8 years ago, at 27, my doctor decided he needed to remove L3-S1 on my back and fuse everything up. Prior to my surgery, I had an addictive personality, at best. Now, I feel like I have no control over my own body. Two weeks ago, I was taking 5-7 80mg Oxycontins (broken or crushed) along with 10 or more percacet at the same time. I obviously abuse my medication and therefore run out. I am now at day 8 without oxys and I have only had 15 mg of hydrocodone in the past 24 hours. My problem is, I have been here before and I always end up using again. How can I break this cycle and make this break stick? I am a professional woman, so very few people know what my "real issues" are, so support is very difficult (not to mention I live in a VERY small town that loves to talk about everyone else).
I don't know who the few people are that know the real issues, but they may not be the "right" people.
You are correct that you are abusing your medication and I will bet the pain is long gone by now. So what's left? A secret? Until you share that, you will continue to use. You need to get to the root of the issues, confront them, learn to deal with them and let them go. Burying them and numbing them only works for so long.
Please don't misunderstand, I am not saying to spill it here. A therapist is a great way to get to the core issues. Additionally, an outside support group would be of value.
When I first got clean I went into therapy and realized I was carrying an airport full of baggage. It wasn't until I got in touch with it that I was able to begin to heal.
I too live in a small town, but every small town has a city near by so there is one place for you to look for help.
Glad you are here. You are in the right place. Stick around and listen to the advise of the members. And keep talking, it does help.
I too felt like arinoregon didn't want anyone to know my deep dark secret as I am so ashamed of myself.
My addiction also sounds like hers but I've found the 3 weeks I am out of my pain meds I do ok...........so if I can do it for that long surely somehow I could find the courage to go all the way with it.
I am 3 days clean today and I am feeling much better.........went to an AA meeting yesterday and intend to go again Tues for the next one............they gave me the book to bring home and although I am new into this........I HIGHLY encourage everyone to get aftercare.
These are wonderful people that are there to help and support you and hey they sure don't poke the ole finger at you as they are in the same boat in one way or another.
Through the MedHelp forum I was able some time ago to open up to my husband and he has been wonderful..............and slowly I think I will be able to open up to others, although I do feel we need to be careful out in the ole world whom we trust other than someone in AA or NA.
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