Opiates problem, just needing some help

[LilMark816]

Hi, my names is mark, I am from Independence Missouri and Im 20, I have had a problem since the age of 15-16 with opiates, I have always had easy access to opiates since my mom had stage 4 cancer, she used to get 385 30 mg Oxycodone, 120 80 mg's of oxycodone, 40's 20's , Fentanyl and many other things, so getting them was never a problem, even in high school I used to eat about 10-14 30mgs in just an 8 hour period, but that was awhile ago, I have been eating vicodin to ween myself off, but I take about 50 mg to take away the withdrawls, I do cwe though to remove the tylenol. even after she passed away on sept 11 2008, I still was able to get Opiates, mainly oxy from other sources...Im ready to get clean, but the problem is when ever I quit, I just dont want to be alive, I feel as if it will never get better, when I wake up in the morning, its like w/o the pill I cant even get up, I dont feel like doing anything, I am so depressed, and even the most simple task, seems to be so hard, I have not seen a doctor for about 7 years since my family has always been poor.. Im going on 3 days now no opiates, Im just hoping someone her can help me out and help me find a solution to my problem, I want my life back, I want to be a good father to my child... I have tried subuxone before but I always end up getting the oxy as soon as I hear someone has got a new script, Should I see a doctor and pay the rediculous price for help? I have never tried Methodone, But im not sure if they will prescrible methodone to a 20 year old, anyways if anyone could help assist me with my problem, I would love to here from you, thanks, Mark

[Ga Guy]

Mark, You're too young to be playing this game. Man up and pay the price for a rehab center. You have your whole life ahead of you and you need to take care of this now. The price for rehab is minimal when you have your whole life ahead of you. Plus, rehab facilities can help with your depression issues as you detox.

[LilMark816]

Wow that was quick, any idea how long a detox would take? Like I said I took about 5-10 10/325 hydro's for the past week, The problem is I work as an accounts manager, and there is no vacation time, I only have sat and sunday off, so I know I would not be able to stay somewhere for about 2 weeks, and programs that maybe is like during the mornings or on weekends, b/c that would be the only really thing I can do at this time, Thanks alot sir.
Btw first time on this site

[ginsa]

Not everyone can do it on their own. What Ga Guy offered is good advice. Does your county have a mental health organization? That could be a good place to start. They should be able to help direct you in getting help. It might help to talk anyway, going through what you did with your mother was probably extremely difficult. But the answer is not in a pill.

Know that the depression and lethagy is just part of recovery. It can take a while to get past it, but it does get better with time. My heart goes out to you.

[Ga Guy]

Mark, Your best bet is an inpatient 90 day rehab. However, I understand that it's not feasible for everyone. I went to a 6 week outpatient rehab where I did days for 2 weeks of rehab/detox and then nights for 4 weeks after that. That sounds like a good option for you. Here's what you need to do. Look in the phone book and find a rehab facility. Tell them what you're looking for. Some will tailor the program around your needs. If they can't do it, then ask for a referral. Keep calling until you find a place that meets your needs.

[LilMark816]

Yeah I know, way to young... the street prices I usually can get a 80 for about 20-30, 30 being the highest, now, but my mom used to give me 30's for 5 a pop, also  as of right know I have no money, I just had to buy my daughter a crib and do not get paid until this friday, And I have quit for about 1 month or so when my mon passed away, the problem for me is staying off, even when I quit for a month and it didnt seem to get better, I just hoped on them again..But im ready to quit.... Right now I have fish old vitas, b-12 something called L Lysionine(sp?) and magnesium vitas, should I take them? I have noticed since I weened, the physical withdrawls are not to bad, but the depression of not having them is what is bad, do u thing I should use subuxone, I have like 4 old ones, anyways I must go to work, I will get on tonite and check back in, thanks again..

[LilMark816]

I am not to sure ;/ I live in the meth capitol of the world, Independence Missouri

[Weney3777]

Are you on 3 days no opiates, or 3 days hydro?

[LilMark816]

The last high dose of oxy was last week, I took about 90 mg's to 120 mgs, but I only had 5 so....As of now I have been taking about 50 mg to roughly a 100mg of vicodin which my dad gave me cuz he saw me withdrawling, but no oxy for about a week know, But I have been taking about 10 vics for about 2 weeks, and like I said today is the third or fourth day without any opiates, And I will def see if I can find a program that can work with me, I just wonder if my insurance from work will find this out? Thanks everyone, I never expected this joining the site :)

[LilMark816]

Today is my 3rd day no vic's, about a week no oxy's

[Happy2LIVEagain]

