Oxycontin cured my depression and ruined my life...

[Ali1226172]

Hi, my name is Alison I am currently "addicted" to painkillers.  After enduring a terrible break-up I was so depressed that I wouldn't eat, sleep, or leave the house for months.  My sister introduced me to roxycodone and finally I felt normal again.  However, I have always had a good head on my shoulders and knew that I could not use drugs as a "cure", so I went to the doctor and got a script for zoloft to help me.  The zoloft helped a lot, but not with my anxiety.  Ever since I could remember I have had sever anxiety accompanied with panic attacks.  At this point my sister was in the throws of hard core addiction with the roxies, so I would tabble with her everynow and again to help with the anxiety.  Soon my sister got really sick and started using heroin, and I lost my best friend.  This threw me into the deepest depression of all, and suddenly I found myself using pills to cope.  Now I have been using just 30mg of oxy or roxy daily to help cope with my anxiety for about a year or so.  I don't abuse it like most people do... I don't use it to get high or "f'ed" up, but just to feel happy and normal.  I know this is going no place good and I want to stop, but am so scared!!! I don't want to be an emotional mess anymore!! Does anyone have any advice to help me kick this, and yet be happy in my life???

[Ali1226172]

Please Leave Comments, to help me with this!! GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE WHO HAS LOST A LOVED ONE TO ADDICTION OR IS ENDURING IT THEMSELVES!!! MY HEART GOES OUT :)

[gizzy32]

Hi Allison, welcome to the forum. You are using it to get high, your using them to feel happy and to cope. That is what almost all of us here have done. I was in denial for a long long time about my drug use. I used drugs to be numb sometimes and I used so I  party longer and harder. I had every excuse to use. The problem with addiction is it is progressive and the longer we are in denial and keep using the harder it becomes to stop. Your taking a low dose now, but most times that will change and get worse.

As tolerance to drugs(pills) builds, we start to need more and I promise you won't be saying it cured your depression if you don't stop. It adds more depression and starts to rewire the brain. The good news is your reaching out for help and support and recognizing this is a problem, that is the first step. Have you tried to stop? Have you talked to a dr about your panic attacks? Would you consider talking to a counsellor about some of these core issues that have bothered you? The good news is you can put an end to this before it completely takes over you life. Good luck and keep posting!

[Ali1226172]

Thank you for writting, and yes I am aware I am a bit in denial.  I guess I see my sister as the addict and i'm just a user.  I know that you build tolerance so sometimes i'll take days off to avoid that.  Are you an addict, also?  And how did you get clean if so?  I am really struggling here, and I have talked to a counsler before but not about the panic attacks.  I am looking into couseling as we speak, but I'm still not sure I am ready to let go.  I am a straight A student even using, so I don't see it ruining my life but I KNOW it will eventually take over....ughhhh I just don't have the strenght to end this yet.  The worst part is that nobody knows about my use, not ever my family or closest friends.  I could never tell them, because they are so broken over my sister that I would be disowned.

[Ali1226172]

I think that is the hardest part.  Because I have this secret, I am alone in doing this and that scares me the most!

[gizzy32]

Addiction can affect anyone. I had it all before i got hooked. I went to college for golf, had a couple sponsors, most would never know i was an addict so just cause you get straight A's does not mean it can't happen to you.

To answer your question, yes I am an addict, but it took me so long to accept that. I tried to stop, but it took an overdose and ambulance ride for me to finally see the light. You see your sister like this, so don't make those same mistakes, get a handle on this now. When i kept my addiction a secret it allowed me to keep using, but I can understand you not wanting to tell your family in this situation. This site has held me accountable, but I have had a few relapses on here too:( We can't do this alone.

