Oxycontin WD - 4th day-helpme

[mego579]

Im barely able to type right now.  I went on a trip to a remote house boat with freinds and discovered what WD really are. I'd been using oOxycontin up to 300 mg a day for about 2 years and while on the trip i thought it would be ok to break my 40 mg pills into 4ths and take them because i was running out with no chance of refill before the trip.  The WD started and the whole 4ths of a pill thing was out the window. They were gone before the first night and my freind had to confine me into a room of the house boat while they said i had seizures, screaming, begging to die, not sleeping in days until i was given Ketamine which is a drug i'd usually abused in the past and was familiar with but i'm not sure if it was a good idea or not becuase while in a K-hole i was able to stop the crazy leg shaking etc, but still felt everything jsut the same ( only being imobilized).  
Made it home, its day 4
my eyes are crazy dialeted still, my mind works but i cant communicate really yet without my voice shaking. i'm trying to eat ( the first night i puked like 30 times) but my stomach HURTS after. My skin is crawling.

I took the oxy in the first place because i have severe rhumetoid arthritis.
what do i do?
can i really ride this out here at home w/ my bf?(who was up for the whole time and is exhausted) - feeling better but thats not really saying much because i feel like HELL.
HELL!

how many days will this go on?
please

[sid3]

Your almost out of the worst part. Have your bf get the items listed in the thomas recipe, they really do help. To not take advantage of supplements that really work is absolutely nuts. You may not be able to get any of the benzos, but the other items are easy to find. Hang in there, another day and you should see some improvement

[ImGettingClean]

Physical WDs last about 3-5 days (on average)...some a little more, some a little less...depends on length of use, meds, etc...

I know you feel BAD right now, but it seems like u r doing better than the first few nights, right?

If thats the case, hang on and it'll be over soon..

Agree with Sid3, look at the Thomas Recipe...

WDs are HORRIBLE, but you WILL and CAN get through it...

Good luck, keep posting...

Nick

[mego579]

thank you so much, im crying now but im happy that people are sayin i''ll make it. i'd been trying to stop takin the damn pills for about 6 months unssuccesfuly but no that i'm almost that i feel like i do want them BUT i WILL NEVER take them again. my bf said 1 morepill and he's gone and he is my life. not only that but this is so horrible im not ever putting myself in this position again!
we are noteing the thomas recipe and contacting my mom to get them from GNC and bring it over. i was able to bath myself ( while my br finaly slept) and that was good because i was very dirty and smelly!

i just took my temp. and its normal. having rhumetoid scares me with at home detox bu if im without fever i figure im not sick.
the worst part was pretending i was ok at the airport yestruday to get home. 2 flights and a layover while with sunglass looking like a cancer patient( in hopes) to avoid anykind of trouble.

my skin is seriously craqling hot then cold and all the K i did is residual in me somehow it feels- as though my skin smells like it and all i can taste is it. i used to love K but now it joined me in helll and i'm not gunna do that again either!

im very scared but hopefull you're all right :) im going to lay down again becuase typing is very difficult.

[nascarfan2488]

You are almost there... It was around 6 days for me the last day I could actually tolerate it. I actually use this over the counter med for the restlessness called Restful Legs. It really really works. I got it at Walgreens.  Hang in there you will get through it. Your in my prayers!

[mego579]

next day is here and i feel the same BUT is subsides for like 5 minutes at a time. no squirts ( thank god) but its not a comfortable bathroom experience ( sorry so candid!)
enjoying the fall ( my time of the year) the goths we all love october - im happy this is my special month now even more so. octoboer 1st marks my day 1. im on day 7.

thankfully my boyfrind was able to take off work to care for me and get food etc.

still having some seriousl acid eyes + all the Ketamine i did during the initial first 3-4 days is still residual now. i'm a little concerned it wont ever stop ( i get a weird sensation because i used to abuse K in the past where my nerve endings feel like theyre going backwards.
anyone else outthere recreational psychadelic people too that might have help with that? i know that psycahdelics w/ fragile brain states can be dangerous but at the time i really did seem like a good idea.
in fact not remembering the first 4 days of hell is a luxury im sure not many will get.

right now my stomach and skin - oh god i wish theyd stop.
can't sleep- no valium avliable to me now ( i can't drive a car!)  so i slept about an hour - watching terrafying acid trips it seems of the food network.( vegitarian 14 years and throughout the whole WD process i remember only seeing human devouring strange meats-... why? its kinda freaking me out! in fact everything on tv is freaking me out. is that normal? to feel alot like your on acid?

at least i can type right? i really hope tmrw is better. i can do this.

[mego579]

im  sure hoping its not cuz ive done alot of K and only cared for 1 overdoser who drank 2 viles stupidly.
i agree it was a stupid idea to take it though.

thank you so much. my plan as a good reminder to myself is a new tat that will tick the years of sobriety up in marks. sounds stupid but sometimes its good to have a big fat reminder in english on your arm FOREVER that reminds you what your goals really are!

the thomas recipe is helping the jitters alot.

i can def. see how this will be a difficult mind thing to overcome. i will count eachday as it passes as i see others do. it really helps actually. helps me feel like im overcoming a huge ladder one day at a time.

[jt808]

i like that tat idea keeps it as a reminder so eap after doing that u kno u can never relapse its permanitaly on ur body now!!! so good luck and stay strong...

[sportnut]

You can ride it out!
WD was tuff but I did it CT with help from this board.
Read my post "Back from 5th Rotator Cuff Surgery" and my previous posts.
Everyday is a victory and believe me you will need somethig down the road to manage pain and if you don't stop now nothing will work when you need it.
Hang in there.

[Ec131]

Hey There,

Hang in there!!! I was in the same boat you were in about a year ago. I was taking between 300-400 mg of Oxy's a day for (4) ruptured discs in my back and surgery to repair them, and then my doctor one day decided I was abusing the pills (you think) and stopped prescribing them to me and gave me Clonodine (if i spelled it right) to help with the withdrawals. Well they didn't help and I felt like DEATH for about 4-5 days. Each day after that got a little better. It is a tough road, but your on your way down the road already so just hang in there. It will get better and you will be so happy each day you feel a little better.

Take Care!!!!
Ec131

[mego579]

- update -

on a continuous acid trip it seems like with bouts of hellfire skin thats absolutly nuts. but i keep wanting to CLEAN - when i can stop writhing - i guess thats good - mabye taking psychadelics while w/d was a weird thing but it seems to reallly be effecting me today.
massive nerve ending craziess and acid eyes -
only i can't remember the last time i took acid and sat in a bath of fire :(

i hope tmrw is better

[mego579]

its almost 11pm, seriously the acid thing is getting stronger, i smoke perhaps its triggering it?

[dominosarah]

Are you drinking plenty of fluids?  Are you smoking cigarettes?

[mego579]

no, no cigs, and yes tons of vitamin waterm but now that you mention that i will grab another bottle!

[mego579]

its intense in my nerves ( skin ) and my vision is extremly reminisnt of acid. very very very similiar but increasing, is that normal? kinda hot still

[dominosarah]

I wouldnt think this would be normal but i could be wrong.  If your vision doesnt get any better i would have it checked out.  The smoke may be a contributing factor too.  I remember the eye thing from years ago but i didnt experience this when i went thru wd.  I do hope you know you are almost at the end of this and you are really doing great given all the things you have been thru.  There is light at the end of the tunnel so just keep hanging in there.  Drink your vitamin water.  Between not eating and living in the bathroom you need to keep replenising your body.  Stay strong and keep fighting.......sara

[liscamdave]

I've also never heard of seizures in oxy w.d. Your symptoms seem a little extreme to me. I would go to the hosp or call your family dr. Who was prescribing you that much Oxy? Call that dr. Unless you were getting it from someone else. I personally think you need a drs help. Unless the symptoms are subsiding. Good luck. The worst of it should be over, and it will get better and easier...

