POSSE POST UPDATE

[charlie_coldturkey_tn2015]

Just started working day 40!!!!   40? 40? Yep, that's right. Day 40. My first post was just a little over 5 weeks ago at hour 38. Scared, uncertain, sure I was going to fail. This is the first site I clicked on when I googled for help with withdrawal. Out of addiction addled heaven floated my 2 angels Tina6444 and NoMore2 who were about 2 and 3 days ahead of me. With their help, guidance, prayers, constant posts, and great encouragement, I and we have managed to get this far down RECOVERY ROAD. We still have a long ways to go but not that long ago we were counting 2 digit hours, not days or weeks or months. This has been and continues to be an amazing journey. Many days especially at the beginning and even some now were not so great, but many many hours and days now are really really good. Much better than all the old hands on here had described. OF COURSE AT THAT POINT I DIDN'T BELIEVE THIS WOULD WORK. Learning to live just for today drug free and each day brings it's own challenges and rewards. But at the end of each day, I thank God and put another one in the book. Started at NA and AA sometime in the first week and thank GOD I listened to those who said check it out. Truly a great support system on the local level to lay the foundation to get and stay drug free.

This is so much better than worrying about a pill bottle and pill counts. I had never left my house without my Happy Pills for over 15 years. Ever!!! Until 38 days ago ( stayed home first two days). No more Dr. appts., no more worrying if I had enough to get through the month. This is Fantastic!!!! More and more happy, peaceful, in control moments happening everyday. What a change.

Thank you to all the help on here and especially to my Angels Nomore and Tina. Could not have gotten here without all the help. You two are and always will be my inspiration. Gnarly, Refills, IBKleen, Jlaanspr, and all the rest of the posters here. THANK YOU!!!!

Today has been a pretty good day. Very little anxiety, no cravings, a number of good, happy minutes. Fighting some allergy issues and sinus drainage, looks like I am crying but I'm not. But overall, I would put today as one of my best so far. Hope everyone's day has gone well and pray for all to continue recovery. I promised the POSSE would start posting again, so here's the start. We don't have all the answers, but we sure do want to help if we can.

If you are reading this, please know that God put you and us here for a reason. And it works. Try it. Do it.
Just for Today. Lord, help me to stay drug free, just for today!!! Thank you. Always love. Charlie

[Tina6444]

Thanks gnarly- as always your wisdom is appreciated and respected. Looking back the physical part was downright terrible but you all were right that mentally abstaining is the toughest. Aftercare for me is in place finally:) I am going to make it:)  Again thanks for ALWAYS being on site with responses and suggestions. You have helped changed a lot of peoples lives for the better.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Guys good to see you great to see you clean  you all sound good  early on it is the ''mental ''mindscrew'' that takes the work  those pills dull you emotions  it like your living ''emotionless'' and once you stop not only do you have to deal with it but there all over the plase  at least it was that way for me  im a mans man and even a sad song on the radio would cause me to cry  wile in church service all I could do was cry uncontrollably during the worship music  it was by the very Grace of God that I got clean  for me the emotional part lasted quit some time as the days turned into weeks the weeks to months  things smoothed out...so everything your going threw the anxzity the panic attacks  the blue moods the sleep ishues are all part of the recovery  you all seem to be doing pritty well with life on lifes terms  keep puting on foot in front of the other   never loose trak that you only have to stay clean today....it is a daily progam to recover keep posting for support......Gnarly

[Tina6444]

Hi Charlie!!!
I hope you are continuing to have those peaceful and happy days. You deserve them so very much. I have nothing but respect for your chronic battle against drugs and alcohol. Discovering your new self after all those years  is a scary vulnerable situation I am sure.
  I am discovering my old self is more crazy than I thought prior to my pill usage 2.5  years ago. I am not the same person I once was and question if I will ever be after this experience.  But cheers to new days, new lives, and new personalities:)
All my love :)
Tina

[jifmoc]

Charlie- what you just wrote is it. It's IT.  That's what we've been trying to saying to newbies. You just put it so well. Amazing.

[Krissy_123]

I was right where you are Charlie. I didn't really have an "old me" to go back to. I was just a very young woman right out of my teens when I was put on my meds. But that's ok,I like this "new me" and I bet your "new me" is just as awesome and sweet in real life as you are on here! I feel like you'd go out of your way to help anyone,no matter if you knew them or not!

[charlie_coldturkey_tn2015]

It does seem like a long time, but it 's only been a few weeks. I am so glad that you are doing and always wish you only the best to come. Stay strong.

