Oxy addiction-seems like a never ending cycle

Alright first off I'm new here so hello everyone :) so like many of the other members on this site I have fell under oxys evil spell and can't seem to get out. The first time I tried oxy was when I was 18(2 years ago) and I was instantly hooked. I didn't have a script, basically just tried it because my friend had it and said it was the most amazing thing ever, and she wasn't lieing. I started out just doing it on the weekends, then started doing it during the week, before school,work, whenever. Then when oxy was dry I was introduced to the big H and would buy that when there was no oxy. This pattern of events that are signs of being a fiend, and an addict I just simply ignored. How could I be an addict? I work, i'm on the deans list at school, since I seem to think my life is in order it's okay to do dope all the time. Well reality finally slapped me in the face. Oxy consumes my thoughts 24/7, I had to drop classes cause I didn't have time to work which means no dope money. Almost lost my job because a co-worker suspected I was high at work and was running his mouth. My friends don't want to be around me. And yes these are things I should have seen coming but I always made excuses for why it's okay for me to be doing drugs. It's sad that now my idea of a good night is staying in my room alone blowin these pills, it's sad that I spend 100s of dollars for basically nothing because after it's gone I'm left with nothing but guilt. I always say i'm going to stop, that this will be my last time, but it never is. Im at a dead end with no support or anyone to talk to. I'm considering going to an na meeting tonight, but am nervous. It's hard for me to admit and own up to my addiction and that's my problem. Last time I did oxy was yesterday morning and I haven't slept all night.  For me the mental part is more difficult that physical. To me oxy is the love of my life that I just can't let go, the thought of having it away from me drives me insane! Sorry that this was long but needed to get it off my chest! Some stories and advice would help.  

[Calamity2]

Yep been there. I wish I staying in my bedroom more using. I thought a good time was taking opiates and shopping!!  Expensive!  I know too how I can LIE to myself so convincingly  that opiates, (ics were my script and oxy street price for runout time.)  Were MY LOVE  MY BABIES .   Well my love almost ate my soul.

[kc156]

Since you are here,you have made the BIG step of admitting to yourself you have a real big problem. What you do next ,at your young age will be with you for a long time.Please stick around and post and listen ,and hopefully you can kick it.
  The thing I find that helps is having a plan to get clean.   good luck to ya.        karl

[huether]

Hi, I am your spitting image. Got hooked about two years ago when my b/f gave me a line. Over the last two months we have been telling each other that we will quit, the amount of money you spend is unreal. So the last few days we have been cutting down quite a bit, it is so hard and knowing that you have it chews at your mind all day. It is crazy to think that we throw everything away just for this drug. Like you we do not go out, our weekend nites consist of getting high. Our sex life is non existant. And hiding this from my family and friends is just so unreal.  At first I had always told myself that it was just the physical affects that i was scared of quitting but i now know that it is because i mentally need it. I dont know if we will quit this time but we do have each other. I wish that you had someone there with you too. I think that if you went to a meeting tonight it would take a lot off your shoulders and you would feel like you have someone. Another suggestion is going to the doctor , I am thinking that i might.  If you have something from the doctor to take a way physical withdrawal then it would help with the mental. Thats what i have been thinking. I dont know, I never thought I would be this person my life is oxy and it sux, so why is it so hard to quit. What a viscious cycle. You need help and so do I, it sux to admit it but this is the only way that we are going to quit it has grabbed hold of us to good. Good luck tonight. Sue

[Lilmegz]

Thanks for everyone who has replied. It really means a lot! Sue- yeah I don't even want to think of how much money I have spent on oxy in the past year!  Buying off the street where I live is so expensive because people including my self will spend outrageous amounts for one tiny pill! And I can relate how knowing you have oxy eats at you all day, that's why I can't help but do it as soon as I wake up. Today I'm goin crazy thinking about oxy and I feel like crap, haven't slept at all. I'm a fool for thinking that I wouldn't get addicted. Just like the guns n roses song goes "I used to do a little but the little wouldn't do it so a little got more and more" but I wish the best of luck to you and your man, and def keep in touch and let me know how your doing :)