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Oxycodone, Roxies Addiction
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Oxycodone, Roxies Addiction

So here it goes.... I came to the U.S back in 2004. I am originally from Peru. I met my boyfriend 6 years ago back in 2006. We have been together ever since. I am 25 years old and he is 35. I was 19 when I met him. As for him, he confessed me he used to have an addiction back in his 20s to painkillers when we started dating. Everything went great. Years went by and in 2009 he had an injury at work named “tennis elbow”. His work paid for the doctors and therapists but his insurance was so greedy that they didn’t want to give him a surgery yet. So he was on pain meds for almost 1 year. We fought to no end because he would take more than prescribed. He used to say that he needed to take more because he used to have an addiction in his 20s and had already a high tolerance. Finally after a year, he went on surgery and after that the doctor gave him Oxys for like a month.  By then I already knew all about pinpoint pupils, nodding out, burning blankets and twitching while sleeping; stuff that I didn’t really know through the whole year before surgery. I thought it was a normal side effect but had my doubts. After the surgery I knew something was going on because he was still acting the same way: sweating too much, talking too much, nodding out, etc. We continue to fight. He will get so mean because how dare I accuse him about pills. I remember me begging him to tell me the truth that I didn’t deserve to live in a lie. Sometimes he will even take off after arguing and just leave me crying like a stupid baby on the floor. Sometimes we fought so much he said he needed to leave to cool off and I wouldn’t let him because I was afraid he will go get pills I will get in my car and follow him like an idiot and he will get so mad he will literally drive away from me. I mean I could have gotten into an accident. We will fight so much but I could never just proof him wrong because I didn’t have tangible evidence. I tried to lie to myself and believed him. 5 months went by and he even dare to proposed to me! And I said yes. Trying to believe him but deep inside me I knew something was wrong and sadly couldn’t even be happy about my own engagement. Finally, I went back home to Peru for Christmas 2010 and was going to come back to spend NY with him. And when I got back on New Years Eve he confessed me he had been taking pills for all those 5 months illegally. I was destroyed. Receiving the year 2010 was the worst of my life, all night crying. And then that night I seeing a text on his phone and it was a girl sending a Happy New Year msg to all her contacts. So I text back who are you and she said she had met him with his boyfriend one time at a pharmacy and gave him “blues”. I was devastated. Woke him up blaming him who where all these people. It was just too much. I moved out. He hated me for moving out. I told him I was not breaking up with him I just didn’t trust him and for my sanity I needed my space. It was one of the hardest and most painful decisions of my life. He threatened to take his life away and he went missing one day. When he came back that same day he said he tried to kill himself taking too many pills. I was dying inside. This man needed me. By then he was taking Xanax to get over painkillers. It was bad. 2010 was, hands down, the worst year of my life. I think I cried the 365 days the year had. I couldn’t even be fully happy the day that I graduated from college because he wasn’t okay. He still went to my graduation but he had major depression from trying to leave the pills. Finally, he got arrested in October 2010 when they found a pill in his car. He said he was done with them. Tried and seek help. Money was always an issue as he didn’t earn a lot. He was on Suboxone for 6 months I think but he could not get rid of the depression. I would tell him he needed to start creating new habits like exercising, quitting cigs, eating healthy, going to meetings but he just wouldn’t listen to me. I always told him there is no such a thing as a “magic pill”. A pill was never going to solve his life. I started to get tired of his depression and his lack of will to improve his life, establish goals, even sharing moments with me etc. He doesn’t kiss me, or gives me affection. Let alone our sex life. I feel he is there but he is not. He is moody. He never wants to do anything. Every now and then his pupils would be small but not like painkillers so I thought (because he was already done with the doctor) that he was getting Suboxone off the streets but he would deny it.  He got fired of his job. Finally by the end of 2011 I told him if he wouldn’t tell me I will just go back to my country because I knew he was taking something and I was SICK of it. I wanted to hear it from his mouth. He confessed me he was taking Suboxone off the streets. I was just not even in shock anymore. I went back to my country again for Christmas 2011 and I had the time of my life. I was just HAPPY. And I asked myself why am I in the U.S missing out being happy with my family, sharing my time with people that actually WANT me there? I came back January 2012 with the hopes that he would be looking for a job crazily. But no, I got off the plane to find out his tooth is hurting. And all I said was here we go, back to the problems. And he just got so upset. It might have been cold but I am just so sick of the problems. He was like you should be happy and proud I am not just running to the doctor to get pills. I had been living with his mom at the time and while I was gone he stayed at his mom as well. His probation officer violated him due to “change of address” which was wrong but still they arrested him again. He was in jail for 6 days. When I told his mom and sister about the arrest his sister started crying and confessed she gave him Suboxone (she takes then as she is rehabilitating too from her addiction). I was devastated. I couldn’t even trust him with his own sister now? He is terribly sorry for it but he just keeps saying at least is not painkillers and it helps him with the mental trip. I feel really bad for him. I feel all these problems come from his mom. I mean he also confessed me that she asked him to buy her weed and thank god at the time of the arrest he didn’t have her weed on him. And he said the only reason why he was buying it for her was so she can treat me right while I was in her house. I even got into an argument with his mom about that.  I broke up with him and I am going back to my country in around 1 month. He said I am the only and first person in his life that TRULY has cared for him.  He doesn’t imagine life without me. He is devastated and he said this is rock bottom for him. He cried to me like a baby every day, begging me to please love him. My heart just rips apart. He tells me to stay for 3 months so he can show me he is ready, what should I do? Yesterday, I don’t know if my gut feeling or paranoia I thought he took Xanax to sleep because it was the first night since we broke up that he slept through the night and didn’t text me or called me crying. I just don’t trust him. I know if I leave my relationship of 6 years will be over. I also know, he has such a low self esteem right now that he won’t change for himself. He said if I leave there is nothing left for him and why even fight. He is alone in this world. He has no real friends. His family is there but they are really not. During 2010(the worst year) none of them came to see him. I understand they lived 2 hrs away but come on. I always made sure he was alive. He said he fears for his life. And he really wants to die. I feel I have given him my best years. I mean I will be 30 in 4 years! I feel I am missing out. I have no trust on him. If he tells me the sky is blue I just don’t believe him. I haven’t healed from all the hurt he has put me thru. I don’t know what to do…. I am sorry this is so long. I needed to take this off my chest. Any advice will be greatly appreciated it.
Tags: roxy, roxies addcition, oxycodone addiction, painkillers addiction, pain killers, Blues
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Avatar_f_tn
My gosh you have been thru a lot!! You mentioned that you went home in December 2011 and had the time of your life. Right now,,you only need to worry about YOUR life. He is an addict and addicts are good at manipulating there way around. He will say anything and everything to keep you at his side,,even threatening to take his life. Sometimes we as addicts become desperate because we are losing control and are spinning out of control ourselves and will say or do anything to try and control the issue. Im going to be very blunt here and I genuinely mean this,,,,Run as fast as you can and get home! When the karma of a relationship is done and the only thing that is left is love (you love him) its safe to let go. Yes,,it will hurt as with any loss you will grieve. You just gotta feel it. You are 30 years old and in the prime of your life. YOU deserve everything that life has to offer. If you leave now you will look back a year from now and realize that was one of the BEST decisions that you have ever made. Take care of you,,please. He is not ready to admit he has a problem and nor has he mentioned changing his life. Only he can do that,,and unfortunetly with addicts we end up losing everything,,jobs,relationships,,etc..and only then do we realize we need help,,if we even realize that at all. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. You are not happy. You deserve to be happy. You will be happy again one day too-hold on to that and dont let him rob you of that and suck the life outta you. I know its hard and painful,,you will be OK and you will heal in time. I wish you the best and sending hugs~Bkitty
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey Bkitty,