You said you don't have the strength to end this yet and the truth is we have to be ready and willing to stop. Don't wait till you bottom out. Hope I don't sound harsh, just telling you the truth

[Ali1226172]

I know your right, and your not being harsh at all.  I really appreciate your responses, because I am feeling very alone in this right now. ;)  I just never thought I would end up this way.  I was always the strongest voice in my sister's life in trying to get her to quit.  I actually called me dad in from Cali (I live in New York) to come in when my sister overdosed on heroin.  At that point I brought my whole family together for an intervention and we got her to finally go into rehab.... the day she got out she relapsed on meth.  It's crazy how her addiction has triggered mine now.  I just love her so much and not having her in my life has been the toughest battle for me, but I DON'T want to end up like her or let her addiction take my life too.  I really just don't know how to feel good with out the pills....  How do I tackle this?? I know I am making the first step in loggin on here for support, but now what?? How did you stop drinking?  Did it really take an overdose?  Usually people have to bottle out before they stop, but I'm not in a position to do that!  If I hit bottom I lose everything in my life, and that is the only reason I am trying to quit while I'm ahead.... but it's so tough....

How long have you been sober?? And congrats btw!

[gizzy32]

I am not a drinker, but i drank recently and switched addictions from time to time. My DOC is cocaine and overdosed on that with a large amount, but ive used all kinds of drugs over the years. Oxy's almost got me too, but i was not on them that long. I have finally accepted I am addicted to all drugs. I have been sober for over 2 weeks, but off coke for 9 months today. I am leaving for the beach now, but should be back on later. You will get a lot of support here and learn so much. You can do this girl, your sister needs you. Take care and send me a pm anytime

[oxysufferer]

Right now I am in my 6th day of withdrawals. It all started innocently. I hurt my back in 1998 but was only prescribed Tylenol 3. They did nothing for the pain.  A year later my doctor moved so I had to find another. I still had back pain during that time but nothing I couldn't handle it was just a bother at times when it flared up, but I was happy and productive. I found a new doctor and  he prescribed percocet. That was the beginning of where I am today. the first one I took I felt great! I would take one and lay down on the sofa waiting for it to work. When it did I felt bliss and well being. Soon taking one was not enough. I started taking more and more. When I told my doctor that they weren't working any more he prescribed oxycontin! I went home, took one and I was feeling great again. He prescribed 3 x 20 mgs a day. For the next year they were enough. But again they no longer gave me the high I so much wanted. I went to my doc and told him I was in serious pain and needed more. Reluctantly he prescribed 2x 20mg 3 x day. One day I said to him can I get 3 x40mg pills instead of 2 20's. He did soon it became 2x40mg's 3 x a day. by then it was 2006. I was sleeping all day. My son would leave for school at 7 am and when he got home at 3 pm I was still in bed. waking only to take my pills. I was crushing them, snorting them chewing them. I started to get depressed so my doc prescribed effexor. This made me feel really out of it! A while latter I stopped the effexor because the way they made me feel. I had no sex drive, Nothing I was numb. a shell of a human. The effexor withdrawals made my head fells like electric shocks in my head. I got more and more depressed. I started to cut down on my oxys too, For a few months I was getting my regular script but accumulating them. I basically stayed in bed for the next three years. getting up only to do the things that I had to. and in order to get out I had to take extra (the ones I had accumulated). I was a real mess. I knew I had to do something so I started weening my self off the oxys. I got down to 20 mgs three times a day. right were I started. Except I was still up all night and sleeping most of the day but I was very depressed especially in the evenings. I even tried suboxone. I felt great for a while but started missing my dose. when I ran out I didn't like the idea of taking suboxone because its like trading on drug for another it is an opiate just like oxys so I returned to taking oxys and was right back again. This brings me to June of 2009. I had enough of wasting my life. I started forcing my self up by 10 am daily and I finally weened myself to taking 4 x 10mgs a day. I went through some minor withdrawals but got through them. On Monday night I watched intervention on A&E. The girl was going through the exact things I was only with percocets. She was a mess. Taking handfuls at a time and depressed all the time. After her detox and rehab she was a normal productive person.I said to myself I can do it too! I cant afford rehab so I have to do it myself. Tuesday morning I woke up and didn't take a pill. I thought I was ready . By noon I started to shake and sweat. Here it was, the first sign of withdrawal. I thought well it started so why not go through with it. For the first 5 days I went through hell! I had all the symptoms of opiate withdrawal. I didn't slep for more then 10 minutes at a time. When I closed my eyes I saw the Northern lights! I would suddenly wake up sweating with a very rapid heart beat. My legs were freezing like they're frost bit, but my feet were sweating at the same time. My whole body felt like electrical impulses. Especially my legs. I couldn't get comfortable. I was going out of my mind, but I refuse to take another pill! I have come this far how much longer can it last? The 4th night the worst, up all night and every time I dosed off I would suddenly wake up. When I would get up I felt like I am going to pass out. I almost did. I hit my head on the wall. I was so dizzy.
Its day 6. Last night I was able to get a few hours sleep. though I the pain in my legs was very bad. I did some research and found this is normal. the pills had made my nerve cells go dormant and the tingling and electric impulses are the nerves regenerating. Walking helps. but I am still very weak. I am comfortable right now. I think the worst is over, but I know I still have a long way to go.

