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Oxycotin Detox
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Oxycotin Detox

This board was suggested to me by a friend and I am so glad that I have found it. I have read most of the previous Oxy questions but still would like some additional help.
I had back surgery about a year ago and was prescribed percocet for the pain. Eventually my doctor took me off of that and said that he would not ruin my life with pain meds. Now comes the tricky part! I have also been sharing the perks with my girlfriend who consumes the same amount as I. We were now taking about seven perks apiece a day. My Doctor said that he would not "ruin my life" but he knew of a pain managment doctor who would. I went to this doctor and was amazed at how eaisly he wrote out scripts. Immediatly he put me on 20mg 2x a day (oxycotin) and gave me an additional 40 perks a month for break-through pain. Which by the way I have none of. Anyway, we started eating this pills slowly at first but were eventually up to about 80-100mg. a day. Needless to say when you times this addiction by two it gets very expensive when you run out. We took this medication for about four months and then one day last week realized how theese pills were ruining our lives. Everything from not having sex (I am 28, she is 26) to not being able to function without the pills. I am on workmans comp and have alot of free time, she does not work. We would wake up every day...peel two 20's each and chew them up before even getting out of bed. After that we would "fly" around town doing a whole lot of nothing. Sorry to ramble on but we really have no one else to talk to disscuss this with. Today is day seven, we are pretty much detoxed in the sence that we can now go out of the house but my girlfriend still experiences cold chills and sweats during the night but she is slowly getting better. She also takes xanax once in awhile to help with this. Remeber I get 60 oxy 20's and 40 perks a month. Now is the hard part. I have the next two month scripts sitting on my desk waiting to be filled. I want to know what we should do in order to stay off of this stuff? Please do not suggest any AA type support groups as we are not about the whole group thing. We are however very serious about this so please do not take our not wanting to go to NA as a sign of us not wanting to quit. When you consider that if you sit at home and chew a couple of them little devils up EVERYTHING in life is interesting. Without them, we find ourselves bored and depressed. Will this pass? Will we be able to enjoy and be interested in things as we were on the pills? Two nights ago I went to see a concert totaly straight and was bored out of my mind. The show itself was great but I kept imagining how much better it would have been on Oxy's. I would like to know if there is anyone out there that is having the same problems as we are and if anyone got through it to the point were they now enjoy life to the fullist? Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and I look forward to your replies.
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I've been there and done that.  My wife and I have shared meds over the years and we thought that we had a wonderful time I suppose. Sex goes out the window first of all because you get your rocks off with the rush of opiates. We did a lot of senseless things to pass the time as do you. Some of these things were absolutely dangerous(like driving). Yes, you probably will be depressed at first and nonfunctional. And this may last for months. I had to move away from my wife eventually to save my own skin. We were simply bad for each other. We had to go our own ways to be able to heal ourselves. If you really love each other you may someday be able to get back together as we have. I won't mention NA or AA so don't worry. But they will always be there for you in case you change your mind. We got help from every imaginable source once we admitted that we needed it and wanted it. In my humble opinion, the life you lead in recovery is a much vaster adventure than anything you will experience on OXY. I'm sure that some of our other more learned posters can enlighten you further, but the message remains the same. Good luck with all!
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You guys are lucky to have found out so fast how bad taking Oxyontin for pleasure can be.  I was up to 4 80's a day (black market) & I peeled them too for maximum effect.  I ran out of money shortly after I ran out of sex drive & knew I had to stop the madness.  I chose to go to a detox program because I could not handle the withdrawal on my own.  You guys are already detoxed so you are way ahead of the game!
After 5 weeks of being off opiates, I am definitely starting to feel better!  It is a slow & uncomfortable recovery but I do feel a lot better than a week or 2 ago.  I choose to go to AA meetings every day to keep me from going back to opiates.  That is a real danger to anyone who takes them for fun. The meetings really work for me.  I do miss Oxy in some ways but after 28 years of using various drugs, I am ready to stay sober.  Giving up Oxy's was the hardest thing I have ever done & I am so glad I did.  My sex drive is back, I don't have to worry about having a constant supply of pills to prevent the terrible withdrawal I would certainly go through if I missed a dose, & I feel a lot better about myself.

You should toss the scripts & start living life as you were both meant to - straight!  It's a much better way of life, simpler, cheaper, healthier.

Good luck to you both!
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hi chad, your problem sounds like mine, except i have been going through this f-in battle for 10 years with the oxy & vicodon. i have quit many times.... the hard part is not (quiting).../ its staying of the stuff.i,m back on them again and that is my life wondering where my next script is coming from .i have been to so many doctors i finley ran out of them. before you get in as deep as i, now is the time to make up your mind and nip it before you go any further, your young and i,m sure you can do it, me i,m 46 and the last ten years i aged 30 years.my girl takes them too but she is iron willed and has no problem with addiction.,..believe me its true.. as far as aa & na i,m not into that ...all i can say is i wish you all the faith and strenth to do what you can to beat it...yours always joe>>>>>
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Chad I think that I can safely say that I have gotten thru it to the point where I am enjoying life again. Tomorrow will be six weeks for me without oxycontin. I was addicted to oxys for nine months and darvocets, percs, and vikes for at least ten years before that. I think you know what the right thing to do with your script is. Seven days is a long long way from where you were. I know that it is different with everyone but my weakness and tired all the time feeling started to subside after about three weeks. I also know what you mean about the concert. I always played guitar and reached the point where music was unbearable. I am happy to say I recently re strung my three instruments and started a new project. I also never made it to a meeting I think I was too tired. I do believe that the time I spend here is very good therapy. Keep posting so we know how you and your girlfriend are doing. GOOD LUCK  BOB K
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Thank you all so very much! I must admit as I sit here at 9pm on this beautiful Friday night I am so very temted to indulge. Only the will of my girlfriend and I is stopping me. I hope no one judges me the wrong way for this but I even considered meth tonight. I sat outside almost trying to talk her in to getting some (it's right around the corner) to kind of reward ourselves for doing so good. I know that sounds sick to some of you and she is sitting right next to me telling me not to write this because some of you might think of us as bad people, but I feel it is important to convey ALL of my feelings so that this "sober" thing might actually work. Like I said before, I do not currently work so I tried to justify using crank as some sort of alternate high to pass the time. I suppose people like me will always try to find something. That is what is bothering us so bad. Can life be as great without any substance? Can I sit on the couch and laugh at a movie and not "feel" high. I sure hope so. You know what? I check this computer every few minutes in the hopes that someone else has replied. When I see a new message posted I call out to my girlfriend "look, someone else has responded" and it makes us so very happy. Any words from any of you are so very helpful! Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart!
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Chad Meth will make you real real sick if you have opiate addiction. Good Health. BobK
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Chad,

You are a lucky man to have a iron willed girlfriend who will support you through this.
Are you able to exercise at all? Walking, running, tennis, basketball...swimming....anything that will make  your body and mind feel better? It really helps..honest I have done it..

May I ask you if you drink alcohol as well?

If you are abusing opiates and have no pain as you say, the best thing you could do would be to toss the scripts and seek some sort of counseling. The fact you would consider using street meth indicates you might be well off talking to someone who is trained in addiction.

You really sound like a smart guy from the way you have written the forum here.

Best of luck and what life has to offer.


Ronnie
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Yes, we both drink the occasional beer. In reguards to the "meth urge" I had eairler this eveining, it is long gone! I go through these periods of just wanting to do something! We truly are trying to be strong but I must admidt it is so very hard. In the meantime we are sitting back listining to music on the computer. I suppose that we are pretending that both of us want nothing right now but you know what? I am happy as hell! I just hope that I can do this for both of us! I have wasted the last ten years on all sorts of stuff including something called GHB. Thats a whole other story but as for now I am so fed up with all the stuff that I have done in my life that I NEED to make this work! I am so very fortunate to have done so much bad yet still have so much including my girlfriend. THANKS GUYS!!! Keep it comming! PLEASE!!!!
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It's hard to know what to say to you because I know very little about you and your life other than that you like drugs, have a girlfriend, are on workman's comp and have two scripts for more oxycodone. If you said you had a profession or played piano or collected stamps, I'd tell you that your boredom with all things not oxy will pass if you stay clean and that you should throw yourself into whatever it is you did that you were passionate about before you started the oxycontin. The thing is this: you're bored, have lots of time on your hands and, as we've discovered, are more than passingly familiar with drugs. What about your back? Do you expect to have any more pain from that? If you do, is there any doubt in your mind what you'll do about it? You like drugs the way I like drugs. Oxy just happened to be the one your health situation got for you. And as you said, the meth is just around the corner. I also note that you haven't suggested throwing the scripts away before you can fill them. At 28, you have a long way to go. The temptation to do drugs will not subside just because you quit oxy. The only way you'll avoid drugs in the future is to wholeheartedly pursue something that gives your life meaning. You will always be tempted to get high, and, chances are, will. You need to transfer your passion to something else or you will simply get bored again and get high. The danger of addiction will always be, like the meth, just around the corner. Chad, you're just a normal guy.
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My girlfriend and I experience the same problem. It started two years ago when I injured my back severely and was prescribed Lortab 10's. I ve been taking Lortab's every day for the past two years until my girlfriend started getting oxycontin 40's for her boob job about 2 months ago. Weve both have always been prescribed Lortabs and xanax (me 2mg, her 1mg). Ive never used hardcore drugs in my life and now we are both getting up in the morning and peeling our 80 mg. oxy's and cooking them down into two shots and doing them intraveneously. I tried the other day to stop and just take my Lortabs, b/c every since i started taking oxys ive just dropped the Lortabs. Needless to say I was in a lot of pain and the Lortabs did nothing for me. What makes matters worse is that she just got paid 100,000 dollars in a settlement. We have been spending thousands on theese pills like they are nothing. I am at my wits end with theese pills! Im 21 and shes 27 and im starting school back this semester and want to do better for myself. Ive heard many recomendations for getting on a methadone maintenence program where you go in once a day and get your dose of methadone (usually a 28 to 30 day program) and this supposedly makes your detox somewhat better.
Right now im willing to try anything!!!! If you guys know anything about the methadone maintenece it would be great to here comments or experiences. Thanks for your time, whoever may be reading this
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I have posted my story here, go through the post's and find my 'story'....please please stop your roller coaster before it gets worse! Oxy's or as I call them 'Devil Pills' will make your life a living hell..you are still young to be able to find happiness without taking a pill..you must be strong, these pills in my opinion are the most addicting pills there are..once you get addicted not even perks will help with the withdrawal, they will control your every thought, mood,actions...I once heard someone say..anyone who is addicted to oxy's is addicted to Heroin, I laughed and thought no way would I ever do Heroin! well, guess what..they were right, all it is, is a synthetic Heroin...we feel the same and have the same withdrawal symtoms (symptoms) as a Heroin addict looking for there next fix....you have your whole lives in front of you..get out now when you can...think of the future, wanting to someday have a family, trust me, you will not be able to if you don't get clean now...best of luck, take care
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Well it's Saturday morning (11am) and I feel great! My girlfriend and I drank a couple of beers last night and went to bed. So, for that reason we are very proud of ourselves. On the other hand, the temtation is still there in the sence that we are now getting ready to go to the city to do some shopping. Normally the Oxy's would have kicked in by now and I would be flying around the apartment in that oh so familiar way. So doing this straight is a little weird. The hardest thing I had to do last week was go to the supermarket straight. Usually my girlfriend and I (don't laugh) would spend like 3 hours in that place! I know that might sound crazy to some of you but you got to understand how interesting all of the varitiy of tomato sause's can be when you got 100mg. of Oxy pumping through you. Now it's just like, get-in-get-out. Anyway, people keep asking me what I am going to do with the scripts. I know what I should do (burn them in some sort of symbolic mannor) but it is hard to throw away $1800 dollars. I hope you all know what I mean...Let's put it this way. I firmly believe that we can do this but we are scared to death! You know what? Tonight on HBO is boxing and I relate that hand in hand with being high. As matter of fact, I relate every damm thing as being high! So here we go again, another day another temtation. Most of all I want  everyone to know that every time I read someone's reply to my message's it makes us stronger! So thank you all so very much and keep em' comming!To Matt G. good luck my friend but I can tell you this, Detox under supervision because I didn't do half as much as you and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
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My gosh Chad you are describing my life.I also am on oxycontin and percocet.I cant imagine not having them .they get me through the day.I also want to stop because they are running my life too,I wish i could give you the answer you are seeking but i guess i am also seeking that answer.I would love to chat with you about it sometime ,finally someone who knows exactly how i'mfeeling.Feel free to E-mail me at ***@**** for your time and good luck in your search for answers.
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so what's the story with this site? One new thread a day? how hard is it to archive some of these "dead" threads to get some discussion going?

