Nurse addict

[nurseaddict]

To: anyone who is there
i am a nurse.  i am very ashamed of what i have become.  i am an addict and i feel like an absolute failure.  i started only smoking weed....that helped with my anxiety that i have always had.  i never took pills or anything like that.  i graduated from nursing school and started working in an icu.  i then was introduced to vicodin.  i started with just a few.  it would help me sleep and help me get through a shift.  i found that instead of making me sleepy or giving me an upset stomach, they gave me energy and a quick boost to get throgh a 12 hour night shift.  fast forward to six years later and i find myself taking norco 10/325 (the less tylenol for my liver!!!!) (such bull **** thinking by the way...).  i was up to about 20 per day.  i was getting them thru illegal connections, and false prescriptions.  i quit several times before and this is about my third withdrawl.  I am finally on day five and am starting to feel a bit more normal.  I was talking to another nurse addict last night who is trying to work a 12-step program.  we have agreed that we are going to start working this together.  the detox i think is the easy thing,  my hardest battle will be staying stopped.  please pray for me and all of those fighting this same monster.  God bless you  all.....

[guitrldy]

Hi - I just saw your post and wanted to respond.  My understanding is  your problem is not something other nurses haven't had and many states nursing boards do want to help.  Are you going to 12-step meetings and working with a sponsor?  I would think you still need to work out your feelings of shame to help you before you do apply for jobs.  

[Suffolklpn757]

I to am an addict LPN. I have been clean for a year and a half and have been in treatment for two years. The board is aware of what has gone on and have now been allowed to return to work but I have no idea how to obtain a job. I know they can pull up what I have done when they do a license lookup so how do I explain myself?  I am so ashamed that everything that comes out of my mouth sounds negative. Not trying to sound that way, just once again, I am SOOO ashamed of myself and my actions. I really need to return to work and I realize that this is an old posting. Can anyone help? Please? any advice would be much appreciated.

[littlebit667]

This is an old thread and you will get better responses if you start your own thread.  Go up to the top of this page and click on the orange ask a question button.  Post your status and I promise you will get help and support.  

[ladybug28700]

i need advice for detoxing off opioids, i am a nurse and fully employed. i don't know who to talk to or what to do to detox.  it doesn't run my life but the widthrawals are hard and i can't find enough time off work to be sick

[justneedtotalk]

Looks like you have gotten a lot of good information and support....I just wanted to say that I am in the same boat!  I am coming to the end of day 2.5 days sober.  I too was taking about 120-150 mg of hydro a day with the 325......My wife is a RN and I know that you know that you are going over your 4000mg of aceto per day!  I am sure you have seen patients that overdose on Tylenol.  I have relapsed a thousand times either trying to quit or just was in between scripts or scores.  You know deep down inside that you have to quit....that is why you are on this site.  I hope you keep going and five days is a huge accomplishment.  Soon the days will go by faster and easier.....It will be tough but you can do this, we can all do this....We just have to decide that a life away from drugs is worth checking out!  I hope you hang in there and don't give up.....We are all here to stick together and stay sober!

[Eddiel]

  Im sorry I didnt find all this info before. My wife passed away from her hidden addiction. She never said anything. Now its to late . I was nieve and trusted her and her work , thinking that the drugs where controlled more but its apparent they arent. Hopefully someday I will find PEACE>

[HenryS354]

I was a Paramedic, and CST in the OR when I started using.  For me it was a combo of stress, curiosity, and the plethora of poorly monitored IV Narcs in the OR.

Im amazed at the group of us med professionals here!

[subrn]

There is a great book called "Impaired: A Nurse's Story of Addiction and Recovery." It is an awesome book.

[gizzy32]

This is an older post, so feel free to create your own anytime. Congrats on those 14 months clean, sounds like your working your recovery now:) Stick around here too, we are all fighting for the same thing. You have come a long way by the sounds of it.

[RNADDICT715]

I am an nurse addict and I had been hooked on street drugs cocaine and marijuana for years.  I took the leap into opiates starting   in the recovery room at a prominent hospital and was eventually fired for not being able to show up to work.   I then went on to work as a nurse in another state again in the recovery room I was sober just 60 days off crack cocaine.  I eventually relapsed by diverting fentanyl and dilaudid.  I took it home and shot it up and I couldn't stop.  I stole a prescription pad at the hospital and forged a prescription for percocet because I was so sick from withdrawl on my days off.  I couldn't even get out bed without a couple of pills.  The shame I felt was so extreme but no matter how much I tried I couldnt stop on my own. I finally received a call that I was not to go back to work as I had been found out for the prescription forgery.  I was terrified and ashamed. My husband was relieved and helped me get into treatment.  He was so relieved that I wouldn't be shooting up anymore.  He was always so scared I was going to overdose.  I ended up in treatment within nine days of being fired and have been sober since.  This is my third time in recovery and I have 14 months now.  I am still dealing with the repercussions of my actions and had to plead guilty to the prescription forgery.  I have been in the monitoring programs in two states now for the past 14 months as well. I have informed one of the boards and no action was taken.  However that was before the criminal charges were filed.  I had been sober for 12 months when I learned that I had a warrant for my arrest and that formal charges had been filed for prescription forgery. I currently work in the insurance industry and do not have access to medication which is a great thing for my recovery.  I keep trying to have hope that my higher power has a plan for me but some days it is so difficult. l am worried that now that I have gone to court and pled guilty to a gross misdemeanor that my license will now be suspended for unethical conduct and I will be fired from my job.  I am grateful that I am sober and not using drugs today.  That is a miracle.  What keeps me sober is God, Sponsor, AA/NA, Therapy and random drug tests. Life is tough but not nearly as tough as active addiction.  I am going to keep the faith today. Good luck to all my fellow addict nurses and I am praying for all of us.  

