Old habits do die hard . HELP!

Hello everyone. I have been a "recovering" addict since Dec. of 2008. I was in the healthcare profession and began using painkillers in 2006 for a medical condition. Needless to say, my use got out of hand and I was using for pleasure as well as pain. I ended up quitting my job and letting my license lapse. In 2008, I realized I had a problem and checked myself into a rehab facility which I completed. I was doing so well until about six months ago when someone offered me some pills. In a moment of weakness, I accepted them. BIGGEST mistake I have ever made. I am now back in the same mindset I was in years ago, and I am so scared. I have been using on and off since - although not every day but maybe for a week at the time, and then I will go without for a month or so. I really need some support guys. I don't have many friends and I don't trust many people. It would kill my mother if she knew I was using again, and I don't want to hurt her. PLEASE HELP!

[Punkinhead75]

Glad you are here and thanks for sharing.  Reaching out for help can be tough and you did a great job.  Consider what worked for you the first time. Maybe rehab is what is needed.  I know when I stopped I needed a lot of support.  I did an IOP as well as AA mtgs.  I still go to this day cuz I never know when that moment of weakness will come.  There is also NA mtgs as well.  I've never been so I can't say much about them.  Just throwing out a suggestion.  Please keep an eye out for "roadblocks to recovery".  That's what I like to call them. These are the reasons/excuses we use for not getting the help we need.  I was surprised at the support I got from my family.  They only cared about my well being.  Good luck!!!!!!

[janet19]

Do what you did before. The habit is back and will be no easier to beat. I was still dope sick after 5 mo clean. I know I was through detox but always felt sick.

You did it and you can do it again. Dig dip down and suck it up and clean your soul again. then look and stay in aftercare. NA, Therapist or something. It really does work.

This time round I turned to suboxone, I am feeling great, have energy and not dope sick. The withdrawals to it I will face when that time comes. for now I will use this good time to educate myself on how to build and live a health life. Clear my head, change my diet and way of living.

Best of luck to you and I know you can make it. Start now don't get sucked in further.

[dominosarah]

Focus on recovering now.  You know you have it in you to get and stay clean.  Reach out and get the help.  Sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom.  Family support is very helpful.  Keep posting      sara

[angelfoot23]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It has been so long since I have reached out for help, I had almost forgotten how. I will keep posting to let everyone know of my progress. Again, thanks to all of you!

[worried878]

I am a nurse..so also in the HC profession.
You went to rehab,,,but did u continue aftercare when u left the facility?
Aftercare is like insulin to a diabetic when compared to addiction.  it is the only "medicine" or therapy that will help keep us clean..yet addicts reject so often the only true therapy that will keep them clean.  
Getting clean is easy when an addict looks back...it is staying clean that is very difficult for most.  Aftercare is what helps folks stay clean...
I am sure  know the drill on stopping, and u know u just gotta do it.  Often picking a quit day and sticking to it can help...cutting off supply be it a dr or a friend and any refills at the pharmacy
The health pages r full of great info including the thomas recipe.  Understanding why u feel as u do during detox can help.  Knowing relapse is very common can also help///it can help u realize how dangerous this disease really is
I have been clean from lortab for a while//few yrs and dont count anymore.  In times of weakness those puppies will call our name///like an old escape from reality//a very unhealthy coping mechanism that we do not need to go back to.  I have had a very down time since i stopped and turned to alcohol to escape....none of these escape mechanisms work...we r addicts and all of them will turn on us

good luck to u
keep posting as there is alot of support here