Hi Mark. first of all, you're already on the right track and taking a positive step just by being on here and asking for help/support. I found this site 11 or 12 days ago and as of this moment, I'm 10 days clean from the norco! I was terrified to stop the norcos because I was convinced I would die from wd's. The people on here have all been where you are right now. They actually gave me the courage to get clean. I started messing around with codeine when I was about 18 or 19. but, after a bad car accident last year, two 7mm herniated discs and nightmares about the accident, I found myself taking 20-30 norco p/day. I'm 5' 3" tall and only 110 pounds...I honestly don't know how my body survived with all those norcos every day! No offence to Ga Guy, but I think he came off pretty harsh with you. He said you need to "Man up"...well that's what you're doing right now. I understand what he meant, but I also know that right now, you're asking for help...it doesn't sound like you need tough love. Do you have health insurance? I live in California and I know people that have gone to great dr.s and gotten Suboxone with Medical. What state do you live in? I'm happy to help you find a dr. or a facility that will help you. You'll be surprised how many places will work with you on the cost, and I'm sure it will be much cheaper than the oxy's you buy. "sickofthepills" wrote to you and they are absolutely right about your "friends". You have to stay away from those "so-called friends" Mark. You've made it through the worst...you're on day 3? that's AWESOME! Be proud of yourself! write me back and let me know what state you live in and I'll help you find a dr. that can/will help you without you losing your job,k? Hope to hear from you soon, Tonya

[troubleinohio]

wow then youre already on Day 3 of NO opiates!! that is great!! dont go backwrads now!! Youre almost over the huge speedbump! WD is usually 3-5 days of the most severe symptoms and then they simmer way down and the mental part is the big game then. I know what you mean when you say you dont feel liek getting up and doing anything without your morning pill. That is a huge thing for all of us addicts! But you can and DO learn to live without them, and soon you WILL be able to get up and go again. Hang in there buddy! We are here for you!

[Weney3777]

I know the amino acid protocol says not to take L-Tyrosine, only as a last effort if nothing else works, but I've taken it for 5 days. I was clean for 4 days without it, and had terrible fatigue and fell off the wagon. This time I am taking it, and have had enough energy to go to the gym and/or walk, everyday! I'm sure pushing myself to exercise has something to do with it, but it just seems that I'm not having to "push" myself as hard in order to accomplish it. Just my opinion, though. Best wishes.

[LilMark816]

Hey btw I am from Independence missouri , and in about 2 hours it will be 4 days no opiates, and I would love to find a doctor who could help me, as the insurance its through my work, and I think it may be a little risky to use it, but I get paid this friday, and wouldnt mind spending my paycheck for help, anyways thanks to all of you for your support, really does help

[bmdad]

You will be fine using your insurance without work finding out. There is the hipaa privacy act. They are not allowed to share information without your permission. You have it for a reason so I would use it without any worries. No one will ask why you had to go to the doctor. Even if someone from work does, just tell them it's personal. You'll be fine. Keep going strong. You are getting pretty close to the downhill side of the worst of the physical parts. Hang in there!

[LilMark816]

All right will do, I just was really worried about that but if its not an issue I will most def do it, thanks again

[salsinator]

Morning Mark - welcome to the forum.  You are getting some good advise here.  You are young to be so far in addiction, but addiction does not care and it will take anyone.  Professional help is the best option, but as some have said, if you are already 3-4 days clean, you are nearly through the physical part.  I saw that you noted being so tired and giving in before.  Being tired is completely normal with withdrawal, but it only lasts a week or so after the w/d part and you quickly regain strength as each day passes.  If you are throught the w/d, don't give in.  Go to an NA/AA meeting, get some aftercare help or therapy.  Start taking some of the amino acids and B complex, that will help with energy.  You have come to the right place.  keep posting and don't use, we will support you.  Take Care,

[LilMark816]

Yep 4 and a half days know no opiates, I have some b 12 I have been taking but by the time I come back from work it should be 5 days, from what I hear thats when they began to feel somewhat normal, but I feel a little better actually today, I woke up, took a shower got changed and not so fatigue, It was if I just a few days ago, I had to prepare myself for 30 minutes to just get up, Ill see you all when im off of work

[LilMark816]

Off work soon to be 5 days shortly, anyways feeling a little down today....and cravings are very bad right now....ugh...I hate this so bad

[TysonRed]

From what it sounds like you 5 day clean from opiates, you last used some norco 10's. IF this is the case then I would really just try and ride this out, your basicly through the worst of it, I know how the depression and cravings can wreak havoc but I promise you it does get better. I know it sounds ridiculous but excercising really helped me through my last detox, I started out just by taking my dog for long walks to take my mind off things. Lots of hot showers/baths, vitamins, tons of water/gatorade, immodium and try to eat some healthy foods. This last go around I couldnt do rehab because of work, but I took the weekend and 3sickdays and made it back. Try to find something that can keep your mind occupied when you have cravings, just anything that you enjoy, for me it was walking my little jack russell. The lack of energy, depression, anxiety all those mind issues will get better, if not then you may need to go see a doctor and see if an anti-depressant could help you out. Ive gone through my share of detoxes in my life so if theres anything I can help with feel free to hit me up, I'll try and check back on this post to see how things are going. Keep up the good work, you can do this, its only gonna get better so stay positive. I'll talk with ya later, take care.

[LilMark816]

6 days :)

[HenryS354]

Congrats man!

You are already doin it!

From what you have told us thus far, there is no doubt in my mind that you can battle the physical part of w/d's.

I would not start suboxone at this time since you are so far into the detox already.  Suboxone can be great, but its a whole different animal to unleash!  And an Expensive one at that!