Lisa

[Tom1130]

You don't have seizures but the shaking becomes unstoppable at times if the dosage of OC's was high enough.  I can't imagine how hard it is to taper with OC, but it can be done.  You can not die from the withdrawals,  your stomach hurts because your body is not getting enough food and your hungry, but can't eat.... sometimes it's impossible to eat.  Try eating something sweet throughout the day.. Ex. Cinnamon Buns, Pie, Ice cream.  It's still hard to eat anything but forcing the sweet's helps a little bit.  Ketamine is dangerous as you know.  Clonidine as I am sure you know is a Blood pressure medication originally, Now prescribed to help alleviate minor withdrawal symptoms.  Not full blown withdrawals. And is supposed to be used in high dosages under supervision.  I am not trying to scare you, you can do this you have great support on here.  If you have any question's Private message me.  Im 27 days clean from a 400 mg per day addiction.    KEEP US POSTED ... YOU WILL GET THROUGH THESE DEMONS -Tom

[rsyski]

dude,what are you doing moderation you got to cut back slowly, you must know some dealers, buy what you need to come off slowly, what you went thru is for the dogs, I also , in a similar situation I POSTED a couple of minutes ago. It seems to be working for me, but what do I knowit is the 5th time i have tried this, but this feels right. Good luck and your not alone

[whitie]

formication is taking place, which could be the result of major wd's and probably the special "K" in the mix.

ketamine is an interesting read.........

[mego579]

i think i slept an hour or 2 but my eyes are dialated still and the acid hasnt subsided at all almost a little more in spurts? i want to stress though i DIDNT take any acid!

[mego579]

no i know ive read alll about K in the past, thats why im a lil bit concerned but pretty sure its also sweating out my system too right now - at this point i'm hoping for that

[mego579]

ok now ive read formication, that does sound like a distinct possibility - but one that is also overcome by waiting it out, sweating it out, hydrating vitamins etc just like im doing. i was on a trip once years ago that lasted at least 5 days so this will subside. it does go down actually at times when i'm calming after taking the restless legs stuff that disolves under you tongue.
and as for tapering ive been through way too much hell buddy to go find a dealer so thats a stupid suggestion sorry!
nope i'll be ok i've dealt with this same exact feeling frequently ( just not -not on drugs) so im going to assume its def. coming from the withdrawls, perhaps its my bodys way of dealing, going back on sensations its recognizes as the K and Oxy all flush out -
hell i heard this could take weeks.
i just need to keep a strong MIND - and know that it will subside -

[mego579]

perhaps its good i dont want sweets but keep making crazy vegan meals - then i'll feel a lil better and clean alot, its weird my body is craving vitamins - i just cant kick this K or acid feeling - weird and very HOT but not shaking or writhing now and gunna have a lil pasta and vitamin water and an epson bath and see what shakes off my skin -

[whitie]

in my profile I have some suggestion for wd's. its in my journal section.

I believe its a combination of both. heavy pill wd's can be just as bad as heroin wd's. when one examines your dose, and compares it to an opioid comaparison chart,we can see why.

just be prepared for a fight and dont let the 800 pound gorilla on your @zz run the show.
time to get in fight back mode !!

[mego579]

eating was a bad idea

[mego579]

thisis really really realllly hard now - painful

[mego579]

this is really really really really really really harddddddddddddddddddd

[mego579]

You can do it.  

[whitie]

so things are subsiding a little now I take it?

[SandySlope]

You probably feel like youre on acid because opiates always clouded your vision and made your pupils very small, therefore a dulling numb look to everything.
My first week of w/ds I wore sunglasses EVERYWHERE. Your eyes I think naturally dialate from not being on the opiates anymore, so the sun is extra bright, and things are extra wiggly vision wise,and sharp. Thats probably why you feel "psychedelic".

HANG IN THERE....it subsides....Im a month clean now and I still get the feeling every once in awhile where everything is too bright, but its MUCH more tolerable now, not only tolerable, but enjoyable to see the world through eyes that arent numbed out.

The same happens to all of your senses when getting clean. There will be positive and negatives of this, but try to concentrate on the positive as welll, remember that soon enough too, you will really laugh and enjoy life. The crawly feeling goes away!!!

[SandySlope]

Weigh it out, a month of discomfort, or a life of discomfort? You can get thru this!

[SandySlope]

Oh, and YES the pot will make you feel "trippy". It helps with body pain, but sometimes makes you mentally a bit intense. Try using Motrin Ibuprofen instead for awhile.

[mego579]

another day, i finally slept a few hours last night, im in so much pain right now - i cant hardly sit up so sad feeling, but youre right, a month of discomfort or a life - i'll take the month - i've already been through so much hell its like walking up a huge snowy mountain...almost to the top cant stop now-cuz ud die trying to go back down -
seriously though my back and hips and elbows hurt so bad - i have rhumetoid so they are supposed to hurt - i'm just REALLY not liking it - i dont feel ok at all :(
i just want it to stop now :(

im gunna keep waiting it out  - each day is better for sure -- its just really really reallly shity still

[mego579]

in so much pain cant stand it - really dull in my joint damaedelbows and especially my back and hips

[mego579]

cant sleep, back and hip pain , :(

[Astray]

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time of it.

What day are you on now?

[desperado57]

I just read through your posts, and my heart aches for you on one front, and then I feel so happy for you, you've come so very, very far on your inner strength alone.

It's my guess that despite abusing the opiates, they did provide some relief from your rheumatoid arthritis pain.  Having been dulled somewhat, I would venture that the pain from that disease is now rearing its head in a very ugly way.  Plus, your body has been through so much recently.  I'm no doctor, but it seems to me that the physical stress your body has experienced can only exacerbate the RA pain.

I don't have RA, just regular, plain, old Osteo-A, and the pain I experience from IT is bad enough.  I can't help with the WD's, benzos are my demon and I haven't even begun to kick them yet (but I do have a plan :) ), but I recently tossed every prescription anti-inflammatory I've had in my arsenal against the OA pain and went back to Advil - brand name, not generic.  The generics just don't work as well.  I take two Advil RELIGIOUSLY every three hours, and that seems to keep the OA pain bearable.

Again, I can't even imagine the pain from RA, but the Advil should provide at least some relief.  Why don't you try it?  :)

God bless, and keep strong - your strength of will is so evident from your posts that success can be the only ultimate outcome.

[mego579]

thanks so much, day 10 now and was able to be driven around to see the FALL :)
the formification has worn off and only comes back a little today ( yay!) i didnt want to live the rest of my life in a acid  like K hole !
tmrw will be day 11 - i'll get that tattoo soon, OCTOBER 1 2009 -its gunna HURT! im fairly  sure i was on opiates when i got my others...
probably for hte best, once i'm well im a tattoo artist so its for the best to know the real pain so i can help my clients etc. if they have issues etc.

todays alot better than yesturday- hopefully i'll sleep another couple hours.

[mego579]

doing a lil better each day BUT now my RA has started to flare up ( because i havnt taken my ENBREL shot cuz i've been in WD & it takes your immune system away so it would be a good thing, i have no choice but to take the shot by tmrw at the latest if i dont want to swell up in so much pain-
this is confusing now

the wd are much better - comes in spurts with an overall feeling of no-motivation-painfullness
im makin it though!
never turnin back!

vicodin helps with the RA pain - and those are given to my by my bf so i cant abuse them- ( cuz i used to !)

overall it seems i will get better....i just really need to take that shot ..

[mego579]

i meant;  taking away of my immune system would be a BAD THING now cuz i read thats partly what WD do .. nervous to take it..

[mego579]

feels like its starting all over again now - i dont know what to do
i called the stupid dr. and he offered to give me more oxy only, even after i said i didnt want it and almost died getting off this past 2 weeks..that i hadnt slept in 9 days and everythin, they acted like they wernt aware there were withdrawls or something, i cant beleive it
its a mind **** im so confused
iknow im not getting more cuz i cant take this anymore and the only way it will really end is if i just keep goin and deal with the WD
its the only way - taking even 1 more oxy puts me right back to day one... and the first 4 days are so ******.. thats just nuts i cant go through it again
its too horrific- the most horrific excperience ive ever had in my life to date

today is worse for sure -

[Astray]

Don't give up if you feel the physical WD symptoms returning. I and several others have had the same experience, the wave will last a day or less and each one will be less bad than the one before.

The insomnia was driving me nuts too, valarian helped a bit but with or without eventually you will be able to sleep. I know its hard to believe right now but it will.

You are doing totally the right thing not taking more it will only drag things out. You are also thinking the right things which is just as important. I know its horrible but hang on in there, things will start to feel better again once more.

