Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

New member Hoping to make it

Hello everyone.  My name is Will and I am addicted to prescription drugs.  My drug of choice is either hydro or oxycodone.  I have been taking them on and off for 10 years, but it has been the last 4 years that it has become an addiction that I can't manage any more.  I have had several surgeries in the last few years and have other medical conditions that have made it easy to get the pills from doctors.  But I have been doctor shopping and they have found out so my supply is gone.  And to tell you the truth I am thankful.  I am so tired of living my life where all I think about is where I am going to get the pills.  I want to be normal again and not be addicted to anything.  I have been lurking on the board for about a month and you have given me support without even knowing it when I read you posts to other people.  I hope you will help me though as well.  Tomorrow will be day 1 for me cold turkey.  I hope the withdrawals aren't too bad.  I have withdrawn in the past and made it through so I hope I can do it this time too.  I am mainly worried about the mental withdrawal; the cravings.  I need help getting through those.  Well, thank you for this board and for all your comments.  I plan on spending a lot of time on this board for support.  
22 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Hope everything is going OK.

I can understand the just wanting to get it over with.

I took hydro's for 10 years, 10 a day.
Before that I took whatever I could get (pain pills).
And I decided to go cold turkey.

I only took 1 and 1/2 days off work.
I could have toughed it out, but decided to take a little time.

It's tough, but well worth it.

I just got back from a week vacation.
Every day I thought about the fact that I didn't have to worry about how many pills
to take with me. Wondering if I would run out. Scared I would be delayed and stuck somewhere without pills.

I can remember planning months in advance and deciding whether I would go somewhere
based on if it was just after a new refill. If it wasn't I usually would not go.

Man. what a crappy life. Living for getting the pills.
Helpful - 0
539990 tn?1219474755
I am new on this board, Soonerguy, and have lurked for a few weeks....I finally came out and am on day 4 C/T of a yearlong 80 mg daily oxycodone addiction. I can blame two surgeries I had, one right after the other that got me hooked. But I can't. I tend to have an addictive personality. I always kept it in check...never getting myself physically addicted. Guess I had job responsibilities and never let the addiction take hold.
Then I lost my girlfriend to a sudden death, had two surgeries one right after another, lost my job, and my two boys left for CA. with their mother and new boyfriend. OUCH.
This time, I plainly see how I got hooked....I used to take away all my pain...physical, mental...and I would need more to feel this lack of "pain". Before I knew it....this evil, sneaky, devilish pill become part of my body chemistry. One morning I woke up and was sweating like I have never sweated before. I was nervous...I almost ran to the hospital ER...then it hit me...I was hooked...I needed a pill to feel normal, not sick....
OMG, the realization that I was an addict at 52...how did this happen...the guilt, the depression.
This site gave me the willl, the impetus to quit cold turkey. I keep saying get to the 7th day....you will feel like you again....but I am so worried about the post acute withdrawal.
I know it will happen to me. I can get these damn f^&%$#s too easily.

Day 4, Most crappy symptoms have subsided...2nd and 3rd day was the worst....today the diahrea hit, but my strength is coming back, and I was even a little hungry.

I have survived by taking flexeril for muscle and joint pains (one small dose a day for 3 days) and a xanax .25 at nite to sleep for the first 3 days. The only thing today is loparamide HCL for the poops, otherwise drug free. Drinking tons of H2O. Hot showers. Sleep.

I know I will make it now to day 7....the physical worst part of it is over...now the real hard part....admitting to myself I became an addict and getting myself sober again.