Thank you for your response. I am actually 25 yrs old about to turn 26...I might have been a little bit confusing....I was saying Im only 4 years away from being 30 and I just keep giving him the best years of my life! I dont want to remember as my 20s being HIS life. He is the one that is 35 years old. Im so sad and hurt right now. I really do love this man. But you are right, i must focus on my life. And the Karma of this relationship is done.
I have one question since you mentioned you have had an addiction. Him taking Suboxone off the streets means he is still as bad?? I mean is not painkillers....
But then again how do I know, right? I guess I am just having a hard time digesting this is all happening....
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello lostlove
my name is bama and im an addict. i was actively using for eight years!! and my husband too. it started out with his pills here and there from his headon collision....i fell off a ladder and got my own pills... to make a long story short..i went fro loratabs to Oxycontin and then snorting roxies....i just had my car repoed yesterday...thankfully they will let me have it back!! When i get paid next wed.

my husband was addicted to morphine...we never had a shortage of pills....id buy off the streets...so there's my short version.

In active addiction...nobody or nothing will make us stop until WE want to stop! addicts can go to jail rehab loose everything and still use.   but when we decide to stop only then will we stop. you can talk til your blue in the face...cry a lakeful of tears....threaten to leave and we will continue to USE!!  we can't stop ourselves no matter what when we've got our mind set on using. lots of people have broke the law to keep their Addiction going. our families can love us pressure us move out...and nothing i mean nothing will stop us until WE are ready inside ourselves....we may be at the point of knowing our addiction is out of control..we are aware that we are loved ..but the call of the high is greater than ourselves. we are completely out of control.

We will lie to you manipulate you maybe steal from you tell you anything we feel sounds good to keep you around. we are masters of deceit.

I can feel your hurt. i can imagine the confusion your facing and heartbreak your feeling.  but your getting sick too. addiction effects everyone around us. everyone!!

you have two choices the way i see it. hard choices but only two.
1. you leave...you said you had the time of your life. because you were far away from him u wernt focused on him. and for once you got to be you. plain and simple. so if you leave...you can move on and focus on you. you need to heal too!! because the way i see it your worth is greater than worrying about him. how can you have a healthy relationship when your trust was  and still is being violated? how can you have the relAtionship you deserve and want without trust?  its a sad fact but this is a lifetime diseAse. yes it can he managed...but we the addict has to manage that. not you..not his mom..not his sister but him. and why would his sister give him subs? why can't he go to the doctor for his own? most doctors want to help us get off the narcotic pills....there is also rehab detox...but again he has to want to go. he has to want to let go of the pills and then he has to want to stay clean. so if you can't trust him to do this and manage his addiction thru meetings...detox..counseling why would you want to stay?  and can you trust him even kf he stops?


2. you can choose to stay....and deal with an active user...you need alanon and some treatment of your own...but if you stay and he continues to use know your life will suffer...he will not be emotionally there for you....he will spend all his time money and energy to keep using...he might and its a strong possibleity that he steals from you...he will lie to you....and you will worry yourself sick. what if you get married and have kids? he won't care....right now bison first love is drugs ...yes he probably loves u. but he loves the drugs more....and lets say he gets clean. and he dosent use anymore...could you ever forgive him? could you trust him? are you willing to go thru relapses? mood swings ? all of that....addiction is so sneaky...it will silently wait until we let our guard down and slip up....I've heard people at na say they were clean for six months...one man shared he was clean for over two years..and he went right back.



The odds are stacked against us. read up and do your research...its like 75% or higher will relapse again and again...and relapses can last a day a week or years!! some people die.


im not trying to scare you. but you've got to know what your getting yourself into if you stay.


I understand you love him...love blinds us. and when we love someone we want them to be well. and honest with us. and for focus their attention on us...and it sounds like he and his family is super sick. sounds like they all have active addiction and enable him...he will expect you to do the same....its programmed in him right now because of his family...would you buy drugs for your mom? i bet you a dollar to Do dougnut none of his family members even know the meaning of respect..how can they when they eenable one another?


What's your sanity worth to you? what do you want from a relationship? you deserve honesty respect and genuine love.....


Yes he's crying out for help. He probably dosent even know how to begin helping himself .


I will pray for you...im here for you...sending you support.....i bet you already know what you have to Do.....but dang it hhurts  so much leaving a person you love...it will hurt more if you stay and he uses...your so young and you can move on....sometimes we must let tis other person fly and see where they land....and nothing says you has to make a permanent decision to leave...i don't know what your situation is...are you living together
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi there Bama, thank you for your input...

You are right I had the time of my life because I was far away from him. His depression is just i guess...contagious. You are so right when you say how can i be in a relationship when trust is constantly violated. I mean even if it was just Suboxone for the mental trp it is still wrong. He cant go to the doctor because he is unemployed right now. And so, he doesnt have insurance. And doctors are just too expensive. The only cheap option is methadone but he has heard bad stuff about it and he doesnt want to take that.
You are right relapse can also be just one day. I never looked at it like that. Even if he takes painkillers just one day. It is still relapsing.

