Ok..here we go again..

I have been wanting to post but have been unable...seriously..I have finally admitted that I am an alcoholic..sighhh..I think the stress of this past week really showed me how much so..I basically have been drunk since last wednesday and finally today I made a decision that I can NOT do it..I hate this..I basically traded one addiction for another as I have for a long time..but it got out of hand as thats what happens when your an addict..I do not know how to really go about this (except for the obvious) stop drinking....the desire is there and I know I have to fight it just as i have fought those darn pills..thankyou to all that have been there for me these past 6 months..I am going to ask all of you for prayers and/or advice..I think just the support alone will help me.You all have been wonderful and I plan to get my tail back on here. Thankyou to my friend that listened to my drunken a$$ for the past week..you are true blue..

[soonerguy]

Alcoholics Anonymous really saved my life.  It is the most incredible program that I have ever been involved with.  Fromt he moment I walked in the door the first time I felt accepted, understood, and at ease.  It was so comforting to know that there were people who felt exactly like I did, drank like I did, and were willing to help me get sober.  I can't tell you how much I love this program.  Please get to an AA meeting.  I know you will find the same.  You don't have to do this alone.  There are people who will help you and walk this journey with you.  Good luck, admitting it is the hardest step. . Now you can begin the healing.

[cathy5841]

i have never had a problem with alcohol so i cant offer you any advice, but i can offer you support and a shoulder to lean on when things get tough.  i am her my friend.  i know you are a strong lady and will beat this.  i have faith in you.

[dominosarah]

You are such an amazing woman.  You know how i feel and you know i will be there for you.  am only a click or a ring away!!!!  I am proud of you.  Now stay out of the trees!!!!  love ya bunches and bunches and bunches................................sara

[newmanagment]

sad- i quit doin coke for bout 2 1/2 years once, but i wuz drunk for most of that time! i jus traded one for the other, so dont think you are alone on that one. see, we as addicts need something to cope with everyday life. so we trade addictions cuz we are unhappy with the original addiction. like me n coke, i got sick of being broke, tired at work, etc... so i started drinking. one is bad as the other, fact is they are the same addiction. they will both take ya places ya r betta off not being, and they both will control your life completely. i think you took a major step with this post, admitting your problem, and facing it head on. i agree with soonerguy. AA/NA is an awesome program. they have the key to getting and stayin sober. this website is my "online" meeting, so it helps too. i guess that all you can do is start another fight, and we will all be here to love n support you!!

[sadinmichigan]

thankyou everyone..you all rock..it was hard to write that dang post..I am going to do everything i can..I have too much to lose..this sucksssss...Cathy,domino,new-xo♥

domino- falling out of trees hurt bad..i will think about that one..lol

seriously though..i woke up this morning looking like someone took a baseball bat to my head,arms and legs..i hurt in places i didn't know could hurt..I blacked out a few times this week and that really scared the crapola out of me..

[wannabefree330]

It took alot of courage to admit your drinking problem.  You know we are all the same whether it is alcohol or pills, or pot.  We use chemicals to numb our feelings so we can face another day.  If you beat the pills, you can beat the alcohol.  Don't allow your addict mind to tell you that you can 'handle' any other chemical you put into your body.  It's just a lie.  Once you are able to get the alcohol out of your system, remember that the reason you started drinking in the first place will still be there waiting to be delt with.  But rest assured, we will all be here to support you and offer any advice we can.  Just take one thing at a time, deal with today and today's issues and tomorrow you can take care of then.  Please know that you have not 'failed' in no way whatsoever.  You did the right thing getting on and asking for help and advice and admiitted your drinking problem.  That's the hardest thing to do.  This is just another lesson that you have been dealt and in the end will make you so much stronger and better-even better than before.  Pat yourself on the back.  Find an AA meeting near you and go!  If you don't like it, find another one, and keep doing so until you find one that fits YOUR needs.  There are thousands of us out here to help you through this and in turn it helps us as well.

[swtbreezie]

Hey my friend.  I KNOW you can do this, you made it off pills and I know you will do fine with this.  You have helped me lots and been here to listen to me moan and groan and get past some really tough times.  I am here for you stay strong and focused on what you have to do for YOU.  You are one of the Angels here!  HUGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ love ya
swtbreezie

[sadinmichigan]

awww..thanks so much..I am feeling so bad about this..I know I have to deal with the issues that are waiting for me..ever present..It took all these years to finally recognize my addict self and that was a painful realization..why I thought i could handle drinking???I didn't drink for almost 10 + yrs and then when i went through methadone w/d and that he!!..plus my only nephew dying..i started to drink..before I knew it, a year had passed..vodka is my other poison now..I know I can not have it..or any other thing..You are so right and I appreciate your words much..thankyou..

