Aa
Not "in Hell" anymore! GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!
I can not tell everyone here how grateful I am for the support I've been given this past week. Not only in my recovering from a terrible physical and emotional time .... "Recovering" not RECOVERED..... I will always be an addictive personality. I have to accept the things I cannot change! And change the things I can. God bless all of you guys! Also, thank you sooooo much to those of you who wrote and restored me to this site.... you know who you are! I feel so much better physically. Have been feeling kind of depressed... like I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M THIS AGE.... and starting from what feels like scratch again. It's demoralizing and humbling. I hate being humbled! :)
Am reading an "upbeat" book and feeling better. I was taking on the mood of a book of very dark, desolate (yet classic) short stories and they were clinging to me! I have to think about all the things I have to be grateful for (many) and not what I don't have, also many :) ... as I've been leaning toward doing, now that the physical side of things has passed pretty much. Last night, my legs jerked involuntarily a couple of times (kind of like they do if you're almost asleep) and I wasn't almost asleep, but wide awake. I chalked that up to still withdrawing! I'm really feeling better. But in NO WAY do I think I can embrace the blue devils again. Just thinking about it made me sick.
I went to a 12 step meeting today. The guy speaking was particularly annoying.... an LA film star who went ON and ON and ON and ON about how blessed he was in his career. How when he was at Juilliard in NYC he was discovered while on the street and made zillions of dollars. I wanted to scream, "NO ONE HERE RELATES TO YOU!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!" OMG. Guess I need to pray for more tolerance and less judgement!!!
Am reading an "upbeat" book and feeling better. I was taking on the mood of a book of very dark, desolate (yet classic) short stories and they were clinging to me! I have to think about all the things I have to be grateful for (many) and not what I don't have, also many :) ... as I've been leaning toward doing, now that the physical side of things has passed pretty much. Last night, my legs jerked involuntarily a couple of times (kind of like they do if you're almost asleep) and I wasn't almost asleep, but wide awake. I chalked that up to still withdrawing! I'm really feeling better. But in NO WAY do I think I can embrace the blue devils again. Just thinking about it made me sick.
I went to a 12 step meeting today. The guy speaking was particularly annoying.... an LA film star who went ON and ON and ON and ON about how blessed he was in his career. How when he was at Juilliard in NYC he was discovered while on the street and made zillions of dollars. I wanted to scream, "NO ONE HERE RELATES TO YOU!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!" OMG. Guess I need to pray for more tolerance and less judgement!!!
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Thanks!!! I deleted his number from my cell and also deleted permanently all of his texts!!!! You are SO RIGHT!!!
Wish I could change the number... I mean I CAN... but I've had it for YEARS!!! But, you're right! I should probably find a way to block him! Thanks!
change your number or just tell him dont ever call you again ...that will make him get the hint
God bless YOU, Gnarly! Again, thanks for the "this is no game you're playing here" comment which scared the **** out of me! All the best to you, always! :) Yeah, the speaker's gotta be better!!!!!!!!
HI....so im so happy for you that you made it to the other side it also great your hitting meeting right away this can be a deal mindscrew some times sorry your meeting dident go well but im sure the next one will....im just happy the moderators where so understanding and let you come back on so stick with us here congrats on 4days clean it will just get better from here
good luck and God bless,,,,,,Gnarly
good luck and God bless,,,,,,Gnarly
OMG!!!! That drug dealer just sent me a text AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Told him I couldn't respond! Which I guess was a response, but hopefully he'll get the hint! XOX
Hi Vicki!!!! TG that hell week is f'ing OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah that braggosocio bugged the crap out of me!!!!!!! As if ANYONE could relate to being "discovered" on the street and making millions. Poor he.... was so stressed out because his addiction left him hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to the IRS. Luckily in sobriety he got ANOTHER acting job immediately and was able to pay it off. POOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRR HIM!!!! (am def jealous... but irked as it was a room full of people in that industry who most if not ALL haven't been that lucky!!!! I walked out feeling worse about myself! Will pray for tolerance for BOTH of us! I bet he would have annoyed you too!!!!! :)
Anyhooo..... some neosporin! : Also hydrocortisone cream as that's been beneficial when my skin is burned or dry. Never had to worry about the nose before! Luckily I only did it for a day. Definitely saw how serious damage can be done!
You are just THE BEST!!!! May every day for you be fantastic!!
XOX
Anyhooo..... some neosporin! : Also hydrocortisone cream as that's been beneficial when my skin is burned or dry. Never had to worry about the nose before! Luckily I only did it for a day. Definitely saw how serious damage can be done!
You are just THE BEST!!!! May every day for you be fantastic!!
XOX
Hey!! Well,the week didn't turn out tooo bad,huh? You know you like drama!! LOL
I'm so happy you went to a meeting BUT the speaker!!! Whew!! I know that type: ME blah blah blah ME drone drone drone. All about ME and you don't exist...it's hard.
So,when you're praying for tolerance,pray for me,too!
Keep checking in and bring some back for everyone here,okay?
Are you using some Neosporin for the nose? Hope so..
xo
I'm so happy you went to a meeting BUT the speaker!!! Whew!! I know that type: ME blah blah blah ME drone drone drone. All about ME and you don't exist...it's hard.
So,when you're praying for tolerance,pray for me,too!
Keep checking in and bring some back for everyone here,okay?
Are you using some Neosporin for the nose? Hope so..
xo
Thank you so much!!!! I can't tell you how much these posts grab me. Each and every one makes me feel that there are more wonderful people out there than not. Thank you SO MUCH. You lifted my mood even more! God bless you!
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Another reason why it's a good idea is that in the future when you are faced with temptation it will be much easier to convince yourself to not score if your sources are gone. Of course we addicts can always find a pill but making it harder to do helps with the mental part of the fight. Because instead of it playing on your mind, you'll already know the door is closed and that will make staying clean easier.
I had to cut two different doctors and three different dealers. Of course I can still get a pill but I made it a lot harder and it makes getting the little devil on my shoulder to shut up a lot easier. Knowing I can't just walk into the docs and walk out with a script or call the dealer I haven't spoke to in months is mental ammo for the cravings. That goes a long way for me when I have "bad" days and am tempted to go get a pill.