Aa
A
A
Close
Avatar universal
Pain controll and oxycontin
I am a 50 year old man who did drugs (mostly IV). morphine and diliaudid  were      
my drugs of choice. I went clean for 17 years before trouble in the cervical spine
required 2 surgerys over 2 years.  my spine is now stable but i'm still in constant,
intractable pain for which  i take oxy-contin (40mg X 3a day).

my question :
I kike to periodically detox  myself for several reasions. i try to think of it as vac-
ation from drugs. Am i causing myself harm in doing this? i can't talk to my MD
about this as it would reqire going over transgerssions (to say the least) that
happened 20 years ago.
one tough, old grizzled, hype and pill head
who trys to keep an angel on his shoulder!
kip


Cancel
79 Answers
Page 4 of 4
Avatar universal
ep1- Don't mess with Ultram if you can help it. This is like the mother monkey on your back (Oxy) giving birth to a baby that will also cling on. There are ways to taper or get off Oxy, I myself have been clean for awhile but look through the postings and archives here and you will see info regarding tapering and detox. Yeah Ultram will probably make you feel better for awhile but somehow these  short term things with this type of drug have a way of turning into some long time misery despite our best intentions. I'm just an old lush but I'm married to someone on Oxy, helluva a drug to get off of as I've seen firsthand and read on this forum. Keep reading & posting, I'm sure someone will see your post and give you better advice than I can for getting off Oxy. It can be done. Hang in, IR.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
dabby:
welcome to the forum. there is always room for one more addict. i
think you will discover that this forum has many good people who
have been where your headed. there's no shortage of compassion and
expierence.

you may find it helpful to post closer to the top (most recent). it is real easy to get overlooked if your not pretty close to the top. just break in on any old thread. we are quite informal here.

so, your starting withdrawals from hydrocodone? you may want to
check around the older postings and the archives for Thomas's detox recepe. it sure makes a difference for me. what your headed for is unpleasent, but not life threating.

thing about detox, is sooner or later everybody has to  come down
and do a withdrawal. i've always been of the attitude that when
it is time to do it, the sooner the beter!!

hope to be hearing how it's going
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I really need some words of encouragement.  I have been a heavy user of Hydrocodone for about 2 1/2 years now.  I knew I was addicted, but could always manage to get some by doctoring prescriptions, but my luck has run out.  I am starting to feel the affects of withdrawal but feel like I would rather die than go through another recovery process.  I had hoped that my liver would just explode and I would die, but I am not that lucky.  I'm going to have to go through it.  Please help.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Never been in an on-line forum before.  Let me know if I do anything really stupid.  Have been on oxy and Lorcet for about 15 mo. now as the result of a car accident where I was rear-ended and suffered lower back pain that will not go away.  My doctor put me on Lorcet to begin with and then added Oxy 5 mg. to the mix.  Now my doc feels that I am addicted.  Ashamed to admit it but it is probably true.  He has cut off my scrips and I am going thru the worst WD in the world.  There was no warning, he just said no.   What's more is that I still have severe pain in my lower back. I need to taper off and I am fairly certain I can do it but I need to get some more to taper.  I am jumping out of my skin and it has only been 24 hrs.  The sad part is that I have lots of money but no connection.  Never needed one before.  Is there any place where you can go just to get enough to taper off anonymously?  I'm starting to think about doing something desperate to get my hands on something.  Any help would be appreciated.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I can hardly believe your doctor has cut you off like that.  But it has happened to me in the past as well. What have you done to make him think you are addicted to pain meds? I know that sounds like a stupid question coming from someone like me.

Before you do something illegal like buying from the street or forging scripts, consider a detox facility if money is not a problem. Believe it or not, they can really make you a whole lot more comfortable while going through WD's.  Especially if this is your first time around.  My first was my worst some thirty years ago but I was kept pretty much sedated for the first four days.

This is about all I can suggest at this point.  Give us some feedback!

