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New boyfriend on methadone program

Hi everybody
I have just started dating this man and become very attracted to him, he is warm, caring, affectionate and kind. He dropped the “I’m on methadone program” bomb on me after the first week and now I’m seriously not sure whether to continue with him.  He has opened up about being a heroin addict on and off for 3 years and has been on the meth program now for 6 months. We live on a remotely where access to drugs is very difficult so I have no fear that as long as we remain here heroin will not be an issue.  I have read a bit about methadone but he is reluctant to talk about how it affects him. Are there systems that are very common or standard among methadone users? He said he is on 20ml (a week/a day I’m not sure). Emotionally does it affect how you feel or ability to love?  He seems completely normal to me I would have never of picked it if he hadn’t told me. I don’t judge the situation and I believe he is a good person with a recent rough past, I would just like to know what I’m getting myself into here before I fall in love with him. Is this program successful, does anybody ever come off and live happily ever after?      
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Avatar universal
Hello,
Here it Is: I am a former 13 yr vet of the US. ARMY, BLACKHAWK DRIVER, as I was departing the service, they had done a nose repair job and I got to loving Pain Pills....as the years passed I grew to loving them even more. Now about 14years ago...I had enough so I got into a meth program. I am at 19 ml. daily and have been on them since...14yrs. I love myself and everything in life I lift weights, go to the movies, read and keep up with anything space wise. I am self taught learning German which will be my 3rd after Spanish, my upbringing language I enjoy life and love People and really enjoy helping people....matter fact the more the appreciate it the more I want to help...their appreciation fuels me. I am  considering going down to 18 ml.  I plan on buying a home and meeting somebody and getting married and together we will go from there. ...so I think that you are treating yourself like a light switch....regarding this guy...I suspect that you already have feelings and that is enough to roll down the road....it appears as if you are trying to micro manage your feeling and when and if you should allow yourself to feel more for Him!  so that you can insure that YOU, have a researched perfect relationship with another human....and it does not seem to sound right as I read it! I can understand you trying to avoid a full fledge addict but from what and How I am reading....it seems to me that you and him should sit down and talk and ask each other about what you both  have dreams about. I truly believe that he and you are ready to have a family and go from there....but to ask yourself ...what if he starts and become an alcoholic in 5 years from now, I should not love him today....just doesn't read right to me!...It could just be me.....but it seems to me ...that it is ok to talk out your fears and if all agree. Go fall in love and make the best of this situation....
at least you have SOMEBODY to consider and thus you are already doing better than I ...and perhaps most!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
There is a man I met in A.A. that I had a crush on.  I wanted to ask him out. He even warned me that he was still visiting Methadone clinics twice a week. That took the wind out of my sails- as I have nine years clean and sober. I have decided to wait until he has one year not visiting methadone clinics. I wouldn't if I were you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
yeh I think I have made up my mind, or fallen in love..which makes it hard to make a decision otherwise :-) we got through the withdrawl ok, or he did,  bet he's glad to get his dose this morning! We'll get through it guys, he's thinking of going into a clinic on the mainland to get of it...doing it all at once. Can partners be in there for that for support? is it better then tampering down?
It's going well guys :-)
Helpful - 0
1202033 tn?1273771354
I kind of think it sounds like you have already made up you mind and are looking for reassurance. It sounds like you have a gut feeling about this and i think that is what you should go on is your gut. Just make sure to continue to educate yourself and that way you can at least be prepared. On a low maitenance dose like that, it sounds like he has it together. Make sure you encourage him to continually work a program of recovery, that is what will keep his life on track. You have my support with this. I wish you two the best of luck and love. God Bless.