[ZJILLIAN]

I have been following your WD. What I am not clear on is are you taking other drugs at the same time? It seems you were in the beginning and I wonder if part of the problem with what has been a truly horrible experience for you is the combination of substances. My first WD many years ago was after a long time on multiple substances and the WD was terrible. Anyhow, keep up the good work and hang in there. Staying off the oxy is great and difficult. My doctor was always offering them to me and it was almost impossible to say no.

[mego579]

yeah i was on alot of K the first 3 days -
its day 13-the  K wore off but im going through hellfire - HOT sweating spasms screaming -
jesus - i was on oxycontin and oxycodone everday for 3 years - and took various other opiates for many years before that ( just not as much)
this is so hard tonight - i keep forgeting it will ever stop and just want to die
at least im not vomiting i suppose :(

[Lisa034]

How are you today? I have been keeping up with your strugle and wow!!!! Your are a true superstar!!!!!! You have been thru heck and back.  Congrats.  Way to go.  I know you do not know me but I am very, very proud of you.  You are strong a heck!!!  Keep up the good work you are an insperiation to all of us!!!!  You have helped so many other people just by sharing your experiences and you dont even know it.,  Way to go    Keep on Keeping on!!!

Lisa
Jacksonville,FL

[Iamfree714]

I can't believe that your withdrawls will go away after 5 days. I'm not trying to scare you or anything, but the high dose you were on and the amount of time you were using them, 5 days, I really don't think so. I've been on opiates or methadone since 1983 and I remember the first habit I kicked , it took 14 days till I felt normal, and I mean normal. The only think you can do is hold on, it will not kill you but it could agrivate(spelling) some other condition you might have. You have to remember that when you pump your body with so much opiates, your neurotransmitters will not fire for your dopamines (spelling again) for quite awhile. I take xanax to rest a little bit, because a little rest is better than nothing. But remember anything you take for 21 days in a row you will have a habit on that, so be careful. I will pray for you, prayer works!
Baruch Hashem!
Rob

[whitie]

long term addicts have to pay a higher price. it will get better, wd's and long term wd's are why people relapse. study your enemy well, thus when it slips through the wire at night,you will know how to deal with it.


since 3400 bc, mankind has dealt with this problem..........

[mego579]

i took ambein last night and was able to sleep abot 5 hours. i've been up now for a while and its early - its day 14 now -
im not hurdled into a ball screaming shaking right now - i feel overwhelmingly awful in pain, my RA has flared like crazy and my elbows are HOT and full of fluid ( per usual RA flare up) fcken HURTS like hell - but i suppose this body heat sweating is distracting sometimes - i get so hot i have to open the windows and sit in the rain -  its def. better than yesturday but i realize this will take a few more days at least.

i just want to be well so i can see where the wild things are on friday :(

id keep my fingers crossed but it hurts - so i'll cross my eyes ( had double vision last night - weird)
eyes are generally ok right now - still dialated though :(
been using the thomas recipe everyday and the restfull legs dissolve pills help take the Hellfire edge off
i wish i had vicodin for my elbows.


thank you so much everyone - this post is helping me not to jump out the window or cut my skin off - thank you so much - my brain needs to keep hearing that it will not kill me and it will end - it gets confusing - i can do it - its been so long i cant turn back now!
its hard to breath too its werid - so hot

[whitie]

yes, you wont die. even heroin and methadone addicts dont die from the wd's.


your pain tollerance is off, because of the pills. your body quit producing its natural endorphins for the brains receptors, because they have been reliant on a foreign narcotic opioid (and a strong one too,oxys.......)for so long. once they return to normal you will be much more pain tollerant. you will be surprised

I have  a list in my journal of the ten wd symptons I experienced while going through methadone/opioid wd's. bear in mind some take longer than others, to subside.

getting some vikes,btw..........would be a big mistake and will just exasperate the situation......

[mimi15]

Just logged on and read all of your posts...you are an amazing person.  My withdrawals from Oxy(s) lasted a good 14 days. . . and I only took 40-50 mg per day.  EVERYTHING made me cry and none of my family understood what was going on.  They didn't know that I had become addicted.  Took them since car wreck 9 years ago up until 2 weeks after my back surgery (4 fusions, 2 steel rods, 6 titanium screws starting at the bottom of my spine).  Realized that even though I wasn't out buying on the street and the doctors GAVE me all the refills through the years...I was an addict.  Doctors even ARGUED with me when I told them this and that I wanted OFF of the pills.  I was told that couldn't be done...and CERTAINLY not after such a major surgery and COLD TURKEY.  I'm a little hard-headed and said, "f'em".  I did it on my own anyways.  It was hell on earth.  I cannot IMAGINE what you are dealing with on a daily basis.  But, I do admire you and believe in you.  You have a very strong character, that is evident.  Keep doing what you are doing and keep posting.  You are touching more lives than you will ever know~

[mego579]

thank you so much thats awsome to hear
im crying all the time too - i was on 140-200 mg a day- dropped it to 80 a day then started the withdrawls straight outa that cold turkey from oxy but was taking too much K, and valium the first 3 days
and the vics is a bad idea cuz it seems to be stringing it out - so today im sweatin my *** off ( and prolly tmrw) to get it all out -
damnit

my only "good" feelings comes from seeing where the wild things are trailers- i start crying like a baby ( i prolly would reguardless but now i know i'll look silly at the theatre blubbering) its the most beautiful thing i've ever seen - and was my all time fav. book and i have the toys - this is going to be a huge reward for my brain and body when i'm able to get outa this house anyday hopefull and see it

its sooo hot and im sooo sweaty - epson salt bathtme - im trying to sweat it out and replace myself with vitamins etc -

im concerned about my rhumetoid since i cant take the enbrel until this stops more... my elbows have swollen up huge - :( its a werid disease - ut i know now the answer isnt to numb it its to try and fight it to get it into ''remission'' ( its possible i've read)

but im focused on beating this - i havnt walked through the desert for 14 days for nothing -

[mego579]

i dreamt last night i found an oxy -
weird

its sooo hard knowing there right there for me to get at the pharm from the devil dr.
but its not hard to forget what ive been through - how in the universe could i throw it away and start over?
nuts
time for a steady dose of horror films and sweating and shaking - im gunna beat this
and seriously i feel so gross that i ever started, one always knows not to take heroin or anything like it - i cant beleive i took the oxy in the first place - i look forward to riding my bike and enjoying what little october i get left when this subsides more

[mego579]

made it to lunch - keep sweating and getting crazy hot

[mego579]

im officially out of vicodin - was only taking 5 mg every 6-8 hours - but i htink that was chasing off the last of this - im so hot - gotta sweat it out again i think - im not spasming - just HOT and sweaty and my heads kinda hurting - (along w/ everything else)
ive been spazing out for 2 weeks now- prolly supposed to hurt!

christ!
this *****!

[Lisa034]

Uh-oh~~ I did not know you have been taking vicodin thru this process.  Now that you are out of those you may start to feel like you did on day one. Sweetheart vicodin are opiates and have been keeping the hank off you a little. I did not know you were taking those. Now is when you should have everything out of your system and you may have to start back from day one. Sorry do not mean to scare you. Wow
Lisa
Jacksonville,FL

[mego579]

id rather die seriously

[Lisa034]

I just sent some other messages out letting some other people know what you were taking so that you can get there opinion also. I may be wrong but I am worried and I just want to be sure   Hang in there sweetie
Lisa
Jacksonville,FL

[Lisa034]

Sweetheart I have to go to the store for the kids. I will be back in about 45min to check on you!!!!  Hang in the honey
Lisa

[mego579]

i doubt that though.. i used to pop 5- 7.5 mg hydros at a time - the past week 5 mg 2 time a day - i think its gunna sweat out - ive been to hell and back - sweats arnt gunna phase me now -
its the puking hallucinations that get me !

i can do it

[mego579]

its been 8 hrs since i took a vic and i feel the same- hot and sweaty but no fever, this isnt as bad now for sure -i can totally walk! WOOOO!
i was IMOBILE for this whole time -
pep to the step - i'll take that as improvment- hot flashes! BOOO!

