.  The good and the bad.

Even if today isn't the day you give them up, just keep coming and reading and educating yourself.  Hopefully you'll see what it's really like and save yourself a lot of heartache.
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