If they're going to let this site die on the vine
Why don't they just go offline?

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Hey Tom, as each hour changes, so does my "urge" to do the oxy's. In reguards to throwing the scripts away...I just may do that! It's hard though, I mean, I know the value of them but how can I justify selling the scripts if I want to be away from the stuff all together. My profession? I worked for a large military contractor before I got injured. I was involved with logistics, basicly I did nothing and was well paid for it. Now here I am at 8pm saturday night...Normally...well, you know the drill. Tonight WILL be diferent! I actually did stuff around the house that I haven't done in awhile. So I suppose we are getting better at avoiding the dope. Still the temtation lies...Time to go bar-b-q.STRAIGHT thanks tom, it's nice to hear from people
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think>>>remember chad every time you want to use...            the hardest part is over..now the nexthardest part is the temptation to stay of the stuff.. your doing great, wish i could say the same, but i will do it also and beat this thing.. we all have something going for us---we have each other. all of us together as a team we will win..good luck everyone of us...joe
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  dear chad my friend i know exactly where you at brother. i live in australia and was put on oxy's for pain management relief regarding tension headaches of a sever nature along with morphine pethedine and every other narcotic you can think of anyway back to this story.

about 1 year and a bit a go my practitioner introduced me to the oxy's. fisrt it was 20mg's a day slowly mivng up to about 160 milligrams a day. i sustained this use for over a year my brother and know exactly what you mean by 'flying' i felt energetic no pin but i was to high but i had become physically and physiologically addicted.

anyway to cut along story short i went to visit my fiance in mexico city and had a certain amount of oxy's with me enough to sustain the six week visit however i had much of them stolen and this is when the withdrawal hit. **** brother the ******* hardest days of my life the sweats the chills like your girlfriend convulsions inability to sleep for five nights etc etc i had it all plus heaps of crying and feeling severely depressed and low.

and chad try getting anything for de-tox in a ******* country which does not allow any narcotic use legally and medically the fuckers i thought at the time.


anyway i am back in oz now and it has been about 2 months since no oxy's. my advice and comment to you and your partner is hang tough brother, rip the ******* repeat scripts up and believe me as i know what your both going through that it will pass. it takes the mind chemistry and the neurotransmitters time to return to normal physiologically so listen to me remember the **** feeling the feeling of depression and non highness pass with time just hang tough and if you still feel depressed go and see a therapist as narcotics do cause depression my brother of a clinical nature okay.


regards and drop me a line brother. we are united world wide with the same **** chad.
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It's so amazing to come on this site and read that somebody else can spend hours in the grocery because it is so interesting when you're high. I like everybody else can relate to using the pills for every occassion. I went through detox/outpatient rehab from March until July. Although I have been clean this whole time, I'm still bothered by the Euphoric recall. Let me give you some advice about those scripts...Having them there may feel like a crutch but you are testing yourself and inevitably you will lose. Sometimes a relapse can occur for no apparent reason. You may wake up one morning and your brain may be on auto-pilot, the next thing you know those scripts will be filled and the rest is history. I hope this makes sense to you because this disease is so sneaky it will always try to take you back. So get rid of them PLEASE!!! Now I have a question for you.. You mentioned GHB and I believe that is the date rape drug. My 16 year old stepson mention something about it to one of his friends (eavesdropping) what is it and what does it do? Is this the first time you have attempted to stop the pills? I wish you all the best.
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Yes, Angie, GHB is sometimes used for date rape. It is not "The" date rape drug. That honor belongs to rhohypnol (not sure of spelling). Both drugs apparently intoxicate and disorient, leaving one with little or no memory of the experience. However, GHB is also used as a "rave" drug like ecstacy (a form of methamphetimine with hallucinagenic or psychedelic properties). I believe GHB is an amino acid found naturally in the body (albeit in smaller quantities, not what we usually think of as a drug. It was sold in health food stores until it acquired a reputation as an intoxicant. It is very dangerous. It has been a component in several deaths. It is not used like, say, pot, to just feel good or enhance an experience. It is used to "get ****** up."
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First I have to comment on the GHB as I have way to much experiance on that topic. Angie at all costs make sure your stepson does not ever do that stuff. It is probably the deadliest stuff out there! It is sold in many forms but mainly in the form of a liquid. I don't know what area of the country you are in but here on the east coast it is way out of control. EVERY kid in the clubs does the stuff, forget about exstasy, thats old already. It has many names (V3, renutrient, verve, blast and many others) but it all does the same thing. It is called the date rape drug in the sence that it can render a person unconcious for about six hours. When they wake up they have no recolection of what or where they have been. I have seen many people messed up on the stuff. It gives a very high euphoric effect making people want to dance and talk all night long. The problem is that if you ingest to much...you are done! It slows your respotory system down to dangerous levels to the point where I almost stopped breathing on the stuff. I was able to buy it at a local health food store untill about three months ago when it became illegal to purchase or posses it in this state. Problem is that now people are making it and the strenth is trippled. Long story short....It's deadly, talk to him about it..........Andrew, wow! what a tough ride for you! We are hanging tough. I was at the gas station today and bought these "enegery pills" (natural stuff like yohimbie) to see what would happend. Guess what? It put me in deppression. I feel guilty for taking anything! But on a lighter note at least they were all natural. As far as sobrierty goes, well, I guess I'll have to tell you how that feel's in a couple of week's as I am only now starting to "zap" back to life. One thing I failed to mention. I have taken xanax for the last three nights to help us sleep but I hope that will not harm us. Trust me, we do not abuse them in any way as I KNOW what abuse is. They do help though. I still feel guilty for anything that I do as I am so very serious about finnialy taking charge of our lives. One thing that I have to point out again. What you guys are writting to us means so very much! Every letter of every story helps so much! Who knows, maybe we could end up helping someone else.
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Thanks for the info.. If I approached my stepson about it I know he would agree with me to my face but deep down I know he thinks he's an invincible teenager. At times I'm almost sorry I discovered the euphoria of pain pills, like how are you supposed to live without ever experiencing that again? At present I am on pre-trial intervention/probation for taking meds from my place of employment. Of course I no longer work there.After all the destruction, I can't believe I still crave it. Does this feeling ever go away???
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Today is day nine! I feel great! OK, I'm still a little stressed but I suppose that's normal. Every time we crave the drug we talk about something bad it has done. For example, We might say hey, remember the time when we were so high we walked around the mall all day long? That was great wasn't it? Then we remind each other that we would frequently get nausious or just crave another pill. Basicly, your whole day revolved around when we would take another one? You know what scared us the most? We both enjoy going out so much but when you do Oxy's you are content with just sitting around. I believe that I could spend an entire year just sitting in this house if I had enough oxy's. That's the sick part of the drug that no one is talking about. Why is it that we would allow ourselves to be ruled by something so bad. You see, the "high" feeling is awesome but the down side of it far outweighs any good feeling they bring. So, as for now, we continue on the straight path. Hopefully we can make this work because this morning (despite a slight headache from a couple of bud lights) the sun shined beautifuly through our bedroom window. You know what? I think it's the first time in like a year that I have seen it....CHAD
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Yes, Angie it does (or can) go away. First you lose the actual craving -- that can fade fairly rapidly, especially if you replace the payoff from the pills with something else. Aerobic excercise is the replacement I recommend. Any sustained activity (20 minutes or more) of jogging, swimming, stair-climbing, biking, cross-country skiing (on a machine, I mean) - emphasis on sustained. (I recommend Covert Bailey's Fit or Fat? book for practical tips on achieving true aerobic states through normal forms of excercise). Twenty minutes or more of aerobic excercise will give you a true high that lasts a long time. This will help placate your addict mind. It will also greatly relieve tension and help you sleep. Next comes the memory of the high. That takes longer to fade but will -- especially if you're proactive about replacing the drug payoff with something else. If you just sit there thinking about it, of course, it will never leave you. I also recommend changing your surroundings if possible to somewhere you don't associate with getting high. Another thing that can help keep you straight is going to a meeting and talking about feeling the cravings. It helps to get it out. Meetings also help get your mind away from obsessing all the time about how only you feel. Addicts get used to thinking exclusively about how they feel and forget to think about others. Extreme self-obsorption is a side-effect of addiction. Helping another addict stay clean helps yourself in a very real way. Good luck.
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Can anyone tell me how long it takes during oxy withdrawl (withdrawal) to at least be able to sleep a few hours or function outside of your house. Does valium ease the symptoms. I'm so afraid, it's only been two days after taking 8 mg a day.
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Unfortunately everyone is different, but for me it was a good seven nights with absolutely no sleep. I was able to take an hour or so nap after that. Nothing I took for sleep (everything from O-T-C benadryl to prescription Trazadone. Yes, the valium will help you relax but becareful not to take too many because I understand that detox is even worse. I remember laying down for hours not because I could sleep but because I felt too weak to do anything and yet I couldn't keep my legs still. It was pure hell and if I had access to any pain pills at that time I would have eaten them. Luckily I had support so I was able to do nothing because I couldn't have faked feeling good if my life depended on it. That was back in March and I felt physically normal since May. The one thing you said is you only took 8mg a day ?? That doesn't sound like very much so your withdrawl (withdrawal) may happen much sooner. Good Luck!! You didn't mention why you want to stop. Do you mind if I ask? TO TOM...That meeting stuff is so true. I haven't gone to one in a few weeks. I remember saying to a friend that going to a meeting is like getting a dose of medicine because I would feel great when I left them. I guess thats my answer, huh?!! I have recently vowed to start a fitness program. A lot of people on this site swear by it. Take care!!!!!!
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If you've never been through withdrawal, I can understand why you'd be afraid. I've been through narcotics withdrawal, oh, about 300 times and I'm still going. You're going to be all right. Withdrawal from narcotics feels pretty much like a bad intestinal flu -- but then after 2 days you already know that! You're probably experiencing the worst of it right now. Here is the recipe for getting through it:

First of all, you're in no shape to socialize or take care of anyone else. Try to do this somewhere quiet away from people where you can just rest and, if you're like me, watch some good movies to take your mind off the whole ordeal.

Yes, Valium is an excellent drug to come down from narcotics on. But you have to have the discipline to use it properly. I won't advise you on dosage because everyone is different. I will say you need to take it on a schedule fairly close to how it was prescribed for you. Don't wait until you're hurting to take it, just maintain a safe, regular schedule until you're able to sleep on your own. Usually a slightly higher dose gradually tapered down to nothing works best. But don't overdo the dosage. You don't need a Valium overdose on top of your oxy withdrawal. But Valium is just one part of the recipe. There are a constellation of withdrawal symptoms you need to address. You're probably having the runs -- get some over-the-counter Imodium (immodium) pills immediately (brand name is more potent, I'm not sure why). You can get them in any supermarket. Take the full recommended dose of two Imodiums as soon as you get them and then each time the runs or the cramps return.

Body, muscle cramps and aches: If you have access to a Jacuzzi, you're home free! Take one every few hours if you can. Or at least run lots of hot baths. This is probably the single most effective method for easing what is for me the worst aspect of withdrawal. It will also help you relax even more from the Valium and overcome some of your anxiety.

If it works for you, normal dosages of Advil may help for the aches, but the hot baths are much more effective.

The Valium will make you want to eat eventually - do so. Try to eat good food. Take some multivitamins. Drink lots of fluids. And absolutely no alcohol!!! The Valium and the Imodium (immodium) are really the only drugs you need.

It's best if you've got someone else to give you the Valium, but you'll have to work that out yourself.

Anyway, I'll end this so I can transmit to you.

