Opiate addiction recovery

[mottam]

I have been struggling with opiate pain medication for several years now.
Back in July, 2009, I went c/t off of 30mg. Roxicodones (4 times a day), and lasted several months.  Due to some arrogannce and cockiness, I did NOT seek the proper support group, and relapsed in November 2009.
Since then, I have been opiate free, and working a 12 step program locally.  I researched thoroughly and found this site.  I cannot do this alone, and reallly need all of the honest and tough input from fellow addicts; people who are or have been where I am at.  There is absolutely no way I can run again and try to recover - I do not have that in me.  So, to avoid the trap doors in recovery, I am acting on the advice of my temporary sponsor, and reaching out to as many fellow addicts as I can.
I look foward to talking with members of this community.

High level:  I am ~ 60 days clean, and on day 31 of my 90 in 90.  Triggers always seem to be right around the corner, and even with a home group I have such a hard time dealing with the overwhelming thoughts of opiate use.
Do any members on this forum have some input as to how to deal with the rush of thoughts that come and go?  That is what "tripped" me up last time, and I am looking to avoid that again.

Thank you

Kindest Regards
mottam

[mottam]

Are there any members that went to N/A and did their "90 in 90"?
The reason I ask is that I am looking to compare notes (if you will) to get an objective guage as to what I am currently doing, with whom (my home group), etc.
To elaborate, I find that I relate to other people in a group that I did not choose as my home group.  Is it rude to leave that group, and join another home group?  I do not want to offend anyone - I just want to ensure that I am optimally utilizing the resources available to me.  It may sound trivial.  However, I open up much more with some people I identify w/ vs. others with whom I do not.

Thanks
mottam

[Tab57]

Best of luck to you in battle to beat the evils of addiction. As far as counseling goes there is no right or wrong answer just pick the option that works best for you. Do pursue counseling for sure. Everyone needs a support group.

The best support comes from those who have similar experiences. My experience is that of growing up in a household dominated by addiction as both of my parents had addictions. I have a good friend that is in day 7 of his recovery process. He has confided in me and I am to hold him accountable. So far so good but the last two days have been very tough on him. Stay strong and seek help along the way. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

[mottam]

Good morning.
I am somewhat taken back by the amount of positive responses on this forum.  Besides going through detox and getting clean, and getting involved w/ a N/A group, it seems as though this has been a very wise decision - joining this forum.  I now have another tool to fight this battle.

sway1:  I am working with a friend of mine to get off of opiates.  He has chosen to go the sub route.  I live in northern NJ.  However, I found the NAABT website to be a very useful tool when he and I went to find a "respectable, reputable" sub doc.  I am sure others on this site can guide you to find the assistance you need.  I will pray for you and your success in getting the help you desire.

Thank you again for your responses.  My biggest issue at the moment, are those fleeting, overwhelming urges.  I will make sure that I take and use the advice on this forum and from my home group to heart.

Have a peaceful day all.

Kindest Regards
mottam

[worried878]

All I can addis.is that u have made a fantastic plan..and  it seems as if it is working..many have to do this he11 ride over and over before they figure out they can not do it alone..addicts can be peeps who stay in control as a rule..but with addiction they r facing the one animal that took control over them..and we need support and aftercare for long term freedom

Most here dwell on the week or less of detox/physcial portion of wd...and some drugs like sub or methadone are longer than a few days/less than week due to the long half life of these drugs...dose, DOC and length of use play a huge part...but I do believe mental attitude plays the biggest part...our Mind controls wheteher we put a pill in our mouth, nose or vein..it is our mind that makes the final decison to relapse..yet many dwell on physical detox...being afraid of feeling yucko for a bit...and neglect the part of addiction and recovery that most often..90% of the time..will do u in..being the mental portion//and the person neglects making a plan for this as he/she is paralyzed with fear about the physical detox part...I did the same thing

Getting clean is easy in reality...staying clean is very tough

Keep posting with us...and hang tight...we all do

[xxhelzxx]

you can search for a Dr. on this site. Its where i found mine.
http://www.suboxone.com/patients/resources/find_a_doctor.aspx
they are everywhere. don't let them rape you on the cost of the visit. please post when you find one and what you decide what to do.

[xxhelzxx]

Robert is the one who got me off opiates. And it was pretty much painless. Im a thick skulled mo fo and didnt skip days at the end of my taper but he and others gave me the support i needed and got me through it. I am still tapering off benzos and its going smooth. Im doing it very slow. I know Im going to need that support again when I get close to the end.