[Lisa034]

yes you can do it!!!  Just keep up the positive attitude and I know you will make it.  Good job sweetheart.  Let me know if I can help in any way
Lisa
Jacksonville,FL

[mego579]

im up at 7 am again - im freking outi cant make it anymore - im so hot and sweaty and my backs in so much pain - i cant take it anymore

[mego579]

why am i so hot and sweaty? my face is all sweaty - no fever but still so hot

[whitie]

because what you have really done is taper, to some degree, by using the vikes.

you have to keep in mind, that your oxy addiction at 300mgs a day is about equivalent to a major morphine adiction (addiction) or I would say worse because oxys last much longer. best for you to understand the extent of what you were doing,thus you will know that its going to take some more time,compared to othe addictions.

the sweats are and hot flashes are typical wd's symptoms, they will pass with time, along with high blood pressure and all the otehr 10 wd symptoms.

you gotta remain committed to this with out using other opioids, if you want a fast end to this. the 800 pound gorilla just does not leave easy ,when you have let him control you for over two years. its a war for your brains receptors, not your body. the brain runs the whole show, everything from bowel movements to your vision. dont let the mental stuff get to you TOO much.

your half way up the hill, keep marching forth !!!!

[KirstenHere]

Just read your post...how you doing, hon? I'm sorry, but I have to agree with what someone said about prolonging your WD. I don't believe you will be back to square one...but you were giving your body something, rather than nothing at all and it still confused your brain. Know what I mean?

Just hang in there...2 weeks? WOW, amazing! The most I EVER made it was 8 days..so you're doing awesome! Just keep hanging on! You don't EVER want to do this again and I PROMISE YOU, you WILL be in this situation again in the future. Every time I started to use again I would say "Sticking to my script" blah blah. It NEVER happens! We are addicts and always will be.

I'm here if you need me...on day 4, so I feel your pain, hon! :-)

[mego579]

its hard - waiting for repair people and not being able to take a bath or lay down -

todays seems better than yesturday because i can move faster, but im so hot and sweaty - no fever - but everyone around me is SICK and the repair guys are coughing -
i have rhumetoid arthritis ( underlying condition = CANT GET FLU = i can EASILY die from the flu after my shot ( which is another reason i havnt taken it ) if i got H1N1 you'd see my pic on the news as a death - its really scarry dealing w/ that and feeling super crappy still - i can't tell whats going on now - i dont have  a fever, coughed a few times but i'm a smoker and cough sometimes -
ah!
HAD to go to walmart yesturdya and EVERY SINGLE PERSON THERE was coughing -

i dont know what to do - i'm totaly freakin - i just want it to stop - i havnt had any viccodin nothing but thomas' recipe -  im so tired of this
does your body constantly feel sick hot and sweaty forever now?

[KirstenHere]

And hon, you have a script that you can go get? Ya, I'd say you are an incredible STRONG person!!!! You don't give yourself enough credit! You got this...I PROMISE YOU!

[mego579]

thanks guys - thats helps -
sometiems its easy to flip out - its so hard
i really really really really want it to end - and im not ever taking more ( even though my brain keeps saying YOU NEED TO GET IT NOW NOW NOW NOW!) but thankfully i'm so crazy feeling i can't drive, and i can't drive specially cuz my windsheild wiper broke and its raining - so the gods seem to be saying " yeah you're not going anywhere " -

its a good thing

if i gotta wait and sweat it out -
good lord i hope these stupid repair jerks come soon so i can take a bath

[Hillbilly47]

Hang in there.  You can do this:  just keep reminding yourself that if you relapse you'll eventually have to cover all this ground again.  By staying the course, you only have to do it this one time!

[SickBoy_Williamson]

I've been reading your journey over the past week or so. I've been in it with you this whole time, and your strength and courage has helped me to pull through. I have no excuse for why I took what I took. I liked them before I was injured, and once I was injured it was just a better/cheaper reason to get high. It started with a doctor giving me a pneumonia medicine when I was 15 he said and I quote "this is some really good stuff, it will help you sleep. If I could I would prescribe it to myself" it was tussinEX or liquid Oxy. I loved it, but was too young to understand what it really was. Now 24 I have been abusing on and off for several years. I never realized I was an addict. I just thought I really enjoyed them. It got to the point to where I had several different people/pharmacies I could go through at any time to get them, and it wasn't hard to sell some to friends to pay for the ones I was taking. Its terrible and I never realized it had gotten so bad. I was taking about 8 -12 percocet 10mg a day, or an 80 of OC a day. Sometime mixing the two. I used Vicodin and methadone to help me thorugh the times when I was waiting for the next refill on Oxy or Percs.

All this time no-one. And I mean no-one knows. I have a steady relationship, a full time job, my own business, and a number of other things going on. I've always been able to manage them all. But the stress and guilt is killing me. The double life. Sneaking away from family to go get a fix. How terrible.

So I decided to quit. Right about the time you did. I tried to step down i got two last OC 80's crushed them and snorted them over the course of a day. Had 70mg of methadone in a bottle 14 vicodins and a few percocets. I lowered the amount I was taking and started with the vics and the percs and lowered the dosage everyday. Until it was all gone. On the last day I had a tiny taste of liq methadone and three vicodins. That was 7 days ago.

To make things harder I got sick with a cold during withdrawls, so on top of restless legs, insomnia, cramps, stomach pains, depression, shakes, sweats, and chills, i had a runny nose, and congestion in my stomach to boot.

My shoulders are still tense, and my skin still burns from all the opiates seeping out of my pores. I struggle with the thought of going back and getting more just to have one last goodbye....

but then I read your story,

You truly are an inspiration, if you have a legitimate reason to be taking your medicine, can get it from a pharamacy, are suffering, and still won't touch the stuff. I can get through mine no problem.

I admire your courage and feel your pain. I hope the vics you have been taking don't make things too much harder for you. Although they are still opiates. I think you'll be able to pull through. Just keep your eyes on the prize. Freedom. Can you imagine how much tattoo money you can save by not filling your devil scripts?

Please don't give up. I'm probably not the only one here who is following your lead. Thanx for your continuous posts it helps me everyday little by little.

Mad Respect
-A

[KirstenHere]

Sickboy, you don't give yourself enough credit as well. You have given me A LOT of hope and strength with your words. Thank you very much for being here and posting....You truly have NO clue what your words have done for me. Day 4...worst day yet. Ugh!

[mego579]

man - just when im on the couch then  pacing back and forth, yelling throwing stuff at the wall - i sit down and check this - and read your post
oh man
u know u might not even have a cold? ALL those things ( including runny nose and sneezing) i've had in spades this whole time (not as bad now but its coming and going today reallllly bad)
walked into the studio to find tape... looked at my art - etc, i''m  known as an artist in the US ( annoymous!) and its scaring the life outa me... what if i cant push through this and make art? i always ALWAYS snorted and took a pill - always - before beginging. its was in my head " numb yourself out -make the RA stop so you can speak again through the paint) but u know what? it never made the pain stop.
always hurting anyways - sometimes it hurt MORE right after a pill pop or snort.  

i know what you mean too about waiting for the scripts - i always ran out earlier and earlier taking percs when the oxy ran out - so i was basicly chasing withdrawls off for the last 6 months cuz theyd come back each morning, each night if i woke up in the middle of the night - into sweats and chills and had to take some  just to be normal-

if your on day 7 stick to ok? my day 7 was still a ball of crazy hallucinations - and im not hallucinating now so it DOES get a lil better each day. i'm trusting everyone ive spoken to that says it will eventually end - and belvie me last week sucked wayyyy more than this week - its just coming from such a low point its hard to tell but i'm walking now, ( couldnt walk, bath myself, or talk out my mouth..thats wy the constant typeing)

i cant even tell u how hard it is not to get in my car and drive and get more - i would have done it a long time ago now - cant do it! seriuosly this is such a huge helping of hellfire that i cant willingly put myself back through it - it terrifys me more that that voice in my head telling me to give up - can't do it -
if that much oxy didnt make the pain stop for me - nothing can - except my own head
( and medical MJ) - im getting a card asap when im ok ! smoking does help alot.

ah man - you can do it too - im sitting here sweating my ASSSS off allll this time - thinkign about all u guys doin the same thing - if heroin addicts dont die from this, then we wont either -
im having serious anxiety and strees issues - yelling , punching the walls -

im still sweating it out - on no opiates at all just vitamins and restfull legs ( GET SOME!)  they dissolve under ur tongue -

[mego579]

its also helping me to - im watching my full collection of every gorey horror film - nonstop this whole time -
not the first 6 days.... i was scared of Robot Chicken those days !!! hahahah!!! i coudlnt understand what the hell i was looking at!

but now - its honestly helping ALOT to hear people screaming on my tv....cuz at least im not being crushed by a car right now or burning up in a closed coffin buried underground- i'm still home, still got the tv and the comp. i keep telling myself " u can do this... no one is sawing your legs off..(right cuz that would suck more!) .you just have to sweat it out and you're coming outa this w/ all your fingers and toes!

