On day 12 and struggling really bad, please help.

[moonshyne777]

Its day twelve and I want to make it to day 13 desperately but I am having wild mood swings and severe depression. Its really really bad and although I,ve had moments, glimpses of feeling ''normal'' These long bouts of depression are severe. I'm angry, no rage is more the word, sad, hopeless and have thought many times of just killing myself so I can end this misery. I am losing it on my kids over stupid things although it is very hard - I have two toddlers and they are extremely demanding and I just can't cope with it right now. I am going to see my doc asap and get on an antidepressant but in the meantime its taking all my willpower to not turn back. I know there is no life for me in the pills but to live like this is unbearable. I drive down the road and think of driving into a pole. I'm ****** I know but I just can't go on like this. Its torture. HELP!!! I had depression and anxiety issues before the oxy addiction and while on oxy those problems were ''cured'' by the pills. Now it's back full force and I'm just living in a mental hell and I can't deal with it anymore. Please help. I feel like I'm having a total nervous breakdown and I can't understand how one afternoon and night I can be ok and the next be on the verge of ending my life. this is hell.

[kathrynheath0707]

This is a little late for this post. But, yes I have w/d'ed from other substances before (methadone and Kratom) and the fits of depression happen a lot. I felt horribly depressed for two weeks after quitting Kratom and I found that going out with friends helps a lot. I know two toddlers can be a handful, I have one who is two and one who is three. I went crazy trying to take care of them through my depression stage and luckily the first time my husband was there to watch them for me, but the second was hard. I had two watch my two toddlers all day while my husband was only home for 2 hours at night and he spent one of those hours putting the kids to bed with him. I was lonely and had no car to go anywhere and sometimes I still feel spouts of depression. The problem is pain pills deplete the body of natural endorphins and serotonin. Try the supplement 5-HTP it can be purchased at Wal-Mart for $10.00 I felt a big difference when taking these and I take them every day now. Also people recommend SAM-E for dopamine levels. Never tried it myself but I have heard great things about it. Anti-depressants are not the answer they just boost these two natural chemicals just like the OTC stuff does. Hope this helps!!!

[formerjerseygirl]

Hang in there...you can get through.  I have 2 toddlers as well and I am on day 19 and having major ups and downs.  I am depressed, fatigued and really foggy in my mind.  Try to go easy on yourself.  Put on some really bad, mindless television (Jersey Shore, perhaps) or play music or do yoga....something to distract your mind.  Maybe go get a massage...something.  Keep telling yourself tomorrow will be better...just get to a clean tomorrow.

[Back2Me]

I feel the exact same way alot. I am heading to day 5 and just trying to focus on some positive stuff. Every day I have to do this. Tonight i am taking my gf out for sushi so I am letting that be my focus. Yesterday it was renting a movie I have been wantin to see and waiting till later to watch it. Tomorrow i will have to find something else positive to focus on. There are so many negatives that this is how I have to do it to get by. Bills are behind. Home is in question. Feel like total ***. No energy. TONS of fallout from my drug influenced life the past years but I can't focus on it although I do a lot. You have to push it out and find something GOOD to look
forward to. This morning I was ready to push myself off oF a cliff.  now I am not too bad. Yeah it's ups and downs like CRAZY. I hate it too. But you have to push. Find SOMETHING fun to look forward too even if it's small.

[Radiostar55]

Boy I know its tough..Day 13 same for me..I have been on anti-dep for 2 weeks..I have been clean for 32 days..They say it could take up to 6 weeks to start working.but I am no longer in the FOG of Oxy's and Somas..Actually starting feeling more normal around day 25..Check into it..And remember those toddlers that love you unconditionley,,,,Take a deep breath.....and play some music you liked when you were akid  Seem to help me..Good Luck Keep Posting  The are some really great people here to help!
G

[sharzi]

Moon,  I understand that it is utter hell to be in your shoes.  I have been there before.    I have been clean from pain killers and benzo's for 83 days.  I quit 3 drugs cold turkey on November 12, 2009 and when thru a living hell.  NIght sweats, nightmares, shaking, not being able to keep my legs still, extreme bone pain -- and if this was not enough --  then came the extreme ups and downs.  One night I was doing great, on top of the world, then I'd crash into a suicidal depression.

And yes, I have kids too (all 17 and older now) but I remember the toddler days, along with my depression and how god-awful hard it was.  I love them, but it was all I could do to be a mother to them.   Many times I considered throwing my life away to escape from the misery.  Words can not explain the pain you must be going thru.  Im so sorry that you are going thru this.  Here is the good news...

If you give up the drugs one day at a time --  it gets much much better!  Now that I have a few months clean -  the ups and downs are not happening as often and when they do it's not as severe.  I am sleeping well, not shaking, and not thinking about killing myself anymore.  The drug messed up you brain chemicals and your body needs a chance to straighten it out.  The body is amazing, and it will heal itself .  Be good to yourself, pamper yourself (ask someone to watch your kids for you if at all possible, even for a couple of hours).  Hang in there -- you will be so grateful down the road  if you don't pickup again.

[sweatinit]

Moon, I feel for ya. Look back in my posts and you'll hear the same frustration and double mindedness. It does get better each day. It's still not perfet, but it's better. Hang in there, You have come soooo far. Do NOT go back now, my friend. If i could give ya a huggie, I would... so a couple of xoxoxoxo will have to suffice. Stay strong, you can and will do this!

[Cheesburger79]

  Hi. I'm tapering off vics and I'm not out of the woods yet, I just wanna say that you've come this far--keep it up.
   Even though your going crazy right now, I'd love to be in your shoes--your 12 days clean! That's AWESOME.
   Look, I'm no expert, just a friend-I just wanna say that seeing a good pysch helps, you can talk this stuff out, and get some medical help to boot.
   Your worth sooooo much, and I really want you to know that! Your doin the right thing, but it sounds like you could benefit from talking to someone who has seen it all-and that would be a good doc and counselor.
   Your not in this alone at all-were all there with you. I don't wanna hear no more about offing yourself-stop that. Look how far you've come and commend yourself for it, then get this off your chest to someone who knows the best way to help you through it.
   I wish you nothing but the best-please look at the good in you and the ones who love you and know your own worth. Take care of yourself.
   Love and Luck to you-Lori

[moonshyne777]

Did anyone else go through this kind of severe depression? Is this ''normal''??