[norelapse]

I will say this, you may think that Oxycontin "cured" your depression, but it only exacerbates it, making it worse.

Depression is the result of a chemical imbalance in your brain. Oxycontin gives you those happy chemicals to stave off your depression. However, with long-term Oxycontin use, your brain "gets used to" the Oxycontin supply of happy chemicals, and it starts producing less and less natural happy chemicals on its own.

With your brain producing fewer happy chemicals on its own -- and relying on Oxycontin -- you're actually becoming more and more depressed, requiring more and more pills.

Everyone's life is different, but every life is worth living. You just have to find the root of what makes you happy and the root of what makes you sad, and try filling your life with more of those happy activities. When you're on Oxycontin, because you're high and happy, you feel no need to pursue happy, fun activities.

Trust me, I was gripped by Oxycontin too. I was becoming less intimate with my girlfriend, I stopped watching TV, I stopped playing video games, I stopped laughing and smiling. All I wanted to do was take Oxycontin and just sit on my couch numb. That is not the way to live life.


Try to remember that time in your life when you were a happy, fun person. When people liked you for who you were, when you weren't on drugs. You can still be that person.

Good luck

[oxysufferer]

You're so right! Oxycontin and opiates cause depression, for the reasons you described. Since I have been off my depression has gotten allot better, Still a bit emotional and a little sad, but nowhere the deep dark place I was before.

[Ali1226172]

OFF to Work SOBER!! :) First time in a while, wish me luck everyone! Thanks for all the honest post...I appreciate it !

[oxysufferer]

You should never use an opiate to treat depression. There are many antidepressants out there. See your Doc.

Welbutrin is good. It has no unwanted side effects.

[Ali1226172]

If you read above, I have seen a doctor and am on Zoloft!  But nothing compares to the oxies, and to be honest I have never felt better than when I use in small amounts.... I literally only use if I feel anxious and not to be ****** up.  Still I realize that this is not healthy....

PS- Made it through day one sober, with just 4mg suboxone to avoid any withdrawal and feeling alright so far :)

[Ali1226172]

TO Oxysufferer,

I just started the process of getting clean...I am using subs to help ease the process for a couple days at lower and lower doses until I have none.  So far I feel fine, and I doubt I will withdraw to bad because I was on such a low dose of oxy and only for about 7mo straight...however I'm scared and have felt the aching and emotional withdrawal before...any advice on how to get through this?  You are doing amazing by the way and I hope we can get clean together!! DON'T GO BACK, the worst is over and that is awesome that you have such strength! :)

[dominosarah]

So you are using 4 mg of sub to get off 30 mg of oxy's?  Is your doctor helping you with this taper??  I really hope you are going to look into aftercare.  You seem to be carrying alot of emotional baggage.......keep us posted         sara

[Ali1226172]

Hi sara, no I am not seeing a doctor and I used 4mg sub yesterday, today will be two, tommm one and than nothin... I just scared of withdrawals thats why I am doing it this way and I am looking into seeing a counseling but I do not have health insurance until september....so I'm def going to be on here a lot reaching out for support! So far I feel alright..... any advice?  What is your addiction...

[jimmyRLS]

hi Allison,

I understand what you're going through on so many levels... very much the same.