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
You know I never thought of myself as a "real" addict eventhough I have been addicted to many things many times.  I have never experienced withdrawal the way I am with hydrocodone.  I am in bad shape, still trying to work and not being able to concentrate on anything.  All I can think about is how to get more.  Everytime I detoxed from Alcohol, I did so in the hospital.  The last time for that was 7 years ago.  I really don't want to stop using, but don't know how to get more.  I know the longer I put this off the harder it will be.  Does anyone have any comments??  Thanks . . . I am glad I found this website and registered.  There is a lot of support here.  I just don't know how to post on the top of the list.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
dabby:
i'm sure glad you've decided to come back and post here again!
hydrocodone withdrawal can be very difficult and uncomfortable!
doing the difficult and uncomfortable doesn't mean doing it a-
lone! as i told you after your last post, try posting closer to
the top. i know that when i'm real busy, it's easy for me to o-
verlook new posting down in the "basement!" i certainly hope to
hear more from you!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Dabby, just click on the top thread and then click post a comment after scrolling down. You can type whatever you want to.

If you have had an alcohol problem in the past then opiates would probably be a problem as well.  It's all about the same as far as addiction goes. I am that way myself. The problem with such a dual addiction is that after being on opiates for some time, they start to lose their effect. Drinking alcohol temporarily brings those warm vibes back. Imagine what that does to your poor liver! You, me and anybody who indulges the way we do, needs help. Your doctor would probably just tell you to quit it! Hah, hah, wave your magic wand and just say no.

Stick around for a while, you may be helped by something someone says here. Remember, nothing you say here will shock anyone so give a voice to your addictive nature. Then listen to it yourself.

J.B.
PS, How's it going with you today? I really enjoy your wife's posts. You are a lucky man!
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
It sure does feel good getting a response, but can you tell me how to post at the top?  I thought it went by date. Thanks, skipper, so much.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
J.B.:
i know how lucky i am. too bad i can't take the credit. it's not
like i thought to myself "you should get hitched up to Irish Rose
and live happy ever after!" it all just goes to show you that ev-
en good things sometime happen to really screwed up people. she
will not believe me when i tell her she is the best thing that
ever happened to me.

so how goes life for you? since your next to the last (i think)
post to me i've had you and your wife in my thoughts. i can un-
derstand you wanting to detox and stay clean (reguarless of the
pain) through your present ordeals. a good deal of the motive for my last detox was my father almost dieing. it lasted 11 days before the pain became unbearable. i guess i'll just keep trying. maybe sometime i'll try it (detox) to discover that the pain levels are down enough to make it do-able.

isn't that just like a f__king junkie! here i was asking about
your problems, only to end up talking about my own! i'm sorry
about that! i really would like to get an update about what's
happening in your life. so...when you can let us know.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
My better half goes in for a kidney biopsy tomorrow morning and I'm a lot more worried about it than she is. They are going to stick her kidney in four places with an 8 guage needle(coat hanger size)and with only a shot of Valium to ease things. I went through two biopsies on my liver and can tell you it is no picnic!

I want to use so badly right now but there is no way that my addiction is going to interfere with any of my wife's care. I'm all she has and I will be here mentally and physically for her.

Thanks for being in my corner, Skip! It's doable, right?

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
J.B.:
i'm at work. just broke my key off getting access to highly re-
stricted area. now i have to wait for someone else to show up, as
i can't leave the place unlocked. that pretty much puts the idea
of lap swimming on hold today...****!

i hope all goes well with your wifes's biopsy. if she is anything
like my wife, a shot of valium might be enough to do the trick.
my wife is one of these people who can not tollerate narcotics
(?).

anyhow my thoughts will be with the two of you today. these
things have a way of being over very quickly. i hope that is the case today!

keep the angel on your shoulder!
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
J.B. - This must be the morning she is having her bx, you are both in my  prayers right now! I know what it is like to sit on the other side of the bed and see a loved one go through hell. Let me tell you, Skipper is one helluva a good looking robust guy but when they brought him back to his room after surgery last summer full of tubes, and dressings looking so vulnerable my heart nearly broke, I felt so powerless.  I will be thinking of you both today. Take care, IR.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Yep, we were in a real hospital. And it is worth the extra 30 minute drive. Actually, this small community hospital seemed over staffed compared to the large med center we are used to dealing with. Anyway, we were more than pleased!

I heard what you said about the mylograms. I wouldn't want one even if I were completely knocked out. A friend of mine who is a commercial pilot was grounded for several months after he had this done to him. He said the test is worse than the original problem!