[corey411]

Good for you for coming out with your problem sweetie. Alcohol and drug addiction are kinda the same story, stem from the same problem....need to escape PAIN that's too hard to feel anymore. As you know I relapsed 16 days ago and started NA like I promised Avisg and Newmanagement I would if I relapsed again. It's helping me. I have commited myself to the 90 meetings in 90 days at least and I am committed to that and will decide after if I will only go a few times a week or what. You have to get a new plan or it will keep happening and everytime will be worse. You are strong and have been through so much. You can do this. It's serious Lisa. This is a life and death disease and if we don't try whatever it takes we are committing slow suicide. These places will help you. I never left a meeting not feeling better and you remember how bad a place I was when I relapsed. You can go to these meetings and just observe. You don't have to talk or identify yourself as an addict. You can just say I'm here to listen or observe. Make sure it's an open meeting and speaker meetings are great. You will identify with almost everything that other addicts share with there experience. You will feel safe and loved there no matter what. I go to 5 different meetings and some are better than others and you may relate to different groups better but I always learn from my groups no matter if a few have kinda shakey (shaky) people there court ordered. Thats not the norm. The norm is success stories with long term recovery. You'd love it. PM me anytime if you want info. And you will always have us too. Prayers to you Lisa. Focus on your recovery and let us help you now. GBU, Corrine

[newmanagment]

corey, awesome to hear ya started your 90 4 90!! you got this, jus keep goin back!!!
i also agree with ya that ya gotta keep makin new plans and doin new things to keep clean. i have continued to do the whole "i got this, i don need ne one" thing for along time, and all i keep comin up with are relapses. so sad, jus keep moving on , i know ya can do this, but its gonna be a fight. alcohol like cocaine is a very mentally addicting substance, and you will prolly have some physicall w/d's as well. keep ya chin up, ya can do this, we can help!!

[sadinmichigan]

newmanagment-you know I love ya..thankyou

corey- it is soooo good to hear from you!.i am going to take all you said to heart..truly..thankyou.I will take you up on that..xo

swtbreezie-I just love the heck outta you..thankyou..hugs...

smoooooches to all of you

[sadinmichigan]

btw- this one is really scaring me..the mental part is killing me..I posted because after all this..i thought about drinking already..just saying to myself..i would feel better..i know thats a lie my addict self is trying to trick me..

[Victor322]

Hi Lisa, hope that you aren't being too hard on yourself! You deserve Kudo's for all the hard work you've done in the past in spite of the huge obstacles that you had faced! You are a Real Fighter and you will re-group like you had in the past as you know the drill and know from past experience that this too shall be overcome!

I'm pulling for you and know that this past event will become another learning experience for you while on your path to sobriety! Its all Perfect, it's all Good!

Take care of yourself,
-Vic

[sadinmichigan]

I appreciate your kind words..I really need this..this post was much harder than my original one 6 months ago about the pills..i don't know why..thanks again...

[10356]

Hi Lisa
You took the first step Brave Lady..I remember when I announced to my family I was quitting drinking July 4 2007 I knew I had to say it out loud to make it stick IT DID.. It will for you too..They sure got sick of hearing (this is when I would drink) if a stress came up.
One minute at a time you can do this. Any time you need someone to lean on I'm here for you.. I'm proud of you. Lesa

[malenurse57]

Lisa,
  This will just be one more successful chapter in your life that you can use to help someone else down the road. Keep your chin up and keep fighting.
Prayers for you always, God bless.
"T"

[Rose703]

Lisa, my friend, I have all of the faith in the world for you because you're really are strong and I know you will be able to conquer this!! Thanks for your call and honesty with me especially since I KNOW had bad you were feeling!

I'm here for you and I always will be!! ((((HUGS))))

Now let's look forward, not back, and God will bless your path!