[Daughter_of_a_Nurse]

My mother is a nurse and has been a recovering addict for years, however I feel she has had a relapse.  She can no longer function as a nurse, let alone function normally.  My brother passed away a few years ago and she has been on a downward wind whirl ever since.   She has been taking ativan and oxycontin.  She has also been diagnosed with Graves disease and hyperthyroidism.  She says she hasn't been able to take ANY meds due to lack of insurance, so I don't know if her behavior is from using (if she is) or lack of using meds for the Graves disease.
I want to help her, but I don't want her to lose her license.  She knows she can't practice and she has agreed not to.  
The other issue is that since she has given up practicing, she doesn't have insurance.
I don't know where to turn to for help.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
Thank you in advance.
Sincerely,
Desperate daughter of a nurse

[toxictome]

YEAH...THAT'S PRETTY MUCH WHAT IT IS HERE.....

[worried878]

I know a forum member who got caught at work...Fla...her boss did not report it to the board...yet anyway....here if you get caught and the board does find out, it is a mandatory contract....you have to get the paper signed and go to NA or rehab if that is what they say....here, if i voluntarily went to rehab, they would tell the board and i would have to do 3 month minimum at the rehab facility...makes it hard to get help...dont it?

[toxictome]

I'm just wondering for all the nurses..if you got caught at work...do you have to go to some kind of in pt. or out pt treatment?and report to some board(not the state board) and sign a contract w/ them....then if you dont' follow the contract...they report you to the state board of nursing???
In MI, we have MHPRC. Just curious.......

[worried878]

I do not give out medication in my job...glad of it too...I am an enterstomal therapist and deal with alot of dying patients and total care patients....Guess we all do in a hospital setting....ICU nurses are held in high regard in my book!

[usarmymedic1]

trying running one in the middle of a fire fight if you want an adrinaline rush

[nurseaddict]

thanks so much for all of your support.  i was detoxing at my mom and dads house (so my daughter wouldn't have to witness her mother in fits) but I am home today.  my husband and i had the best conversation that i can remember.   he and i went to an aa meeting together and went for lunch afterwards.  i felt so great but also felt like i had run a marathon after basically doing not much all day.  today is only day 6 and it is better today than yesterday.  keep posting.  this really helps...and i would love to hear from health care professionals....

ps...worried878....good point about high stress, easy access..i am an icu nurse.  nothing like a code to get the blood pumping.....

[worried878]

Wonder why there are so many of us on here?  healthcare professionals?  high stress?  easy access?  just wondering

[usarmymedic1]

there are alot of medical professionals on this site that were once addicted but are on the road to being clean or are clean. I myself am an Occupational therapist assistant and working in a nursing home and yes I was addicted to pain meds but I am 26 days and you can be to and you will be in 21 days it gets better and you are not alone we ie everyone on this fouram will help so  keep posting and stay strong

[Olyaddict]

I too share your situation. Only diffrence i'm an ER nurse. the hardest part for me was asking for help. After I came clean with my Dr. and he told me that everything would be ok and we would get through this IN CONFIDENCE, the biggest weight in the world was lifted off my chest. I follow up closley with him for "nicotine addiction" thats what my chart says anyway. I know not all Dr's are as understanding as mine but most Dr's understand that drug addiction is an occupatinal hazard for nurses. Just remember your not alone. PM me if you have any questions OlyAddict

[Olyaddict]

I too share your situation. Only diffrence i'm an ER nurse. the hardest part for me was asking for help. After I came clean with my Dr. and he told me that everything would be ok and we would get through this IN CONFIDENCE, the biggest weight in the world was lifted off my chest. I follow up closley with him for "nicotine addiction" thats what my chart says anyway. I know not all Dr's are as understanding as mine but most Dr's understand that drug addiction is an occupatinal hazard for nurses. Just remember your not alone. PM me if you have any questions OlyAddict

[LostM]

Your situation is very similar to mine. I was found out and after 14yrs at a hosp had to leave. The constant shame increases the depression but i found being in that environment I was unable to quit even tho' I tried. I am now going through a horrible detox but in a way glad to be forced to deal with the issue as I wasn't able to take that step myself. I was so upset and ashamed but been amazed by the support my family has given me. I have also organised to see a therepist to address the issues about WHY I keeping turning to drugs to deal with probs and life. You aren't alone

[eagle1950]

I was really glad to see that worried had read your post. She is also a nurse - and I feel a dam good one. At one point we discussed addiction as a sickness - not actually a weakness of character - witness the "new" pill addicts - many professionals and a lot from the health field........Point being = at least you can cure a sickness and address it....stupid is forever (chronic)

Thoughts and prayers will be with you

[toxictome]

Another nurse here....you have taken a great step...and i think a 12-step program would be perfect. Get off these pills  while you can...cuz if you are reading other posts on here...you know it will only get worse...and you WILL lose all those other things...family, . nursing license, maybe even your LIFE...... check out NA or AA...it will equip you with the tools you need to stay clean.

.GOOD LUCK!!!   Hope you stick around here on the forum!!!