The thing about me moving back to my country comes because if I were to stay we will have to get married soon as my visa is about to expired. He said he cant handle me leaving. I told him I will always be a phone call away. And who knows if he really wants me he can get his life together and bring me here one day. He said that i have to believe him in that all he has been taking is Suboxone. He even told me he wanted to used all his money from his Income tax to buy a ticket and move to Peru behind me. I feel horrible. He is so lost. And so alone. And his family so sick with their own problems. I feel helpless.

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Avatar_f_tn
Oh and no, we are not living together right now. Thanks again for your answer..
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Avatar_f_tn
How do you feel about having him move to Peru with you? it just may save his life!! getting him away from his sick family..and seeing a healthy one. but i wouldn't marry him just to stay state side. oh no. this is a harsh decision your facing. as for him moving to Peru? what would he do for work?

Im sure he loves you. but right now subs come first. and definitely no methadone....that's one of the hardest drugs to come off of. methAdone scares me. and im hard core lol. I wouldn't take that med for no amount of money in the world. i wouldn't take it if my life depended on it. no way....I've heard it referred to by heroin addicts as liquid handcuffs...so please tell him no.

When he's ready to stop he will stop. sometimes we must loose what we love to set us on the right track....and if you've never used drugs than its so hard to relate to this. almost impossible. Everyday i wake up and must choose to stay clean or use...its a battle of the mind at this point. and he battles that everyday...why does he use subs? how often? and for how long?