I'll look for your posts if you want to talk. Good luck. Don't be afraid. A couple more days and you're over the worst of it. Use my tips. They're "battle tested" for sure!
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So here I sit on Sunday night feeling like complete ****! I am so over the physcial part but that was nothing as to what I am dealing with right now! I am mad at everything! Mad at the fact that I am 28 years old and haven't done a fuckin' thing! I have wasted so much time sitting around getting high on whatever. It's just that when reality kicks in and I realize all that I should and should not have done I get so damm mad! I swear to god that I will never touch another drug in my life! This **** has "stalled" my life so bad that it hurts. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to deal with this guilt? All of a sudden I stopped getting replies to my messages and I got real depressed. My girlfriend is OK but I hate letting her see me this way. Maybe someone could suggest the real problem with oxy's and other drugs? WHAT THE F... TO DO AFTER YOU ARE OFF OF THEM!!!!
chad........
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There was more I wanted to say to you but I wanted to get that essential info on the way to you. You're damn lucky to have the Valium! Just don't overdo it. However much you've got, you'll need it for another 4 days. Write out a schedule for taking it: probably a dose every 4 hours with the dose tapered down very gradually. It's best if someone else can control this. Don't take it impulsively in response to your frustration at not having the oxy! That's how you wind up in the ER with some young doctor peering down at you in total disgust. ER doctors (and most others) generally hate us because 1) we take time away from patients who are actually diseased or injured and in dire need of medical help 2) our condition is caused by our own behavior and our situation, from their point of view, is pretty much hopeless. Doctors are there to heal, and when they are presented with a chronic, self-inflicted condition that they can't do anything about, they sometimes respond with anger. Don't subject yourself to the indignity of the ER when you're withdrawing from narcotics. Easy does it with the Valium.

I hesitate to tell you this, because we addicts so readily take drug-taking to extremes, but for oxycodone or any narcotic withdrawal, Imodium (immodium) is, from our point of view, just what the doctor ordered. Imodium (immodium) (loperimide hydrochloride) is actually an "opioid" drug, that is, an opiate-like substance. Besides relieving you of those god-awful cramps and runs (the only over-the-counter drug that will, by the way - don't waste your time with Kaopectate or anything like that), Imodium (immodium) will also (slightly) ease your oxy withdrawal itself. But heed my words: You can't, can't, can't use Imodium (immodium) to get high!! If you try to take more than the dose recommended for treating the runs, you'll quickly become so constipated you'll pray for death. Besides, more than two Imodiums really doesn't help the withdrawal any more than two does. Don't experiment. Just take my word for it.

After 4 days or so, the worst will be over. The brutal symptoms we have just addressed will be replaced with subtle, maddening ones: Cravings, listlessness and depression. Valium will not help you with these. You'll just turn yourself into a Valium addict. Focus on the exercise methods I advised Angie on in this thread (above). Adopt a regular, daily routine of some kind of exercise that eases tension and revitalizes you. Finding the right one just might be your salvation. If you can't do anything strenuous, that's OK.

I got through a 90-day residential detox by taking long walks in natural surroundings (parks, etc.) with a Walkman - an hour at a time two, three times a day - anytime the walls started to close in on me. Music, constant motion and the private meditation a Walkman lets one do was really a revelation - it worked so well. Music can heal. Walking keeps you from bugging out. And the meditation it affords is something you really need to be doing anyway. It's a chance to think things through away from all the noise and pressure of other people. You will find that it puts you in a state somewhat like the one you were in on oxy. Trust the voice of experience on this one.

Well, that's all I can think of right now. Good luck, Charlie. You can make it if you're smart about it. I'll look for your posts tonight if you want to talk. Same goes for Angie.
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Now the real fun starts, Chad my man. You sounded so elated yesterday, I didn't have the heart to spoil it for you. Many of us turn to drugs in an attempt to transform ourselves, or transport ourselves out of what we have come to see as a meaningless existence. The drugs give us the feeling of contentment and fulfillment that we weren't getting from our everyday lives. Suddenly, the world is a wonderful place, people are great, WE'RE great, everything is interesting and exciting. The world is a warm, loving place. Then we stop the drugs for whatever reason and we're right back where we started -- only now we're even more depressed than before. Oxy is like a credit card for life-fulfillment instead of for money. We charge, charge, charge until we hit the limit and the bill comes due. Now we're more bankrupt than when we began.

Drug taking is really a solitary pursuit. We might take them with someone else, but it's really an inside job we're doing with the chemicals. We become obsessed with our own internal world. We go up, we go down. We forget that it isn't normal to just think about ourselves 24 hours a day. We lose our human perspective. When we try to come clean for the first time, we go about it the same way we went about doing drugs - by ourselves.

Chad, you have carved out a rough road for yourself because you have chosen to do this by yourself. But as much as you don't want to admit it, your story is just like a million others. It's just like mine and just like a bunch of people meeting right now in little rooms all over the world. But far from that being a bad thing, it offers you an answer, or the beginnings of an answer, to what you feel tonight. What you need to do is share your story with others just like you. And then listen to their stories.

You feel disgusted, angry and ashamed at where you've wound up. But you don't have to feel that way. And you don't deserve to feel that way. You're a good and decent human being who has succumbed to something as natural as breathing and sleeping. The problem is, until you make contact with the rest of us, you will continue to feel as you do. Only we can understand. Only we can help you climb out of the pit you're in. And only you can help us. Get out of your room and find a meeting. AA, NA or whatever. I know you hate hearing this - I know I did -- but you are no different than the rest of us. You can't do this alone. You just can't. Take a chance. Just do it and the rest will just happen. I hope this isn't turning you off but it's what you need to hear. Make contact now before you relapse.

I'll look for your posts tonight. If you post, I will answer. We ARE out here.
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Chad, thank you for having the courage to write. I have been reading your letters and replies for the past couple days now.And I would like you to know that you have given me the courage to stop too.I have been taking 120 mgs. of oxy along with lortab, vicodin, perks, or whatever else I can get my hands on for the past two years. I've tried several other times to quit on my own without weening or any other meds. But it was too hard.I would get past the first or second day and I couldnt stand that buzz that goes thru your body and I would crumble.I dont have any reason any more to be taking any kind of pain meds but I still find ways to get them.To be honest, the first thing I thought of when you wrote you still had two scripts left,was of course ,to get ahold of you and get those damn scripts.But I'm so damn tired of having my life controled by a substance that I had to write you.I'm gonna try one more time. I stopped the oxy yesterday. I only had a couple of lortabs today ,and I dont have a thing for tomorrow. I have a great woman in my life ,who is so supportive, that I have a great chance.She also ,at one time, was addicted to opiates. So she understands what I'm going through.Tomorrow is going to be a tough day for me, but I will get up and get on the computer.So pray for me, and I will for you,and somehow we'll get through this together. THANKS AGAIN ,KEN
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read my withdrawal advice to Charlie (above). You're going to need it. From what you say you're on, it could be pretty bad. Can you get help from anywhere? Oxy has a very bad withdrawal and you're due to crash hard. Use my tips if you can to get through it. But I honestly think you'll need a supervised detox to get through withdrawal from 120mg/day of Oxy (yikes). It's going to be somewhat like heroin or morphine withdrawal, Ken. And I'm not trying to scare you. But there no reason to avoid saying it. You might start looking for medical help tonight. At least start researching it. You won't be able to do it tomorrow. Take care.
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Wow! I didn't think that I would here from anyone tonight. I am still frustrated so bad! I am getting pissed off by the slightest thing. Even the way the fan was just blowing on me sent a "rage" through me! Anyway, I'll write more in a sec.
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Tom,
Thank you for your concern but like I said I've been through this before and I know what to expect.  I've done the leg kicks and the bad feeling that goes along with kicking.  I've even made up a name for it - it is the "codiene kick".  I know this is no joking matter but I've got to keep myself amused right now, keep it light, or I'll change my mind.  Chad - don't lose it man, you've gone too far to quit now.  Keep me posted and I'll stay up as long as you want to keep talking.  Thank guys,
Ken
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Tom, I don't know who you are but I find your words really helpful. I went out yesterday to barnes & noble to buy a book on recovery. I found one but it really made for boring reading. The funny thing is that my girlfriend and I use to spend hours at book stores just reading. Here I was yesterday at the same place and although we didn't spend that long of a time there we did indeed enjoy ourselves. Tom, I just feel so angry because everything you say is so true. How does a person go about reversing 13 years of drug abuse? I don't know where to begin. It's just that every time I think about anything that I have done in the past it usually involved drugs. I am so angry for that! The rough path that you say I have carved out for myself is alot deeper than any of you can imagine. I could write all night about that path but I think it would bore the hell out of you. On the other hand, you have addressed me directly and for that reason alone we are for ever in debt. It seem's that the more I here from you guys the more we want to stay off of everything. How long will this angry feeling last? I think I know the awnser to that. I think that I have to wake up tommorow and do something (anything) to set my life with my girlfriend in a better direction. I just don't know how to start. You mention NA meetings. Don't they just discuss the drugs themselves? I think I need a motivational speaker or something like that. Please tell me that this entire thing can eventually be put behind us. I mean I just want to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am considering going to computer school but I just can't seem to commit. I toured the school while on Oxy's and had a blast. There I go again, Making another referance to drugs. Did the drugs cloud your daily life to the point of not paying your full attention to every day chores. I mean I feel that if someone close to me died that it probably wouldn't affect me if I was on enough oxy's. Does that make me a bad person? The other day someone posted there e-mail address to me and I sent them a lenthy reply. I considered posting mine and I would gladly do so if anyone asked but if you read what ken just wrote then you will understand why I didn't. Here is a guy who maybe is relating to me in some way. Maybe, just maybe I could help someone else. Wouldn't that be great! Thanks Tom, I look forward to hearing from you again...Chad
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Hey man, sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I know what you mean though. The last thing I want right now is to offend anyone in here. You guys are all the help I have in stayin clean tonight.So dont take me wrong.I would give you my e-mail address if you wanted me to.So keep writin guys, I need you!   KEN
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Hey ken, I'm glad to know that my words are read by people like yourself. You sound like your going through the same thing as we are. It's funny that you mentioned the scripts. Do you realize how many people want them? I don't want to sound like an ******* for this but I would usually sell half of them and keep the rest for us. It paid the rent and we got high. Problem is that I would usually run out and then have to buy them off the street. So i probably would spend what ever "profit" we made back on the same pills that I sold. Ok, so now what? How do people like us STAY clean? I said to my girlfriend the other day that if we ever got back on them it would be the end of life. That we HAVE to do this. The thing is, it is helping me by having the Oxy's so close. I don't know why but if I didn't have them I feel that I would crave them even more. Knowing they are so close personally is making us stronger. I feel that every day we don't do them is a victory. Like I said the detox is bad but trying to start all over is the hard part. I drive down the street and see billboards for college and almost break down in tears. I should have done that. I know I can always start now but I'm just saying it's so very tough. I hope that this works and I can one day look back on this as a learning experiance. Wow! what a long course! The scripts are due to be filled in a week...Last night my girlfriend and I disscussed what its going to be like to walk out with them. You know we use to stand by the counter with a bottle of water and take them before we ever left the store. Messed up huh? Talk soon...CHAD
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Its hard to know who is on and when. Do you guys use ICQ? Maybe by leaving our messages for all to see would be better for others. On the other hand we could have direct feedback...Let me know..chad
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Ken, I just realized what you mean. In no way did you offend me! I meant that I didn't post my e-mail address because I thought that it would be better for people to read what we are writting, not that I was afraid someone was going to try to track us down for the scripts! Hell, I'll meet you at the gas station in an hour if you want them! Just kidding, I don't know where you live! Ha Ha, keep em' comming guys!
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I know what you mean chad, my dealer is gonna be s.o.l. when I stop buyin.She was gettin between $3-400 from me every week.And she knew I'd pay as much as she wanted when I was hurting.So I am gonna be sooooooo frickin happy when I'm all done with her.And I dont have to kiss her ass anymore. Well Im gettin pretty tired ,I just hope I dont start kickin tonight.I'd rather go through the worst part of it during the day. See ya tomorrow.
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Chad,
I am 47 years old. I live in Southern California, where I was born. I have been a prescription narcotics addict for 27 years - and I will always be one. Yet now I have a good life, success in my profession, a 17-year marriage which is better now than ever, a wonderful son in college who loves me. I am, for the most part, at peace with who I am. Yet I am still a drug addict. The hardest thing I ever did was to forgive myself for my addiction and for all the things that had happened because of it. It will probably be the hardest thing you ever do. But, in time, you will.

In 1995, I woke up, or came to, in a motel room on the Pacific Coast Highway. My wife and son had fled the night before. I had no job. No money. No friends. I was facing a jail sentence for prescription forgery. And I was going into withdrawal. All I had was an overwhelming anger and guilt over what I had made of my life. I knew about recovery places, about AA and groups like it. But I was no joiner. I was cynical about any group or doctrine that seemed to take my individuality away. I still am not a joiner. I don't subscribe to religion. I am still suspicious of people who "want me to join and think like them." I always will be.