I've been on oxycontin for 7yrs, prescribed for pain legally, but it helps temporarily for depressing feelings if you take enough, just like what you're taking I guess...

you've said it yourself here that you're not taking it to get high, or f'd up... right... just to feel happy and normal... I can totally relate forsure.... but what you are doing may not be getting high, but in a big way taking this stuff to not feel low is very much the same as getting high... I know what you mean, that you're not getting all high though, but what you're doing is 100% guaranteed to increase your dosage, and you will end up like me on 320mg oxy per day...
Do not continue to take this stuff for this reason... please you still have time to turn around, and just stop...
what I'd recommend is seriously looking into herb (marajuana) and you dont even need to smoke it and get all baked(high) but instead get the baked cookies etc... there are many strains out there that affect you differently, and im only recommending this to you because it works for what you're taking the painkillers for just as well or better, and you won't become so physically addicted and ruin your life as a result...

My other advice and I hope/pray you forsure take this beacuse I know without any doubt that it will help you far more than you could imagine right now...
get a book on cd/audio called 'the power of now'...by eckhart tolle...
Dont get the book, but get cd and use a walkman when you're alone and can't be distraced to listen to it and you will find something that will help you as good or better than taking what your taking...
then he has a 2nd book/cd called "a new earth'....

this may sound like just another book or whatever but I can assure you and even promise you that with what you're going through, and what you've described it will forsure turn things around for you in a big way... just take my word, even though you don tknow me at all... it will change your life.. and WILL help you amazingly...

all the best,

[Ali1226172]

Thank you Jimmy, everyone on here has been very supporitive and pot is not for me lol!! It makes u gain weight and is bad for your skin lol.  I have been using that to help sleep for now but I really am looking into couseling and perhaps increasing my zoloft intake cuz I don't want to end up like my sister, but I am sick of being so depressed!  To be honest, I come from a genetic nightmare... both my parents have serious anxiety issues, my dad is OCD and my mom has panic attacks, not to mention both my sisters attempted suicide and my great grandma lite herself on fire!!  What goes through my head is a nightmare and the oxies are the only thing that turn off the terribly anxiety and thoughts...trust me I LOVE LIFE and do not want to die at all but I am so much more active and happy on those.  I spend time with my nieces daily (they are 4 and 10) , they are my world but now that i've stopped I have no desire to be around anyone not ever them.  I do volunteer work with underprivledged children and I love my life so much, but without the drugs I feel so sad that I don't want to leave my house.... what the hell is wrong with me????

[oxysufferer]

How are you doin? It has been 3 weeks now for me and I am feeling better each day, It got so bad at one point I went to the clinic and ask for suboxone to get me through the agony. The Doctor said I have gone through the worst and he did not give me them. He gave me a cocktail of meds (not opiates) to ease the pain and help me to sleep. I am doing things now, going out and having a life, unlike before when all I did was take pills sleep and feel depressed. The second week Iwas soooo emotional I cried and cried. Any little thing got me going. That's gone now, When I keep busy I am fine. Its just when I try to relax, the legs start burning and I am still very restless. I am up @ 5 to 6am and cant go back to sleep. so I get up tale a shower and plan what I will do for the day. Before I was lucky to get up @ 2 in the afternoon. I am not completely better. on a scale from 1 to 10 I am at about a 7 right now.The symptoms change each week. but are less severe. I am proud to say I have beaten oxycontin I have destroyed all my remaining pills (over 200!) I put them in a can of old paint and put them out to the recycle. I will never go back.

Oxycontin is a very dangerous drug and should only be given to terminally ill patients or cancer suffers. They should NOT be prescribed for aches and pains. Aleve works well for that.

[oxysufferer]

I just read your last post. I am very worried for you. Have you been to see a psychiatrist?

It could be hormonal. Have them checked. when your hormones are out of wack it can make you seem crazy when your not. Also look in to see if you are bipolar. My nephew is and he takes very specific drugs to keep him balanced. Zoloft wont work for bipolar disorder, you need specific drugs. some that you may never of heard of. If it is just depression and anxiety Doxipin is good for the anxiety and Wellbutrin is good for depression. To really calm your anxiety Clonazepan R..05 mgs works great, but they will make you very sleepy. Talk to a doctor first. A correct diagnosis is key to getting better.

These are all prescription drugs.  Mixing meds is VERY dangerous! and could be fatal if taken with other meds like oxycontin and zoloft. Your doctor can tell you if these meds are right for your condition. Usually you will have to ween off any drugs you are taking that would interferer before you start taking others. If you don't do this under a doctors care and supervision you could stop breathing and your heart could stop while you are sleeping. This is what happened to Anna Nicole, Heath Ledger, and Micheal Jackson. And many others.

