Newlywed Husband in Rehab

[redsparkler05]

I hope you all can provide some advice and help.  I got married about a month ago and I just admitted my husband to rehab a little over a week ago.  I had to come home from training with my new job (which involved telling my new boss) and take him to detox first for alcohol and drugs.  I don't know how to deal with all of this.  I do have a great support system around me (friends and family) and I have been to Alanon.  I just feel like everything revolves around the addict and I am feeling like "what about me?"  I am supposed to be this new bride and I am dealing with everything from our home, finances, my new job, his kids and ex wife, to our dogs...  Our house is a mess and I can't even get started cleaning it...  I am so angry, but I wait for his letters every day.  I miss him so much and I want him back, but I am not sure if this is the life that I want, nor is it the one that I signed up for.  Every time I read the literature provided, I get more enraged.  Now, I am supposed to change in order to "enable" his new "sober" life, but I was wrong for enabling his drug and alcohol addiction, which I didn't know I was enabling.  I can't see or speak to him in this stage of treatment, so I feel punished and totally alone.  I don't even know if I want him to come home, but at the same time, I want him here right now.  I feel so confused and angry...  I don't know if I will be able to move beyond this and really start a life with him...  How can I ever trust him again?  I know that I saved his life, which I thank God for every day.  However, I can't help feeling like my job here is done...  

[norco687]

My heart goes out to you...I have no advice to give...But, wanted to reply and let you know that there are some great people on this forum that may have some advice...

I would just stay strong, I can tell you are a very strong person...And, talk to your family/friends maybe there is someone real close to you that could help out with the cleaning and kids...

Whatever decision you make will be the right one...Only you know if it will be worth all of this...

Take Care...

Norco687

[athena-8]

The fallout of the disease of addiction & alcoholism is far-reaching and enormous. My heartfelt sympathies go out to you, dear.

Unfortunately I am the person on the other side of the coin; the newlywed wife that had to go to treatment, and continues to have setbacks. That doesn't mean he will; this just happens to be my story.

What I want to tell you though, is about how my husband has dealt with this. He has a huge network of healthy guy friends familiar w/addicition who have helped guide him. What they taught him is that the only thing he can really do is take care of himself. Right now he has chosen to take care of himself by moving out. As painful as it is, I see that his choice to do so was the right one for both of us. But that's just our story.

Hon, you got the world restin' on your shoulders, so take a load off for the moment. You don't need to decide these things today.

Keep looking inward for the answers, but I also encourage you to continue to seek out the hand of Al-Anon, and, if there are any other alcoholics/addicts (diagnosed or undiagnosed) in your family circle, especially parents, CODA or ACOA. SUch meetings won't make you feel so alone and ignored during this experience.  

Most importantly, take care of YOU, in a loving and kind way.

Warmest regards,

--Athena

[lil_rab2005]

I totally agree with norco and athena.  Everyone here is very supportive.  I love this forum, you came to the right place.  I don't really have any advice to give and I'm not much help with your problem I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that that happened to you both.  Need anything or someone to talk to, just post on here and someone if not me will get on and talk.  Take care, Lil :)

[monkeygirl0426]

Hi,
I am new to this site, so I really hope that after I type this that you get it.
I know exaclty what you are feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  NO JOKE!!!!!!!!!
My fiance is coming home from rehab in 12 days.
The first week that he was there , there was no contact.
Can I just tell you that I still havent gotten the energy to clean my home. It is not a huge mess, but it is not like me.   I know everything that you are feeling for real.
I would love to talk to you alot more about this... I think that it would be great to share our feelings on this issue with the men that we love so much.
I am also open to anyone elses advise on this....
Hang in there!  You are lucky because you have a great suport group.
I dont have that at my end. I only have his mom.  Everyone else tells me to get rid of him,,, and since I will not listen to them, they have put me out of their lives.  GO FIGURE! As if I was the one using,, and I havent used a day in my life.

[Rileysmama]

I've never written in one of these rooms before so bare with me. I too am going through the same thing. I've been with my husband for almost 14 years married 11 and we have 3 daughters together. He is a severe alcoholic, completely non functioning and always has been. I left the my home with my kids 4 days ago, I just couldnt take care of him or handle the verbal abuse anymore it was killing me and my kids. I love  him dearly and I want him sober. He's been in out patient rehab twice in the last 2 years and i cant count the hospital trips. Any way he goes to inpatient finally in 3 days and I already miss him. Everyone says take it one day at a time and take care of me. I have been with him since I was 17, my whole adult life has been living like this and I don't know any different. I am so confused. No one wants me with him and I have support from both sides of our families. I have to carry the load of everyones anger and stress of this and my own and be strong for my kids. So really how do you take care of yourself when your such a mess and totally lost?