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Opana to Subs to Opana god will it ever stop?!?!?!
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Opana to Subs to Opana god will it ever stop?!?!?!

Ok I tried to quit in October, made it a while then ended up doing the same stupid S**T like always.  So then I got to buying Subs off a friend mostly to stay well and save money.  Now I'm engaged to my 10 year old son's mother (havent been together in 8 years), going to start to build our home this year, and have work and school all going on, on top of that.  I went 3 days without Subs last week, didnt feel to bad at all other then no sleep/fatigue.  I did some Opana 1 day then went & did 1mg of Subs for two days, and of course found Opanas for cheap today so I did 80mg. Stupid a$$ I know.  I'm off work the next 7 days though.  I have given my debit card, all cash, and car keys to my fiancee'. I'm about to go through hell I know but I know it will be worth it if I can succeed.  I have NO SUBS OR OPANA left.  Question is if I wasnt feeling that bad 3 days ago is that what I should expect? I dont know how physically addicted to the Subs my body really is seeing I have taken them a few days straight then back to dope then back to Subs for about 3 months now.  I have never taken over 4mg a day though, just enough not to be sick.  Should I just expect the same hell I have always went through or since it wasnt that bad last week on my trial run am I just going to get lucky and not sleep a week or two.  I know the half life of Subs is like 37 hours so I went the 3 days to just see how it felt and honestly wasnt that bad, IDK I'm sorry for rambling but I need advice and I need help. Other then my fiancee NO ONE KNOWS who and what I really am.  I'm a functioning junkie and I hate myself more and more everyday when I look at my beautiful 10 year old gift from god.  I have started back with church, I have been praying so hard for the will power and strength to say NO FOR GOOD, I'm just scared that I will fail once again.  This visicous cycle is making me so depressed, so depressed on christmas day I left my son and his momma with her family drove to a state park forestry, cried like a little b***h for a cpl hours wanting to just give up and die.  I have NEVER even thought of suicide in all of my 31 years of life.  I hate this, I hate what I have become, I am so afraid of failing, loosing this fantastic job, not being able to put a roof over my family's head and just giving up and ending it all. WHAT CAN I DO TO SUCCEED??????????????????????????????????
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11 Comments Post a Comment
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1979360_tn?1328147465
the first thing i noticed is that you're saying you're getting these pills from friends, or buying them, rather. that's your first issue at hand. as long as you get rid of those people in your life, that's one block you've knocked down to the wall you've built, so to say...

the only thing i really know to tell you is to just stop using period. you seem to go off the pills for a few days and then a couple of days later, get right back on them or take a few here and there. you're going to have to learn to get through the pain of WDs without the pills.

you're not alone, because we have all been there before!
xoxoxoxo, keep posting and let us know how you do
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes that is a very big problem.  I have changed my Phone # as of today, and I am moving home with the family in 2 weeks to "save money to build our home" when in actuality I'm moving to get away from everyone I have ever known as a "friend".  I will make it this time I know I can do it, it's just stress is an excuse to grab the crutch, and now I have no crutch to fall on.  THank you for your reply I definitely will post often I do believe that I will need some sort of support even if its only from god & people that I dont know atleast I know its from people that has went through it. THanks again, god bless...
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1935252_tn?1329760719
Well I'd like to say welcome! I'm not one to sugarcoat anything, so please don't take offence to what I'm about to say... I have been where you are, and quite frankly, you are doing the right thing. My question is are you looking into aftercare? Medhelp is part of my after care, I've been sober for 14 days now, from abusing subs and I must tell you ; although you've jumped back and forth you will still have wds. Nothing to be really afraid of if your being completely honest, but at first it's terrifying, I know. You've gotta believe and convince the addict in you, that you're better than these pills make you feel. We all have faith that you can do this! Trust me, the first 3 to 5 days are the toughest but if you want this bad enough, consider it as your body say " you f$#&ed me up now, I need to fix me up" I have two kids myself and a husband that works a very weird schedule, so it was tough on me to do, but I have, and the hard part is staying clean when it's so easy to just feed your addiction. Withdrawal with be from both pills although you may feel like your dying, a part of you is... the addict, let it die and keep it dead. You will thank yourself after your hell has subsided. It may take a while but it won't take forever. Pain is only temporary, but death is permanent. I wish you all the luck, you can pm me if you'd like to chat and I can explain more of what you're feeling if you'd like. Otherwise, keep your head up and god bless!
Hugs and support!
- momma
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Avatar_m_tn
Well first off sub withdrawals usually start about 4 or 5 days out so you just seen the clouds not the storm coming off 4mg your going to know it and it hangs with you for a wile
as for the cycling of use if I where you I would give aftercare a try it works for me N/A are every where and there free as addicts we need to change the very way we think and reason
you can learn that there without it your yust 1 pill away from a relapse you have to treat the disease not the symptoms using is just a symptom stick with us here it will keep all this fresh in your head google a N/A meeting in your area and get pluged (plugged) ingood luck and God bless.......Gnarly  
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Avatar_m_tn
Well today starts day 4 w/o opiates, day 6 w/o Subs. Other then my legs I'm doing ok. The leggs suck something fierce I am pounding bananas and a ray of suppliments. Day 2's night was AWEFUL but its a bit better. I walked for about 45mins yesterday. Still very little sleep but I can deal with that due to being off work. I came clean to my step mother, she is amazing and wanting to help. Going to get off my *** if it will stop raining and see what I can do as far as a slight jog or longer walk. I have a feeling it hasn't even hit yet though idk addicted brain keeps saying get dope the storm is coming. I almost broke day 2 but still doing ok. Thank you all very very much. Tty soon...
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh my your story is the one I was about to write I am about to go through the same thing I keep bouncing back and fourth but I only have the weekend off and I am scared to death to get sick for work there is no way I can go through withdrawals at my job...  I don't know what to do I feel helpless and don't know who to turn to... I am a functioning addict with a great son, job, and boyfriend and no one knows and I don't know how to do this... any suggestions to lessen the withdrawals I have subs but trying not to take them unless I can't take it no more but in my head just being really tired gives me a reason to do some.... I keep saying I am going to beat this and stick it out but I always give in.... help....
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Avatar_m_tn
hey dude how you doing today???? add Epsom salt to your bath it forces the magnesium into your legs and get a potassium supplement this will help with the legs hang in there keep postinog for support your doing great so far keep up the good work good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  
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Avatar_f_tn
I am following this current post and am glad it it happening so recently. One other motivator I can add in from all the other great advice is something I recently heard: -the further you get last past age 32, the harder it is to get off opiates and regain your baseline normalcy. YOU CAN DO IT Gr8fulone!! This is the time. Never again.
-Talk through temptation with your fiancée. It is fantastic that you have her supper!
-Cravings only last 3-10 minutes on average. Try to keep that in mind and completely distract yourself.