[mego579]

u know what i just thought?

the whole time i failed at getting clean - it was my secret - no one knew
and this isnt something i could do alone - i've had to come clean to my bf, parents,freinds - everyone during this process these past 2 weeks- had to just face the music and hope they forgave me. and they have.
its the only way -
i had to exspose myself - because if its still my secret...who knows when i give up and relapse? cuz i kept doin it over and over -
my bf and freinds have made this possible- cuz now that its all out in the open, i cant let myself fail - not letting just me down but everyone -

seriously i can kinda control the spasms ( not react to them as much) just kinda cringe...
im soooooo over hot and sweaty! BAH@
hot baths HELP ALOT and w/ epson salt!
helps ur muscles calm down for a bit so u can relax just a lil bit at least while soaking

[SickBoy_Williamson]

Thats crazy, I'm an artist too. Not visual but a musical artist you may have heard on the radio.

Adult swim is my favorite and has helped to keep my mind off of it. I went to the doctor yesterday to see what was up with this cold and get a doctors note... they confirmed it was a virus. I said nothing about my w/ds.

I had been working full 10 hour days the first 4 or 5 days of my w/d. I finally got a few days off because of the cold... not the w/ds. That was hard. I work with people... lots of people day in and day out and can't show any signs of fatigue. Have to be on my feet running back and forth all day... it was rediculously hard. But I just told myself it was worth it. Like you said I'm coming out of this with all my fingers and toes.

The hardest part of this whole thing was early in the week when i first stopped taking them, on my way to work I came up on a bad high speed accident on the interstate. I was the first on the scene, and people were very badly hurt. I tried to help everyone the best I could but was overwhelmed. Finally the cops showed up and last I heard everyone survived. But on top of everything else, seeing that wasn't helping the insomnia. Sometimes I can still see the peoples faces and hear they're screams. But still I refused to take anything to ease the pain.

Its weird, i feel a lot better now that I have just admitted there is a problem. This site, these posts are the first thing I have ever said to anyone. It helps me to know we're in this together. Sorry for the long rants I don't mean to rant.

[55cash]

You will be so blown away when you are able to express yourself through your art without everything being dulled by the drugs. I can hit notes even on day two of WD that I normally can't reach and emotionally connect with the congergation in ways that are amazing. While on stage most all wd pain get better.I believe it's a GOD thing. So what ever type art you do as soon as you can give it a try. you might be surprised.

[mego579]

****!

k the true horror's feind's #1 admition always is.... im scared of REAL death ( faces of death ( the few real parts) animals dying ( vegetarian my whole life)
im super terriffyied when i see real dead bodies..... but it always helps cuz u gotta know what ur work is - ( i used to make fx bodies)

i wouldnt be able to sleep after seeing a wreck like that either! and funny i took the pills when i was stressed too ( not even in pain as much but anxiety thoughout the day too)
now that theyre gone and i have to reajust.. im getting very irritated but i have to work on that.. something other than beating the walls - if i get back into fx i'll make a few extra heads to blow up.. just for myself mabye

[mego579]

+ can't beleive you were in society first days...
i had to be confined to a room so the cops wouldt haul my *** to the nuthouse!
ur a trooper! if u went through that **** - go through the rest - cuz you'd have to do it again later and it ***** too hard for that

chillllls! so hot and still have the chills...
no fever!
woooO!

the sickness out there can't get me while i'm couped up in here!!!!

[jstntime]

My poison was codeine for 15 yrs until oxy came in.  I worked my way to 400-500mg/day after roughly 5 years on them.  

2 years ago, I went 5 days and it was hell.  I am now just staring my 5th day.  Last night bad, slept 5 minutes (not kidding).  I am also still working.

I laughed when I read the post about dreaming of finding an Oxy!!!  Ha ha, I've done that MANY times.

I know about the chills and shakes and crazy legs.  I also know about not being able to eat.  I tried to eat my second item in 4 days last night and held my stomach, shaking all night.  I am going to be careful with the food and only eat some bland food like rice or pasta the next time I get hungry.

Anyone ever feel that buzzing (like a headache) right behind and between your eyes???  The buzzing that would go away in 1 hour with a few oxy's.  I'd be interested if anyone has experienced this,

Take care, this site is a god-send, if you are struggling, come back and get reading!!!!

Peace,

bob



I am going to pray tonight will be better

[KirstenHere]

Yes, I know what you're talking about with the "buzzing" I experience it too. It's weird!! That's for sure!

If anyone can get ambian, I swear you'll get at LEAST 2 hours sleep, which is WAY better than 5 minutes.

Wishing you all the best through this journey we have chosen for ourselves!

[mego579]

yeah ambein or valium or sumthin - i didnt sleep until day 10 though - the hallucinations were nutty -
im getting super hot again- kinda like its all raining back in on me and i start breathing crazy again
gotat remember that its comes harder then less hard - hopeuflly soon it will stop for a bit

actually i remember waking up this morning, and laying back down and being COMFORTABLE for 5 minutes before i sat up going damn im awake!!!!!!!!

i'll take 5 minutes of comfort!!!
ooooo its hot right now

[jstntime]

Thanks Kirsten,

I got a few Lorazepam that I will take tonight.  Maybe I'll get 10 min tonight Ha ha!!!!  (gotta laugh to keep my sanity).

The buzzing is nearly gone so I DO have a positive!!!

Bring on day number 5 (my record in the last 20 years is 5 days)!!!  Wow just sneezed like 15 times in a row (one of the pleasant side effects, facial orgasms!!!)

Peace,

bob

[Weney3777]

Reading all your posts remind me why I quit oxy's on Aug. 6th. Of course, I didn't read this thread until today, and Monday night I had 180mg and made myself literally sick. That also reminded me of why I quit. There's no way I'm going through those w/ds again. Today is day 3 for me this time. Congratulations to ALL of you for your decision. Keep it up, and keep posting, for all of us!

[SickBoy_Williamson]

Bob,

That's hardcore man. I wish you the best of luck. I thought my two year 80-100mg addiction was bad. I never really realized I was always limbo'ing between junkie and recovery. I just thought it was an on and off kinda thing. I guess from here on out it can only be recovery.

Best of luck to everyone. Thanx for the support.

P.S. Horray for MJ. That's the only thing that has made this a tiny bit easier. I recommend it to anyone going through this nightmare.

[mego579]

seriously - gettin more MJ now .... and i cant wait for the medical card. this is the best thing CA has thought of in a long time- mabye ever!
it helps so much it infuriates me when they change the laws and screw good people over.

im at 2 weeks now - and its been so long - but im better than yesturday for sure
now my brain has to stay focused and not flip out -
little things are making me cringe and it makes the WD's stronger...
its weird

day 5 - u can do it! i'm a 100lb girl in her 20's jacked w/rhumetoid damnage throughout her whole body...and i'm at day 14! you can do it!

[mego579]

its def. comming in waves today -
no vicodin no nuthin
i cant beleive this
its almost ambein time and i made it through the day -
my mind keeps sayin 'howd u do that u need drugs to get through days'' not true!
i feel like ****! but way less crappy than last week
i think u guys are right - if the waves stop i'll be out!!!!

wooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

k now these hot sweats gots to stop!

[loki123]

Hey girl,

I have been lurking on this posting but just wanted to say one thing. Don't take any more of the Vic. It will just stretch out the pain/wd or start it all over. It may make you feel a little better but in the end, and I know you are going to make it, it will cost you plenty. I am a disabled vet who was on the OXY for years. just thank the stars you were able to do this at home and not in a psych ward at a VA hospital!! That was a really eye opening dealio! Keep it up.

[jstntime]

Thanks for the good luck Sick boy,

I slept for 7 straight hours last night and feel like a new man today.  I will reach day five this afternoon (my record in the past 20 years) and I feel I have the resolve to get through this.  The posts from everyone have been a god-send.  Some real angels on here.