i know you love him...alot i think...but who do you love more? yourself or him?
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2010150_tn?1328549447
though you love him...you need to worry about you ( I know it's hard ) I was married to someone that had addictions to everything and I thought I could "love him well" .. the only thing I got in return was an addiction to pain pills and bankruptcy.....you never know in your situation it may be what he needs to face his issues ( you leaving him )  Good Luck.... I'm here if you need to talk :)
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Avatar_f_tn
@ Bama. I wish he would go to Peru but he doesnt know spanish, he has no college degree. All he did here in the U.S. was labor. Maybe he should stay get his stuff together, learn spanish, save money and then go....but god only knows if he will do it with me gone.He said he uses Subs for the mental trip and to cope with his depression. He was on them for around 6 months when he was with the doctor at the time he was working. Then he was taking them off the streets and it will be almost everyday too. As of April this year it will be 1 year since "supposely" that I know he is been off painkillers.  
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Avatar_m_tn
This post really hit home for me. I am 25 year old man about to turn 16 in 2 weeks also. I was in a relationship for 3 years with the love of my life. She was everything to me. We got along better than I have ever gotten along with anyone in my life. Everything was perfect for the first 2 years and nothing could come between us. I became addicted to roxys really bad during college. It started to change me and I was no longer the same person I was before. I began to treat her differently and was having mood swings all the time. She could tell something was wrong and I hid it from her for as long as I could. After almost a year of it I finally admitted my problem. At first she was very helpful and she cared about me so much so she was doing whatever she could to get me better. I tried so hard to overcome my addiction and I loved her so much. I lied and manipulated her and anyone I could in my life. She realized that I was still using even though I said I was clean. My tricks got old after awhile. Keep in mind this is over a period of 3 years. She started to pull away from me and realized that I was not changing and warned me that I had to stop. She even helped me with suboxone and would hold them and give me them as I needed. I would sneak pills and do them in the bathroom while I was taking a shower or anywhere I could hide from her. I was getting sick so often because I would run out of pills and I often didnt want to go out or do anything. She would ask to go here or there and I never wanted to go out. I was either high and just wanted to sit at home with her and watch a movie or somthing or I was withdrawaling and didnt want to do anything but sit in my bed. I became very very depressed. My life went from being the happiest I had ever been to the bottom. I knew that I was losing her and I was losing myself. I wanted to choose her but the drugs had too much control on me. I became really different and would call and text her crying and begging her that I love her and im going to change. She would cry too and I knew she really loved me but I was breaking her heart. She did not want to be part of me destroying myself. I was doing really good in college and was in the top of my class. Now I was skipping classes and didnt leave my appartment much. She moved to a different town and that really hit me hard. Instead of sitting at home with me when I didnt feel good she started going out with her friends. She was puilling further and fruther away from me. And instead of this making me realize I had to stop now or I would lose her it made me use more! I went into a downward spiral and saw no end. I became more and more depressed and would tell her that if she wasnt in my life I had nothing to live for. I often told her that i would killl myself if we broke up. I told her she was everything in my life and the only person who really cared about me. My story sounds so much like what he is. I bascailly said and felt the same way he does. I cried alot and could not sleep and would text her. For awhile she would always respond but it started to slow down. I would freak out when she wouldnt or would not pick up my calls and I went to crazy mode. I knew I was about to lose her and I couldnt handle it. I was at thast point the most depressed I have ever been in my life. I was using any and every drug I could get my hands on and i just really didnt care anymore. My grades continued to drop and people around me began to notice major changes in me. My parents werre 900 miles away so they really haad no idea whwat was going on or that I was using drugs. I no longer had anyone to go to. Nobody in my mind cared about me anymore. I had lost the girl that I truely loved more than anything in the world. And if I could go back and change things I would but i cant. We broke up and she said she would talk to me but she couldnt handle it anymore. She cried herself to sleep everynight and I had hurt her so bad. I was everything she had wanted at first and the drugs took me away from her. I turned into something she didnt ethink i was capable of being. I treated her like **** then and began to be mean and blame her for it. I made her feel like the reason I was using was because she was leaving me. I told her that I would kill myself now because she was no longer there to help me. I made her feel responsible for something she had no part in. I was in self destruct mode and was going to hurt anyone that I could.