Potassiun Supplements are a great idea.
Here are some more important supplements:
ENERGY
Tyrosine (Amino Acid) 500mg 1-2 tabs 1-2x/day
Vitamin C 1000mg 2x/day
B-50 high dose B complex before bed (restores energy for next day while you sleep)
*Drink TONS of water. Preferably spring or electrolyte water. Coconut water is great too.  Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
For SLEEP:
Melatonin 3-5mg at nighttime (Take in the DARK.. It makes a huge difference on effectiveness)
Alteril: one of the best OTC herbal sleep aids around. Take 2 tabs 30 mins before desired sleep

5-HTP: natural serotonin pre-cursor which helps "re-boot" your dopamine/reward system: regulates natural endorphin release, which gets screwed up from being on opiates. *Do NOT take with SSRIs. Wellbutrin ok but not Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, celexa, lexapro, etc*
5-HTP works great as a natural anti depression treatment (confer with your psychiatrist) & can help a great deal to regain a normal sleep cycle.
Calms Forte: helps with both sleep and anxiety
OR Nerve Tonic: for nerves & daytime anxiety
(Both made by Hyland)

Leg cramps & spasms:
-Potassium, Magnesium & Calcium
-Coconut water: for potassium & hydration
-tonic water (quinine)
-Leg Cramp Relief by Hylands

Misc:
Amino Acid Essential: found at Whole Foods
NAC: N-Acetylcysteine - amino acid, protects your liver & aids in return to normal metabolic proceses.
Tyrosine: Don't forget about this for the fatigue and natural energy!
Green Tea: Anti-Oxidant and natural energy booster.

I will try to think of more natural supplements and alternative therapies that I know can help.

WALKING is KEY.
Keep it up but don't push too hard. Try to increase your walk time a little each day and push yourself just a little bit harder..
Your 10 year old is going to be so proud and will know deep down what a brave courageous dad you are!

Keep talking to us here too..
Don't let the bad voices permeate.
"Back away slowly" so the sucker doesn't sneak a peek and try to use your own thoughts against you. It can, it's in your head. But your sheer will power IS stronger. We believe in you and can  help you along!
Keep updating.. How is day 7 going so far?  
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Avatar_m_tn
Well its been a while since i have talked to everyone on here.  I relapsed 1 more time after my last post but am doing fine now without subs or opies.  Have NO ENERGY WHAT SO EVER, but force myself to get up and go to work and have been taking walks whenever possible. This helps a whole lot.  I'm starting to get a normal sleep pattern 2 to 3 hrs 2x a night so that helps.  I can see the light its just so hard to get to it.  Thanx a million everyone for your kind words without you all I wouldnt have much to go on...
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1827057_tn?1397523877
glad to hear it great job!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Glad to see your post and that you're hanging in there. Tough I know. Just wanted to offer encouragement and support.
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