But that morning I was so sick and tired and desperate that I called a recovery group out of the Yellow Pages. Like most groups, they were structured around the AA model of recovery. But I didn't want to hear anything about that. After all, what did I have in common with a bunch of drunks?

In the hospital, I started reading the "big book' of AA - it doesn't seem to have any other title. It was filled with stories about the lives of different alcoholics, including someone named Bill W., the founder of AA. From the first page, I realized that his story was my story. In fact, all the stories in the book were my story. (You say you want some inspirational material - this book is it. Also see the James Woods movie, "My Name is Bill W.")

Anyway, I was so beaten down and defeated and frightened that I had to finally choke down the seemingly unpalatable truth that I really was just like everyone else. I was not a special case. There was nothing extraordinary about my history or my present situation. At first, I found that to be hateful. I had always taken pride in being independent. But as I read these stories, I realized that, just as their stories of addiction and ruin were my story, so could be their stories of recovery and redemption. I take comfort now in knowing that others have walked this path before me. I thank whatever force there is that gives us all life that I am not, and never was, alone.

One of the first things that happened to me when I went to an AA meeting (it doesn't fundamentally matter what drug you're addicted to), was that I lost the shame and self-loathing that you are now experiencing. That remains the single most important benefit I have gotten from my participation in this group. Yet I am still not a willing joiner. I am still always on the lookout for cultists (and there are some in AA). But I learned to see myself through the eyes of my fellow members, people I knew to be decent and moral and worth saving. I learned a profound truth about the connection we all share and the redemptive power of friendship, mutual respect and hope.

I returned from the abyss because I accepted these truths. I somewhat understand myself now, with all my strengths and weaknesses. I forgive myself for my weaknesses as I forgive others for theirs. The first step out of the abyss for you, Chad, is to forgive yourself for committing the "crime" of being human.

To answer your question, no, you can't reverse 13 years of addiction. But you can learn from those years and make the coming ones better.

Get the Big Book and start reading. Try going to a meeting. No one will make you speak or do anything else for that matter. It's not that AA is the only way, but it is A way out of the darkness.

I know that every human being on the face of this earth has something to teach me. The people you will meet in AA don't know everything, but they all can teach you something about yourself and about what it really means to be human. Bill W. discovered something profound about humanity when, in a desperate attempt to avoid what almost certainly would have been a fatal relapse, he sought out another alcoholic just to sit and talk for an evening. One man helped the other stay sober for that one night. One man helped the other remember what is was to have dignity. There is a universe of meaning in that meeting. I know that, 50 or 60 years later, that meeting changed my life.

Take it as a suggestion. A place to start. Or just food for thought. In any event, the book's a great read.

From where you're at right now, it's almost impossible to feel that life is a miracle and that you have every chance to be a part of it again. But it is and you will.
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Wow! that meant alot! One question though, isn't one of the twelve steps of AA or NA to "surrender yourself" to god and realize that you are nothing without the power of GOD? I can't do that right now. I am not a religious person as of now. So how can I accept what they have to say when I don't believe in their basic steps to success? My father was an Alcoholic for a very long time. One day he just stoped, he only went to one meeting. Today he is selling Bently's and doing great. I do however believe he dabels in other things. Anyway, my point is this. Can I do this without NA or AA? I WILL take your advice. If you think that I would benifit from it then maybe I would consider it. As far as the book goes, how do I get one? I would deffinitly read it as I am a big reader. When was the last time you ever did a drug? It sounds like your doing great. So cal huh? I bet you get the benifit of good weather to help you! Here in Philadelphia its kind of glum. I would love to move away from here out to the west coast as I am into photograpy and know that would consume alot of my time. But I know that you can never run from yourself. A change of pace would be nice though...Chad
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Is the withdrawal harder if the drug is stronger? For example: is it easier to detox from darvacet than from oxy?
And what about a drug called robaxin? Is it addicting?
I can't believe how many people out there have "my" problem. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one to get myself into this mess! One more question: if you detox and get through the first 6-7 days, then fall off and take the pills for a couple days, are the withdrawals as bad as the first time around?
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tom i meant 80=100 mg. is immodium over the counter.this is the wurst i have felt. have5mg valium, don't know how much to take .thanks.
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In my experience the strength(amount) of drug is directly related to the withdrawal. I had been taking upwards of 120mgs of morpine for several months when I decided to stop. The withdrawals were terrible for me and even Percocet had only an aspirin-like effect on them. I have no experience with Oxy but reading all these posts I think that the withdrawals may be even worse than morphine. I took Lortab for a long time but did not have a real big physical problem getting off of them, just a mental one. A friend of mine takes Darvocet for arthritis and it keeps him going. He has been on them for at least six years and does seem to have any problems. Maybe ther is a big difference in using a drug for medical benefits and using a drug for "kicks". I drew the line when I started to realize that I just liked the feeling and started to use more and more to maintain that feeling. Can you relate?
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I am sorry kk I just wrote a lenghty letter to you and it was wiped out by AOL. But to summerize what I just said, its just as hard to come off any narcotic drug . Just as long as you can keep off them. That is the hard part , at least it is for me .I am detoxing as I type this. And it is not fun so I hope and pray that I dont have to do it again. When I relapsed last time I went off for a couple days then went back for a couple then quit again for a couple days and it wasnt as bad to detox , but I still went back on the pills and that is the hard part, staying off them. I own my own business and am at home detoxing instead of working, and I'll tell you I need pills to work. But I will lose everything if I continue to use.So if I lose a couple of clients business while I get my **** together then it will all be worth it. Good luck kk .   Ken
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Thanks for the replies! Sure does help to know I'm not alone. I've also felt very foolish for allowing this to happen but I don't feel so bad now that I've read so many posts. It must be much more common than I realized!  J.B. Yes! I can relate...except that I haven't drawn the line yet, as you have. I started with Fliornal with codeine for headaches....moved on to lortabs....when I max myself out on those then I survive on darvacets...till I can get more Lortab. But the Lortab is getting fewer and farther apart...I think my doctor is on to me  now. I ran out of lortab last week...had horrible withdrawals, got hold of some darvacet and I feel human again. But I will be out of darvacet soon. I'm really hoping the withdrawals won't be as bad as before. I really can't miss anymore work! Though I have to admit...the physical side effects don't bother me as much as the mental ones. I get so depressed when my "candy" is gone! Thanks for the replies, folks. I will check back later and see if there are more. This is the only support group I have right now.
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You are not alone thats for sure.There are alot of sites that I been in with alot of people with the same problems we have.http://www.oingo.com/topic/13/13408.html is one of them http://prescriptionabuse.org/is another. I am having a diffucult time too. But I have to stop or die. And I dont want to die .So check these out and check back here ,I will be around all day if you want to chat. Or e- mail me at ***@**** thanks kk were here for each other. KEN
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I just wanted to let everyone know that every day is different. Today for example, I was taking my gradmother to the hospital for something and I went into the bathroom and got the biggest urge to do something. I didn't but the urge was strong. It went away and now I am OK...We shall see what the day brings...chad
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Sorry I couldn
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Sorry I couldn
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I just lost a half hour of typing. Its so frustrating . Damn aol ! I'll try to summerise what I said. I'm havin a hard day. I went to a job estimate and went through the med. cabinet. I feel like useing.I'll be here all day . My. so thats it in a nu email add. is above. So thats it in a nut shell. Thanks KEN
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I've been reading all these posts for a couple of days and must say that it is pretty interesing stuff. I borrowed a copy of the AA Big Book and began to read about myself inthe first few chapters- like it was written just for me! You mention humility of hitting bottom. The word humble and it's various forms are on just about every page. It sounds like you are right on the money with helping others and a higher power to stay straight. Keep up the good work, my friend! The people who wrote this book must have been inspired by the Higher Power.
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I see a lot of talk about Oxy and comments on peeling them?  I am just curious on what it is?  I at first thought that it was percocet, but I was prescribed percocet once a few years ago and well, they looked just vicodin.  I was really ill at the time with near fatal surgery compliactions so don't recall the side effects of them I just know that they killed the pain in the hospital.  My heart goes out to all of you fighting this nasty thing called addiction.  I know that it doesn't compare to some of the drugs I am reading about but I think I may be fighting a Ultram addiction.  I found this board in hopes to maybe find some info on the meds that I am taking for back pain.  Reading some of the posts and seeing all that some of you are going through makes the way I feel inside so childish.

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I am not an expert but I do know a little about oxy or Oxycocdin, it is mainly a morphine based pain killer used for terminal cancer patients or extreme pain.I know it is not an easy drug to be perscribed.Usually it is obtained from a pain management clinic.Most family physicians will not perscribe such a potent pain medication.I am sure you could find out more if you just ask. I do know one thing its a very addictive drug that is hard as hell to withdrawl (withdrawal) from. I am currently detoxing as I type and it sucks. I hope I was of some help. KEN
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I just read your post to Chad and my curiosity got the best of me. Believe me as I ask these questions I am definitely not trying to figure out how I too can use successfully. I have tested myself so many times but if I have 40 then I will take all 40 that day after I told myself I would make it last for a few days. Now back to you... First you are so knowledgeable about this disease that you have helped me and others tremendously. How do you go about a typical day. Please give an example of what you take , how much and when through the course of your day. How does your wife feel about this? Is it a secret or do other people know? Are these legally prescribed or purchased? Feel free to volunteer other pertinent info. I'm sorry if I sound a bit nosy but I am a social worker so I find human nature fascinating.. Take care!!
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Information
OxyContin has been approved for the treatment of moderate to severe pain which requires treatment for more than a few days, such as the pain associated with musculoskeletal conditions.
OxyContin tablets are taken every 12 hours. Most pain medications must be taken every three to six hours.

OxyContin is available in three tablet strengths (10, 20, and 40 mg).

OxyContin tablets are available by prescription only. The tablets are to be taken whole. Taking broken, chewed, or crushed tablets could lead to the rapid release and absorption of a potentialy toxic dose of oxycodone.

OxyContin is contraindicated in patients with known hypersensitivity to oxycodone, or in any situation where opioids are contraindicated. This includes patients with significant respiratory depression (in unmonitored settings or the absence of resuscitative equipment), and patients with acute or severe bronchial asthma or hypercarbia. OxyContin is contraindicated in any patients who has or is suspected of having paralytic ileus.

OxyContin, like all opioid analgesics, may cause severe hypotension in an individual whose ability to maintain blood pressure has been compromised by a depleted blood volume, or after concurrent administration with drugs such as phenothiazines or other agents which compromise vasomotor tone. OxyContin may produce orthostatic hypotension in ambulatory patients. OxyContin, like all opioid analgesics, should be administered with caution to patients in circulatory shock, since vasodilation produced by the drug may further reduce cardiac output and blood pressure.


Clinical Results
In
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Day ten! Much better. Tom, your "litmus" test kind of bothers me. The reason I say this is it sounds like you are justifying your use in some way. Why don't you just quit. You sound like you have the knowledge and the means. I hope not to offend you but I feel that if I applied your test to me then I would go back on them. Problem is that once I start I think I won't stop. You have helped me tremondously but I wonder why you, yourself haven't stoped taking them? Are you just comforatable with your current level of use? I would be courious to know.

Anyway, I wish everyone out there fighting this thing to keep trying. I never thought that I could have pictured life without drugs. Today I feel that there is hope. Mainly, because of my will power and the words of encouragment that my girlfriend and I have read here.

