Aa
O.K. then..I don't want to die early...so how do i detox the right way?
Well, my last thread was Is Sobriety worth the suffering. I just remembered the saying..."its hard to get clean, but its harder to stay addicted" So, I am on 60 to 70 mg a day of Methadone; have withdwawn 8x CT. And thirty years of Benzo's ( I am on disability for Epilepsy)....a lot was available because my father was a psychiatrist and left closets full of Quaaludes and Preludes..which coincided perfectly to be available right after my 2nd rape to numb the pain. I am 54....have legitimate pain....physical, but emotional as well...but my knee is going out..I have an MRI coming up. I don't know if my hamstring is screaming in pain because of this hyperanalgesia I just heard of on this site. Any suggestions on how to get clean and sober now? Again?..I am hoping for a magic bullet....but all I know is CT..and that involves no sleep for one solid month and so much physical suffering, I go psychotic, and watch the clock a month and type insane emails to family who are wondering why I am doing this to myself. Thanks again.....Vaughn22
Hi Debbie......thanks for figuring out a plan. Its an O.K. one....but when I read it my whole mind said...Oh no!!!! Not that again! I really don't think I CAN DO IT 9 TIMES. Sorry, Caps lock. I have a better plan for me...if I can find Subutex. In Texas it wasn't easy, but I finally found a Dr. who could and would. maybe I could call Him. I heard Suboxone is a generic now and isn't an arm and a leg. You are so right though about me taking methadone home with me although at first I was estatic I could get my meds without getting up and driving to the clinic every morning. Plus with Subutex; I have done that once before amd all I had to do was detox down to 20 mg....I can do that in one week on total CT. Not months of torture. What are you to do when you go down 5 mg a week with the terrible withdrawals from that? Thanks again.....your friend, vaughn
I just figured if you went to the clinic everyday then you couldn't go up and down on your dose and you would indeed be tapering. it is hard to taper on your own if you have the pills.
you said you are on 60 or 70mgs. you can drop 5mgs a week, then at 30mgs you need to slow down to 2 or 3 mgs a week.
it would take about 6 months to taper. my husband went cold turkey after being on meth for 10 years, he tapered down to 20mgs and then jumped, also he was on 8 mgs of Xanax and drinking like a fish. he was sick, sick, sick for 3 months solid. tapering as low as possible is best.
I am glad that you keep trying. that is good, you only fail when you stop trying. I don't think the clinic would provide clonidine but your gp would.
that is great you are going to see her on Friday. be completely honest with her and tell her your plan.
keep the faith,
there is always hope.
debbie
you said you are on 60 or 70mgs. you can drop 5mgs a week, then at 30mgs you need to slow down to 2 or 3 mgs a week.
it would take about 6 months to taper. my husband went cold turkey after being on meth for 10 years, he tapered down to 20mgs and then jumped, also he was on 8 mgs of Xanax and drinking like a fish. he was sick, sick, sick for 3 months solid. tapering as low as possible is best.
I am glad that you keep trying. that is good, you only fail when you stop trying. I don't think the clinic would provide clonidine but your gp would.
that is great you are going to see her on Friday. be completely honest with her and tell her your plan.
keep the faith,
there is always hope.
debbie
I was on a clinic here in town, but could not stand having to :do the steps" to earn take-outs. Although, I could just use a clinic to detox slower than CT, but not years. If I had Clonodine, and some other meds (non-narcotic); like a 30 or 60 day...or even 6 months to a year. If I go talk to them,and they know I don't want maintenance, perhaps they do use clonidine? I am going to my Dr. this Friday; but if I tell her I want to detox, she will just prescribe me less. That's all she knows. I will see another Dr. at the same place that works her as a team, and maybe she can tell her the nature of methadone. Thanks for your help....vaughn
Hi Weaver... I had a great Dr. in Houston that would give me all the Subs I needed. That is how I got off the clinic in Texas; relocate to California after my Dad died. If I had Subs....(I have about 6 8 mg. suboxone); but if I had about 200 8mg subs..i could detox no problem. When I did a week in the county jail there in Houston, I was down from 10 years on 120 mg, to where 20 mg was enough to make me well. The Dr. said that all I needed...I switched to Norcos a short time, then right onto the subs. I was not ill at all! plus it works to kill chronic pain. Then, I got a roommate with a bad back and his Dr. put him on methadone! I saw him start gardening and all kind of activities and I went and got back on methadone at a clinic here in Santa Rosa. Thank God I walked right out the door with no plan. I went psychotic, eneded up in jail, so a private Dr. started me on 60mg..with one extra a day for "breakthrough" pain. Now I am on the full 70..even had 75 today. But, yes, I took a small piece from a 10 mg tab yesterday and couldn't hack it; though I have no clonidine (Catapres)...to calm my blood pressure. I'll keep experimenting and praying God will take down my tolerance.......Vaughn
hi maybe it would be best if you went to a clinic everyday to get dosed. then you wouldn't have the methadone at home and someone would be controlling your dose.