The physical symptoms are still mostly there, the chills, sweats and crazy legs and runs, but their intensity IS lessening.

Thanks to all,

bob

[trying23]

I just love all of you!!!! I was reading and felt so good hearing everybody cheering eachother on!!!!

[keekee57]

Its kind people like you that makes this site really work. We are here to support one another because I can empathize with each and everyone of you and that right there is a real "common bond". Addicts like myself are great, fun and very intelligent people. Its just our brains were wired the wrong way. The on and off switch that is. We have to fight every waking moment to overcome this dreaded and horrible disease. Some of us will make it to the top and feel really good and then out of the darkness the gorilla jumps back on and we find ourselves at the bottom of the hill. I just never give up and look for hope that one day this disease will once and for all leave my body and mind. But I have to work hard at it and all of you know its not easy. We are here to support our fellow addicts and I am thankful for a site like this. Thanks again. mike in NC

[mego579]

woa - ok i HAD to drive and get stuff- thats was nuts
i havnt driven my car in weeks
and so many flights of stairs w/ 10 grocery bags
i made it back
profusly sweating and panting but i drove my car
and cried like a baby the whole time to Mars Volta

in pain and agony still but functioning

everything is so much 'better' sounding and looking it keeps making me cry
i must be having serious anxiety still

and driving was tough but on auto pilot- i did drive super fast at the end down the streeet- thank god no one was walking by!

[Michiganguy328]

You need to see an adictionalogogist NOW - Read my profile and write to me if I can help.  I am going through the same HELL, but I have 3 good Doctors working with me and the meds are helping a ton.  

[mego579]

omg im in so much pain ALL OVER - sweating no more right now- but i cant do anything buy lay don in pain :(

[SickBoy_Williamson]

It's going to get easier, you just have to focus on the long run. Blow your smoke up in the air as if no one was standin' there and try and relax. I procured some Vallium yesterday to help knock me out at night, it really helped. I was out for about 6 solid hours. That was the best sleep I've had in years. It was a real sleep, not opiate induced. The cold has passed and I feel alive for the first time. Feelings I haven't felt about simple things like the trees turning colors and the smell of the fall since I was a child. It's like being reborn. Suddenly things around me make more sense, and my life has a new direction. Remember the pain is in your head. Key word YOUR you can talk yourself down from it. We are all soldiers for pushing ahead and taking the initiative to better ourselves and ultimately the people who love and care for us.

When it all boils down to it, we have to find what it is we are all really running from. For me, it is me. I have to learn to like who I am again and believe in who I am and what I'm truly capable of... without the high. I really have a lot of respect for all of you, and I honestly think you are all the strongest people I know. No one really understands this but us. Lets keep it together and pull through together.

Mad Love to all who have given support.
-A

[more_fiend]

You are all so strong.  I read through meg's ordeal tonight for the first time.  I am in awe of your strength.  I know the pain is immense from RA, my bf is the same.  He was on kadian (morphine)  forever at an unbelievable dose.  We finally went to a doctor who informed him he was an addict and needed help.  The doctor started suboxone therapy.  I never thought he was addicted because a doctor prescribed the meds.  I looked at myself and realized I too was an addict and needed help.  This site helps so much just to talk to others who know the pains and emotions that go with wd's.  I try to talk to family about my addiction but it is not the same.  Keep up the positive thinking and soon meg, whether you realize it or not, you have inspired others.  Great job!!

[KirstenHere]

Hon, you're doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are WAY over half way there....you just keep fighting that pain...cause KNOW this, you are NOT alone with fighting it, ok? So when it gets so bad that you just can't think you can move on, post, post, and post...and know that out in this big world I AM with YOU going through EXACTLY what you are the EXACT same time, as MANY MANY others are...got me??

BTW, end of day 5 here!!!!!!!!!!!

[Isitoveryet555]

Hey  I ve been following you for a long time now and you ve helped me get through my own withdrawl. I'm a 17 year old male who is or was addicted to about 25mg of oxycodone a day for about 2 years. I'm 8 days clean today (Saturday) and I feel like a new person. Today (Friday) I remembered what it is to have emotions. I almost cried infront of my girl friend today because I had made this realization. I am no longer numb but I am alive and life is good. I feel human again. I will never , ever in my life take another oxy. I will not put myself through that again not only because of the withdrawl but because of what it feels like to be a human filled with emotions. And to understand and to be able to socialize and express yourself again. I have an addictive personality and for the first time in a week I found my fathers oxys and they were 40s(which are a very rare treat) but I did not take any.

      I know you can do this . The waves get better faster and less frequent then you think and the feeling of being sober for 5 minutes at a time turns into 10, and then 20, and then an hour. And I started to feel these waves on day 4. Sobriety is ecstacy. Soon you will be a free woman

[mego579]

wow 17, i've always had an addictive personality and at 17 i was doing loaaads of psychadelics... (those arnt the enemy unless u take em more than like 2wice a year!)
but i'm glad i didnt have access to Oxy then becuase i woulda messed things up too! i might have even done heroin ( never would but i found out oxy is called 'hillbilly heroin" NOOO!)

my dr.s gave me the oxy 40's (120) AND 120- 7.5oxycodone
yeah
i was HOPPD UP all the time - but it wasnt a good feeling, more of a 'i have to take this or i'll get really really sick) its true too... sometimes i'd puke if i didnt have one to take within a certain amount of hours - it was horrrrible
and you're right everything is better now that i'm clean too - Pantera rocks so much harder in my car - i admit though i'm having alot of anxiety as usual in public- i always did but pushed it away with the oxy - have to learn to detach myself away from all the people i dont like at walmart or other various buisness - with the power of my mind!

oh and i drank a beer! i havnt been able to have alcohol in years cuz im not gunna play the dead body game - so i had 1 beer tonight and it was awsome!
dont worry - i used to be a couple beerer- i hate being drunk, become the Mayor of Vomitville! ahhaha i dont mess w/ that anymore~~

earlier was so hard i almost had a panic attack~ both elbows ARE HUGE swolen w/ hot stuff inside ( as usual) and if the knees go i'm screweddd! have to get predisone from dr. and a cortazone shot - gett them down beofore the juice eats more of my joints away :( ( thats wehre the joint damage is)
my left is worse ( yay! my right hand is $ )
so as long as my body plays this cruel joke on me... it better know the ground rules... alll but my right arm please!
starting to be able to tell the spots that are messed up more from the RA - but in general i still say this pain is better than the first days of WD! or even being in as much pain while being enslaved to pills! nope! this here now is def. better... i just need to shake these sweats and heat - and figure out the general pain thing - mabye accupunture?

[DontForget]

Have you thought about getting on Suboxone? Go to the NAABT.org website and find out more about it. I don't know if this med is for you but check it out. It saved my life after a battle with percs, oxys and tabs. Good-luck in your recovery!

[mego579]

no suboxone - its jsut as addictive and difficult to WD from :(
have you ever tried to stop taking it?
im at 2 weeks and 2 days and i can walk
theres no reason at this point to take WD meds cuz the WD are almost over...

ugh i think i ate 1/2 a pizza last night
ughhhh stomach

[worried878]

Mego is 10 or more days clean...why on earth would u tell someone to get on sub right now? she is trying to stop taking narcotics and has done so...why would she want to start taking a more powerful narcotic than she was on all this time?  I reallly am glad mego is educated enuf not to take heed to ur post...sub may be great for u if u r not ready to be off of drugs//sub is good for those who have tried very hard to quit and just can not without a maintenence drug/narcotic like sub or methadone..these r needed for some//people at high doses of a drug or a strong drug like heroin..but have even seen them CT with success...sub/unless u stay on it for life/will have wds that last al long time like methadone when u decide to get off of it..why would she want to get back on the merry go round when she has made it thus far....working on urself keeps u clean..not sub...sub can help u stay off the streets while u do the work...and can help u skip wds from ur old doc...but sub becomes a new doc for people if they are not careful...be sure u know ur addictionology before recommending things to people that can get them into deep doo doo

[mego579]

thanks worried - thats exactly what i was thinking! i'm pretty sure u take sub if u give up the 1st week... now that i'm 2 week i'm not givin up! i passed that POINT ALONG TIME AGO! **** the 5th day woulda been a give up!
i've been in hell for 2 week ( i'll never forget it ) theres no way on this earth i want to EVER feel like this again - NEVER
even after 2 weeks i feel crappy - but 10000 time better than yesturday or the day b4 -

one day at a time - i have a few freinds who are x-heroin addicts and they even said after a month they were bak to some kind of normal - and they are older now and better and i look up to them for the strength to stay clean -
never going back
i'd rather feel generally yuky than all **** all the time and being addicted to oxy!
NOOO!

