Nightmares are taunting me to use...

Well, today is day 44 clean from Oxy and I'm still not feeling myself.  My stomach/diarrhea issues are still there and I still have trouble sleeping - I can get to sleep but then I wake up every hour or so - sometimes laying awake in my bed from 4 in the morning until I have to get up for work.  Makes for a very tiring day.

But last night I had a terrible dream that I can't shake since I've been awake.  I dreamt that I had a bottle of oxy and was taking a bunch of them - I actually FELT the high in my dream and the worst part is that I felt relieved to be high again.  I also felt guilty in my dream as I was aware that I had supposedly quit and thus was relapsing.  I was telling myself that nobody would know and that I would quit again after the bottle was done.  I was also running around trying to hide the fact that I was using again - just like what would really happen in reality I'm sure.

The thing is that now I've started thinking while awake that I want to use again.  It's tough enough to control our cravings when we are awake - how am I supposed to be able to control my subconsience?  I know that I cannot stop the dreams and that it's all about learning how to deal with them afterwards - but it's just the strangest feeling - like I'm being haunted by these little damn pills for the rest of my life!  Geeze, I just want them out of my life, mind and my thoughts - asleep or awake!

[DarkEyedCreature]

I have been there!! I am in my first phase of withdrawal, & I was dreaming someone was giving me pills. I took them in my dream & couldn't get high, so I kept looking & looking for more. I am so tired of this drug.

[dominosarah]

Drug dreams are very common and will go away.  They are also very VERY disturbing.  Get yourself busy today.  That will help keep your mind off this.  Our addict brains will glamorize the pills but in reality we know better.  Hang in there and fight hard.....sara

[throwindatowl]

  I think everyone thinks, ok the pills are gone I got well over a month under my belt things are gonna all peachy. Ive come the conclusion that that isnt so. I have nightmares and drug dreams nightly. Ive got a week clean, Yeah! Ive had about 45 days before I relaplsed for a couple weeks. Those pills I think really damage the brain and it takes along time to heal. Like a very bad cut or something. The pain is gone but there is still alot of healing to do.We cant use for years and years and be back to normal in months. I wont let that bring me down. You dont either. The scars will heal I just know they will. I dont  think any of us really know just how long it will take. I have noticed that people with many months of being clean dont have as many of these problems. They are healing is what that shows me. That will keep me going on the right track. GOOD JOB ON 44 DAYS!!!!!!!

[chico1969]

Thanks for your post - it helped me alot.  All of you have - thanks for replies over the past 44 days, you've all been greatly supportive.

Yeah, I guess it will take a while to be back to "normal" whatever that is.  Been so long I can't really remember what I felt like opiate free anyway.  Maybe this IS my normal?

I agree, the pills really do alot of damage to the brain.  Now that the issues are mostly mental, it seems to be seeping into my subconscience when I sleep.  It's easier to dismiss them when awake - now I will take sara's advice and keep busy today.

so, gonna go shopping!  Bye for now.

[quitinoxys]

I had drug dreams up to 60 days, I am now at 121 days. And believe me these dreams were bizarre. I actually dreamed I was making (manufacturing) oxycontins but when I went to take them they turn into mini marshmallows. Sarah is right just keep yourself busy and this to will pass.