Thank you for listening, and God Bless you soonerguy, because I feel you and your pain.......
Helpful - 0
519661 tn?1264516208
best of luck to you!!  you are in my prayers and my best wishes and thoughts are going out to you!!!  i think it is wise not to go the suboxone route....i was basically forced into going that way and suboxone has made my life a living hell.  i wish they would have let me go cold turkey!!  when they put me on the suboxone i had already cut way down...only 3 of the 7.5 percocets a day.  i was taking 12 of the 7.5 before.  anywho, stay strong and know that i am cheering you on!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for all your kind words of support.  I am amazed at how caring a group of people can be that have nothing more in common than addiction.  I have thought about suboxone but decided that I really just want to be done.  I want to be free from all of this as soon as possible.  Today has not been bad (yet).  I guess I am just waiting for it to get worse and hoping that it wont.  I have started to notice my hands shaking and I know that is the beginning of wd's so i will let you know how the rest of today goes later.  I am excited and scared at the same time.  It seems like such an insurmountable task right now, but I know that taking it one step at time I can do it.  Thank you again for all your kind words.  It really helps.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Part of my reasoning for taking the suboxone route is i cant take any more than a couple days off work at a time,,if i had the luxury of a couple solid weeks i might do a ct..However alot of people depend on me for work,the chain reaction going ct would cause is unacceptable,irresponsible and selfish ,,for me,,If my back wouldnt have gotten hurt none of this would be happening,It sucks,,And i dont want anymore pain in my life than i have to.Why? What would be the point of adding injury to injury? I dont care if i have to use something to gradually withdrawal.I thought about going the Wiesmann method and just going out for 4 days strait .but ive been told theres still alot of detox left after that,along with some other scary factors .When i was younger i did alot of mini whites and black beauties to do piece work,,Made alot of money and in order to sleep i would drink,i quit drinking and started using valium to sleep.What a cycle from hell that became,,Eventually i started doing speed,,then herion to sleep then heroin became drug of choice for a couple yrs then i tried ct and used again,,so i went methodone program 30 day detox taper,,and i played holy hell for about 7 to 9 weeks after that. detox ended,.that was along time ago,,i got clean and stayed clean for yrs and ive never used speed or heroin again.or drink or anything for that matter until the pills.and here i sit now after hurting my back 2 yrs ago .ive been eating vicodan and Oxys .Every day i eat 3 or 4  40 mil oxys,,part for pain and mostly for withdrawl effect.I want off and my back has healed pretty good,,and im sick of this friggin cycle but dont want to be in pain.. My Dr. has offered me whatever way i want to go and  says a taper for someone with my history and length of treatment for my back should go with the sub.program his statistics look very good and it makes sense to me.
Helpful - 0
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am on day 6 of going CT and i can tell you these people here are a godsend.  I started the thomas recipe and that has helped.  I too was lurking on this site before i decided to get clean.  I am so glad i did.  I post everyday and am on here on and off during the day.  It is so theraputic.  You can get thru this and are at the right place.  STAY STRONG!!!!!!
Helpful - 0
488766 tn?1306105169
Hey Man, You already took the first step, if i can add something to what these great people wrote above it would be there is never a "stupid or ridiculose " question to ask here on this board! Just write it on down and someone ALWAYS comes through.
Helpful - 0
176495 tn?1301280412
Best of luck to you Soonerguy, and welcome..as others have said, it's not going to be easy but we're here for you...have you read about clonidine on the board here?  It helped
many of us to get over the first few days by easing and practically eliminating the withdrawal symptoms..you will need a prescription as it is a blood pressure med.


Best of luck..stay with us.

Jim
Helpful - 0
496208 tn?1271339076
Hi Sooner,  I'm new also.  I'm in my 4th day without a perc. CT.  It's been difficult and today I still feel shakey and irritable but I'm making it.  I understand what you mean about the living you life around where the next pills will come from.  I've spent 100s of $ to supplement the time inbetween my rxs.  It's a terrible vicious cycle.  I wish you the absolute best in your challenge.  The people here have helped me a great deal.

Greebo:  I will take the advice and read your journals.  Thanks so much for offering them.  I know after the w/ds it is my mind that will cause me the most danger of swallowing yet another pill.

Helpful - 0
401095 tn?1351391770
Good for u and glad u have posted..lots of support here...really wanting it is so important to success...it is such a hassle keeping up with how many pills i had..so glad to be pill free..keep posting
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
All the support in the world here bro. You can do this. Hang on and take miknute by minute if you must. I did and do!!!!
Helpful - 0
454371 tn?1221297385
Welcome,
     You will find all kinds of support and help.. you will make friends who know your story well... You can do this... Thank the information that has arealy been givin to you, use it, post offen, and before you know it, it will be over.. The mental part will take longer than a few days. But as long as you get some aftercare, N.A, or something, You will make it... Try and be good to your self while you are going through this.....

Best of luck....