also you said you are on disability. please get yourself out each day. isolation does crazy things to your psyche.
go for walks, join a support group, exercise class, church groups.
keep posting for support. we are here to encourage you and support you,
there is a way out of this.
keep the faith...
there is always hope..
debbie
also you said you are on disability. please get yourself out each day. isolation does crazy things to your psyche.
go for walks, join a support group, exercise class, church groups.
keep posting for support. we are here to encourage you and support you,
there is a way out of this.
keep the faith...
there is always hope..
debbie
You broke a small piece off, and that drop gave you withdrawals? I relate, I could never taper. I never knew how though, I always went to fast. I also relate to the mental part of methadone addiction. I often share how I'd take 100mg of methadone, my morning kick start dose, and I'd bee sick in a couple hours. I had all the physical symptoms. I knew I had plenty in my blood, but the fear of not having any for later made me sick. Fear of withdrawal can cause withdrawal. Janelle is a great example of how to do it right. Form a plan, get support, make all your decisions ahead of time. Tell everyone your plan and have someone to ask about changing it, if you ever get that urge. I wanted to change my sub taper so bad, but I appointed my wife judge and arbitrator. She's pretty tough, all my belly aching and pleading went nowhere. Once I accepted my fate and plan, I started getting better.
You know what it will be like to CT. At 70mgs you have a long ride ahead, but it's doable. I didn't taper, I used subs for 20 days to get past the acute withdrawal. I wish I had tapered. I detoxed off the subs, which was easier that methadone, but I still had many months of PAWS from the methadone. The withdrawal is long not matter what, but I see a huge difference in severity. I'd likely go to inpatient to CT at that dose.
Whatever you decide, you know lots of us will support you, I hope you're getting local support together as well. Keep us posted.
You know what it will be like to CT. At 70mgs you have a long ride ahead, but it's doable. I didn't taper, I used subs for 20 days to get past the acute withdrawal. I wish I had tapered. I detoxed off the subs, which was easier that methadone, but I still had many months of PAWS from the methadone. The withdrawal is long not matter what, but I see a huge difference in severity. I'd likely go to inpatient to CT at that dose.
Whatever you decide, you know lots of us will support you, I hope you're getting local support together as well. Keep us posted.
Good to see you willing to try again and asking for some support!
Some people really struggle with having the self control to taper, but there ARE options. Can you enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member to hold the Methadone and give you your daily taper dose?
When it comes to CT vs taper, in a lot of cases, with a lot of opiates, either is a possibility, it just depends on preference. There are some benefits to CT, like you said, it doesn't drag the process out as much, HOWEVER, in your case, on your dose, it really isn't advisable. You've done this many times, and keep ending up back where you started, meaning something has to change. Basically, you're taking the toughest road, and when you choose an option that is SO much harder, you're already setting yourself up to have trouble. You've been there, done that...8 times.
If you get on a good taper, a deliberate and slow one, you WILL do much better. Sure, it will add some time onto your detox, but that's okay, there's no hurry, it's not a race.
How about inpatient? Have you considered an inpatient detox? That may be an option for you too. Maybe you'd do better in a more controlled environment?
You know that your CT attempts in the past have been hellish and ended up not being successful. I think it only makes sense to deduce that that is not the way to go. Time to try something different. A taper won't be foolproof or 'easy", but it will be far less of an insult to your body. It will allow you to gradually adjust to a lower and lower dose. At least that way, you can jump off at a much lower dose.