[worried878]

Girl u sound like u r ready to be clean..i can feel it in ur post..u r so close to feeling so much better..dont turn back now..seek support if u feel the need to use...to me aftercare works better than sub ceptit does takewds away  if u have to work or sumpin ..but u r way over the hump...going on sub now would be moving backward..and ur moving forward!  Congrats on ur clean time..put all the balls in ur court so u will win this game//nasty game but u wanna win over those yucky pills...they suk the life out of u!

[sid3]

Your right, sub is definitely not an option, you way past that. Besides the fact that nine out of ten Drs don't have any idea about what the F they're doing. Lots of cash$$ for the greedy bastards. Your doing great Mego, I am glad to see it's getting better every day for you.

[dellta]

just stay in the fight period give yourself a chance you can always turn back and start this b.s all over again!!! so just stay the course trust me and all the others here you will !!!! i promise you will get better please just hang in there because the ulturnitive is back on the op train and this all starts over again

[bbb22]

I have been taking 10 10mg lortabs a day for the past 2 1/2 years for severe sciatica. I am ready to get off. I know itI have been taking subs every other day for about 6 days to get off the lortabs. I tried stopping after 4 days and I was fine for one day and then the withdrawls came back super heavy. Does anyone know when the withdrawls from the lortab will stop?? Or how long until I can stop taking the subs? I read the whole post and I see that it can take a couple weeks to feel normal again.. So I am not there yet. Everyday I wait until I absolutely NEED the suboxone to take it. I take a quarter piece about every other day. I want to get off of everything! I hate this feeling and  am ready to be healthy. Please if anyone knows how long this will aprox last please let me know. And congrats on your 2 weeks!!! You are soo strong. I wish I had that strength! Good luck!! You are inspiration

[leeisgettingclean]

stop taking the sub and suffer the 5-7n days of w/ds. i was takin 15-20 tabs a day 10's, i went cold turkey, it blew untill about day 4 than started to get better. The sub is only makin it worse and prolonging what is to come, just get it over with, w/ds are a vital part of getting clean, they are something we all have to go through and nthing out there is going to take them away, ther is some things that might help you a little, but in the end you are going to have to get it done,

[mego579]

hey - i'd say just get to that pllace where you " neeeed to take the sub" cuz u cant take it... run a hot bath w/ epson salt, lock the door and cry - just try to deal w/ it - thats not easy to say cuz i was almost held down while screaming craziness to get past those first 5 days - i'm at over 2 weeks and its better, and i was on WAYYYYYYY more opiate than ur taking -
u gotta stick it out - no medication can help the WDs .... just time - but think about it, 2 weeks... it feels long while ur doing it, but overall 2 weeks isnt that long. u can do it!
u need a freind to help u - cuz you'll get pretty sick - but it wont kill u and just count the days - thats what i've done - and i actually saw a movie in a theatre yesturday! (day 16) and even 2 days ago i didnt think i'd ever leave the house...
trust in your own wheelpower and just tell urself NO -
if u need to flush the sub - i'd say flush it -
then u can't give in

[DontForget]

You guys really need to research suboxone... besides 10 days clean and prolly ready to relapse.

[leeisgettingclean]

most on here HAVE did our research on it, it should be  used only under the care of a medical person, this person is takin it as needed every few days which means he/she is prob not using it under medical advise, and because of that they prob have not did much research on it! worried878 is a very knowledgable person and her advise is always good hearted and usually takin very well!
  What do you know about sub from all your research that you like to share??

[bbb22]

Btw, I am taking them from a doctor. He told me that it is best that I start tapering as soon as possible. I took 8 mg the first 2 days and then 4 every other day after. He told me that when I felt comfortable I should take smaller and smaller amounts until I don't have the physical wd's. I'm fine with the mental wd's. I am ready to get clean and be healthy. I just don't know what to do.. So what some of you are saying is that after taking a piece of Sub every other day or 2 days for 2 weeks that I won't ever be able to get off and that I will wd from the Sub after just a short time period... Because that is not what my doc is telling me.. I don't want to switch one drug addiction to another.... please help!

[bbb22]

Btw, I am taking them from a doctor. He told me that it is best that I start tapering as soon as possible. I took 8 mg the first 2 days and then 4 every other day after. He told me that when I felt comfortable I should take smaller and smaller amounts until I don't have the physical wd's. I'm fine with the mental wd's. I am ready to get clean and be healthy. I just don't know what to do.. So what some of you are saying is that after taking a piece of Sub every other day or 2 days for 2 weeks that I won't ever be able to get off and that I will wd from the Sub after just a short time period... Because that is not what my doc is telling me.. I don't want to switch one drug addiction to another.... please help!

[mego579]

hey - i can tell ur worried about suffering WD's.... im not sure if u would normaly get WD from 2 weeks on a medication BUT you're prolly taking Suboxone to save u from the WD from something else right? So no matter what you'll have to suffer WD on some level....i know its scarry but, it will stop. I'm day 22 now & I"m almost ready to start back into society normaly ( work etc )
Some advice another person on here gave me really helped, Just ask youself if you'd rather be sick for a month or the rest of your life? I chose the month - I understand i wont feel 100 percent for a while if ever, but its ok to deal w/the fact u ****** up and you have to kinda pay the price!
But it will end and you'll be ok - From my research Sub is hard as Oxy etc. to WD from - but then again most of us who went cold turkey from opiates didnt even taper off... like me i was at 300 a day to prolly 80 2 days b4 they were gone - thats a fast taper thats prolly usless - it was like HELL! so i'd assume if you take Sub every other day or whatev - hell your WD might not be as bad as the rest of us,
just remember you'll be sick but count the days and read up on the WD symptoms so you dont freak yourself out! I would then coming on here helped me mellow out -

I wouldnt worry about what ur dr. tells u - i'd just stop taking that stuff asap . theres no pill thats gunna make u not go through WD - you have to. just get used to it and start so you can get it over with! I'm so happy now i can almost get outa the house and go halloween it up!

[mego579]

I havnt posted for a few days - right now i'm having major WD comebacks ( is that a term?) it keeps coming back sometimes but MAJOR - and im having serious problems just wanting to drink all the time now and i just dont want to be sober :(
cuz it hurts :(
somedays im ok and somedays like now im horrrrrrible

[worried878]

I c u osted on the 6th and u were 4 days clean..lots of posts so i did not read them all...u r now approximately 3 weeks into this?...mental cravings, fatigue, lack of motivation and feeling like u have no nrg to get up and do anything is how i felt at this time ..it was a real doomer..i remember..i felt like i had no life cos when i got home from work i felt like doing nuttin...had to do a rocket shot just to get out of the door each am for work

This is the time when aftercare becomes crucial..u gotta have a plan or u may cave on one of these "bad" days...but remeber these bad days become less and less//and good days become more and  more as time goes by while ur brain heals,,many r so afraid of the physical aspect of wd that they do not make a plan for this part..I DID NOT..cos I didnt know..i didnt know about all this PAWS crud..and it bumbedme out when it happend..I figured i would go thru the physical stuff//which I imagined would be way worse than my actual experience...i was envisioning shaking and sweating//throwing up etc..my physical part was not awful...5 days maybe//4 really..then this PAWS stuff hit me..and i felt as tho i dint have a life..like a couch potato or sumpin...and i am not a couch potato at all..this doomer feeling can make u turnback to pills//just to feel better..right now ur brain is working against u

I re-read the thomas recipe in the health pages and got up and MOVED..resumed my gym habits/exercise forces the brain to release much needed endorphins as u have cut ur endorphin supply off...the brain has to catch up and heal..the mino acids helpedme along with exercise..when i craved i did sumpin rather than sit there and dwell on it...MOVE!  as much as u can

AA has a slogan...90 meetings in 90 days...there is a reason for the 90 days..this is approximately how long it takes thebrain to heal enuf to handle staying clean..have u read thru the health pages?  there is an article there on dopamine and addiction that helped me understand//understanding helps us cope ..make a plan for this doomy part...cover all of ur bases..there is also an article on cravings

why di u stop the pills?  post and let us know the reasons u stopped...list them and never forget them! memories can fade/specially painful ones...what were the reasons that made u make the decision to stop and get off the merry go round?

