New kid on the block

[Olyaddict]

To: all
First  I want to start by thanking each and everyone of you. I have been reading your posts and replies for months now and have found great comfort in knowing that I am not alone, and for that I think you.
So this is my story. About a year ago or maybe two I can’t even remember it’s been so long, I started shooting Dilaudid. The first time I used I did it just for fun, cuz I could, cuz I wanted to feel what all my patients feel when I give them their drugs. Well guess what I liked it..no..Ioved it! My little habit grew from 1-2 a week after work to daily after work, to during work. I would take oxy in the morning to get going and then once at work I would shoot up and I was good for four hours or so. In the end I was shooting  10-20mg of dilaudid IV and 6-8 percs to get by until I could shoot up again.  I know that that is not anything  near the doses some of you have come off of but WoW dilaudid has had its way with me.
I am a healthcare professional  and prefer to leave it at that . It is safe to say I have a firm understanding of  pharmacology and understand addiction. BUT… I didn’t listen to my own advise and 2 years of my life is lost. I feel like I have to use. I need the energy. I can’t even wake up without taking a few pills.
Monday Mar 3 2007 0920 my last dose. 2mg dilaudid IV. Didn’t even feel it I guess the other 20mg running through my veins blunted it’s effects. I want my life back its been 4.5 days and I am going through the hell you all talk about. I stopped CT no other way for me. I tried a short taper of suboxone but didn’t make it a week. I am committed to recovery and change this time. The last few times I tried to quit I wasn’t serious new I should but didn’t have the want to. I’ll tell you what 4.5 days will test your will power.  I’m writing this not only to thank you but to pass the time. I keep looking at the clock only to find out  2 min went by.  I’m still living min-min at this point. I cleared my schedule for this week but have to be in on tues. What have been your experiences with returning to work?  Sorry I’m rambling I just cant seem to think straight.
Thanks OlyAddict

[sickcookie]

Glad your here and congrats on 5 days,get a heating pad and take lots of hot baths.And I know it seems silly but advil(or similar)really helps but I have a felling you know this.Stay away from sress ,huge trigger(not even the phone) and like your doing keep reading and posting you have found a home that will get ya thru this and beyond.Glad its your own choise and that your job was not jepordized yet.So hang in

[Olyaddict]

thanks for your kind words, it really helps to talk. In a few more hours i will have made it through 5 full days. I have to admitt this journey has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I would like to point out for what is worth I have never withheld medications from a patient. I just had a hard time flushing 50-100mg of dilaudid down the drain after discharge. I hope today some of the cobb webs in my head clear. I feel like i'm in a haze. My mucles are so week and I have a pain in my right shoulder that is like no other. But I'm going to make it there is no way I would start this over. Thanks OlyAddict

[aliceinwonderland320]

By the way, a pain center doc who wanted me off dilaudid tried to put me on a catapress patch.  Might be worth checking into.  Supposedly it helps kill the withdrawls.  I never did wind up taking it, long story, but anyway...

[aliceinwonderland320]

I feel for you and hope you are able to come off the dilaudid.  I know how you feel.  I was in hospital for two weeks with back pain and there was nothing like dilaudid for me.  Came out of hospital two years ago and now am on enormous doses of oral dilaudid for back pain plus high doses of the fentanyl patch.  It just takes more and more and more for relief...it never has a ceiling.  I was back in the hospital recently and 2mg IV dilaudud did nothing for me at all.  The Dr's were all afraid they would kill me if they gave more, so I suffered.  I want to come off it some day, problem being I am still in enormous pain, so I have been surfing the boards to see how others did.  I remember one nurse at the hospital who gave me the saline flush only to leave the room quickly.  I shouted at her to return with my meds.  She played dumb, like she had forgotten, but I could tell that she hadn't given them to me.  It is a dangerous game to be playing, sooner or later if you don't overcome, a patient like me might just notice that they didn't get their dose or worse.  I know it will be hard.  I wish you all the luck and blessings in the world.  Let me know how it goes for you!  

[toxictome]

Welcome to the forum.
You should be rounding the corner here soon. The mental part seems to linger longer. I am not working so i lucked out there...and i tapered off vics.
Keep your mind occupied...it helps so much to stay busy. I can't tell you  how it will be returning to  work....everyone reacts a little different.
I found exercise also helped tremendously!!!
Good luck and keep posting!

[Olyaddict]

I used dilaudid that was intended for IV injection. It was the real deal! I have looked at the Thomas recipe and am takeing a 6 pill multi-pack of vit daily.I started on them 2 days prior to my CT detox. Man I cant wait to not hurt all over, or not @#$% all over, This forum has helped me more than you know. Thanks OlyAddict

[opi]

you are guna be ok...tues will come and you'll feel crappy but work might do some good...day 12 or 13 here ..heavy oxycontin user....man i was counting seconds for a while.....i've taken lots of dilaudid..one day i took 24 4 mg tabs....i was high but still wanted more....anyway...i did the cold turkey...hard to do stuff to pre-ocupy cuz ya can barelly move....i'm ok .....hang in there,,,you want it...do it.....keep postina nd reading...i did and it helped large,,,,gl

[sterling_silver]

Hang in there man. Your almost there. Have you checked out the thomas recipe and the amino acids. (lower right corner).   The Amino Acids have helped me a great deal. Were you crushing the pills and shooting or were you shooting a liquid form?