LadyBoop
Helpful - 0
460948 tn?1232302122
Welcome to the forum!! I'm sorry for the reason you're here, but to me this forum has been a true life saver. Your determination sounds good, but I completely understand where you're coming from about the mental status. What I found that helped me was staying here even after the physical stuff was over and continually posting. There's also AA/NA and you should get involved in one of them for aftercare.
I'm a little over 30 days clean from Oxy's and Perc's and for me the mental part is the only thing that worries me now. I've educated myself though especially on the PAWS (which you can find on the lower right hand side of this page) You should really read up on it as it sneaks up on you!!
As the next days pass continue to post and let us help you!! Congradulations on day 1 and I hope to hear from you today!!
Helpful - 0
333612 tn?1302883390
Welcome and Congrats on getting your life back!!! Please do NOT go the suboxone route as suggested by goldenarm above. Don't substitute one physical dependency for another-hydro and oxycodone are completely kickable via CT.
You will feel crappy (as you know) but you can definately go cold turkey and be none the worse for wear at the end (as you also know). Start forcing yourself to eat healthy to get some nutrients into yourself.
I was on hefty doses of hydro (taking up to 30 10/325 mg pills at a time) for a long time and finally went CT. It was definately the best decision I have made in a long time. It's late right now, but keep posting and you will get tons of support. The forum regulars are wonderful. Lots of positive people here who have all been in your shoes. I know when I was in WD's it gave me some relief to chat with people who could honestly say 'been there, done that'......lots of their little tips actually made the WD's much less icky.
Go into my profile and into my journal. Read the entries named PAWS part 1, 2, 3.
You may already know about the mental aspect of WD's, but read it anyway.
You can do this. Stay positive, think of how GREAT your life will be when you don't have to: count the pills, take the pills, hide the pills, find the pills......
Oh, that existence sucks!!! We both know that. I am glad your doctors caught on-and it sound like you are also. You can do this!!!
Keep posting.
Try to get lots of exercise. It really does help with the wigglies. And please stay positive. Don't worry about tomorrow or the next day---just deal with right now while you are in WD's. Once you're clean and WD free-then you can tackle everything else.

I'm so proud of you!!!!
Greatgreebo
Helpful - 0
480035 tn?1222366164
good luck my friend, be strong. your gonna realize very soon how weak the pills have made you, your gonna have to reach way down to be strong, and the forum support helps too. but remember its ultimately YOU doing this. always here. Teddy
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
If you have been taking them that long,going cold turkey seems impossible,,i would try the sub program for a 60 day taper,,
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dear Will, first let say how very sorry I am that you are having to go through this.  You sound very brave and determined though, and I have high hopes for you.  I have been addicted for going on 20 years now and since my husband's death five years ago this week, I have had even less willpower than usual.  It has been years since I felt any kind of euphoria, I just need them now to feel "normal" (if I remember what that even is anymore).  But, good luck Will, let this forum help you through the days ahead, there are some great people here.  I know some people have had good luck following the Thomas Recipe for withdrawal symptoms, but for me, nothing has really ever helped, you just have to hang on and pray.

Love, Cindy
Helpful - 0
482220 tn?1238122251
i hear ya on the mental w/d's. sort of a long, thinner version of the heavy phy w/d's (over time.) i'm changing many habits and its helping already. i've stopped alcohol until much later as it triggers the urges big-time for me.

ditto on the help and spiritual support on this forum. you're already on the right track. all the best.
david
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey Will, i know how you are feeling right now, i did the same drugs as you for 13 years and ended with my doctor's cutting me off for shopping.The last thing i wanted to do was stick my head in a pharmacy after i got caught and you may feel the same so that's a good thing. I was at the end of my rope anyway and as you said i was thankful it happened. Let this be your bottom you hit to be done using any more. No matter what drugs we are addicted to we have the same things in common. The drugs become our main focus. They interfere with our health, relationships, our time, dwindle  or deplete our resources and rob our quailty of life.  We are always looking for more or want a larger dose, not to treat our pain or get pleasure from it any more but to treat the pain of withdrawal. Most ppl can get thru the physical part of w/d's, it's the psychological aspect that bites ppl in the butt.
Good luck with your recovery and give it 110%
Calzy
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I don't know how you found this site but I am glad you did. You will receive soooo much support on here.  So many people here with so much experience and hearts of gold that will go out of their way to help you.  It is wonderful that you are finally seeking help. That means that you want to get better and are on your way.  Stay tuned.......keep posting......
Helpful - 0
435658 tn?1257805781
First off,..Welcome to our family. Your story sounds just like mine and I have been clean from the oxy's now for 5 weeks and darv. for 1 week..You have come to the right place for sure.. The ppl here are great! They will get you thru it..Its not going to be easy but you sound like you are ready for this. Make sure to check out the health pages for Vit. ect... and most important post as much as u want that really get's you thru some hard times. and feel free to pm me or anyone for questions or just to talk, whatever you need at the time. Keep your chin up and we are here for you.
hugs bobby
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
welcome to the forum. best of luck you are at a great place. look at the health pages to the right of the screen and you will find an amino acids protocol and thomas recipe to help you detox.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.