[sway1]

hi there. i too get those rushes and such when i let thoughts of using get in the front of my thoughts. i have had to pull my car over and vomit. i try remembering all the PAIN i went through kicking, relapsing, being sick. the look in the eyes of those i hurt. the pain i gave. i am trying to find a sub doctor in my area. my doctor was all for it, but not allowed to prescribe it. he put me on methadone for the time being. i live in south central virginia close to the north carolina border. i wonder if there's a discrete way to search for a sub doc(hate that term) in my area.
  pam, perhaps you have this kind of information? "YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE AGAIN" . what a beautiful concept. peace, sway

[robert_325]

It was one of the experiences of my life working with you on the sub detox/taper followed by the benzo addiction.  I learned as much helping you as you learned doing it.  I'm proud of you and hope others here realize what can be accomplished when suboxone/subutex are used properly (in very low doses and for 60-90 days).  Hopefully we can have a positive influence on others trying to do the same thing on this forum.

Then we turned right around and did the benzo detox together all after you using for over 25 years.  I must admit I had my doubts at times in the beginning but once you got going there was no stopping you.  It was a pleasure and quite an experience helping you just like it was actually doing it for you.  2009 was an amazing year working together and I'm proud of your accomplishments.  You never have to use again.

If anyone else finds themselves in a similar situation don't believe the sub horror stories.  It's all about doing this the right way.  Let me know if I can help anyone else.  I've been doing this with recovering addicts for years helping God only knows how many people get totally clean, that's including being off the subs too.  God bless Pam.

[tired_2]

Hi mottom,
I think it's great you have managed to get clean.I'm new here also.I have been addicted to opiates and benzo's for over 25 years.I have manged to kick my opiate habit last June and just completed my benzo taper back in November.Still having w/d's but there is no way I will ever go back.
Take care,
Pam

[xxhelzxx]

there are vids on youtube of people going through opiate W/ds. watching those and remembering how it felt to go through the exact same thing always help squash my cravings. Or taking out a picture of my little onse and staring at it. little things like that can make the cravings go away. Stay strong.

[HenryNCBA]

Way to go mottam! That is fab that you are clean! Myself I have been clean since Nov 11, 2009 and it feels great. I hear you about the "triggers" though but what stops me from going back is first how good I feel and second is I never want to go through W/D again. Also I look forward to a bright clean future just I know you have one too!

Henry

[mottam]

Hi, Melinda:
Oxies are SO hard to get off of.  I admire people who can taper - that takes a lot of discipline.  I had to go c/t - if I ever had a pill during withdrawal - I would have taken it.
I am glad to read of yet another opiate success story, and agree with keeping in touch with fellow addicts.  It can get real easy to forget - and that is the danger zone.

Talk to you soon.
mottam

[mottam]

It is amazing how many times I talk w/ people and listen to their story.
So many of us started out using meds for pain, and then just using to sustain.  It is sad, but at least I/we are not alone.

Starting in July - that means you will be approaching 1/2 year free from the opiate chains?
I have never been clean long enough to enjoy that - but I am looking forwrad to it.  I can follow your history and have some refernces to go by.
Thanks for posting, and I really look forward to getting some advice from members on this site.  
I did not listen in the past - as I am told - take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth - :)

mottam

[melinda147]

Hi Mot
I was addicted to oxycontin for about threee years I tapered with vic's and then jumped off I was still sick for a few days, but i made it, and like you I think it is a good idea to stay in touch with fellow addicts...
let's all hang in there...
Talk to you all later, Melinda

[mottam]

Thanks for welcoming me and for listening.
I, like you, live in a fairly small community.  I actually joined a group 3 towns over so no one would "see" me going into a meeting.
How do you feel about your individual counseling?  It was recommended to me, but I am unsure right now.  It seems easier to talk in a group or on a forum then when you are put in a "one-on-one" scenario.

CONRGATS on 9 days!  That is when (for me) the physical stuff finally started to end.  
Hopefully, you are feeling better, and getting your energy back.
When I look back - what a mess I was.

Again, pleasure to "meet" you, and I look forward to talking with many on this site.

Kindest Regards
mottam

[caughtagain]

Congrats MOT. I am lucky enough to know you and I am so proud of your strength, I have been clean since July. I was using 10-15 VicodinES a day, It all started out with a back injury. I was given 20mg Oxy and at one point I said enough is enough and went down to the vicodin, then CT in July. WE all are in the fight of our lives and it is good to know we have eachother.... CaughtAgain.

[sweatinit]

Congrats on your 60 days and your fortitude to go to meetings. I wont be of much help as I only have 9 days (yay!). I am here to listen though. I have learned much from this board and the people here that have time in recovery ar incrdibly helpful. Kepp posting.

Ii have been thinking about meetings, but have chosen some counseling instead. I go on Friday. She may advise that i got o a meeting, but i have great fear of them. you see i am a mom in a very small community. people talk even though they are anonyms. Sad really.

Hang in there and like i said this is an awesome place for support.