You will still have the w/d symptoms, but they won't be nearly as bad on a much lower dose than you're on now. Each detox gets progressively harder for most people too, which is why it's time to get the job done, hon. Unfortunately, as you know, there is no "magic bullet". I wish there was, but there isn't. In a sense, I think the w/ds and detox end up being an important part of recovery....for some (not enough sadly), it becomes a deterrant to using again...it's a lesson learned.
Really wishing you the best....don't do this alone. Gather a support system, between friends/family, NA/AA meetings, addiction counseling, this forum, and enlist the help of your doctor. Doctors can be a HUGE ally in this process. There ARE ways they can help you be more comfortable during this process.
Take care!
Some people really struggle with having the self control to taper, but there ARE options. Can you enlist the help of a trusted friend or family member to hold the Methadone and give you your daily taper dose?
When it comes to CT vs taper, in a lot of cases, with a lot of opiates, either is a possibility, it just depends on preference. There are some benefits to CT, like you said, it doesn't drag the process out as much, HOWEVER, in your case, on your dose, it really isn't advisable. You've done this many times, and keep ending up back where you started, meaning something has to change. Basically, you're taking the toughest road, and when you choose an option that is SO much harder, you're already setting yourself up to have trouble. You've been there, done that...8 times.
If you get on a good taper, a deliberate and slow one, you WILL do much better. Sure, it will add some time onto your detox, but that's okay, there's no hurry, it's not a race.
How about inpatient? Have you considered an inpatient detox? That may be an option for you too. Maybe you'd do better in a more controlled environment?
You know that your CT attempts in the past have been hellish and ended up not being successful. I think it only makes sense to deduce that that is not the way to go. Time to try something different. A taper won't be foolproof or 'easy", but it will be far less of an insult to your body. It will allow you to gradually adjust to a lower and lower dose. At least that way, you can jump off at a much lower dose.
You will still have the w/d symptoms, but they won't be nearly as bad on a much lower dose than you're on now. Each detox gets progressively harder for most people too, which is why it's time to get the job done, hon. Unfortunately, as you know, there is no "magic bullet". I wish there was, but there isn't. In a sense, I think the w/ds and detox end up being an important part of recovery....for some (not enough sadly), it becomes a deterrant to using again...it's a lesson learned.
Really wishing you the best....don't do this alone. Gather a support system, between friends/family, NA/AA meetings, addiction counseling, this forum, and enlist the help of your doctor. Doctors can be a HUGE ally in this process. There ARE ways they can help you be more comfortable during this process.
Take care!
Thank you Jenelle. Yes, there is a reason I want to always go cold turkey. Tapering has never worked for me. I tried yesterday by breaking a 10 mg. tab by just a few miligrams, and became ill...very sick. I am wondering if after 20 years and 8 radical detoxes.....my body is just so dang sensitive to 1 or 2 miligrams. Plus....it seems that tapering prolongs the suffering because after going down a few miligrams....I don't feel well at all. Its happening again...by prescribing me methadone to take home...when I broke my big toe...I needed more.so now I think I am on 65 mg. and I only get 7 a day from my Dr. I better watch out! So, that is the problem with tapering down slowly. Vaughn
Hey Vaughn, good for you for not giving up trying to get off the methadone, wise choice! I totally agree with the posters above. As someone who was on methadone for 7 1/2 years topping out at 130mgs, I can tell you that coming off methadone is not easy, as you already know. Obviously cold turkey is not working for you plus that is much to high a dose to CT off anyway. I can only imagine how sick you would be to jump off at that dose. I did a lot of research on getting off methadone before I started my plan. I did a LONG, SLOW taper and I had basically no problem getting off. My sleep got interrupted at about 20mgs and still 4 months later I am having a problem sleeping. I took it very slow, went right down to 1mg stayed there for 10 days and then stopped. I had a bit of nausea but not really enough to even complain about. Anyway you are asking what the proper way to get off methadone is, and I 100% agree that tapering is the only way to go at this time. Is there a reason you want to cold turkey it again? Do you have the time or patience to taper? I hope so because it is so much easier than CT, you give your body time to adjust to each drop in the taper and you don't move forward until you have balanced out each drop in dosage. I am totally open to a PM if you wish. so take care and please keep us updated on what your plan is. There are quite a few of us here who have successfully come off methadone. Just don't give up! Take care, hope to see you posting soon.
