PLEASE HELP

I'M LOOSING MY WIFE TO HYDROCONIE AND ALCOHOLISM. SHE LIE'S TO GET THEM AND SCAM MONEY FROM ME AT TIME TO BUY THEM AND IF I QUESTION HER I'M THE BAD GUY. I FIND PILLS IN HER POCKET BOOK SOME I KNOW AND VERY SMALL WHITE ONES I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. THIS IS TEARING OUR WORLDS APART.

[lonelyinCA]

I'm sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, your wife has the behavior of someone with an addiction.  You will not be able to get her clean yourself - however, you may be able to accelerate the process by being willing, and able, to walk away.  If you have kids, you should let her know you will be taking them too.  If you are going to get the bad guy lable, you might as well follow through. She needs a list of reasons to quit and it doesn't sound like she is going to come up with those on her own.

You may also want to seek out Al-Anon so you can better understand your role in dealing with an addict.

As a drug counseler once told me, "there's no such thing as luck in this journey - so I wish you a lot of hard work".  

[lady67]

Critter I was that wife.  I kept my addiction to pain killers from my husband and everyone for almost a year.  I was working at a doctors office and had access to samples.  Also the docs will give you anything if you just come to work.  My husband beat himself up about it when he found out, but I had the problem not him.  He was very supportive of my sobriety.  Now if I have to go to the doctor for anything, he goes with me or calls the doctor to find out about it later.  The main thing you can do is show you wife you love her.  I can tell you she is going to be angry with you for a while.  The anger is directed more at herself and not you.  I hated my husband and I resented his checking up on me for a long time.  But eventually I became totally honest with him and leaned on him for support.

If you wife is a religious person, really even if she isn't, she should read this short little book by Rick Warren, God's Answers to Life's Difficult Questions.  It helped me see that even though I had messed up, I could still make things right in my life and my life with others.

Good Luck and tell her to come here and hear some of the stories and let us help her.  If you don't think she will listen, accidentally leave the computer on to this page where she will read it.

[10356]

Hi Critters Welcome to the Forum I'm so sorry to hear that your wife is being taken down by her addiction.. The only thing you can do with an active addict is to sit her down and lay your feelings on the line no screaming just plain and simple.. then be ready to follow thru with what ever you determine to be best for you. As stated above she needs reasons to quit and you are in the position to give her some. I wish you both well Take care

[hopsing94]

Critter. First off you are not the bad guy. How long has this been going on? Does she think that she has a problem. Is she in denial?  How many does she take? Does she want to stop? This is a tough situation but it can be fixed. I was the one with the problem and my wife helped me but not before she left me. She is with me now but it took her leaving before I woke up enough to stop.

[desperate1111]

welcome and i hope you stick around and maybe your wife could read some posts. i was your wife too except for the alcohol.
keep an eye on your finances too. i have major debt due to my addiction. try to be supportive. thats something i didn't have.
good luck to you and your wife.

[jlo029906]

welcome!! all i could say is be supportive through every step of the way.  Today is my first day with no vicodin, for cronic (chronic) pain, and my husband and family have been nothing but supportive.  It really makes someone feel so much better when they have people standing behind them on this.  Someday it will be ok. Here for you if you need to talk :)