[Dknd4v]

paws post acute withdrawl syndrome... is it physical or mental right now? mental cravings n the dreams can last a while.. syick it out if u can.. im here if u want to talk went thru the same things..

[mego579]

its totally both bad - but mabye mental more? i have Rhumetoid Arthritis and before i was on Enbrel i swelled up alot and the swelling erods ur joints each time so i have jjoint damage that hurts like crazy all the time.
i stopped because i'd been taking way too much - and nothing ever helped, and snorting them sometimes and running out earlier EVERY MONTH and chasing the sickness away each time i took one, waking up in the middle of the night sick and having to take one almost every night, not being able to function w/out them and then w/out more and more of them. i started puking randomly mabye 2wice a week ( prolly from too much or not enough) - everytime my script ran out early life stopped-0
but now i feel like lifes permaently stopped and if i could just be the way i was i'd get things done cuz i'm usually busy but cant bring myself to do anything but attempt cleaning every couple hours :( i know thats not true thats why i dont go get anymore of that poison
but knowing i can anytime is HARD so hard - i wish i couldnt then mabye i'd give up mentally
my cars like half broken which ***** but is good too - keeps me from driving anywhere
i dunno i have wheelpower i guess obviously but it feels like when i was in jr.high or highschool- that insatiable craving to get high, i use other drugs recreationaly ( occasionaly nowadays like 2wice a year) but back then i was nuts i like tried anything - i had major drug problems which is why i understand how i let myself start taking the oxy poison.
even though my golden rules always '' dont do heroin''
christ -
:(
im not a kid anymore though , u cant go around high all the time and excpect to have a buisness etc. tahts why oxy was easy to fall into cuz ididnt notice it at first , it jsut seemed to make me to more work, and be able to stay up longer working, but then eventually it made me lazy and sleepy and sometimes i'd just sleep -
i want to exersice liek i used to and ride my bike and stuff but i'm in pain and tired, and almost nervous , i have bad 'people' anxiety anyways so now its like its unbearable to be near anyone so i've been home this whole time -
i have to get back to work but i cant yet - i cant pick myself up
i feel the shakes and spaz out a few times a day and have had probably too much wine this week
its really hard to stop the URGE to do anything - i just want it to be over and be a normal person so i dont feel like im going nuts anymore :(

[SickBoy_Williamson]

Thats what i've been fighting for a while. I didn't even know what paws was until recently... that explained a lot. When I quit the first time, (Early this year) I used alcohol to numb the brain. It ***** but, everyone is right, 90 days and the bad thoughts stop. The body doesn't ache, even when sitting on the couch. I went from socially drinking every couple weeks, to drinking a 5th every couple days. It too will pass. I was unemployed, fresh out of college, back at home with the rents' and totally miserable. A job finally came along and pulled my head out of the gutter. I quit smoking cigarettes, and quit smoking pot. Things cleaned up.

One night at work a buddy of mine traded a friend for a few oxy 20's.

I told myself I'm responsible and understand the consiquences now, it won't happen again.

Thus it happened again. Worse than before, more desperate than before.

Here I was again, addicted. Feeling like schit. Having to take them to feel normal.

I guess my post isn't really constructive. Paws is hard. The withdrawls are hard. Rejoining life is hard. It's like merging onto a raging interstate, on a moped. Phuq.

But that's all any of this boils down to is rejoining life. Do you remember the hardest thing you ever had to go through growing up?

.... I do....

But what happened, you rejoined life because you had to, and that's the only way things will work. You can plead and reason with yourself as to why you should go back, you can even go back... but still if you want to survive.... SURVIVE.... you have to rejoin life.

I use MJ. I use beer and wine... (I now understand why they call them spirits).

I f up and fall down. I pick myself up again and move forward.

Why? Because no matter what, you have to keep breathing. You have to keep moving forward.

I look back at that hardest thing growing up, and yeah it still hurts. But I'm still here. I rejoined once before, and I can do it again.

If not for yourself, than atleast for the people who love you. Because when it's their turn to try and merge into traffic, where do you need to be? Getting run down too, or slowing down to help them in.

Either way the earth will turn, time will pass, and one way or another it's all going to end.

I want it to end while I'm standing, not glued to a couch or writhing in self induced pain. I'm going to stand up and do this right.

Why shouldn't we all?

eh....

I hang my head in regret. I've slipped.

That's where I've been these past two weeks, and I guess I need more strength than I thought....

Please don't make the same mistake, you're so far into it, you can get through this.

Mad Love
-J

[mego579]

hi,

its about 3 weeks, im in so much physical pain that this mental fatigue seems worse, i'm obsessing but i can just lay here and not move cuz moving hurts. went out the other night and now my calves and back are insainly painfuly when i try to walk, ( all hunched over like im 80)
i hope this will pass too because im not sure how i can reassociate w/ society or much less leave my house in pain like this
i dunno i also get really mad then i spent all day and night yesturday crying. i'm almost suicidal but i can't think about whats wrong - i know i jsut am not having that many '' thoughts'' - even trying to make food made me break down crying - all the steps were too overwhelming.
i was really depressed as a teenager - i feel that way again. i'm trying to remind myself its the PAWS but i get swept up often now and its getting hard.
ya " J' if someone had an oxy i'd probably swollow it up as a reflex before giving myself time to think. i'm glad no one i know gets them or has or takes ( if they did i'd have known before when i was addicted cuz i would ask around often when i was desprite)
even still - if what im going through now will pass.. for realls... not joking..
then its worth it to me to keep on truckin onward and wait for the days i start to feel normalish again -
thats depressing now cuz this ***** so hard that i feel desprite and want it to end to the core of me - feels like my hearts constantly being squeezed up my throat - mabye my minds trying to think of stuff that i didnt want to think about b4 -
i dont like it at all - i checked out as a teenager w/honestly dealing w/ stuff- this is gunna be a super huge mountain to climb up
honeslty i usually spend 19 hours a day alone painting like a maniac and dont go to my shows ( cuz i dont wanna be around anyone) and enjoy kudos through media,freinds, etc.
im a total hermit usually, but that was a hermit w/ a ton of opiate around all the time kinda zombified roboto painting - i know thats not right now, but this is new - i jsut keep feeling like my whole life stopped and i wont get it back.

i guess it will just be kinda different.  i was able to construct w/ the paint for like 20 min the other day - so the brains still there and the hand still knows. i just have to deal w/ this pain thing and deep depresive feeling -
all i can bring myself to do still is clean -

[mego579]

i didnt get my rag for like 4 months, now i just got it yesturday and i'm super sick ontop of being super WD sick still,
now i know my rag did stop cuz of the oxy overload -
im at a month now and i feel like ****
still chills and hot skin coming back, mood swings and going nuts, now my stomachs really really really really crazy sick -im trying so hard not to give up
so hard
this is getting hard :(
its been a month my brains starting to crack -

[dominosarah]

Just keep holding on.  I know this is really wearing on you but one of these days it will get better.  You can do this........sara

[mego579]

the second i hit send - the fire alarms just went off in the apartment - i have 2 furry kids that are my soul and in so sick - my *** ran up and searched ran outside to check for smoke out there, then heard a voice say " its just a test everyone sorry"
holy ****

i guess i can get out of bed...
i dont feel good i gotta lay down again

[dominosarah]

Thank god it was just a test......Try and get up and move if you can.

[mego579]

i know what a shtstorm of bad that would have been!
walkign around makes my calves and back hurt real bad
plus i have no movitvation today :(
mabye i should take my thyrozine and b-12

[CaSteve]

so how are you doing now? i read all your post and im curious to where you are now in your recovery? Please update us all when you can! thanks hope your feeling normal again!

[oxyproblem]

Please know that there is alot of us out there your posts have helped so much...wondering too how your doing? Please update us, I keep tracking your progress to help me get through mine....helps knowing people know how bad we really feel each day as this battle goes on!