I have heard that eventually that as you go through this process, you will start to feel like your "old self". Unfortunately for me, I have persisted in a
40 year pattern of drug and alcohol addiction and abuse so I really don't have an old self to return to. However, there is a bright spot to this problem. Every day now is a completely new experience with new highs and lows and a lot of new emotions. Today (day 40) was probably my most powerful happy and peaceful day I remember having. It was GREAT! I would not trade that feeling for anything at all. Part of the reason for this is the help I received here and at my NA and AA meetings. I am so happy that I took the chance to get through the first few days and weeks of withdrawals and am looking forward to tomorrow! Always Love. Charlie

Nomore and Tina, You two are and always will be the angels in my new heaven, Tina, you are right, I know I wouldn't know you if you walked right up to me. But I really believe that the connection we have made here with each other and other people on this site will never diminish the very real emotions we feel when we think of this journey. Always with true love.

So grateful for today!  Charlie

[Nomore2]

Charlie, I am so proud of you. You are doing great. I really don't even think about pills anymore. I am just busy and actually feel like the old me, the "before pills" me. I think I am lucky that I didn't use them all that long. I think it made it easier for me. I think about you and Tina a lot and I like checking in and seeing your posts! Thanks so much for being there for me during those first rough days. It seems like a long time ago now. I will always have a special place in my heart for you and Tina!

[charlie_coldturkey_tn2015]

Thanks gnarly and everyone else. Just got in from another meeting. Not every meeting Is mind blowing, but all are very supportive and loving. One of our people said something I really understood tonight. He said he had gone through rehab several times and had gone to individual therapists as well. He said he finally realized that in the rooms of NA and AA, THEY GOT HIM. They understood what he was feeling, going through, scared of, and his questions and concerns. Why? Because everyone in those rooms had already been there or was there with him. He finally knew there was nothing he could say to shock them, make them question him, or turn them away from him in any way. He knew he could trust them as they were all the same. We are all addicts. Doesn't matter how much or what we use. It just matters that we are there to get help and give help when possible. This is what makes them so special and so important in our recovery. The only way to truly get this help is to be willing to give it to someone else. And this is so true of this forum here on MH. So many that have been on here for years and also those who just starting to post can and do help others. And that's how we all can get through this.
  If you are reading this, please know that GOD did not accidentally put all of us here by accident. Take this gift and run with it. You are not alone. We are all there with you. And you truly deserve to live DRUGFREE!!! Read, post, read some more, post some more. Whatever it takes. JUST FOR TODAY!!!!

[gnarly_1]

Hey Charlie  your doing great congrats on 40 days clean  your doing the deal  your aftercare ROCKS!! keep pushing the meeting  the 3 of you have come so far  just keep doing what your doing and this will be your final detox...Keep posting for support it is great to see the 3 of you doing so well................Gnarly

[jifmoc]

Charlie- great post. You are doing the work and it is paying off. Doncha love that you are now in double digit DAYS, no more counting hours? It goes fast. You are still in the early stages, so that means that things will get even better! Not that days won't blow, cuz that's life, but your overall feeling of sanity...and ability to deal will improve. I'm still amazed by it for myself.

Stick around...great post:)

[Tina6444]

Charlie my man 40 days is a HUGE accomplishment. After 15 years of those happy pills you have some willpower friend. I know you were so strong that you had access to your pills still initially and STILL resisted. I can tell you I would not have been able to do that.
I remember about 40 days ago (getting more distant) sitting in my epsom salt bath chanting "I am an onion" over and over again:) Some wise soul on this site told me to think about detox as peeling the layers off an onion. And tonight I still am sitting in my epsom salt bath chanting " I am an onion". LOL Mentally peeling back my layers of suppressed emotions take some effort and time.

Charlie you and I probably are different as apples and oranges in real life and I would not know you if you walked in front of me at the grocery store. But I would like to think I would feel the instantly feel the connection of our kindred spirits and just know it is you:)  NoMore I am sure I could pick your crazy working out self at the gym lol.

Our rehabilitation processes are different but we continue to come back to one common thread…each other and all of you on MH.

[atthebeach]

Inspiring post.
Congrats and kudos on your 40 days.
Keep on keepin on.
Keep the faith

[pillguy]

You should be very proud of your accomplishment.  Life is good!,,

[acesmom]

Great post

[Krissy_123]

I am so proud of you Charlie!!  You're doing amazing! I love that you're going to meetings and sharing your journey with them and us!! God bless sweets!! xox krissy