OH NO GOD PLEASE BE WITH ME

[abritt121222]

This is no good no good at all and i knew it has been going on but didnt think it had gotten so bad and it is my father and this is one of the hardest things i have ever had to type and i really dont even know where to start but i will try well my dad is 52 and like me was a plumber and taught me everything i know about it and he did it for 32 years and well 10 years ago my dad was diagnosed with parkansins and it has progressed he isnt horrible or anything like that but it has messed with his brain and he is sometimes not very rational in his desicion making anymore and then two years ago due to the economy we had to shut the buisness he has owned for 22 years down and that has been hard on him VERY HARD but neways thats not what this is about just has something in my mind to do with it that and what the disease has done to his mind well he has been on pain meds on and off for a long time and never had a prob he would get hurt at work take them for a couple weeks and that was it but in the last year and a half i have thought that he went from taking them right to abusing them and now i know i was right and this has taken its toll on my willpower to stay clean and i have no been in a situation like i am today in a long time and have been scared of a relapse but as of now after my things i do for that i feel a little better but this is so hard for me to watch for two reasons noone wants to see anyone they love do this to themselves but in the other way i think back to when i was using and i was no different to see him lie about everything lie strait to my face and everything else and to think i hurt ppl for so long doing the same thing is killing me right now but so far i have done all i can do and am trying to help my dad before this gets to where i was and he moves from hydrocodone to oxycodone so i went strait to our doctor that luckly we are really good friends with and i leared a good bit more there to when i told him about what was going on and that my dad was abusing him meds because he told me first off he could not believe it because him and my father are such good friends and for the last few months my dad has been blaming his problem on me HIS OWN F$$$$KING SON that he knows has a problem and i have tried so hard to gain peoples trust back and now i know why everyone still looks at me like they cant believe what i am doing because my dad has been telling people i have been stealing his meds in order to get them filled early knowing i DID NOT do that but also knowing it is something people would believe because i am an addict an unlike him  i am not scared to admit to my doctors or anyone else that asks if i used to abuse my meds but i dunno what to do now and im sorry for all of the rambling i am just so confused and scared right now that even after all i have been thru and all i know about my addiction and everything else right now I AM COMPLETELY LOST

ABritt

[criminy1]

Excellent thinking! You dealt with that perfectly!

[abritt121222]

i have concidered everything but i am also not going to try and convince myself there is no prob when i know there is and noone else would be taking any meds because noone else goes around the meds and as far as the meds yes there are muscle relaxers and alcohol to but as an addict myself i know all the tricks and everything else and that is why i will say i know there is a problem because i know exactly what i did and everything else so i know exactly what to look for in an addict and there is no hiding it once one knows what to look for i understand why you would ask have i thought about other things and him not having a problem and thats because as i did i hoped and prayed that i was dead wrong and he wasnt doing it but like i said im not going to turn a blind eye to it and act like i dont know it is happening when i know it is but thanks for the posts everyone and ill figures something out i just have to remain strong and first and foremost make sure i stay clean and then deal with the rest

Thanx Again
ABritt

[my_mayberry]

that's not good. as far as the xanax and opiates go, generally you have to be mixing in very large doses for it to be a conern...or else, throwing a muscle relaxer or alcohol in there with the mix. it's not usually something someone would have to worry about if they are taking at or just above theraputic doses. it sounds like your dad isn't taking huge doses of anything....but then again, sometimes it's very hard to judge from the outside. addicts have their ways, if he IS indeed an addict.

it's cruel to blame you for missing meds, but have you considered that they could actually BE missing? could it be possible someone else would be taking them and letting you get the blame? just a thought...but it sounds to me like you're pretty sure he's abusing them and i would guess that this isn't just because he runs out early.

i don't know what to tell you, but if it were me and i found out one of my parents had blamed ME for their missing drugs, i would not only tell their doctor the truth, but i would also confront them and let them know that i told their doctor the truth. it's no less than they'd do for me if it were the other way around.  have you confronted him about it?

[abritt121222]

Thanx for the replies and i will stay clean thats for sure it just scares me so much about my father because like i said he has parkansins disease so pain meds isnt the only med he takes far from it he takes ALOT of meds but he absolutely has to and what scares me the most is the mixing of the pain meds and the xanax because i know that is the biggest cause of fatal overdose and that has always scared me to death even tho i was taking 350-400mg oxy a day when i was in my active addiction that is one thing i would never even think to take was xanax because i would not mix the two because i know what happens with that and now knowinig my dad is taking both of them is very scary because he has enough health problems that worry me to death and that i honestly cry about all of the time with the parkansins without stacking this on top of it and i just dont know what it is going to take to get him to see that because he will not even talk to me about anything and will not admit to anyone he has a problem and i know thats part of addiction and him just not being ready and not realizing he has a problem and thats the bad part of this is that because of the parkansins and because of what it has done to the way he thinks and everything it is going to take more than it would for a normal person to realize he has to stop before something terrible happens and now just the thought of what i am saying has me crying again because i dont know what it is going to take

Thanx again
ABritt

[laurel453]

No, abritt, YOU ARE NOT LOST... YOU ARE 450 clean days and you know and we know... you are not on active addiction no matter what your father has told around you. This is what matters most here. From that point, things can get worked ... Now, breath again and think again that you are clean. And that your father has a terrible illness and from that point, many things can be understood even his lies around you using again. He needs the help and support you are giving to him but maybe you would also need some additional support  ( any kind.. meetings, therapy, whatever .. the forum , your friends ... your family ..) You could even talk to the doctor and tell him you can pass any test but that you need him to help your father the best he can... Feel proud because i really believe that  there is no higher priviledge that caring for the people we love when they are sick and in need and that you are at your best to be able to do it: you are clean..! there are some tough times on the future but you will get through them, trust yourself :)

[criminy1]

That was an awful thing to learn BUT now you can deal with the situation knowing the whole story. Once people find out the truth, they might realize that you have not been given a fair shake due to assumptions.