Now, what the hell do I do with all this time?  I was considering a hobby or school or anything to keep my mind busy. I hear serial killers are pretty active people. Maybee I'll try that! LOL....      C H A D
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Thank you all for the explaination to what Oxy is.  It sounds like a terrible drug, one I am glad I have never encountered.  From the sounds of it, it seems to be a hard to get drug, I am surprised to see so many people have access to it.  Maybe I am just naive *g*  I guess I have always seen Dr's as extremly hesitant to prescribe strong meds because of obvious addiction reasons.  But yet so many people seem to get prescriptions for them.  I have read up on quite a few of the posts to this board and my heart goes out to all of you!  Reading up on one woman who was living in fear due to writing her own prescription had me scared and I was only reading it =)  I could never do anything like that, guess I am a pretty big chicken.  I do want to say congradulations to those of you who have beat their addictions.  I envy the inner strength that you have to fight as hard as you are.  Keep going strong, it will all pay off in the end!
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I have been reading all the archives for the past few days. I am still on oxycontin, and everyday I say tomorrow is when I go to detox. I called last nite for an appointment and had to leave a message. They are to call me back anytime. I am scared to death of withdrawling, but in a way I feel some comfort in knowing that I am real close to it and will be around people who understand. I have been working my ass off these past few months since being on oxy. I started taking it in May,but was taking vicodin before that, Prior to May I was only on about 30 to 40 mg of vicodin per day. I found oxy and started with 40 mg. a day and now am up to about 140mg. The feeling was great for a while. I thought I had my lifes dream with an unending supply of oxycontin. I can still get them anytime. They are expensive, but I work more and can afford them. They have caused me to be a comlete loner though. I was kind of that way on the vicodin, but the oxy really got me. I am afraid to be around anyone now. I worry they can see the strung out look in my eyes. I know they see my moodiness. I might feel relaxed and talkitive for a couple hours and then start getting agitated by everyone and not talking at all. I go up and down all day long with this. By the end of the day I am at home strung out from the consistant doses I keep chewing all day long and finally sit down and nod off and on. I am not interested in t.v., reading or really anything. I just sit there and think about how screwed up I am and try not to face what I have become these past few months. I have no relationship with my kids now, They stay with  their mother and have nearly stopped calling. Before, I was seeing the on a regular basis and doing lots of neat stuff like golfing attending church with them and so on. Now I know I am not capable of spending that time with them. All I think about is myself. I have always hated selfish people too. Now I am that in the worse way. Does that part come back? The ability to stop thinking about myself all the time? Well I am looking foreward to learning about addiction while in detox. I feel kind of at ease just thinking about being around that environment. (safe) The withdrawl (withdrawal) part scares me though. I want to feel good again so bad. I love my children. This damn drug takes away my ability to love . That is a real empty feeling. The only thing that compares is death, cause my spirit is dead already. Well I may be in treatment tomorrow. If not I'll be right here.
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Angie,
I read your post with your questions a few hours ago. I wanted to answer you but had to think a while on just what I should say. I do not want anyone to read my story and think it's wise or even possible to emulate me. Let me first say that if I had my wish it would be that I had never used a single opiate drug or, for that matter, any mood altering substance. Let me also say that it is still my hope that someday I can live a happy, fulfilled life free from the need for drugs. I wish the same for you and everyone I have met on this site. Hopefully, my grandchildren will be treated with newer, better opioid drugs that relieve pain without producing psychic and physical dependence. From the sound of it, this new drug buprenorphin delivers on this promise. Hopefully, there are more coming just like it or better.

Imagine that your first love affair is sudden, unexpected, overwhelming in its intensity and utterly transforming. Imagine further that it is with someone dangerous, someone who is aware of their power over you and uses it to dominate you. No matter how destructive it is for you to be with that person, you are drawn back to them again and again. Even when you break it off with them for years at a time, the mere sight of them or sound of their voice brings you right back to that state of blind, passionate, obsessive love. Imagine now that it isn't a person but a little white pill or pink capsule in a prescription bottle. That is the easiest way for me to describe my 27-year relationship with narcotics. Does one ever really get over their first love? Anyway, that best characterizes my relationship with narcotics.

I will not try to give you a year-by-year account of my struggle to recover from drug addiction and find a meaningful life in the land of the living. This thread (above) includes some background on me from the last decade or so. I will tell you that after recovery in 1995, forced upon me by a combination of circumstances, I stayed away from opiates and all but a few joints here and there, for about 3 years. It was the longest 3 years of my life. Then I was confronted once again with lower back complications with left me in too much pain to earn a living without returning to pain killers. Now I struggle to achieve pain relief without falling too far at any one time into the pit of addiction. I maintain a sort of knife-edge equilibrium because I stay away from those opiates that are just "too good" - such as oxycodone, vicodin, demerol, morphine, as well as dis-inhibiting drugs like the benzos (Valium, etc.), speed, and the truly evil, enslaving drug of death, cocaine.

I am able to use darvon 65 (without additives like Tylenol or aspirin) because it has, for me, a certain self-limiting character, in that 3 provides pain relief, 4 gives me just enough of a high to satisfy the addict in me, and more simply makes me sick without imparting any more euphoria or pain relief. I think it works like that for me at least in part because of my 27-year-in-the-making tolerance for opiates. It probably wouldn't work like that for you. In fact, head my words, darvon (propoxyphene) is very dangerous - in some ways even more dangerous than many other opiate drugs. It has been a component in many deaths when mixed with alcohol and other depressants. Please don't take my words as an endorsement. It works for me now, but the story could change for the worse at any time, without any warning.

How much do I take and when? Again, Angie, remember I have a whopping tolerance for narcotics. I could take daily amounts of almost any opiate that would literally kill 3 to 5 people. Please don't make me regret telling you this. But you asked: I take 3 Darvon when I get to work, 3 more with enteric aspirin after lunch, then a dose of 4 when I get home from work, finally a bedtime dose of 4 with enteric aspirin. Again, these dosages would almost certainly kill anyone without my tolerance. Don't even think about trying this. It is a bargain with the devil I can't get out of right now. I have maintained this dosage and schedule for about 3 years.

I identify with you taking your whole bottle of vicodin in one night. If I had a bottle of vics right now, I would do the same thing. In fact, the last time I had a bottle of 40 Percodan (oxy) I did, in fact, take 40 in one evening(!). That was a long time ago and the aspirin alone should have killed me. There's a kind of "candy" quality to vicodin and oxycodone that causes you to just take and take and take. Obviously, for someone like me, it's pointless to get vicodin when I can take something like darvon that I can at least control to some extent.

Anyway, Angie, there's your answer. Kids, don't try this at home. Any medical professional would tell you that I'm lucky to be alive after the decades of opiate use I've endured. In fact, most people who started this kind of use when I did aren't around to tell the tale. I am, in a way, a curious socio-medical artifact of the 70's.

Let me close by telling everyone who reads this that, even though AA has given me a lot of self-knowledge about who I am and why I do what I do, I am not a good advertisement for their program. AA strives for total abstinence because of the peculiar nature of alcoholism and alcoholic relapse. Anyone who has witnessed an alcoholic relapse understands why even one drink can be disastrous if not literally fatal to many people. This puts me somewhat at odds with their program as a whole, but I do the best I can, taking that which works for me now and hoping to practice it more fully and more truly in the future.

Even though I am an imperfect follower, I honor Bill W. and believe wholeheartedly in his teachings. I bless his name every day of my life. As someone not at all interested in religion, AA has been a revelation for me in that it has given me a spiritual life without demanding my blind obedience. My experience with AA has opened my eyes about myself and my fellow man. I believe that one day Bill W. will be spoken of in the same breath as Martin Luther King and Mohandis Ghandi. He already is in my house.

[to Ken who lost his posts, try typing it out in Word first, then copy and paste it into the forum's reply window. You won't lose it that way.]
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Good Morning everyone, those of you who have read my posts and are aware of my addiction and medical problems (heart attack)
this morning I'm on my way to a thallium stress test...as I sit here Iam feeling so ashamed, I realize that I could never have this test while on the amount of oxys and perks that I normally would take, but I'm also aware that I could never go in there and take this test while withdrawing,so I have only taken 2oxy's and 3 vicodan just enough so that I can get through it...please wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts...for all of you's that are attempting to get clean, my hats off to you, keep trying
things can only get better for you....my day will come soon, I feel it, I just have so many medical things to contend with first.reading this board has helped me to think about it more and more...thanks...
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Thanks for your honest answer. My dr. used to prescribe 120 darvocet with 5 refills and I swear they would be gone in 3 to 4 days. I would have to wait anothyer 13 days to refill since he prescibed up to 6 a day. I AM NOT PROUD OF THAT INFO BY ANY MEANS!! It is the truth and it sickens me to read this as I type it. Whoever does the most does not win. My dr. started to prescribe them instead of Lortab 10/500 (same # and refills as Darvocet) when I told him I was concerned with the stronger Lortab. Little did I know the detox would be just as horrific due to the amount I was taking. I have never told anyone the amount I was taking because they would have thought I was trying to commit suicide when I was only trying to obtain a bigger and better high. This is how I know I could never, ever take a controlled amount. Is your wife aware? Are they prescribed or purchased? Not many people could do what you do. When I told a friend about this site (non-addict) she told me she heard people can obtain or purchase narcs over the internet. Is that true? I'm afraid she thougt maybe that's what I was trying to do. No matter how long I stay clean and change my ways there will always be some doubt. I can live with that since I know the truth. Will be waiting to hear from you.
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Yes, my wife knows. She has lived through this with me for 17 years. She has come to understand that it is woven into my DNA and she either accepts it or leaves. However, let me elaborate on that: After many years of struggling with both my addiction and my career, I control, for the time being, my habit and I now enjoy quite a bit of success as a writer. We are more than what people generally think of as man and wife. I have supported her through many years of her own brand of personal problems when most men would have left. In turn, she has stood by me and believed in me when everyone else had written me off. We are like two buddies that have survived the war together. My success has enabled her to retire and pursue her own dreams. We are personally attentive to, and considerate of, each other in every way. But make no mistake, if she saw my addiction taking control again, me missing work,
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I just noticed that I failed to respond to your questions about obtaining narcotics over the internet. That sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? I know that the Mexican pharmacy web sites advertise oxycodone and vicodin and Xanax like they were bath soap, but if you read the fine print, they're only selling you a guide to Mexican pharmacies. I've never followed the trail beyond this point. However, I do know that vic's and oxy's are definately federally controled substances in the USA. As far as I know, it's illegal to purchase or even possess them without a prescription. If you take a chance and send for them through the mail, I'm not sure you won't have the package intercepted by the US Mail and get a visit from someone you don't want to know. Having been in legal trouble over drugs in the past, I wouldn't risk it, myself. Maybe someone else reading this thread (any representatives of the DEA visiting us tonight?) can give us the legal lowdown. I mean, really, oxycodone is just about the next best thing to heroin. How CAN that be legal? Wouldn't people be ordering it by the truckload?

Anyone out there ever bought narcotics through the mail?
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Hi everyone.  I hope you are hanging on Chad. I am in recovery from pills too.  It's no walk in the park BUT anyone who truly has the desire to stop using can.  The will is stronger than a pill - don't forget that.  I have been taking Kava, Valerian rrot and ginseng (natural herb supplements) to ease the discomfort of withdrawal.. The physical withdrawal is not as difficult as the psychological withdrawal. Finding this forum tonite is a blessing.  If I weaken, I will be sure to wait for a helping hand from you all.  Keep the faith.
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Maybe "obtaining the narcs" question wasn't the best to pose on this forum. Anyway I am finished with illegal activity since next time I will go to jail. Everybody gets one chance to screw up, it's called pre-trial intervention after that you're finished. I will be finished with PTI in November. Then I will look into having the arrest exponged from my record. At that point I will look to get back into social work. Right now I'm working part time and rather enjoying it. I had to chuckle when I read what you do for a living. All this time I'm thinking this guy speaks so eloquently he must be a college professor. All the while the answer was right in front of my eyes. What kind of stuff do you write? Newspaper, magazines or have you written books? I haven't seen anything written by CHAD lately. I hope he's all right. I hope he would continue to correspond even if he slipped. But I will not think the worse. He may be corresponding via his own E-mail address. Oh by the way, I have made an appt. with the fitness club for Sept. as I hope to start at that time. I'm hoping that my addicting behavior will be used for something positive. Well off to work...Take care and I will check back tonite.
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Glad to hear you're not following up on the mail-order dope angle. I have a feeling you'd just get taken. As careful as I am giving out my visa number to reputable e-merchants like Amazon, the last guys I'm going to trust with it are a bunch of renegade Mexican pharmaceutical dealers! For one thing, you might actually be doing business with a DEA agent. Might as well fax them a signed confession. Most people in drug enforcement consider us to be no better than child molesters anyway, so why not use the same tactics to bust us? Somewhere off in the hazy future, I believe sociologists will look back on the "drug war" as a human tragedy comparable to racism. How can we possibly justify giving early release to violent offenders just to make room for some poor slob with a third-grade education and a drug habit? I've considered producing a book related to my life experience with drugs, but I've hesitated up to now because I felt I didn't really have a worthwhile or unique point to make. The last thing we need is another "how I got loaded, then real, real sorry, then sober" book. But I think the shaming of addicts, to say nothing of the jailing of them, is wrong in both a practical and ethical sense. I think we could use an examination of society's scarlet-lettering of drug users with particular attention paid to the consistently abysmal results.