Please! Please! be careful.

[Ali1226172]

Hi oxy suffer, I am not a good as you...it's been a battle - I'm going back and forth but i'm on 7days so far and honestly I am itching to take a pill but i'm really getting fed up with this ridiculous cycle- i'll be alright, I am proud of the way I have cut back big time, and hopefully soon i'll be on here saying I am clean and sober for good :)  They don't call it recovery for no reason I guess, its a process.  I'm getting there...i'll keep ya posted!
I start school soon again, so I figure that should keep me focused- I wont have time to dwell on this stuff!

[oxysufferer]

Hi Alison. I'm mike by the way.

Please do keep me posted. Your right. Keeping busy really helps. I try to keep busy during the day and I feel pretty good. When I try to relax in the evening I am reminded that its not over yet. My legs burn and are so restless. I still have insomnia, but I can fall asleep for a couple hours at a time. I will suddenly wake up sweating  with heart palpitations.I still get emotional at times but my depression has turned into just a mild sadness at times. especially when I think of the 7 years I wasted. At least I am enjoying things again like music and comedies. Before I didnt want to listen to any music and I could watch a comedy show and not even crack a smile.

Right now I am trying to reconnect with friends and family who I avoided and cut out of my life. This is hard to do. What do you say? "Hi, sorry I have avoided you for seven years, but I was addicted to oxycontin, depressed and I didn't want to see you."

One month oxy free is fast approaching. Sometimes I shout out, | beat oxycontin! |

I read one post of a guy who was going through a similar situation.He said it took 7 weeks before he could sleep an entire night. He said "on about the 42nd day he laid down and slept for 12 hours uninterrupted for the fist time since he took his last pill. That was the turning point for him. The next day all his withdrawal symptoms were gone. I look forward to that day.

Take care.

[Ali1226172]

wow, I'm really glad I never got too deep into this!! I'm still pretty sad but there is no looking back, I feel like for me this is do or die (literally)
<3 u guys and ur support!

[oxysufferer]

Alison. You are really scarring me. Please get help NOW! go to the hospital explain your situation. They will help. Don't be embarrassed. they've heard it all. At least call the crisis line and ask for help. Sometimes just talking to someone can help. They can give you proffessional advice. I am not a proffessional. All I can do is tell you what I went through and make suggestions. What worked for me may not for you.

If oxycontins are they only thing that will make you feel better then take some. Better that than feeling like you do.When you are ready then you can try again to quit. Suboxone is a very controlled substance and it works great. But you cant self medicate. A doctor will give you the correct dose you need and monitor how you feel, then they will adjust the dose correctly. Suboxone not taken correctly is worse than taking the Oxycontin.

Remember, you are not alone. There are many people out there going through similar situations. I was at the lowest point in my life. The only thing that kept me from ending it was thinking of my mother and my dog. Think of your nieces. Things Will get better. Believe me. I am not a religious person, but believe me I got on my knees and prayed to god to help get me through this. There is a higher power out there, call it what you want. It may be just psychological but it helped me.

My nephew was really bad. He went to the hospital and they admitted him. For the first couple of days they sedated him. and he slept. when he got up they evaluated him and diagnosed his condition and put him on the correct medication. Today he feels great and is living a normal healthy life.

If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask. I am going tom try to get dome sleep soon. I'll check a bit latter or tomorrow. Don't worry I wont forget you.
Take care

[Ali1226172]

Thanks Mike, I would never take my life...I just want to get it back! It hurts me cuz right now I don't even want to be around my nieces cuz i'm so fin depressed, and I just found out that my sister is really sick again, i'm just a total mess! I really wanna be happy im just so scaredddd-- I don't want to be this person, I don't want to be my sister but if shes hurting I minus well be tooo, I just really miss her! I'm so saddd

[Ali1226172]

I'm so sick of self-medicating, i just want my sister back and than I'll be ok! I can't live without her and i'm sooo scared shes not gonna make it, and I'm not strong enough to deal with that!