[CadillacJack]

Lisa!
I've been missing you much. Summertime fun just got the better of you for awhile. As strong a person as your obviously are, I have no doubt about you controlling the alcohol. It's just another drug. Can't go there.
Love & daily thoughts

cj

[bandnmom]

Dont let your addict mind get the best of you. With all you have going on in your life this is the last thing you need to do..add more on your plate. Yes im sure when you are drinking its all good. No worry, no hurting and most of all everything is just great!!! You know the truth though when you final wake up to reality! Its good to feel and hurt. Dont let all that is going on in your life take hold of you. You have come so far my friend. Please make the choice to stop before its to late.  I'm here for ya if you ever need to talk. Stay strong. Not only for you but for your children. They need there momma!!
Hugs,
jen

[newgirl2708]

One for another. Go check, it's in our resume's...
Addicts Job Skills: Will replace one compulsion for another on a moments notice.
See it...? Second paragraph.

You are already ahead of the game, you know what's wrong, you know what to do and you have a plan. A lot of people don't.

PLUS; We're here for you.
love,
ng

[sadinmichigan]

you all are great..I am relieved this morning having finally posted..and I feel alot better physically.Don't look to hot...So this morning will be day 1 of no drinking..hey- how many trackers can we have..lol..I have an upcomming 2 yr celebration off of methadone (aug1) and the pill thing ended march 7..geeez..
this really feels today ,like the forum I knew 6 months ago..what a relief..thanks all,

[GoingToMakeIt]

Lisa, you have made another huge step in your recovery process. Even though it is now alcohol, as you said, it is trading one for another. With all you have gone through, please go get counseling. It is one of those things we all fight trying to do but once you start going. It is such a relief and help. There are reasons you want to hide from life's problems. Drugs and alcohol help to numb that pain. Soonerguy mentioned AA and this is an excellent place to start. Many here have preferred AA over NA. GL

[lifesaride]

so, looks like your going for the big trifecta

[desperate1111]

sad, i know for a fact you can beat this. my sister was (is) an alcolholic. she now has a disease caused by drinking too much.  she has no feeling in her feet and hands. its called alcohol neuropathy something like that. she was in a wheelchair for alomst 2 years. i'm sure your drinking isn't that bad. if anyone can whip this its you! i quit drinking 15 years ago, i liked it too much. guess i just traded adictions too. looks like it runs in my family doesn't it. good luck to you.

[Decisions]

Hi Sad,
The only thing I know is hydros.  But my dad was a alcoholic and so was my brother.
They both died from it.  Actually , complications from the disease.
Funny the way I look at things. I see alcohol abuse as a disease, but hydro use as a habit/dependenct/addiction. Maybe because I am still a bit in denial and I did take for a medical reason even tho I did go overboard..
I don't see myself as ever being a daily drinker. It's june and I doubt I've had more than 10 drinks this year.  the buzz never attracted me to keep going that way.  So I think I am lucky there.  My mom also never drinks, and maybe I inhereted it from her.

I hope you find your way out of "this" woods..  sad?  we don't want to lose you, and I have watched first-hand with it does to close family.  Funny, you can buy alcohol all day long and it can do you in faster than the illicit DOC some of us take.

I have a friend who was a alcoholic, and he quit c/t.  now and then, he has a glass of wine, etc.  He has been "sober" for 3 years, and  according to him he has had 4 drinks since on the wagon. He feels he can handle a glass of wine on rare occasion, but he programmed himself to HATE the habit of buying a 12 pack every night, and falling into a stupor.  It took his wife leaving him to open his eyes.

Get strong in your will to quit, and you can do it!

Best.. Decisions

[memommy4]

You can do this!! I have read so many post on here the last 6 months and always see how strong you are. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[joann1975]

sweetie...you can and will beat this! i know you.... i sent you a pm.... you know i am here for you ....love you! (sorry i didn't see this sooner...not been around much taking care of my friend after her surgery) joann

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You got it sister - I didnt wake up until it was too late for the liver......glad that you got an earlier call. Think about that next time you want a drink. I can describe some pretty gruesome symptoms of liver failure for you........please dont go there -   eagle

[sadinmichigan]

I am finding myself very emotional right at the moment..I could never thank you all enough for the support and care you have given me..wow...wipe the tears..ok..I know I can do this..i had to get to the point I guess of beating myself up..i look horrible..kinda like someone took a baseball bat to my head and limbs..you would think doing that a few times would be enough...I am going to do whatever it takes..I have always resisted AA and counseling but...now I think is a good time..with everything going on at home..it's just all too much..divorce is a bad thing but i have done all I can do...teenagers..ahhhhhh..deep breath..still don't know where my precious daughter is..SO..I do need to find a different way to deal with all this stuff..heck, can't even get into the childhood thing..i think thats what always scared me about counseling..i don't want to go there..but, whatever i need to do..I am ready to fight..in my baby book it says on almost every page how STUBBORN i am.LOL..I need to use it to my advantage..I really have grown to care about many of you..thankyou guys/girls...you are the best group of people i have ever met..(funny..i feel like I know you all..lol)
All my love to each and everyone of you!!!