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Avatar_m_tn
Although I never attempted to literally kill myself I felt very close. I did take enough drugs at times that I am surprised I woke up. I was abusing more than I had ever in my life. What I am trying to say is. When your an addict and in it as bad as I was and your bf is there really is nothing you can do for that person. It takes absolute rock bottom for someone to change. ANd sadly for me and for your bf that is going to be to lose you and maybe even more. He has said time after time he would change and he isnt. Using suboxone is just a way of not being sick while he cant get drugs. Someone who is really trying to quit would just quit cold turkey and stop the drugs all together. He would be going to meetings or seeing a therapist. Regardless of his financial situation there are places and people that can help. You need to worry about you. You are bringing yourself down into the same place that my ex gf did. And she hung on for a long long time. You dont deserve it. No girl does. Addiction is so powerful in what it can do to someone. I know that he loves you more than anything in the world but the drugs are more powerful rightnow. He is not in control of his actions and he is not seeing clearly. It may take losing you for him to really see clearly. Or like I said it may take even more loss and despair to wake up to reality. But you cant hang around and be part of it. Ur not helping him in the way that he needs. His depression is all part of it and thats ionly going to get ALOT worse. It he quits he will go into a much worse depression which will last for months and months. I was severely depressed after she left me for almost a year. You do not want to deal with all that. He will call and call and beg you to come back. He will threaten to kill himsefl like i did. But he really wont hurt himself. Hes just begging for attention. Hes begging for someone to care about him. Hes begging for someone or something to show him the way to end this misery. But he must find this path himself. U can not guide him to it. It will come with time. I promise you that you would be making the right choice to go to Peru. As much as you love him and it hruts this is whats best for him and you. I know its hard to see but if you leave you will set yourself free of this. And he can get the help he needs. Now that I look back on it I realize that my girl leaving me was for the best. She knew that I was not going to change if we stayed together. And it took me moving back home to my family to get better. I was going nowhere but downhill where I was and when i graduated college I left there. I am now 800 miles away from her and we talk here and there. I apologized for the way i was then and explained to her how much ive changed. I know that I cant get her back and she doesnt understand how I could have been so mean and not meant it for so long. But thats ok. Because what matters now is that im clean. I have changed my life uin so many ways and i am no longer miserable. THe relationship was the #1 reason I was using at the end and when it was over i didnt have anything else to be sorry about. After awhile I realized that I had really become a monster. He will too. Maybe after he gets better and gets his life together you can get back together. Maybe not. You are young and you have a life to live. Its time to move on and let things take there natural way of happening. Do not let him hold you back and dont stay. Get ouyt as soon as you can and dont look back. If he calls answer but once he becomes mean and threantening which he will if you leave pull away. Do not let him hurt you because its not him its the monster inside him. Youd be better off just not answering. Hes going to be really mean and angry. It will take time for him to realize it was for the best. But eventually he will. Hes 35 years old. Hes not a kid and he needs to grow up. He will die if he continues this life. Your more mature than him and thats not good. U dont want to be with someone thats that old and doesnt have there life together. No insurance no job no frinds is not good. U want to be happy. Thats not real love. Uve been with him a long time I understand the bond there but there is real love out there for you. Someone who will treat u like a princess. Like he prob. did when u first started dating. I know you miss that because my girl did. And she found someone to give her that shortely after we broke up. U can too. Go home where people appreciate you and will treat u good. U deserve it. Uve been great for trying this long to help him and u deserve alot for that. Most people dont do that for someone and it proves who u really are and how much of of a caring person u are. Thank you for doing that for huim. I will way it for him sicne he wont say it to yuou right now. One day he will. I hope you understand all this and it doesnt sound like im just rambling. I just really thought this sitatuion was so similar to mine years ago. I am now clean and sober and living in a different state. It took me awhile to get over her but I dont know where id be if she hadnt left me. I wouldnt have moved way and id prob be dead. Do this for him and do this for you. Its whats best for the both of you. I wish you the best of luck in whatever choice you make. Please send me a message if you want to talk more. Im here to help u and i feel for u so much trust me. Your friend. A2L
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey A2L....thank you for your response...