Glad to see you asking for help, Vaughn. I know you said your primary dr that is prescribing the methadone wouldn't know much about a properly done taper....but can you at least ask her?
Also, many, many peeps on this forum have VALUABLE advise about HOW to properly get off methadone. We aren't allowed by MedHelp policy to give "specifics" about tapering....but many can share "in general" with you how they did it. You will find that jumping off CT at the dose you are on isn't advised or successful in the long run. I know you just want and need some methadone peeps to give you some guidance with their own personal experiences because you don't know HOW....but it CAN be done...and you WILL do it, I know you will!
Until some of the recovering methadone peeps respond to you....it would be really beneficial to use the search tool here on MedHelp and read as much as you can about methadone. I know you have done this 8x...but like you said you ALWAYS jumped off at a high dose cold turkey...this is NOT successful and very painful as you have already learned.
I'm glad you are "open" to learning about getting off it properly...and willing to attempt it again. I surely hope you will get some weekly/FREQUENT counseling to discuss the deep emotional issues that are still ripping your heart out. I know you are on disability....but help is out there....and you will feel so much better talking to someone about all these issues you have bottled up since you were 12 yrs old.
I shall pray for you, Vaughn.....and hope you'll put your reading hat on. Lots and lots of posts on this forum about methadone....and from people who have walked in your shoes. BOTH the benzos and the methadone MUST be tapered.....safely.....please ask your dr to help you or suggest someone who CAN help you with this. It's super important.
Blessings to you~
Connie
Also, many, many peeps on this forum have VALUABLE advise about HOW to properly get off methadone. We aren't allowed by MedHelp policy to give "specifics" about tapering....but many can share "in general" with you how they did it. You will find that jumping off CT at the dose you are on isn't advised or successful in the long run. I know you just want and need some methadone peeps to give you some guidance with their own personal experiences because you don't know HOW....but it CAN be done...and you WILL do it, I know you will!
Until some of the recovering methadone peeps respond to you....it would be really beneficial to use the search tool here on MedHelp and read as much as you can about methadone. I know you have done this 8x...but like you said you ALWAYS jumped off at a high dose cold turkey...this is NOT successful and very painful as you have already learned.
I'm glad you are "open" to learning about getting off it properly...and willing to attempt it again. I surely hope you will get some weekly/FREQUENT counseling to discuss the deep emotional issues that are still ripping your heart out. I know you are on disability....but help is out there....and you will feel so much better talking to someone about all these issues you have bottled up since you were 12 yrs old.
I shall pray for you, Vaughn.....and hope you'll put your reading hat on. Lots and lots of posts on this forum about methadone....and from people who have walked in your shoes. BOTH the benzos and the methadone MUST be tapered.....safely.....please ask your dr to help you or suggest someone who CAN help you with this. It's super important.
Blessings to you~
Connie
Hi, Vaughn. I was wondering were you have been and how you are doing. Yes we both do know all about the Dones and a Benzo. Heck 8xs for you. Can you give the meds to someone to help you do a taper. That is still a high does to jump from. As you know I got myself down to between 30mg but was going back up fast. I just had to jump from the 3 meds and snorting was not good either.
It did take me a long ash time to come back. I think age and how many years of use plays a big part. My advise to you (which I think you know a bit more) is get down and just go for it. I know it gets so so so frustrating because we want to be fine NOW! But as I always say; Time is the Greatest Healer. Are you going to get any Support in any areas. I sure am glad to see you are back. I feel this connection because you have done this many times. Now this time lets get it right OK??
Bless
It did take me a long ash time to come back. I think age and how many years of use plays a big part. My advise to you (which I think you know a bit more) is get down and just go for it. I know it gets so so so frustrating because we want to be fine NOW! But as I always say; Time is the Greatest Healer. Are you going to get any Support in any areas. I sure am glad to see you are back. I feel this connection because you have done this many times. Now this time lets get it right OK??
Bless
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