Hey Guys - I have read a ton of posts on here in the last 2 days...its so nice to know i'm not alone , but hate that these friggin pills have enslaved so many of you, of us. its insidious and tragic and just unbelievable.
I guess i have always been an addict in one way or another.
4 years ago i had surgery for a tumor and was diagnosed with a chronic illness. refferred to pain management, for the first year it was hydrocodone 10mg, then switched to a combo of Roxy 30 and Oxy 40, for a total daily dose of
200 mg of opiates a day.
In May, when i couldnt get my script filled and was going out of town for work, it was hell! and my 10 year old was with me as we drove and stopped at 10 different pharmacies to be told by every damn one of them that noone could fill me script!
My daughter was more stressed than me as she knew what would happen to me...it broke my heart and made me really REALLY pissed! How could i let this happen!
luckily i had my OP's on hand and ended driving back home 2 hours that night to fill the Roxy's! CRAZY!
I decided then i had to do something!
So starting in June all the laws changed in FLA. and now Medicaid wont even pay for the pills AND the pharmacy wont fill the scripts from an out of town DR>! AND i couldnt get them filled AGAIN!!!
So here i am.....my Pain MGMT appt. was Thursday and i didnt go. I sent the kids to Camp for the week and i am boarding my dog tomorrow and checking myself into detox 2morrow....IF they have a bed for me!
I am scared sh**less! My life has been preoccupied with these pills everyday for 4 years! How in the world do i get off of them for GOOD!!
I want everything out of me for good! i dont want to take suboxone and i DEF dont want methadone...both are evil!
I detoxed off of methadone 12 years ago for heroin addiction and it was a living hell!!! i cant believe i let myself get to this place!
I will be alone with noone to help me get thru this and i am scared. Please help.
Gr8ful in Advance::::::::: Mama K.
Hi! Wow, you're already doing what we recommend for people who are on high doses of opiates daily.....going to professional, medical detox. You'll be glad you did. That's a huge decision and hard for most people to come to, so YAAAAY for you! There is no need in living the way you are now. It's just misery every single month. It comes to that for most of us. Hardly anyone just wakes up one day and simply doesn't want a pill and never takes another one! I have rarely seen that. It usually comes out of trouble, necessity, family issues, etc. You're doing something wonderful for yourself. I'm so happy for you! : )
IT WILL BE OK!
If I could have gone to a detox I would have, so good for you. (I am at the end of a 7 week or so taper from 240 mg of oxy daily and then a few hydro thrown in there. Now I am 56 hours off the last dose and I am starting to feel so much better! You will too sweetheart!
do not feel guilty!! please. THings happen in life that our out of our control, and we fix them, and your daughter will learn this too, that sh## happens and we fix it. She will love you with your flaws and all mom. She will learn that we can take control and fix it.
You go on and get better, and come out here in the light with me, ok? and then we will talk more about this guilt, and hopefully by then, there will be nothing to talk about but how much better your life is.
Going through this adversity will help you to enjoy the good stuff a lot more! Especially when it comes to kids! I am happy for who I am and what I went through. It's made me a much stronger person and a MUCH happier one, because now I appreciate the little things that most "earth" people do not!!! I don't take small things for granted anymore. You do NOT need to feel guilty! I can tell how much you love your children just by reading what you've posted, so it's going to be OK! Don't go into this with any fear. Be happy for your decision. By the time you pick your kids up, you will be a changed person!!!
You did it once - you sound strong and ready. You know what to expect and what to do. The worst part will be over in a few days. Be proud of yourself for coming to a very difficult realization.
We're here for you. Keep posting.
Do you know how long i will feel like crap? on what day do you finally turn the corner?
i went to the store tonight and got some immodium, niacin, emergen-c, nausea relief chewables, vit d, vit e, vit c, omega 3 fish oil, gatoraide, saltines and prunes lol
am i missing anything?
any thoughts on anything else i can do??
I'm sure if you're going to detox they will have their own meds and vitamins to give you, but all those things are good to take when you get home as well. How long is the detox, approximately? I usually started to feel better from opiate withdrawal after about 72 hours. It gets better slowly from there. There really isn't a "day" but it usually gets better after that. The whole first week is rocky though. And the cravings can be a killer, so be mindful of those going into this! You'll need some good aftercare like NA or therapy when you get done with detox. I'm sure they can recommend something good in your area.
Sleep and energy are the very last things to return to normal for just about everyone! The big ugly stuff doesn't last too long though! It will be well worth it!: )
well, i am a little nervous about the detox place....its the detox where ppl go that have been Marchman acted...the lady on the phone said its from 3-5 days .....i would just do it at home but i'm scared. i dont want to be alone. i cant smoke in there either...which may just push me over the edge...but i bought some nicotine patches last nite. i'm not even garaunteed a bed tomorrow! its a crap shoot, so i got all the stuff i needed for the home detox just in case! ugg.
i made an appt. last week with a psychologist that specializes in ptsd, biofeedback and hypnotherapy....he agreed to let me pay 50 bucks a session....my appt. is for july 6th
i think i have all my bases covered? but i rlly have no idea.
thanks again for everything!! xo
mama k. :)
I diddo everything LeaAnn said.