I noticed that a lot of people have been asking for Tom's detox recipe here. I know he has worked long and hard to develop it and is famous for it so I won't infringe on his territory. When I detox, I use Immodium AD, benzos like Xanax and a lot of vitamins and supplements. L-tyrosine and 5HTP also help restore neurotransmitters and dopamine levels. Lots of herbal teas or plain water help to flush out the toxins in our systems as well.

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Things couldn't have gone any better yesterday! The staff was more than considerate and caring. The doctor did what he called a thin needle biopsy and actually only stuck her once. My wife was allowed to take her Percoset 30 minutes before the procedure which helped immensely. Afterwards, we stayed in a private room for three hours and got a free lunch that actually tasted like real food!

Marty is at present getting ready for work so I know she is feeling okay.  All I am worried about right now are the results of the test which we will hear about on Monday. The biopsy doctor said yesterday that kidney cancer is quite rare which made us feel a whole lot better. Things just seem to be getting better and better!

Thanks for both of you,

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
J.B.:
free lunch-real food? are you sure you were in a hospital? before
my first spine surgery, the neurosurgeon ordered a milogram
(spelling). It's the test where they inject dye in your spine and
then watch through a x-ray florascope, while someone holds you in
all sorts of painfull positions you would never put yourself in.
the day before the test, the hospital called and told me no food
or drink or pain pills before. get to the hospital and find out
i was supposed to take pain pills before i came in. now i won't
go any further, except to tell everyone NEVER GET A MILO-GRAM
WITHOUT PAIN PILLS IN YA!!

i'm glad to hear everything is ok so far

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
J.B.:
good to hear your wife is doing ok. i've been away from my com-
puter for several days. let me know if you get any test results.
keep man angel on your shoulder.
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I've been away myself for a few days.  The results came back and it's squamous cell carcinoma. All they said is that it came from some other part of her body and I was told this is pretty rare stuff, especially on the kidney. No word yet from the surgeon. We are just trying to keep her as painfree as possible at present. She refuses to stay home from her job! Life's fun with a strong willed, determined woman!

J.B.
P.S. I think I'm on day 27 from opiates, lost count somehow....
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
J.B- been looking for your posts. I am truly sorry to hear this, you and Marty are still in my prayers. Day 27 for you, wow! I don't know what to say, you have given old Job a run for his money this year. Love, IR.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
JB, for what it is worth, please know that my prayers are with you and your wife.  I've gushed here before about what a wonderful person I think you are, so let me gush again, as well as offer support and empathy...as much as you need or want. You have faced so much pain and so many struggles in your life, and if I could take some it for you, I would.
At times like these, I take comfort in some of the words of my favorite poet, Khalil Gibran. He said something to the effecto "the pain of love carves deeply into your heart, so you can then contain more joy and compassion"
Regardless, though we have never met, you will forever hold a special place in my heart, and not only because way back when, you were the first person to reply to my first desperate cry for help on this forum.
I love and care about you, and hope that somehow that helps you through these trying times.

Kip, ditto for you my friend. Your constant integrity and kindness have worked magick for me over the months...I'll always remember the way your no nonsense approach, and your honesty and caring zipped right on past the armour I usually have around me and melted the distrust of others that was keeping me from getting out of denial and changing my relationship with these drugs. May you be free of pain, and of suffering. Please give your lovely wife a huge hug from me...she is yet another one of the many angels amoung us.

My goodness I'm having a mushy night! Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.  
lots of love,
WW
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
First hello to everyone I miss you all but have never been far away.
J.B. my Brother, along with Kip, I cannot begin to tell you how distressing it is to hear the news. I felt a need to address you here instead of just privately.My thoughts and prayers of today  will be exclusively Marty's for her well being, and for you to have the strength to carry on with the burden at hand. I know I do not have to tell you that you have a friend in all of us. Whatever we can carry for you, you know we would. I'm finding the words hard to come by to express what's in my heart right now. So, I won't just ramble on. Just "KNOW" my friend, just "KNOW".
Tara and I do in fact have a fond love of Kahlil Gibran's wisdom and share it often when appropriate. With that said I'd like to leave some of that wisdom with you all. I think it reflects how Kip, WW, you and I feel about each other, so here it is:

AND a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.