[teamster01]

Hey ali im new to this site about 5minutes ago, I came across your post and realized our situation is very similar, first i want to say sorry for the loss of your sister, my heart goes out.  I too am heavily addicted to all opiates, i have been for about 3 years, for a few months i was doing an 80mg oxy a day.  This eventually emptied my bank account so i currently eat anywhere from 8-12 vicodin/percocet a day.  Anyway i too have never told my family members, i think this creates most of my anxities becasue i feel like i want too tell them but i just cant.  I do have anxiety and i currently take seperate medication for that, but i still plays hand in hand with my addiction.  I am 23 years old, been on opiates for 3 years, before opiates i expierimented with cocaine and began to use/sell for 2 years.  After quiting that drug totally i am now hooked on opiates, so i def. have a problem with addiction,  Doing all these drugs has played a big part in me having acid reflux disease which i am also treated for.  At this point in my life i cant take it anymore, the whole lifestyle and what the opiates have done to my emotions, relationships, my work, etc.  I AM ready to quit and am currently looking for trreatment options as we speak.  I wish ya the best of luck, with proper support and treatment WE CAN BEAT THIS.  Reply anytime if you want to talk, i will b using this site for feedback from other recovering addicts everyday.

[teamster01]

i misread your first comment im sorry, u said u lost your best friend i thought u were referring to your sister,  Either way i wish the best of luck to you and your  sister and anyone out there who struggles with addiction

[worried878]

many try and use narcotics as an anti-depressant but in the end severe depression can often result....the web of addiction weaves around the brain and we continue to use altho in reality we have reached the point to where the narcotic is not making us "happy" anymore...only sad, frustrated and out of control....speaking with ur dr about a true anti-depressant that may help u and help with detox off the drugs would be good,,,easier said than done...but it just depends on where u r at...on how sick and tired u r..when u become so sick and tired of being so sick and tired..u will find away off this merry go round to nowhere

[Ali1226172]

Hey teamster...i'm on my 10th day off roxies but still tapplin with subs if I need them....honestly I just wish that I could take a couple roxies a week and thats it!! But we all know where that leads...and than its right back to the WD's again.  I think if you truely want to dot this and set your mind n heart to it YOU CAN!! Trust me i'm doing this alone, and half in half out and yet I am down on day 10!!!  I started just doing this cuz I felt like "I had to", but now as I connect with people on here I'm started to realize that this road will never end n if it continues it just gets worse.  I know now that when I am truely readyyyy and all my heart is in it I will be able to stop, and I know that time is soon for me.  So teamster don't feel like you are alone, you have me on here and many other wonderful people, and when you feel the time is right you willl tell your family!  I never got up to 80mgs a day thank god, I was doing much smaller amounts do too a small bank account lol!  Anyways if your serious about this start weening off the vics n percs now...go down and down each day until you have nothing and than comes the fun part :) lol!!  During WD's I suggest= heating pad, hot baths, lots of fruit (helps detox the body faster), lots of water, vitamin B for stress relief, a visit to a meeting or your doctor to talk abou the option of antidepressents?, and suboxone is a def helper for cravings(but can be an addiction in itself)- I probably would not reccomond this to you since you already replace OC's for vics n percs....try it natural if ya can and keep in mind that UR NOT ALONE!!! STAY STRONG SWEETIE, we have our whole life ahead of us!! Are you going to school at all?  I start in a week i'm soo nervous!!

Keep in touch!1

[whitie]

I am very sorry to hear about your sis,allison.that is horrible. but you guys need some tough love or your not going to make it.

worried hit the nail on the head. you will get to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired. then if you continue to use, it will take much more to reach the same level of happiness, then that wont work. over the years it will get way out of hand and you will become a vegatable. some people get so bad they just sit and veg out often drooling on them selves.no different than a heroin addict curled up in a ball in the gutter. do you all want that?  

you can find all kinds of reasons to use and do some of the most brainless things you can ever imagine, like me blowing tens of thousands over the years on pills and methadone. but what you need to do is accept the fact that NOTHING at all is an acceptable reason to use, unless your in teh hospital and a nurse gives it to you. NO OTHER EXCEPTIONS!! until you accept your life is no longer managable and you are ADDICTED TO DRUGS and cannot control it, then you will continue to go down the drain, which will evntually lead to liver failure,heart attack or respiratory failure. DEATH is the end result,period!