Your story does come really close to mine. I am about to turn 26 myself also in 2 weeks.
He does thank me so much for having been there all these last 3 years of hell. And he constantly tells me he hates himself for having put me thru this. He says he hates and regrets not having been there for me. And he said he probably will not ever find a woman that care for him the same way I did. I really feel horrible. Today we spoke on the phone and I think he even wants to keep a long ditance relationship while I am in Peru and he straightens his life. I think he is just extremely afraid I will meet someone. He said anybody will be better than him and that just KILLS me. I feel so so so bad for him. But it is not fair for me either to keep myself away from meeting new people. And believe me it is not even about meeting people becuase I do not even want to meet a man right now after this. I just want to dedicate this entire year to only me. He was my first relationship ever and my first boyfriend ever.
And you are right, maybe once I am in Peru is when he will call and be hurtful. I hate drugs for having ruined my life and the love we built together. I hate that I have to make this decision on top of it all. I hate that I have to leave him, not even to a loving family but just ALONE.
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Avatar_f_tn
You are also right when you say i am more mature than he is and he is 10 years older than me. I mean will he ever be able to be mature enough for me? If he gets clean, will I ever trust him again? I get so hopeless when I feel there might not be a future at all for us. I feel like my heart will never ever feel complete again.
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Avatar_m_tn
Wow thats crazy yea my bday is on the 21st how bout you? But anyways, you have to understand that addiction is something that is going to be with him forever. He is always going to be an addict and even if he quits he will always be one step away from relapse. The depression will be very bad for awhile and that can last for up 2 a year many people including myself go on antidepressants for the short-term depression you get after quitting. As far as trust goes, you can never trust a person in active addicition. If hes using there is no way to tell whats coming out of his mouth. Addicts will manipulate and trick people into many things. Often we dont even realize we are doing it and it just becomes a natural thing to do. Our lives are such a secret and so many things must be hidden its really alot of work and gets tiring. Plus the anxiety you get from wondering when your going to get high again, are you going to run out, where your going to get money. U said he is not in a good financial situation and thats not good seeing hes 35. He should be pretty financially stable by then and have money in the bank, a house and car. I am lucky I was able to stop when I did because its bad enough being 25 and having debt like I did. Luckily I have been able to pay a lot of it back. Anyways, I dont think he is going to be any more mature. At his age hes done all the growing both physcially and mentally hes going to do. And your only going to get more mature and wiser. Wow! He was your first boyfriend. That speaks for itself you are young you need to have fun. At our age we do not need to be locked into relationships and have big commitments. I am having a blast not being in one anymore although there are certainly things I miss most I do not. I miss having someone to crawl into bed with, I miss waking up to her face, having someone to talk to, and of course the sex! But there are so many fish in the sea! I cant imagine only having been with one person and not knowing what else is out there. U need to check out what other guys have to offer. Ok heres my number..lol jk. But seriously you can do anything in the world that you want. He is going to hate himself for awhile but thats not your fault. He hates himself because he does not have control of himself. he hates that he cant even stop taking a stupid pill for the girl hes loved for 6 years. Its hard to believe how strong the addiciton can be. Its the worst thing that ever happen to me. But I have changed in good ways and become more mature and well prepared for whatever life throws at me. I know my limits and I know realize there are demons out there hidden in the strangest places. Its so easy to become addicted to something. You can try and continue your relationship long term but Im going to tell you that will =disaster. For one hes going to be super angry and mean if he actually goes quit. His emotions are going to be going insane. He will be super depressed and tell you he will kill himself and that your going to make him do this or that. Dont believe it though hes just trying to get you back. And hes also going to have the trust issue like you said..hes going to be calling u non-stop making sure you are going out with other guys and meeting people and living your life! You dont need that. As much as I know how much it ***** to be the guy on the other side I know ive been there. I wouldnt be telling u if I didnt think it was for the BEST. The best for both of you. Me and my exgf are both now happy and living our lives. I like to think that maybe one day we would meeet again but who knows. I still love her to death. This whole thing talking with you and thinking about my past has really torn me up. I try not to think about those days anymore and losing her. It makes me really sad. I often dream of those days when we were happy and ill wake up and put my arm over to the other side of the bed like shes there. But instead I feel a really hairy bum. My dog! yay she farts and snores. LOL The only girl in my life currently. But im focusing on me. And going to meetings and going to the gym. I learned that life is too short to be wasting time being sick or hunting for drugs. There is so much world to explore and places to visit. I want to go to south america so bad. Ive been to many different countries but never down there. I really wanna go to brazil or chili. Whats peru like? Im sure u love/miss it. Of course family would be most important. Thats why i moved and left where I was. I came back to be with my family I hadnt lived near in 6 years. And now Im happy. remember that blood is thicker than wine. Family is the most important thing u have. Dont get out of touch with them for anything or reason. Well I just wanted to follow-up with you. Hang in there everything will work itself out I promise. Everytihng happens for a reason. Ur friend, A2l
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello! Yes it is crazy....my bday is on the 24th...lol