[opi]

hey there....i have been thinkin bout you the past couple months,,,hopping things would turn around...by your post i guess you kicked the pills...nice...it is unfortunate that you have hit the bottle...i don't remember you ever saying anything about booze so is  this new or you are just dealing with it now?..anyways i am sending possitive vibes(i only pray for a lotto win ;) ......i stopped drinking years ago...booze would lead me to other stuff so to stop everything bad i first had to quit drinking,,,turned out that booze was easy to quit...i now drink maybe once a month,,,if that..it is not a problem,,,i can't say that about to many things...anyways i will be around more often as i need to be here more than i thought...i will keep an eye out for ya...stay strong...screw booze man,,,that **** kills ya fast

[sadinmichigan]

aww..thanks..it is so good to see you around as i have been thinking about you too..I had mentioned here and there about the drinking thing but thought (as addicts do) that i could handle it..I wasn't drinking everyday but did a few shots several times a week..then it just gets out of hand before you know it..you are sooo right about it killin ya fast..I am trying to deal with everything at once..and yes..i did kick those blasted pills..not to say that i don't have my cravings..i think that is what i just substituted instead of pills when the summer weather started kickin' in..So summer is a HUGE trigger for me..thankgod here in Michigan summer is short lived..don't be a stranger dude..lol..and thanks..xo

[Mikeinthesouth]

U have my support anytime. Mike

[Mikeinthesouth]

gladder than he ll to see u post.

[bobby139]

Girl I am so sorry to hear what has happened but completly understand, its true what others have said, we as addicts we find anything for the high and not to feel real life. I have never had a problem w drinking so i cant help you there, I know about alcoholics because as you know my husband is one and he will not admit it what so ever so you have taken the first step by admitting it...You are a very strong women, it isnt going to be easy but you can do it, for yourself and your kids..I know that i could prolly have a problem w drinking cuz i hardley do it but when i do i am the type that cant stop for the night until i pass out i cant just have a couple....I am always here for you in what ever i can do..All the prayers coming your way..
much love
bobby

[road2recovery]

It took alot for you to post that i know...but goes to show how strong you are...I know counsouling is tough, it tore me up, but was the best thing i could of ever done....It is worth a shot....I know you can do this!!!
praying for you!!
r2r

[sadinmichigan]

Hi everyone..I just got my internet back on..thankgod !!! LOL..I have been ok. I haven't had a drink since before I posted but the want ..comes and goes...I finally feel better at least. So, i just wanted to say hi and am still around..and thankyou for all the support..xoxo

[Florida_Guy737]

Hi,

Why do you think you're an alcholic?  because you've been drinking quite a bit?  I think if you can go without and not think about the alcohol, that's good.  If you want to tip a few every now and then, well that's OK too.  I think because we became dependent on one thing, usually through no fault of our own, we automatically assume that we'll addict to everything.

I enjoy cigars every once in awhile, usually while playing cards or golf but as much as I enjoy them I can still tolerate not having any either.

Hope this make sense; you're a sweetie and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Take Care,

Guy

[Korley]

exactly what sooner guy said

[Rose703]

I'm so glad to see that you have your internet back!! Call me when you get a chance!!

[sadinmichigan]

I have been drinking on average 4 dys a week for about 2 yrs..at times it was everyday. Of course I didn't get drunk everytime, but enough.I had backed off it, and by that, i mean drinking only a couple shots instead of a pint or more..But everytime it creeps back up on me to where I am drinking more than 2 shots and before I know it..it becomes an everyday thing..I am finding that I have to make a decision daily to NOT drink..because even as i sit here, i would love to have just a couple shots..what has been happening is those 2 shots are never enough and i go get more..i don't know..I just don't want to be like some of my relatives..pretty much all my moms family are alcoholics except for my mom..

[joann1975]

I know you can beat this...you are strong and have already beat so much! I am here if you need me....love you....JoAnn