But that's enough from my soap box. To answer your question, Angie, I've been everything from a journalist to a technical writer for the computer industry. It's not as colorful as writing novels but it usually pays a lot better. I've been a source of fascination to many an addiction specialist, as well as one or two superior court judges. Actually, a lot of people in the literary and computer communities use. Probably just as many as in any other walk of life. Besides, I think the impulse to get high comes from one of the more primitive sectors of the human brain, making one's professional background no more than a footnote (pun intended).

I am also thinking of Chad tonight. I wouldn't be too surprised if he converted one of those oxy scripts and doesn't want to tell us. I hope I'm wrong but if I'm not and he reads this, Chad, there is no shame in struggling with this thing of ours. I used to say to myself, "This is the last bottle" every single time I filled a prescription! I'd be sorry to hear it because I guess he had made it through the worst of that horrendous oxy withdrawal and now will have to do it again. When I was doing Vics at a record clip, I'd run out and go into withdrawal every couple of days, until I was almost used to it. But oxy withdrawal sounds like a particular ***** to undergo. Angie, you're smart to cut your life of crime short. These days, they catch you pretty quickly and the penalties seems to increase almost geometrically with every bust.

I'll check back in a few if you or anyone wants to talk. By the way, WHERE ARE THE DOCS? I THINK THE SITE'S BEEN CONVERTED TO SELF-SERVE. BRIAN, ARE YOU OUT THERE, MAN?
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I thought of this the other day but forgot to mention it: there's nothing like a little education, check this out if you want to know more about the drugs you use:

www.opioids.com

A rather scholarly treatment of the subject free of sermons and doctrinaire anti-drug blather.

Take care.
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Well yesterday turned into a real shitty day. I was informed by my boss that he only had approval to use me until labor day. Upon hire I was told that info., however during my working there I was told that I was put on permanent part-time. I believe my boss got mad because I left early for a hair appt. During the past few weeks I have left early several times for various appts. Maybe this was the straw that broke the camels back. I know this guy and his wife on a friendsip level before I worked for him. This came as a big shock because of the circumstances. I believe a warning should have come first. Anyway I can't get this off of my mind. I, in my state of hurt and anger, made a beeline for the phone called an old friend and copped a few darvocet. Guess what--it made me feel worse. It was like it magnified my miserableness. I couldn't wait to get to bed to escape all these terrible feelings for eight hours. Today I feel a little bit better. Hope your day is much better than mine.
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Sorry to hear your day went so bad. I dropped out of college after two years when I made a baby at age 22. I was doing the honorable thing as it was called, in a marriage that should never have been. After three years of hell, during which I began my career as a full time junkie, I divorced and, broke and in debt, moved into a boarding house. I now have a wonderful son I am glad I stuck around for, but I struggled in jobs I hated for about 10 years before I worked my way into a technical job with computers. A few years later, I was given a chance to write about computers. I never planned it that way, but it really saved my life. Without a career that allowed me some self-respect and hope, I would have gone completely into the drug world and wound up dead and/or in prison. I just wouldn
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Today is Friday and I'm getting ready for work. I had yesterday off. I hesitated to read your reply since I thought I might have some sort of lecture coming. To my pleasant surprise your response was more of a comfort. The only problem with what I did yesterday is the want for more. Oh well that will die down again real soon. Part of me thinks I was taking this job for granted. I still stand by my original feeling that this was harsh and unwarranted. I have made up my mind to do the best job I can for the time I have left there. Although I didn't quite understand the account set-up you suggested (I have only had this computer for a month and still learning) I will give you the day or so you need and you can explain how it works. Have a great day cause I'm hellbent on having one!!!
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Re the hotmail account: I (or you) can go to hotmail.com and create (for free) an e-mail account that operates through the hotmail server independent of our home (or work) e-mail accounts. You can name it anything you like, so it doesn
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The hotmail account sounds like a good idea. I hate to tell you all the different sites I have to through to get to here. I know there must be a shortcut but like I said before this is new to me. I had a great day today, just made up mind to do it and not feel sorry for myself. I think I didn't want to lose my security blanket and have to venture back out for a real job. Well I see you responded to Chad (very well I might add) and I too was smiling to myself. Although the situation in itself is not funny haven't we all been there. That's the amusing part. He's in for a nice rollercoaster ride. Poor guy! I think being with someone who also uses makes matters worse. Double-Troube!!! I do wish him well...I had to respond to him myself. Well I will check for your address but if for some reason you don't hear from me, check back here to see if I had problems figuring it out. I really am more intelligent than that last sentence sounded> Ha Ha! Talk to you soon.....
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did you say you were fired at one time for using on the job? How did that happen? Did you get drug tested?

also, when you get to the forum site, "bookmark" it if you're using Netscape Communicator, or save it as a "favorite" if you're using the Internet Explorer browser. That will take you directly to this site. Don't bookmark it when you're in this thread, though. Back out to the level where all the threads are listed and do it there. It will save time.

I must admit that, after an intense first week at the software developer where I now work, I had to "reward" myself by adding a Soma (a non-benzo muscle relaxant) to my usual dose of Darvon. It's the only thing I take for no other purpose than to feel good. But when it's gone, no big deal. It's one of those drugs I mentioned that don't overtly hook me. I get some every couple of months or so. I'm so conditioned to reward myself with a high after a lot of work, I simply must do it if it's around. Getting Soma is easy if you have a back problem: ask for Valium and then mention you've also used Soma successfully for your back problem and your doctor will usually "bargain it down" to Soma. He's relieved you're not insisting on Valium. That can work, fortunately or unfortunately, with pain pills: ask for the moon and settle for something down the list. Doctors will almost always give you Darvon or Ultram if you start out asking for Vicodin. It's a classic but it still works. I'm not encouraging you to use, but the Soma is an example of diverting your use to something that won't take you over. The docs won't be thrilled with me posting this, but then they're not around, are they? And adddicts will be addicts ...
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To answer you question,I started by getting into med room and taking any narc that the pt. was finished with as it was in a pile to go back to pharmacy. This is how I got to try Roxinal and oxycontin. Then I made a really f-up decision to take something that wasn't in that pile. Percs that the pt was still using. They count them on every shift, something I was ignorant of at the time or so much in addict mode that I didn't care. You know when you think it's not going to happen to me cause I'm so trusted. A touch of grandiose behavior, don't you think? Anyway only two of us had used the keys to enter the room, so the tested both of us and took us to the police station where we were asked questions and if we were willing to take a lie detector test. Of course I said yes but after they talked to me some more I broke down and told them the truth. The detectives were extremely nice to me and informed me they knew I did it as opposed to the other girl. They said that I made eye contact in the beginning but looked away during some of the latter questions. They also told me that had I continued to lie things could have been worse. I explained that I was going to lose my job and they went the extra mile to talk to my supervisor on my behalf. It didn't do any good, however, because I stole it was immediate termination. Had I gone to my boss and admitted I had a problem before I took anything, I would have been eligible for the employee assistance program but guess what? I didn't want to do that and embarrass myself. Can you imagine that? Thats when and how I got into treatment. I've been reading your responses to Chad and all the others, it makes for interesting reading. Oh, I forgot the punch line to my story, the drug test came back negative for oxycodone. I tested positive for darvocet and barbituate (esgic) both of which I had legitimate scripts for and proved it. Boy, does that bring up some bad "stomach in the throat" feelings. Well we live and learn! Thanks for the advice on the computer I will try it.
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   dearest chad. i have the upmost respect and admiration for you my brother. as we both know and have encountered the road to been free of opiods is a difficult road with many whinding paths to lead us astray. stay strong brother from what i have read in all your letters and replies it seems that gradually each day you are doing better and better and my brother now i think the opiods physically have left your system if i am right tell me! however for the neuro0transmitters to get back to a normal functioning state prior to opiod use it takes time and alot of it brother chad. i am talking like anywhere between 6 months to 2 years yes chad it takes alongtime for the neuro-biology to return to a normal functioning state prior to opiod use but if the research is correct as time gies on the seratonin and noredrenaline levels do tendto improve each day and depression should be a thing of yesterday if that makes sense, what i mean is that day by day the seratonin and noredreanile levels begin to average out again and begin reproducing themselves post opiod use which does block the production in some people of these mood altering chemicals so if you are feeling depressed i reccommend go and see a specialist my brother, there is a wonderful anti-depressant called efexor which is a relatively new one. it works on both the seratonin and the noredrenaline and slightly the dopamine pathways so it touches all three of the most neuro-transmitter pathways brother chad.


donot fear going on an anti-depressant iknow for me the efexor has made the world of difference especially since i retired my opiods which i was using 5-8 years for pain management but became bitterly addicted and the level of oxycontin went from 20mg's to 160mg's just to sustanin myself brother so i know exactly where your coming from and where your going and how you might be feeling with the whole detoxification process.


please drop me a reply my brother as i mentioned earlier you seem to be a very knowledgable person with alot of fight and spirit and heart and i have the utmost respect and admiration foryou and yes let us educate others my friend as if we can help or educate even one soul than this is fantastic.


love always andrew elchemarcos best wishes and hugs to you brother...
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   dearest chad. i have the upmost respect and admiration for you my brother. as we both know and have encountered the road to been free of opiods is a difficult road with many whinding paths to lead us astray. stay strong brother from what i have read in all your letters and replies it seems that gradually each day you are doing better and better and my brother now i think the opiods physically have left your system if i am right tell me! however for the neuro0transmitters to get back to a normal functioning state prior to opiod use it takes time and alot of it brother chad. i am talking like anywhere between 6 months to 2 years yes chad it takes alongtime for the neuro-biology to return to a normal functioning state prior to opiod use but if the research is correct as time gies on the seratonin and noredrenaline levels do tendto improve each day and depression should be a thing of yesterday if that makes sense, what i mean is that day by day the seratonin and noredreanile levels begin to average out again and begin reproducing themselves post opiod use which does block the production in some people of these mood altering chemicals so if you are feeling depressed i reccommend go and see a specialist my brother, there is a wonderful anti-depressant called efexor which is a relatively new one. it works on both the seratonin and the noredrenaline and slightly the dopamine pathways so it touches all three of the most neuro-transmitter pathways brother chad.


donot fear going on an anti-depressant iknow for me the efexor has made the world of difference especially since i retired my opiods which i was using 5-8 years for pain management but became bitterly addicted and the level of oxycontin went from 20mg's to 160mg's just to sustanin myself brother so i know exactly where your coming from and where your going and how you might be feeling with the whole detoxification process.


please drop me a reply my brother as i mentioned earlier you seem to be a very knowledgable person with alot of fight and spirit and heart and i have the utmost respect and admiration foryou and yes let us educate others my friend as if we can help or educate even one soul than this is fantastic.


love always andrew elchemarcos best wishes and hugs to you brother...
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hey there J.B. how are you feeling at these moments? well listen to me brother i can give you lots of support in regards to the efexor seeing as i have been on it now for 18 months. i am currently at a dose of 300 milligrams 15 twice a day and have been as high as 375 milligrams.


   firstly j.b i know where your at, at this moment in time, you just want some relief now and want that horrible depression to go away now. my brother it will trust me, i have been diagnosed as suferring from clinical endogenous depression also brought on through genetics thanks to my family hahaha.


before efexor i was on every anti-depresant nearly available, zoloft moclobemide cipramil amitryptyline etc etc... it was not until i went to a good therapist that i came of all these second rate anti-depressants for me and she started me on the efexor.



i can tell you honestly i felt an immediated relief within 3weeks and its full full effects around about 7 to 8 weeks after beginning the efexor. i was started on 75milligrams and was raised gradually to 375 milligrams over the seven week period.




trust me J.B have patient really really give the efexor a go and see somebody as well my brother like a counsilor as half of it is pills the other half talking about the underlying issues. see what i have finally learnt is that my efexor can deal with the chemical imbalances in my neurchemistry however it can not fix a situational problem like a shitty relationship job or whatever your issues are, so please speak to somebody anybody trust me deal with all that underlying **** brother and the efexor well it will do its part to bring the rainbow back into your life trust me.



a little bit now about the efexor. efexor works on two main pathways unlike most anti-depressants which most only work on seatonin or noredrenaline, however the efexor works on both equally and this is why i believe it is better for us types who have not responded to other medications of the anti-depressant groups, as well the efexor lightly touches the dopamine pathway which is a bonus as this is to do with energy and other things another mood neurotransmitter my brother.



