~*Once again trying to escape~* there must be an easier way.

[PercicetSlaVe]

Hello, My name is ashley~From Ohio. I am 22.
I have been on Percicet for about 3 years, I started one day hanging out with my boyfriend and one of his friends. His friend crushed one up on a plate, and passed it around the room...I had never seen anything like it! I did it (never had done any drug before) and I felt in a state of Euphoria. Slowly over the next couple months, I saw myself spending large amounts of money on them, and not receiving a feeling like that again. Only in the last year it has gotten very bad. I have "tried" to quit many times (and by "tried" I mean I had no money to buy them or they weren't around). Honestly, my life has took a violent turn for the worst in the last couple months. I'm about to lose my car, and I don't visit family/friends anymore. Even my personality seems different and not like me. My question is, is a withdrawal symptom from percicet depression/guilt? I have these memories from childhood and teenage hood that come back when I don't have pills.I think it's because of pills my life has gotten very ******, and I look back to those times, because they were happy and I was free! I'm only 22 now, but I feel like my life is just passing me by??? I can deal with the aches, pains, runny nose (I only snort perks), insomnia, diarrhea, but I can't deal with this!!! It's driving me insane!!! Today is day 3~ not by choice. I feel exhausted, and I called off work today because I felt sooooo bad. My boyfriend takes them when I take them, he is somewhat addicted too, but he doesn't get nearly as bad when we don't have any... why??? He could just quit. Why can't I???

[worried878]

strange how some can play with drugs and others cant...the fact remains..u like most of us..can not....chemical deficiecy somewhere...neurotransmitter shortage..genetics///who knows..and they r still trying to figure this out..i am a chronic pain patient so it really frustrates me that i can not take pain pills without overindulging and feeling like crappola the second i had none...sux..but true...so we can not use..but we can get back to normal
snorting is a harder wd due to the surge on the brain..that could be contributing..day 4...what is ur goal?   ur boyfriend may neeed to help u and if he cares he will..what is u goal?  this disease progresses and never goes away..it just gets worse and worse...let go of them and live ur life

[road2recovery]

Be so proud of yourself at this young age to reach out for help... I Loved enough22 post...Quilt is terrible, and as they say "we are as sick as our secrets" ..I also kept thinking about happy times..I even took out photo albums, watched home videos, and i did this for 5 straight days...Because i could see how happy i was, laughing, and no pills...I just prayed to be that way again...But it was strange because I just didn't remember what that really felt like...Now looking back i really hate that person who went to many places i would never go to get pills...I don't know who that person was, and i don't ever want to be that person again...I also have a worksheet, that i added up how much tylenol i put in my body, and it made me ill, should be dead...Then made another , with a total amount of money spent..I got this paper from my counsouler, and now i am glad i have it..Although it is saved...If i ever crave i will read it....
we are here for you, and I truly pray you can get your life back...
r2r

[flmagi]

I went threw the same thing of looking back on childhood good memories and felt I would never have a good life again. But then by day 5 it all changed. There was optimism and hope and feelings again.
So just sit tight and bare with it. It will get alot better soon. You can do this.

[bandnmom]

Congrats on day 4!! You are over half way there! The first week is the hardest...physically! When you said this is the best place to be for the first few days...i really hope you plan on staying after you are done with the withdrawl part. I have been here since December and this is my aftercare. I would not be at 9 months clean if i would have left here. Even yesterday i struggled, first time in a while, but i did and everyone was here to help me get threw the rotten day. I enjoy helping others now as i was helped when i first came here looking for help. I have also made some great friends along the way. So what i guess i am saying is i hope you plan on sticking around, its a decision you wont regret!

[Beth105]

Hi, I'm on day 4 now my problem was hydro but I would take the percs if that was all that was available. I didn't know they could be snorted, I would imagine thats a totally different feeling than just taking the pills orally. You are doing the right thing. This is the best place to be for the first few days when things are difficult. These people are great and I was helped immensely here, Good Luck u can do this, u seem like a strong woman who knows what she wants!
Hope to see you here through your recovery!!