And he answered, saying:

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love
and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger,
and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you
fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor
do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases
not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all
thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born
and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you
grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may
be clearer in his absence, as the mountain
to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friend-
ship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the dis-
closure of its own mystery is not love but
a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable
is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide,
let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should
seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not
your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let
there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart
finds its morning and is refreshed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-excerpt from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran

J.B., May God Bless and Keep you and your wife in His Everlasting Light and Love ALWAYS!
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light 2 U 2,
Much Heart Felt Love,
Wiz
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
J.B.:
words can't describe my concern for not only your wife, but for
you also. i don't seem to have a lot of inner-strength these
days, but you're welcome to any of it i do have. i'm glad to see
you are staying clean thru all of this. i'm not sure, but i do believe it's been over 30 days for you...

witchy woman:
thankyou for remebering me in your above post. i guess the 2 of
us go back over 6 months ago. i'm pleased you have found some-
thing that seems to work for you staying clean. i've been back
on the oxy almost 2 weeks and i'm already planning another de-
tox. i guess i'm still trying to strike some kind of balence with
all this on/off stuff. i will give IR a hug for you anytime. my
life may be a mess in every other way, but i know i have been
blessed with the best wife possiable!!

so everyone... keep the angel on your shoulder!!
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I want to thank you all for your kind support during these difficult times. Wiz doesn't post here anymore but he emails me. WW, you and he must have a love for Kahil Gibran!

It's zero dark thirty here and we have an appointment at the hospital for more testing. I will go armed with the knowledge that my true friends are with me in spirit.

Don't ask me how I have done it but, I have managed to stay clean when I am most needed here. It's a spark of life I've gotten from somewhere. Maybe it's an inner strength that we cut ourselves off from while we are high?

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
JB -  You are in my heart and in my prayers.  I think of all the times I come to these boards in agony and see your posts - I always recognize your feelings and leave with a sigh of recognition and acceptance. I am but one of thousands who I am sure you have brought peace and friendship to on cold old sick nights. I pray that all of our sighs are now a shining star which will protect you and keep you during the days to come.  You will know what to do and you will have the strength to do it, your wife is blessed to have you.  Please stay close and let us know, even just a few words so we can stay whereever you need us.  Much love JB and thank you for all of the words that help to make it tolerable. love, Telby
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I think that things are going to be just fine here! After all this time together, I think that my wife and I have discovered "true love". It's hard to explain the feeling I get when I look at her. All of the stress and strife and pain has been replaced by a peaceful acceptance of things as they really are. I can't say that we are truly happy but at least we are peaceful and nurturing with one another. There's precious little time for anything else but love!

Bless your heart for always taking the time to express your concern!

J.B.

Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Your on my mind, in my heart and in my prayers tonight. Get some rest and know that you and your wife are loved.    

*Skipper, I am stumbling along behind your graceful dance. love,Telby
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
hey people, just wanted to let people know i will attempt to
start yet another detox this weekend. it probably won't last be-
cause of the pain i'm in, but a few days or weeks won't damage
me. don't know if i will be posting much, so everyone have a nice
and safe weekend.
JB:
know that the thoughts of many of us are with you. there is a way
thru all of this and i believe you will find it!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
JB,
Thank you for posting back to me way up on the thread, you're such a sweet person, thinking of me even with all the things going on in your life right now!!!
I love your post about looking at your wife and knowing that your love is so strong!!
The way you are able to look at the positive things and not focus on negative is just so wonderful, i'm gonna try that out!!! :)
I wish your wife all the best with her diagnose and treatment.  I will say a prayer that everything will be ok!!!!!
Just focus on your love for eachother, and everything will be ok!!
You hang in there and know that we are here to offer all the support you need! :)
Oh, and a BIG congratulations on all your days clean... I really respect your strength.  It's so easy to fall when life throw us it's little wrenches in our gears, just wanted to let you know that you rate HIGH (no pun intended) in my book!!!!!  :)
Lv Jenny
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
31505 tn?1345439945
JB, I am sending you what force of strength I have. You are an inspiration and a blessing.
p.s I enjoy Gibran myself, and he,like all truths are timeless.
"The soul is of one age"... Hayden
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thank you so much! You'll never know what your words have done for us today.  I am going to have to call my wife's doctor this morning to ask for something a little stronger for the pain she is in. I was not remotely prepared for the way things are happening here.

Today is our late daughter's birthday and I want to be able to get us to the cemetary. That's all I ask is for my dear wife to be able to place a white rose on her grave. My heart is breaking but I am not broken enough to not go on.