i have found at first i felt a little tired with the efexor but when it really kicked in my energy increased as efexor is an adrenalin it is also a stimulant anti-depressant or as my therapist has told me it should after it kicks in properly work as more a stimulant anti-depressant than most others thus you should not feel tired once it truly kicks in okay just be patient pray and have faith in it.


i remember when i started on it i really put my faith in it and prayed it would give me relief from my pain my deep deep suferring and depression and suicidal feelings i was having and J.B it did this.


now i am very stable completely non depressed and am still on 300 milligrams of the efexor which i can honestly say has been the impetus from my recovery from my deep depression.


so my brother hang in there have faith and i wish to you all the best of spirit and really hope that the efexor makes the difference for you like it has for me.


also J.B if you have any comments or any questions please please reply to me okay even if you just want to chat about your feelings of depression drop us a line brother okay.


love andrew be well and hang in there J.B.
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Thanks for the info about Effexor. I've been on Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac and Ativan with no good results other than "I want off this ****". So far I've only had a slight tiredness and sometimes a feeling of falling(roller coaster type). I realize that this kind of med takes weeks to begin it's magic so I am being patient as I was with all the other stuff that I've tried. You are the only person other than my doctor that I know of that has any experience with Effexor. He says that it has saved some marriages and that both spouses have responded with good results.
Will keep you posted. J.B.
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What a coincidence! My doctor just started me on Effexor. He handed me a starter pack to gradually get accustomed to the drug and so far I don't see anything happening. I was on Paxil for three months but took myself off of it beacause it made me tired all the time. I'm hoping that the Effexor works for me as it has for you. This state of depression is about 90% of my problem right now. Be well, J.B.
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good i am glad you will keep me posted J.B. seeing as i am the only otherperson you know on the efexor then maybe as it starts tokick in or you have concerns feel free to ask away brother as i did experience many side affects, nothing major and nothing thatlasted more than a week at the most. so really keep me posten okay i also like you have been on the zoloft however that took me to high and came of it. the efexor is the best medication i have ever been on and i can honestly say to you j.b that had inot been put on the efexor then i doubt very much whether i would be here today writing you this email.

however i am glad i am here and livng a functioning life like others. hang in there brother as each day rises that venlafaxine is kicking in even more and before you know it you will have an enormous relief when your horrible depression subsides and remember even when yourfeeling good dont come of it okay trust me i tried that sometimes we need to be on it for some time for it to change how our bio-chemistry functions okay.



why were you on the ativan? do you experience anxiety? as i am currently taking 2milligrams of the ativan every night and it helps me heaps to have no anxiety and to sleep. well let me know brother?



all the best to you and yes i would believe that efexor has saved marriages i have complete faith for once in a drug and this is the one, efexor has changed me forever j.b and for the best.


kind regards andrew....
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I was on Ativan for anxiety attacks which came usually at night. I was on Combo therapy for Hep C and depression and anxiety were just one of the side effects of this chemotherapy. One of my doctors tried me on Valium for a while, switched to Xanax and then switched to Ativan over a period of maybe 18 months. I was a miserable wreck during this time not only because of my health, but also worrying about my family and job as well. I don't handle stress well at all but am learning through stress management therapy how to better cope with it. Hopefully, I will be able to conquer depression someday. Be well. J.B.
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   to my dear friend j.b. my dear friend you will be able to conquer the ugly face ofdepression my freidn i believe this to be the case. be strong withinyourspirit and remember if you feel low do not try and fight this feeling rather become a prisoner for a while to these feelings as the harder youtry to fight that **** painful feeling and i am speaking from experience heremy friend, the stronger it gets within, i chose finally after trying to fight it to just let it run its course to succumb and to embrace it, then over time the efexor kicked in and won the battle over my depression.

i am sure you will experience the same victory, and i know brother that right now is probably the most difficult timefor you just waiting for it to do its job but be strong foryou your wife and your family and trust me it will kick in, remember it is still early days at the moment.


love forever andrew.

p.s i have faith and hope for you J.B.
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ialso been on lortab 10mg for 2plus years for pain i wanted off of them and went into detox for5 days iam having big trouble with pain and nothing iam taking is helping is it better to stay on the drug and tolorate the pain or to suffer with out?
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You think you had it bad.  I was getting sixty loratabs a month and was taking about three 80mg oxycotins (the green bombs we called them) a day.  I had no script for the oxys but I did have a script for the loratabs but I had the money to fill the scrips of oxys for other people that didn't have the money so I would get them at a good price.  I got to the pointe to where I couldn't go to work without taking something.  I don't have a clue to why you couldn't have sex though.  When I was on them I could have sex for seven or eight hours and still never ***!  It was like a godsent for her.  Although for alot of people narcotics have side effects for them but for me they allow me to function better.  I concentrait better and I work better.  I **** better and I think better.  I talk better and can learn better.  But all in all I just couldn't afford to spend about $150.00 a day on pills.  If I had a script I could have afforded them and never had to have gotten off of them.  If they were ruining your life because you couldn't function on them then you need to stay off of them.  It sounds like to me you and your wife are just lazy and don't wont to work and use it as an excuse.  It is a ***** to come off of them but you can do it if you have the time to just sit around and do nothing but recover in bed for a week or two.  It just takes will power.  You and your girlfriend both need to get a job and do somehting productive to get your mind off of them.
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CHAD
I am a college student
I have read this whole damn list of replies.
This has made me stop and look at the big picture
I hope that you decide to reply
whatever the circumstances are..
you have inspired me to stop taking these damn OC's
for a little while.... at least.
I don't want to have to take an
OC to clean my damn apartment or go to class.
Remember at the beginning when you wanted replies?
I want your reply
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Chad
I have been inspired by your story,
please feel that you can come back and share
wantever has happened, even being relapse.
It is best to be open about things to
start to help the problem, just know
that you have inspired me to take a
look at the big picture and my problem
with the OC's.  I did not know you guys were out there.
thank you
Please let us hear from you
jade
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Chad,
You have no idea how your story affected me!  My husband's sis is on disability for being obese and she has a steady supply of pain killers.  Norco, vicatin, whatever we wanted.  A week ago she kicked down a bunch of oxycotin and wow, they are a blast!  But I began to feel uneasy at how often we (my husband and I) were taking the stuff.  For pleasure only.  So I got on the net and I found this site.  What a wake up call!  I was chilled to the bone at all the stories of all these people trying to get clean from this ****.  And my husband and I are well on our way to major addiction.  I know it.  Right after I get done replying to you, I am dumping the bottle in the toilet and I am going to have a long talk with my husband.  I am going to show him this site.  I am thinking of you and will be praying for you, my friend.  I believe that nothing happens by chance and that I found this site and learned what I did just reaffirms that in my mind.  Life is precious, Chad, even if it may not seem like it right now.  And know that your story had a huge impact on my life and I will never take pain-killers for pleasure again.  Thank you for being so honest and courageous.  Be strong.  I will visit again to see how things are going.
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eat em', eat em'
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sorry that happened to you
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i was recently working in a chemist that had the meth programme and pyschiatric clinic contract. i saw all these drugs you are talking about. I'm on 100mg of zoloft and was taking xanax. I am extremely fortuneate enough not to have become addicted to prescription drugs. I'm addicted to a natural pain killer - marijiuana. this is much milder a form of addiction. I do suffer from severe depression and anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness surrounds me everyday.I think because i did become addicted to dope, and thats hard enough for me to give up, i wouldnt let my self take that step to get addicted to prescription drugs. Tempting though, very tempting but each time i was feeling bored or a little anxious and i reach for my xanax i'd ask myself a couple of questions - Do I really need this right now? Do i recall that smoking a bong when i was bored or a little anxious is what led me to becoming addicted to dope? Have i felt like this before and got through on my own, drug free? What did i do as a child that i enjoyed doing? Can i do that now?
           Why do people take drugs, drink alcohol? Simply, they are unhappy with themselves. Either they think they are a better person when they are in slightly altered state of mind or they dont want to think too much because if they think too much they will think about their faults (and humans aren't supposed to have faults or make mistkes!!!For some reason that is floating in the back of most people's mind).All humans want to get high.Some do it by becoming a boss and get the high from bossing around employees some do extreme sports to get a high. I think there are good highs and bad highs.Good highs - climbing a high mountain, getting high passes in exams, helping someone else for no reason at all except that they needed help, painting a picture, doing something you have always dreamed of doing, the list is endless but you get my point.Bad highs - drugs(derr!), alcohol,fighting,hurting someone else,destroying something for no reason, again the list is endless. Do you see the diff. between good and bad highs? Good highs - anything you do that helps better you or someone else even in the smallest way. Bad highs - something you do that makes you feel good at the time and **** after. Anyone like to add anything? You may think I don't know anything and you may be right but take what you want, what feels comfortable for you, from what i've written thats all i ask. I was fired from the chemist because i was getting too emotionally involved with the meth and phychiatric patients. I just wanted to help them but i started to emotionally suffer and increased my dope intake and zoloft dose.Just like you guys i just want to be happy and excited about life and i am willing to try anything. So, i found this web site that i believe will be beneficial to me and possibly to all of you.I dont know the exact location but if you search in Yahoo for "Get off drugs Naturally". I say "possibly" because everyone has their own path to happiness. It sounds great. I think you like go away for a few days and you have a counsellor with you all the time and you do things like rock climbing, white water rafting, relaxation techniques and they detox you with spa baths, sauna and food that will replace the vitamins and minerals that you will be losing due to it having to work extra hard. I dont know how much it costs, but it is all over the world. Please remember Everyone has faults, everyone makes mistakes.That is not important.What is important is that 1. recognising your faults (but not beating your self up over them). 2. Do something everyday (and it doesnt matter how small) that can help change your faults or help prevent you making the same mistakes. You are your best friend and if you are not starting going about making your self your bestfriend because its the only person you can never get away from.Always remember the good things about yourself and congratulate yourself on it. Dont let other people tell what will make you happy unless you agree. Lastly, be honest with your self but also be kind you deserve it. I will be as excited as anyone else on this site if i get a response. That will be my good high. xxxxxxx
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     I,ve been through this enough, I,m in out patient
now. You need to read and learn, every time you cave to the urge
the addiction gets stronger, so you have to get stronger too.
Suck it up and start living. I know its easier said then done,
but think of how strong you'll be. Patience, please.
Just know, dont mess around anymore.