Luv, Jacky
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Avatar universal
hi ive been on and off methadone for 30 years and my husband is not a herion addict but my honesty with him has keep us married for 10 years and i was at 180mg  it did take me ten years to come to 60mg and six days ago i gave up methadone and went on suboxone detax and its working i got tired of having the methadone program having control over me. but to your answer yes your man can be a loving and caring man and can come easy if you understand he is a addact and methadone dose control it to a point the thing is you can still get high on top of methdone where as to the suboxone if you try to get high  it dont work . please dont stop careing for him as at 20 mg hes very low doesd. ask him if hes thought about suboxone, if i can get off methadone after 30 years he can. hope it works out and never give upon him. walk beside him through it ok  if you need to talk moore my name is dusty im on here under bandito187
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
he knocked it over it when he was having his Sat morning dose...unfortunatly his docter was flying out yesterday as is the only addministrating docter here so he's left only with about half his dose. The Pharmacy told him to take it as per normel in the morning but he's thinking he'll go the day without and suffer any withdrawels and then take it at night so he can sleep.......does that sound like the right way to go about it? I'm sure he'll be ok for the day..I hope.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
HI your b/f will probably be ok with short dosing for 1 day...methadone has a long 1/2 life and stays in your system for a wile..now longer then a day and you would feel like a ton of bricks hit you but Monday will come and he will feel better when he gets his regular dose
how come he shorted his dose??
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi~ He should call the prescribing doctor to call the pharmacy to replace the half dose he spilled.  Or call the pharmist and ask for advice on how to manage that half dose on Sunday.
Vicki
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
AHHH he spilt his weekend take home dose.....the pharmacy wont give him anymore untill Monday which meens tomorrow will be a day with only half a dose. any suggestions to help him get through?
Helpful - 0
699217 tn?1323438700
hello.  I also met my first husband and immediately fell deeply in love with him.  I knew he was the one right away, so It does happen all the time, every day.  We were together over 20 years and are still very close friends.  Just he was 11 years older than me, and after that long, we grew apart because I was so young and hadn't experienced everything he had.  Beside the point.  You can find love right away, and I wish you all the luck in the world that this man is your Mr. Right :)

I would also do as Sara suggested, read everything you can, so when it comes up, you will be very informed.

Great luck to you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I told you my story earlier,I met my husband in mar 97, and fell deeply in love right away,and married him in july 97, and we have been married almost 13 years, and I am still deeply in love ; )  yes we are the exception but it can happen, and I was a blistering addict... so much luck to you....m
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thankyou so much Sara and I'll be doing all the eduction I can, which is why I'm on this forum. Thankyou so much
We've been together 2weeks....I know not long but the funny thing is from the first night I met him I knew he was the one...I know ...I know... that never happens in real life but my intincts tell me this is right in every way. We can deal with the Meth and I'll support him in every way and matter for him to lead the life he's supposed to....thankyou so much for everything guys you've really help me make a carefull decision, but the answer is there everytime I see him :-)
Any information is so helpfll for me to support him..thankyou xxxx
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Educate yourself on drug addiction and Methadone.  Im glad to hear he was honest with you about this.  That is a plus.  I wish you the best in whatever choice you make......sara
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199177 tn?1490498534
new I am wondering how long have you two been together ?
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228936 tn?1249094248
This situation is unique and it could be good medicine, for now. Methadone is a double edged sword and can be really helpfull but it is very abused . I was off and on it for years on many clinics and it really worked well for a few years but after that, I was lazy bored and started using other drugs. Some people do well on methadone for a year or 2, others never do well on it because they have other addiction likes booze or cocaine and it just depends. Too many people these days are told they need methadone for life when they may not. I was told that and proved them wrong. It sounds like a good thing for him and especialy because he doesn't have to go to a clinic or be around users. My view is for most addicts, it's a good thing for a year or 2 and after that it can be very hard to get off of and not work as well with too many side effects. everyone is different. all best
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Avatar universal
Hello.  I take 9ml a day and will be off it soon.IF he is on 20ml he is on a VERY low dose. Just because he is on methadone ,does not mean he is bad to the bone,necessarily .
  What are his buddies like?
  While on methadone I have continued to work and never had a positive pee sample in 4 years.So play it  as it goes,he could just be a nice guy who found a way to help himself.

karl
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Avatar universal
my gut feeling is that he is ready, not because I want him to be but because he is really making good postative fresh start here (he lived on the mainland previously). He doesn't go to a clinic for meth he has a doc prescription and goes to the pharmacy, he is the only person I know of (and its a small place) that is on this medication so its not like he is surrounded by drugs users. Even pot is extremly hard to get ahold of here. Anway if he wasnted that lifestyle back if and when he comes of meth he would have to move home and I certaintly am not leaving here for many years.
I'm really glad you have a postative story it gives me a bit of hope when making this decision to continue or not.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am 43 and have been on methadone for 6 years, I have done all kinds of drugs my whole life and was never able to stay off long mostly methamphetamine...but I got addicted to pills(vicodin,loratab, oxycodone)after a surgery and couldnt get off them so I got on methadone, and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself, FOR ME it takes all thought of using away...drug addiction is a disease, and we are not bad people because of this... if I didnt get on the program I probably would be dead or in prison...today I have a wonderful husband who supports me being on the program, a son who would never believe his mom was like that, and good friends,and we are getting ready to buy our second home.. I used to think methadone was for losers, I was UNEDUCATED and ARROGANT... I take 30 mg a day,its a mantenance dose, I dont feel it at all, I am happy healthy functioning person in society..its been the longest time in my life without street drugs, 6 years, at this point in my life those times on drugs seem worlds away......