How soon you start feeling better is dependant upon many things.72 hours seems to be the average for the physical stuff to peak, so at 72 hours it won't get worse, usually, and then you start to geel better. After a week you should be back to normal physically, and starting to feel much better mentally too. THe mental stuff takes a little more time, but its not like its contstant mental agony or anything after you are clean, its just comes in surges for a little while sometimes, and you tell yourself, eh, this s*cks but it will pass in a few minutes, and it does, and gradually this goes away until you are totally feeling better. You will have more energy and just like I love the way LeaAnn put it about feeling things the earth people take for granted, OMG so TRUE. It's like abssence makes the heart grow fonder to stopping and smelling the roses.
You can do it,
well, i took my last pill at midnight last night and decided when i woke up today, i was going to 86 the detox and go this at home alone! i went to GNC today and got all the aminos i need, i took some 5htp today also....man am i nervous! xo
on the htp, and sam-e, you have to be not taing an antidepressant. I stopped them because I am taking tazadone. I am stopping that too, but slowly. I am keeping my sam-e and htp-5 in case I get paws later, but for now, going with just some weed here and there.
You can detox at home, especially since the kids are away, the worst you will have to do is let the dog out. It is much better to detox at home if you can.
How are you doing now, this last post was 20 hours ago. How do you feel now?
So glad to see you posting! I bought the htp -5 and the sam-e and I have decided not to take them. I don’t want anything more screwing with my brain chemicals except for my brain chemicals and some weed, and an occasional half a Xanax which I try to hold off on unless I am really anxious ( I am on day 6)
Exactly what you say about the desire to have a beer, play a game, and orgasm, OMG, I didn’t desire it for two years, and now had one, and OMG LOL
They are the devil alrighty! This time next week you will be so much better, but just take it day by day, and if you get anxious, like it won’t end, know that it WILL END.
i actually started posting on facebook...i totally ratted myself out to EVERYONE I KNOW !!! Ballsy....scary.....but i knew i had to.
there are sooo many ppl i know and everyone seems to have someone they love addicted to these friggin pills....its sooooo sad...... :(
the support i have gotten from all my friends is just damn dumbfounding....i feel so lucky...so grateful to have so many friends tht actually care...that are hurting, praying and fighting for me.....xox
i actually picked up my guitar today and started learning a ben harper song - the drugs dont work lol
couldnt sing :( but i could play...so i played it HARD!!! xoxo
keep up the good work sleep will come (I hope) I am on day 5 and last night slept 3.5 hrs was so happy . day by bay hour by hour things do get better was just thinking this time last week I was so anxious about WD the unknown i so hard But getting our life back is so worth it!
my girls come home from camp 2morrow...my mom is driving from SC to Central FL to get them , i will see them this weekend, then they will go up to her place for a week or so.....should give me some good GOOD time to get my brain going.......
MY Brain is TOAST!!!
My heart aches for u that u have to do this....feeling just like me....and having to actively parent....GOD MAMA .... my heart and prayers are with you.....
I actually went out and forced myself to mow my lawn today ... on Day 4 !!!
Crazy Move...but it helped sooooo much !
I also have been playin my guitar ....not a lot...but making myself pick it up and play....my voice is gone though....and thats really sad....but i know it will return...and maybe it will be even better!!!
Be proud of yourself that you have come to the self realization that you need help! That slone us the hardest thing for an adddict to admit! Your story inspired me so much . I was on pills at first for years for a chronic knee injury i have. Eventually i was on 200 mg of oxy daily along with methadone. I quickly became addicted and would run out of pills too soon . My dr. Would prescribe 60 every 10 days. Isnt that crazy! Eventually my husband began taking them too and before we knew it we were doing heroin to hold us over in betrween when we would run out of our pills. My hysband was goin to the same pain dr i was going to and without any documentation, he would prescribe by husband 30 mg of oxy!! And the jerk is still in business! These pills ruined my life! And here i am kicking my heroin addiction . Im in day 2 of no dope. We have 2 kids, and we are determined to beat this this time!! Thank u for sharing ur story! You can do this honey!!! Think of ur babies. Youre doing all the right things! Keep on pushin on!! Email me privately if u like at ***@****
Day 8 is amazing. Congratulate yourself and slowly put the pieces back together. I know it's hard when reality sinks in but it has to be so much better than the miserable life of being addicted to pills. Just existing. You have so much to stay clean for.
I wish you peace and hope Day 9 is better for you.
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