This is being really hard for me. Mostly because he says he wants to quit. And he states he has not taken painkillers just Suboxone off the streets. But as far as my understanding Suboxone is supposed to be a detox drug NOT a maintenance drug as most people mistakenly assume. So to me the fact that he has not bother to learn new coping skills shows me has not been ready to quit this whole past year.

I get really depressed the more I think of addiction as a disease. Because it really is. I found this article really interesting:

http://****.typepad.com/my2cents/2011/04/guest-post-if-addiction-is-a-disease-why-dont-we-treat-it-like-one.html

I feel like such a bad person for not being able to handle staying and finish helping a person that does want to quit. I wish I was not this fed up. I really do because I do love him. Yeah he is 35 and yes he should be financially stable but he ruined his life in his 20s and apparently when he overcame addiction then it was not for good as he relapse 3 years ago. And now I know it was because he didnt change his life and learn new coping skills.

He doesn't actually really have a financial debt. He owes probation and his car. I dont know how he has manage to not loose his car. He has never stole from me. Never asked me for money. I think his immatureness come from addiction. Addiction stops maturing.
I found this article on that pretty interesting:

http://www.****.com/blog/latest-news/why-are-addicts-so-immature/

Anyways, what a battle to leave or not someone that basically has a disease.


P.S: about you and your hairy bum...at least she keeps you company. I found dogs to be good depression therapy. Dont know what I would do without mine! South America is awesome...Brazil is a lot of fun. You should go to their carnival in Rio. Peru is awesome itself. We have nice beaches north coast (Mancora): http://www.****.com/mancora-vichayito-vichayito-fotos.html
and of coarse you cannot leave without visiting Machu Picchu and the Amazon.


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Avatar_f_tn
Wait i didnt know u couldnt post any links....i just found out....so u wont be able to open them links..sorry
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