Oxycontin Abuse...need help

[rainbow230]

I have been reading the posts on this site for weeks and I have to say that of all the resources out there this site has given me the most hope - hope that I can finally get my life back. To give you some background I am 21 years old and starting using about 3 years ago. I was first introduced to percocet while working in a call centre as somthing to "perk" you up. The first time I tried it I wondered what the big hype was ... but as I continued to take them it just gave me this warm fuzzy feeling, motivation and energy to do everything with more enthusiasm.
I always thought I just used them for fun and I wasn't addicted or anything... I mean I was always a straight A student... had just came back from a year abroad, happy with lots of friends and just in general was a happy person with just an occasional percocet use - but boy was I wrong.

It's now three years later and that once a week perk has spiraled out of control into an uncontrolable oxycontin addiction.

I feel so hopeless and lost. My life has turned for the worst and I feel like there is nobody who understands or cares.
In the past few years I have completed three years of University and landed a permanent fulltime good paying job with the Government but I feel that if I don't get help soon all that will be gone.

I used to be someone who counted every penny and knew exactly how much money I had in my bank. I am now thousands of dollars in debt and constantly bouncing payments and living pay cheque to pay cheque. I have completely withdrawn from everything and everyone I used to love. I don't call my friends... I actually kringe when the phone rings, I am always late, I went from being that girl that always had her hair and make-up down to perfection (not be conseated) to barely having the energy to shower in the morning ...let alone do my hair and find somthing nice to wear to work.

The other thing that is killing me is pretending to be normal everyday... somehow i've managed to keep my addiction to oxycontin a secret from just about everyone that I know. The only people that know I'm an addict are my boyfriend of three years (he was the one who first introduced me to them) and his friends that we buy them from. All my friends and family have absolutely no idea what I'm going through.

My addiction costs me about $40 - $60 per day (80mg - 120mg avg) - I have tried quitting cold turkey a couple of times and also weaning off... but the withdrawals are just to severe and I can't do it on my own. After doing a tons of research online I was so relieved to hear about Suboxone. The only problem I have is that in Ontario, Canada it is relatively new and very hard to find a physician to prescribe it. Unfortunately, the city I live in in Northern Ontario we have a shortage of doctors and I do not have a family doctor. I have been to the "walk-in clinic" three times, called every helpline and spoken to countless addiction treatment clinics all with little success or help. Doctors in Ontario need a special license to prescribe Buprenorphine - there is not one doctor in my city with this "license". We do have two methadone clinics but I refuse to be put on Methadone because of all the horror stories I've heard. My only hope is the Canada Detox Center which is located in Richmond Hill - they do exactly what the doctor on this website recommends and are willing to provide the prescription for suboxone along with counselling and meetings with the doctor to ensure the proper dosage. The only problem is it's a private clinic and has a fee of $5,000.00 .

I am trying so hard to save the money ... but as any addict can relate to all my extra disposible income is used to buy oxy's. I have applied for a loan but because of my bad payment history in the past year or so I was declined.

I am sorry for rambling on... but anyone with any advice or encouraging words would be greatly appreciated. I feel like there is no hope...

  

[whitie]

yes, most of us never saw it comming. your story is very familar.


its now a fight for control of your life, and right now the 800 pound gorilla is on your back. he does not get off easy, and only %100 commitment and a willingness to suffer through the WD's both short and long term, will you be able to win the war.

some people like me are very anti replacement opioid(sub and methadone) certainly they have their time and place for serious IV users and heroin addicts, but if you take them(narcotic opioid) for a long time it will be even WORSE to get off those!! thats personal experience, not just talk.

[sportnut]

You came to the right spot.
I am 50 and thought I was hiding an Oxy habit from my wife and others, post 4 operations found myself taking them for the perk up effect.
I quit Cold Turkey, did not miss a day of work (suc**ed) and with no doc intervention or other meds except some of the Thomas Recipie for energy, this after 4 years.
For me I have had these key things,
1. Support from my wife
2. Support from all of the greast folks on this site which was a godsend, like Eagle said  
    we come from all walks of life and let me tell you these people know what they are
    talking about! I am a coach, IT professional, function everyday, pay my bills, etc and
    in truth I am no better off than some of those who are smorting this cr**, and wasting
    their lives away
3.First and foremost the inner will to do it, like IBKleen said we al have it!

We all have it, first the shock and realization of the problem, then the decision to quit, then all of the the questions how, once comitted hanging in there through the highs and lows.
It is scary but I encourage you to commit to it, keep posting and for myself getting educated has helped a lot.

I never saw it coming and once in it had no idea how to get out.
You will get a lot of support here as you start down the road to freedom and you will get some tough love too but it is a tough drug.

Days 1-4 will stink but flush them and get going!

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You are not alone. There are professional people on this site - Docs, lawyers, nurses, and ditch diggers - - the addiction issue is a microcosm of society. No reason to be ashamed. Only thing to feel ashamed of is to recognize it and not do anything. It wont be a piece of cake but it can be done........

[Mangee]

It's like having a hole in your brain that continually drains you of ideas and incentives to free yourself from relying on drugs to live from day to day. Then there is the subconcious that fights with the concious part of the brain in a continual struggle pulling you one way or the other. The body demands but the brain says,"Dont." Unfortunately the body and the cravings generally win out. You have to make your want to rid yourself of the drug stronger than the cravings. We all have, and I have said this many times here, the inner strength, the willpower and the tools to beat the addiction. You have to dig deep to find them. You then have to apply those tools along with the willpower and inner strength. Often you will find the tools getting dull. If that happens, take stock of where you are at, sharpen the tools and continue. If this fails, retool and start up again even if it is at the beginning again. Remeber, each experience you go through with each attempt gives you more power and new ideas which you can put to work. Everybody fails at one point or another whether it is drugs a job, an interview, alcohol or whatever. You can't let it phase you to the point where you just give up. You have to ask yoursel,"Who is stronger, me that little pill?" Those who have withdrawn successfully all say the same thing, " I never knew I was that strong." You are that strong, you just have to put it to use along with the desire to be finally FREE. Many have said,"I can't do this," and then suddenly found the strength just as you will if you persist.

[rainbow230]

Thank you for your encouraging words.
It just seems like I'm so alone - I am so ashamed of my addiction ... but I am going to do my best to get the help I need .

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

There is always hope. Don't give up.

One thing I have to say is from years of experience in my own addiction and dealing with other addicts, believe me...people know. We think we are so sly and hiding from everyone but we are not.

It sounds to me that you need a program. Just putting down the drugs is not going to cut it for you. I always recommend in-patient treatment. It will help you get past the physical withdrawal and get you started on the way to dealing with the mental part of this disease, which is by far the hardest part to deal with. This is something you are going to have to handle for the rest of your life and you will need tools to do it.

I know you are going to say that you can't take the time from work, you can't let people know, etc. So you have to make a decision how bad you want this and what you are willing to do to get your life back. There are no quick fixes. If there were, there would be no need for this site.

Take some time to think about what you are willing to do and listen to the members here. So many members have experience, strength and hope and share with you how it worked for them.

I wish you the best and hope you stay around here.