regarding you.....its iffy if 6 months is long enough to start having a relationship.... its hard to say if he's ready... dont fool yourself into thinking he cant get drugs, if he is going to a clinic for methadone he can most certianly can find somone to get them.... ...but maybe he wont and he is at a point in his life he is ready to stop.... I got on the program and haven't used since, but some people do struggle..... and since you have kids you dont really need to be focused on his problems,and what he may or may not do.. I know its hard when you start to really care about someone, but in NA they say not to have a relationship for the first year.....and I have to say since you have kids, and dont know the first thing about recovery and addiction, and he is still new in recovery,I wouldnt get involved, but thats just my opinion, you really need to do whats right for you

sincerely, m
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Avatar universal
thanks. I'm not trying to get him of sorry if thats the immpression I've goven everybody. I support the program and know that it will take time and trust his docter (who is very good) to know what is best for him. I really would like to know if there's life after meth with addiction?? is there anyway he come out of this completely normal with a colourfull past. It really interests me that you say his mind is in a bit of a fog, can you explain more about that, do you think his dose would have that effect? he is very affectionate and loving in his actions, and he comes accross as caring very much for me. I'm worried I'll fall in love with someone that can't mentally love me back whilst he's on meth. Any help is so appreciated
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
HI and welcome to the forum.....I was on methadone for 6 1/2yrs to manage pain in my lower back I went from a small dose of 30mg all the way up to 150ml to try and kill the pain...you build up a tolerance to it and they slowly move your dose up...I wound up at 150ml and it quit working for pain control so I had a huge addiction to break free of
20ml is a low dose....there are even people here on this forum that have quit at that dose
I personally wouldn't recommend it ....you need to taper down slowly to a much lower dose to avoid major withdrawals...methadone dosent get you high persay but it does
effect you mentally...it sorta puts your mind in a quit fog that you don't notice till your off it...as for the addiction....im still an addict but im not living in active addiction my vise
started off with 10yrs of pain pills b/4 methadone was used as a last resort to kill the pain of 2 bad disks in my back and 3 more deteriorating..today I mange my pain with ivuprofin and tylonol it is enough to take the edge off and I just live with the remaining pain...I can give you a 100 reasons to get off methadone but they will do you no good if he is not ready to get off it...getting off it is difficult but doable it just takes some time
good luck and God bless ....Gnarly.....check you e/mail im sending you a private message    
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Avatar universal
and thanks I'll stick to one post, new to this...all of this!
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Avatar universal
I know very much that I need to be carefull about raising y kids around addiction, its not an environment I was brought up in and not one I want them in. When I say remotely I'm talking REMOTE, I/we live on a tropical island in the middle of the ocean. The only to get drugs would be through post and/or shipment, I can't see how if he wanted to would be able to access Herion on a regular basis without putting allot of thought, effort and risk into it. For now the methadone program is good it's the symtoms are what I'm worried about, if and when he comes of that we'll have to deal with a come down and then the challange of addiction. Are there any success stories or wll this forever be a challenge. We don't have access to alnon meetings on island, I have concidered talking to his docter with or without him. I am a very stong indapendant happy person, in every way he seems like Mr right apart from this. It would be very hard for me to walk away :-(
Helpful - 0
199177 tn?1490498534
I would think very carefully before you get your deeply into a relationship with this man .Heroin is one of the hardest drugs to stay off and methadone is one of the hardest drugs to get off of.I would attend a few alnon meetings where you can talk to others that have a loved one with drug and alcohol problems.

Also try to stick to one thread when you get several going all at the same time it makes it  really hard to help you because bit and pieces are on different threads .

Welcome to the forum let us know how things go.
Helpful - 0
1167108 tn?1328439313
Be very careful as addiction is a life long struggle and is handled one day at a time. Mehtodone is a dangerous drug as well. Just because you are in a remote area don't think that drugs aren't available. Addictsare very resourceful when it comes to obtaining materials needed to satisfy their addiction.

Children and addcition don't mix. I grew up in a household where both parents were alcoholics and my mother was also addicted to prescription drugs. Growing up in that househild wa a holy nightmare.

Ultimately you will make your own decision. My comments are based on my experinces from te school of ahrd knocks. Good luck an let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you.

Helpful - 0
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