time to fight for your life, the drugs have taken it away from you. a 800 pound gorilla is kicking your azz, and will not leave without a MAJOR fight. time to study your enemy make a game plan. realize only hard work and %100 percent commitment will win the war. compromise is not an option either, you cant do it. only a total end of using is the answer.

take it from me, a guy that would wake up at night gasping for air often near death, or atleast thats what it seemed like to me....... I got kicked in the face with major wd's about 20 times(when I ate all the pills up to fast) and still thought I could do it better next time and STILL could not smell the coffee??????

take it from me a five year abuser of methadone(which is even worse to shake)and norcos and anything else, including adderall (adderrall) mixed in now and then !!! I managed to beat the pills, so far at about 78 days or so clean.  do it now while you can, the longer you are on them the worse it will be. so it was not easy for me and took longer.......

WAKE UP AND FIGHT !!!

[Ali1226172]

Trust me whitie i'm not justifying using for any reason...but sometimes it gives me the strength I can't find anywhere else, so right now I need to search deep within me and hopefully i'll  gain to strenght to fight the 800 pound gorilla.. its gonna have to be on my terms when I'm ready, and I'm looking into therapy btw to help me find this strength! Please don't judge me, i'm truely doing the best I can here but I can't take the tears any longer.... I know I need help and I am reaching out in various ways but this takes time, and when I"M ready i'll kick that gorillas asssssss :)

[whitie]

I wont judge you, allison. even if you decide to go back on the pills, because you are going through some tough times. even if you were not going through tough times, I still would not judge you for using. we are all addicts here and I am only 78 days clean.


I can only tell you what I have learned from all my years and I can tell you its the wd's that always make people go back......... then sooner or later,it gets worse, then even worse more, then the problem will be even  MORE worse.......

I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world

[oxysufferer]

Hi Alison. Mike here.

Looks like you have been getting allot of advice since yesterday. Your head must be whirling.
People can just relate what worked for them, but don't expect it will work for you.
Everyone is different. what works for one, may not work for another.

The best and safest advice I can say to you is to get professional help. Get a correct diagnosis and get the appropriate treatment. You wouldn't self diagnose and medicate cancer or diabetes. Would you? Its the same thing. Mental illness and depression is a disease and must be treated as such. The addiction is just the result of your self medicating.

In my case I never had depression  until a couple of years after taking the oxys. The longer I was on the oxys the worse I got. The first 2 years I didnt even notice any change. by then I was addicted and kept taking them. I deteriorated more and more for the next 5 years.unaware they were the cause of why I was feeling so bad. By all means I am not perfect yet, but I feel a hell of allot better. Before all my waking hours I felt like sht. Now about 80% of the time I feel good. The rest of the time I am reminded. Its not over yet. But then I look back to last week. I felt like sht 80% and good the rest so I know Its getting better.

Oxycontion is one of the worse addictions to kick because they have a time release mechanism in them. If you take one before the 12 hour recommendation. They over lap and build up in your system. Over time they have built up so much it is very hard to rid your system of them, by then your natural opiates are so screwed up they no longer work, so when the pills start waring off, your system is saying give me more or I will make you feel real bad. Hence, withdrawals. A persons natural opiates will recover but it takes time. When they finally do you will feel good naturally without the pills. Your case seems different. It seems from what you have wrote, you were depressed before you started taking the oxycontin. In my case I was not depressed until I was addicted to the oxycontion. I think if you treat the depression with the correct medication, then you can deal with the addiction, Your doing it backwards.

Predue pharmaceuticals have been hit will multimillion dollar law suits because(if you can believe this) when they came out in 1996 they claimed oxycontin was safe and  not addictive! It wasn't until a few years latter when people tried to stop taking them they found out they were addicted. The law suits were settled. Now they no longer claim they are not addictive. So now its taker beware.

What more can I say? Just know I am thinking of you,. Let me know what you decide.

[oxysufferer]

Check out this song called 'Now'. by steven lee olsen
It makes me feel great when I here it

http://stevenleeolsen.com/index.htm?id=16443&sid=16369

[oxysufferer]

Bad link
Try this
cut and paste

http://stevenleeolsen.com

that's his home page. click media. the song 'Now' and listen

if you want to see the video click video and scroll down to the song 'Now'