Since you have medical insurance, the first thing I would do is make an appointment with a general practice doctor, and have him prescribe an anti depressant to help with your depression.  Some of the older anti depressants are very cheap, especially paxil which can be gotten from most pharmacies for around $4 a month!  Just keep in mind that anti depressants can take up to 2 weeks to fully start working, so hang in there!  Just tell him cost is an issue or he will try to prescribe you with some of the uber expensive anti's out there.

While you are there, I would also as for a referral to an outpatient rehab program.  For a simple office visit and what is usually a $20-30 copay for most insurances, you can really talk out a lot of your issues all at once!

Best of luck, and feel free to message anytime.
HS

[LilMark816]

Well today my fiance's father suffered his second stroke, he is in icu and on life support....they said before we found him he was lying on the ground for at least 3 hours, they said he most likely will not make it since he is having bleeding in his brain, kinda stupid that he does not take his blood pressure meds, his BP has been up to 260 before....and the reason my fiance gave me was he could not afford it, my bp med Lisinopril is only 4 bucks a month...little to much for me to handle and slipped up after no opiates for at least 12-15 days, I felt like I just threw everything away now....

[worried878]

u dint throw everything away..u just gotta catch urself now...were u doing any type of aftercare?  without it we can slip up with the first stressful event we encounter...and this seems to be a high stress event for u...even yrs after letting go..we can slip back into the bad coping mechanisms by using pills...we have to learn new ones so that when stress hit we dont turn back to the pills to escape from having to cope....have u added any aftercare to ur plan?

[LilMark816]

ended up getting back on them probably u all figured it out, detoxing again but this time from about 360 mg a day, sigh...

[happynessbythekilowatt]

I am 22 and just kicked painkillers, was on em since I was 19. I know what you mean, I used to feel like a pile of sh.it every day, no motivation to get out of bed, or live. I was weak, everything was hard, even doing a simple chore like laundry. Suicide was on my mind. You just need to tell yourself that things will get better and it is just the pills doing it to you. They wreak mental he.ll on you. Face your demons and tell yourself you have to man up. It took me a year of w/d'ing for three days at a time then screwing up and taking some. Finally I convinced my mind that I was strong and wanted my life back and that they were getting me nowhere but broke and a screw up. I eventually broke myself down so bad mentally that it gave me motivation to be clean because of how much of a piece of crap I felt.


You can do it bro.

[LilMark816]

Thanks im at 60 hours no opiates but I have to work, ive been taking about 150 mg of tramadol a day to help with withdrawals from it as well, but I could have not gone to work or do anything without it, its very hard even with that, I plan to take the tram for the first 4 days and see how it goes, I wish I could find a suboxone doctor that does not charge so much in Independence missouri, at this point the trams help with RLS a little, still wake up at night, thanks for your support I am hoping for the best :)

[googzy]

Dude... i just read this whole thread... I'm getting passed a 10-20+ a day habit for a year... I have been tapering 1 day and it's been rough.. i know EXACTLY how it feels to WD, the physical symptoms, i can do those standing on my head... but the mental anguish is horirble... i hate that feeling of not wanting to get up or being so unmotivated to get outta bed...

I'm down to breaking one 10/325 pill in four pieces... yesterday I took three pieces.. one when i woke up, at noon and one at night.. that's less than 1 pill!

When I woke up today, I took another quarter...

I've been feeling like I'm WDing this whole time, even when i dropped from 10 to 9 pills to 8 to 7...

It's crazy I guess this past week I took about 10 pills total *** opposed to 10 at once a day if not more

I hope it gets better soon, I want my life back!! You're posts are inspiring dude, keep up at it and don't **** up!

[Bre333]

Hey,
Please be so weary of Suboxone. From what your taking now, you'd be going backwards... Suboxone is like a 3 week withdrawal. Pharmaceutical companies will target and exploit any population they can, and with Suboxone, that's exactly what's going on. They've found a way to make money from your weakness. You can get off Tramadol so much easier, although I know it doesn't feel like it. Try to exercise when yo get the hardcore cravings, this really will make a difference. What you suffer from is literally a lack of endorphins. Drink water and move as much as you can. I wish you the best of luck!

[lily2001]

above post is right--get into rehab, get into na, and get a sponsor. write on this thing when you are alone. the disease has convinced you that you are alone and lonely withouy the narc..this is the process. I promise you that it will pass and time and work in ga, plus real medical help, will get you to the place where you will thank God evey day for your new life. I promise. if you want my list of roadblocks to peace and serenity, I am happy to share. there is a happy, clean life. all emotions ans feelings pass--the work gets you through the times when you are convinced it won't pass. bless you. p.s. hearing you has helped me tonight. that's how na works.

[LilMark816]

Thing is my insurance does not start until 2010 and right now I have not taken any oxycontin since sat night, its already 12 pm wens , been using the tram to help still, but I notice already I am able to sleep without having to wake up and take some trams, anyways keep u all posted, cravings are horrible, I wish I could go to rehab and work, I work from 1 am to 11 pm everyday any way to work around that?

[LilMark816]

Its now thursday mid day so 5 days now, still very depressed, but able to move a bit