Beth

[Enough22]

First, I just want to say that I personally admire you for being as insightful as you are at the age of 22 .. You'll come to realize, I believe, that you're an exception to the rule, in that the majority of people your age are not ready to take a look, as you are, at something that may be detrimental to long-term hapiness.  Now that I've dropped that very "clinical" description on you, let me write that you obviously have wisdom beyond your years - great job for looking to gain some insight!  Your intial question - "..is a withdrawal symptom from percicet depression/guilt? I have these memories from childhood and teenage hood that come back when I don't have pills."  You bet -- Especially right around the time frame you've written about.  Day 3 is a very bad day for "facing memories".  The "depression/guilt" meter starts to get pinned on Day 3, and this very often will make you jump back in. This was something that sent me back to using many times, as I would be so aware of things that I didn't want to face, or understand, during a time when the meds love to wreak havoc on your emotions, i.e., Day 3, 4, 5.  I agree with Uphill and Extremeski regarding perhaps trying to find a pro to talk with to help with the process, if you think you'd be comfortable with this.  The long and short of it is this - you're at a pivotal point;  Day 3 will make you realize that you can go either way -- you can choose to make a break, either by yourself with a cold-turkey which is well-documented on this message board, or you can go back to what you've been doing.  I would never say that either is "right" or wrong" - I can only share my experience, on Day 9 as I am this moment, and tell you that today is my clearest so far, and looking back on Day 3 is now pleasant for me, in that I understand things much better from this side of it.  It's a great feeling that I wish for you, and you can decide which way is the best way for you to get there.  Again, I admire you for having the insight and desire to even BEGIN looking, and it reads as if you've got a grip on what the best thing is for you to do.  Follow that feeling .... I look forward to anything else you'll be adding to this thread and wish you the best ....

God Bless ~
jms    

[Kova]

everyone is different with the emotional aspects of abusing, too.  my hubby hardly ever gets depressed...maybe slightly irritable, when i'll be smashing things and crying hysterically.(Honestly, too, i think women have the harder time with the emotional stuff).  

you need to quit and not judge yourself and not compare the difficulty you are having with your boyfriends lack of difficulty.  believe me, i've been through that with my sigificant other.  "why is he okay and i'm not???"  doesn't help your situation.

love and light,

Kova

[bandnmom]

Everyone is different, no two are the same. This even goes with addiction. Some can take a drink here and there and another cant stop. Some can take pills and perscibed others cant get enough. You said you are on day 3 not by choice. You have to want to get clean in order to stay clean. You are almost half way threw the physical withdrawls but yes the mental is the hardest. Go talk to a doctor or counsiler. You are only 22 years old. You have so much ahead of you and it would be a shame to lose it all because of pills. You know this...i know you do. Stop now for yourself and for your future. If your boyfriend is really not addicted like you then i am sure he would stand behind you and not take any more himself. This would be of great benefit to you. Stay strong and try to do somthing to keep your mind busy. Watch a funny movie!! Anything but sitting there feeling bad about yourself...that is not going to help you at all. Stick around here cuz the people here are great and we will help every step of the way!

[extrmeski]

Why is it so easy to get started and so hard to stop.  Addiction is a terrible thing and I understand how people's lives can go down hill.  Drugs are expensive and you have to feed your habit before anyting else.  It takes over your life where it seems that every conversation you have is about drugs and who has what.
The first step is realization and it seems that you have a great grasp on that.  Now you just need to get help as it seems you may not be able to do it on your own.  I used to live in Columbus so I know that area, and there are centers where you can go.
Good luck.

[uphill7584]

see a doctor...some people don't feel guilty about drug absue and how it effects their lives...others done....you seem to be a person that does. the best way to get past it is to talk about it with somebody who cares. a counselor would be best or family. and btw relationships that center around drugs aren't very unhealthy in my expereince.