             P.S. I have to practice this as well.
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You ask a very important question, and the answer is yes.  You can be just as interested in things as you were on the pills and it is called being happy and content and satisfied with your life.  I am not coming down on you at all.  I do identify from my own personal experiences w/ Darvacet.  There is a deeper problem here.  The depression and/or unhappiness you feel "post-euphoria".  I took pills, too.  My boyfriend (I'm 23 he's 27) and I actually took darvacet (similar to percoset) for several months just for fun.  We had a friend w/ a lifelong prescription who sold them for extra $ on the side.  $30 for 20 pills.  We had to share 20 for one week, so our habit wasn't quite as extreme as yours, but I do understand the dependancy.  I felt as though I wasn't able to face the world without it.  It gave me energy, made me much more confident, and made me able to "be" the person I wanted to be.  It numbed the "bad" feelings I had.  But, it was all in vain.  You can't take a pill and be that person.  You have to live it.  You have to find it for yourself.  I am the kind of person who carries a lot of guilt, and after I stopped taking them I was looking back, like, "who the hell is that person?"  I got really disgusted w/ myself.  We stopped because it was expensive, and we didn't really get the effect we wanted after awhile.  Anyway, I don't know if you can identify, or if you are still checking this page, but I wanted to share.  There is life after pills.  Time heals all wounds, so don't think it will happen overnight.  Pulling yourself out of something that you know is bad for you, whether it be a bad relationship, an addiction, a lousy job...whatever it may be, you will feel much more powerful having accomplished it.  You will feel strong and able to conquer the world again.  Trust me.  I know.  And you will, too.  The best of luck to you,
Sara
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I have read all these posts about being addicted to all these different opioids. I ma a 32 yr old chronic pain patient who takes methadone and oxyir for breakthrought pain. Before this pain relief I had no life but thanks to the relief i was abled to finish mt Masters degree in rehabilitation Counseling, work full time as a n outpatient therapist and am now looking into doctoral programs! I did my graduate research on The Use of Opioids to Treat Chronic Non-Malignant Pain.To summarize my paper opioid therapy was found to be a VERY viable, successful and safe mode of treatment, providing other treatments have been tried. Are you all truly psychologically addicted or is your body of course phytsically dependent? BIG difference! Did youy Drs make you think you were addicted? I can be reached to discuss this more at ***@****. I am writing from a library computerbecasue mine will sonn be fixed. My research was even used at the internatiol pain conference! they are scurring me out so fogive the spelling errors! God bless and i would love to chat more about this! Sincerely, Michelle Wagner MS PLPC
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Hey.  I am 17 years old, almost 18, and I have been strung out on OC's for about 4 and a half years now.  I got in a little bit of trouble here recently and had to go to a Group Home for 6-months.  I am in month 2 now and believe me, I know what you went through.  It was pure hell for about the first two weeks.  I had to go through it by myself because I couldn't let anyone else know what I had been doing.  I was up to snorting about an 80 a day, on average.  That wasn't even on a good day.  And I could handle just doing a 40 a day but I would start hurting so bad man.  It was ******* awefull!!!  It has taken so much of my money.  I was in a bad car wreck and got a BIG settlement, needless to say that I have went through most of it now.  I have stolen off of my mother and everything man.  But I do not agree with methadone.  I know a lot of people that go to the local clinic, and the way I see it, it is trading one thing for another.  If you miss a dose, the withdraws are terrible.
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What's peeling?  how do you cook down oxycontins, what's that mean?
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i've been reading here for a few weeks now and wanted someone to share my story.  It's almost like if I say it outloud it's real and if I ask for help, there is always that part of me that doesn't want to give it up, ya know? I get oxy's, Lortab 7.5/325, and 10/500, all I want.  It started for a disease but it's way beyond that now.  How do you taper? is that really better than going cold?  I find when I go a few days, I 'reward' myself by taking something. I was in the hospital over the weekend and was getting 10-15mg morphine IV push every 2 hours for 3 days, now my tolerance is way up and I'm afraid I'll crash hard.  Any suggestions? I always thought I was too 'smart' for addiction, jokes on me huh?
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hi everyone, i have been taking lortab to get high for the last year. they are very spendy and downgrading to a person. i have no pain problems i simply just like them. today is saturday nov. 11 and i have decided i will no longer take them. i am a very succesfull business owner and mother of a 10 year old son. my husband has no idea of the pills i crave. i have never tried to stop taking them before. today i finished the last of my casche. i took 3 lortabs 7.5. do you think i am going to go through withdrawls. i take them to party on mainly on weekends, but have been known to have them during the week "just to chill". i hate these pills but love how they make me feel. there is no one else i can talk to, not my husband, best friend or mother . i just need to know what will happen next. it seems that you people have certainly been there. please help ...p.s. good luck chad...........p.s.s. i hope i have realized my problem eary enough,, what do you all think?
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receptor therapy is an easy iunexpenive new way to kick..........i just went thru it........staying clean is very hard........pills can block pills usefulness........go for it
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I have been taking vicodin for about 8 years now for severe back pain. I only take one or at the most 2 per day. A month ago I had  shoulder surgery and the MD gave me vicodin which I took 2 every 3 hours as prexcribed. Now he refuses to give me more - says I should be done with pain now. The truth is I'm not done with the pain, I want more vicodin - maybe just 2 a day in the evening when I'm trying to relax. Is this the beginning of addiction?  Was I addicted all along at taking 1 a day?

Any input would be great. thanks

techie
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To all of you

I am a heroin addict who has been trying to stay clean for 16 years now.  I am a member of NA.  Trust me guys and gals, this program is no religious in any way.  All it asks is to find a power greater tan yourselves.  I have been relapsing for 3 years now, first with the norco and then percocet.  When those would work anymore, I started using heroin again, I am 46 years old and the kick this time was unbearable!!!  I will continue to go to my meetings and if i fail again, I will start over. Shiat, its like I crave the drugs ssoooooooooo bad!!!!  I want to be clen in recovery, but lost my way.  I neeed to talk to someone.  JB have written me and anyone else PLEASE write me too, I feel like dying right now.  Walls are closing in and I cant breathe. Love you all as addicts in pain

Love

***@****
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I wonder what chad is up to.  Just learned of this drug over the holiday due to a friend putting himself in detox.  This has been an interesting and educational read for me.  Maybe it'll help me to help my friend.  Maybe it'll help me deal with my own alcohol addiction.  Thanks and good health to all.
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my brother takes the drug as an addiction. you say your life is boring, so did he. he did not think about the fact that he would lose his job and not remember to take care of his baby. i used to do pills. i quit. cold turkey. it was hard. every day i look at my self and i look at my brother and think, how could i have been that. in time, if you have the willpower, you will see that just being alive is interesting. if  you have all this free time, find a better addiction, watching yourself live instead of dying. this drug is amazing. one day you could be watching all around like the old hippies, thinking how wonderful it makes everything. the next day, though you felt no different, your heart could suddenly stop, and there you'd be. i am sure there are many who would miss you. imagine what it would be like for one to die and the other to have to go through this alone. i am very proud of you for trying to stop, but though you dis the group thing, remember, it is easier to do something as a group. it was easy for you two to get addicted together, imagine how easy it would be for the two of you to get clean with two more, or four more. couples just like you who admit they need help, and know the others can be tat help. you can't do it alone. please, for the sake of saving yourself and possibly someone else, stay off the drug.
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I was on methadone for about 4 yrs,then underwent the rapid detox procedure.I did great ,despite being extremely sick for a bit over a month,then I started using oxys again!!!I have only been doing them for 2 wks now and know the sooner u get out the better.I have no choice but to taper down myself at home then go through the withdraw symptoms as I do not want anyone to know ,but my drug counselor does know.I have no idea how I should taper myself down over the next wk.and have no clue how long the withdrawl (withdrawal) will last being that I have only been taking an 80mgoxy a day.Of course this is now just substaining me.any help or advice on how I should taper and info or opinions on how long the withdrwl will last and how severe it may be would be greatly appreciated.I've gone thru oxy withdrawl (withdrawal) but that was after years of using,I am hopeful it won't be soo bad this time!Please respond asap because I have to start the taper tomorrow and am clueless!!!
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Sydney... if it's only been 2 weeks, your w/d's shouldn't be too bad.

but listen - you posted this at the end of a very old thread.  i'd like to suggest you make a new post and repost this question/post.

i don't think alot of people are on tonight, so if you don't get some feedback, PLEASE post again in the a.m... there's alot of people here who can help.  i know it got alot of us through just being here...

personally, if it's only, again, been two weeks - i'd go c/t.  but that's just me.  i don't know a good taper sked or i would give you feedback on that, but many on here do.

again - please repost this to a new thread so everyone sees it.  there'll be alot more folks on in the a.m... many of who will help ya all ya need...

so hold on tight darlin... we'll help ya get through!

talk to ya in the a.m. I hope...

be well...
mj
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how do I post as a new thread????Do u think after cold turkey id feel better after 3 or 4 days I hope so,But help me figure out how to post this as a new thread and thanks for the help!!I am soo ashanmed that under one percent of addicts get to have rapid detox procedure and here I am again,but I realize I have to stop NOW,thanks for the advice and ill wait for a reply!!!
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don't be ashamed.... first of all.

if you go to The Addiction Forum (click on it above) it takes you to the main (current) page of posting.

I believe it says "Post A Question."  That creates a new thread.  Then repost your earlier post.

and yes, after 3 or 4 days you should feel better, but as you know, after the initial he** there's some residual stuff (sleeplessness, some anxiety/depression, etc.) but about a zillion times better, every day, than being on these f***ing pills.

don't panic honey... we'll help ya through.  just get through the night tonight, breathe, and i or someone will walk ya through in the a.m.... :-)

and if you want to post to me directly anytime, please feel free.  i wasn't on oxy's but i loved me my norco's....

ok buddy, i'm logging off now. but  remember what i said.. breath.  sleep tonight.  and tomorrow you can start the fight!  which you'll win.... Anything, ANYTHING, is possible if you want it bad enough.

take care buddy,
mj
ps - breath.  :)
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THANK YOU I DID THAT AND HOPE TO HAVE SOME RESPONSES IN THE AM.
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Timed Tapering: Chad, you've got the amount of medicine to make this happen!    
NOT DOSE         I honestly believe it will work for you.  You also have the support  
TAPERING         and common interest of your Girlfriend.  Please Read this Post.
    
          I want to share a method that was used by a doctor to wean me off of Demerol (meperidine) after three months of use which culminated in 14 days of having it injected Intravenously 75 mg every 3 hours.  The chances of NOT being addicted to that drug after that type of chemical barrage are slim.  It was legitimate and controlled by a doctor and a neurologist, both of whom were treating Migraine headaches that bordered on Status Migrainousis (constant Migraine) and simply debilitated me and made me wish for a coma.  I ended up sitting in a hospital bed for the sole purpose of stopping this chemical from causing seizures and withdrawal.  I was only there for four days at which point I was okay not taking the Demerol anymore.  It was not fun.  But, it had to be done and I thank the doctors for taking the responsibility to see me through that nightmare.  
     Being addicted to these drugs is NOT a CHOICE!  DO NOT FEEL BAD!  It happens to so many people.  And without people to stand up and say, "hey, there's nothing to be ashamed of, it's no reflection on YOU as a person and it has everything to do with chemistry and our bodies... it could happen to anyone."  Be ashamed, as it does reflect on you, if you choose NOT to fight.  NO one should go into withdrawal without a plan.  And if possible, no one should do it alone- in steps your girlfriend!
     I believe the wrong Taper is being endorsed by everyone on this site.  I hear about tapering the dose on a (regular) dose-STRENGTH oriented schedule.  When in fact your body is CONSTANTLY (on a time-clock) eliminating this product from your system.  IF you have been taking this medicine (which ever Narcotic you may be addicted to) it is built up in your system and slowly, painfully leaves.  So, instead of trying to cut back on the strength of doses... PUSH your doses out as far as you can comfortably.  If you normally take it every 4 hours.  For a few days, take your dose twice a day, every twelve hours.  The lapse in timing may be a bit uncomfortable but the end result if MORE of the drug and all of its metabolites and by-products LEAVING in between doses.  And, if you stick to the "spacing taper" you will eliminate the narcotic while still controlling some of the withdrawal symptoms- AND without having that "powerless" feeling of running out of the medicine and waiting through the detox period.  After a few more days, only take the dose to aid you to sleep.  If you can keep spacing and spacing and spacing, the dose you DO take will NOT contribute significantly to the level of the drug in your system.  When you finally, after a week of spacing it all out, decide to STOP taking the drug there will be so little of it in your system that you should be minimally uncomfortable for a short period of time.  
         IF YOU HAVE A SPOUSE OR LOVED ONE... have them regulate your "spacing taper" and surrender your medicine to them.  Keep active, take your vitamins and drink lots of fluids the whole time.  Smile as well and find things to laugh about- it will release natural feel good chemicals.  
       And please don't EVER feel helpless.  You are a more powerful creature (as a human being) than you could ever imagine.  Your body and mind WANT/NEED to survive.  That you posted on this forum makes you strong... it's an admirable thing to admit weakness and ask for help.
     Be well, be strong and brave this thing out; you'll make it.
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Hi..

You just posted..a whole lot of stuff..to someone who was here 7 years ago, and is no longer here. If you would like to make your own post, got to the top of this page and hit "post a question".
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hey hun
have you heard that the drugs are only symptoms of our problems!!!
its all about changing ourselves. if you do not want to go to NA or AA go to a book store and get some books on after the drugs are gone.
depression is a b  itch!  i am 42 an  dgn with a serious cancer.  so my life may really be over.
At 28 i won a few medals for gymnastics. my life, was great, meet and married have three wonderful kids and i would give it all up[EXCEPT MY KIDS]  first child at 29] to be 28 again and drug free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
without one f "in medal!!!!!!!!!!!feel blessed you still have your youth and a wonderful girlfriend.
you still have your health.  please seek some help to talk to others GOD BLESS
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sorry i ment at 28 i was talking about health ed[i was not 28 when i won] . the kids were inpressed because i had won medals at the olym's but i was 16.  my point is 28 was the miracle age for me if i could go back in time that is the age i would be.

no-one knows what lies ahead you are so young!  i am 42 with all kinds of problems because of my gymnastic background.  i am addicted to pain pills.  can not seem to function without them.
could not go into a crowd of kids to speak inless i had a few.  talk about hipocrate!  don't do drugs and here i am popping pills!

thank god you have a girl friend to go thru this with.  you will make it.  the depression and craving do subsiide.  i wish you get help how come so against NA?  there are meeting which are fab.

i lived in NJ and i know there can be some unusual meetings find one that works for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
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