Damn, life sucks at times. But for the most part it's pretty damn good to be here!

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I am so sorry to hear your wife is hurting, she sounds like one tough cookie so it must be bad if she is willing to let you call for some meds. I pray that relief will come her way today. Also for you J.B. Losing a loved one, esp. a child, I can't imagine how broken your hearts must be. Wish there was something more I could do but I will keep your family in my heart and in prayer today as I have been. Love, IR.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
JB:
just remember, there is a way thru this. you will find it. my
thoughts are with you.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
You lost a child? That must be unbelievably difficult for both of you.  Honey, keep pushing for those pain meds for her, there is no reason for anyone to be in pain in this day and age.  She is so blessed to have you right there taking care of her and I will be thinking of you today as yesterday and the day before. So many people love you and are standing by to take whatever of your burden that can be shared.  You know we'll worry sick if we don't hear from you so thank you for staying in touch.  Much love, Telby
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Someone shared the news today of the battles you've been living thru. I haven't come here often cause of the difficulties with the new software here. But felt I must come and fight to get a note to you.

Just know I'm here. We are all here. The countless people that you've helped are a tribute to your generous spirit.
The person I got to know here, is a great person. Your wife, she also has to be. I know it must be so. I know I will never be able to reach out and touch you ,but my heart is........

Love, Shotsy
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I agree, it is a lovely day..........
Only problem with these lovely days are my peach trees are budding and if we get a good freeze....no peaches again this year.
But I can't *****. It is nice to have this weather in January.
And the buttercups are starting...my favorite flower.
Yes, enjoy these warm days, they're good for the spirit......

Take care, Shotsy
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thank you, Shotsy!  I think about you and some of the discussions we've had in the past.  I'm glad to see that you are still here and apparently doing well.

Oh, what a beautiful morning here in downtown Indiana!  It's supposed to get up to 65 today and this is January?  Who needs Florida when it's like this?  Be well,

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I am going through home-detox and when I start to weaken I think about you and how brave you are.  Then I'm not afraid anymore. As always you and your family are in my thoughts,in my heart and on my mind.  love, telby
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Oh, the joys of home detox!  I know what that's all about.  It isn't too horrible an experience if you are prepared for it mentally. I've been off of morphine for about thirty days and things seem to be clearing up in my brain. I used Darvoset to help me through the rough parts. The major point is that I haven't let myself go downhill as far as I used to before going on a "drug vacation", as Skipper puts it.

Posts like your's help me stay focused. I am grateful for all the strength here on this board.

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Good luck with your detox Kip, you amaze me with how you can do that over and over...  I'm gonna keep you in my thoughts when i get the guts to finally do it!!!
Telby, Good luck, i hope everything is going ok with your detox sweetie.  Just hang in there, with each passing minute you are that much closer to freedom.
JB, I can't imagine you and your wife's pain with loosing a child.  I love my three children 'too' much sometimes, it can even get painful if that makes sense.  The pain of loosing a child is beyond my ability to even conceive!  My heart cries for you and your wife right now.  You two are very special people together! :)
Lv Jenny
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
It sounds like the mid west is in for a few more Spring type days so enjoy.  You are as always in my thoughts, hope your wife is feeling good and that all is well.  Much love, Telby
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
We got some good news for a change yesterday. My wife has a consult with the surgeon on next Thursday to schedule the operation. He thinks the kidney can be saved. In the meantime, she is being kept as painfree as possible and hates every minute of it.  Imagine that! If I were in her shoes, I'd be in la-la land and loving every moment.  My "better half" truly is my better half!

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
That's great news JB, I really hope you get some positive news!!!
You may think your wife is your better half, but you're pretty special too!
Lv Jenny
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Picture this. About 9:30 this morning my wife calls and asks me to pick up a script at her doctor's office and get it filled. She couldn't break away from work to do it herself and she was hurting. Well, it was a script for 60 MS Contin! The very drug that I have been clean from. I prayed(a lot)during the two hours it took to get the job accomplished. If only she knew what she put me through? We did have a good lunch together and enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine. Now I'm at home but the struggle continues. Sometimes, it's one minute at a time! I don't feel the least bit special, just a victim of circumstance and temptation who's trying to do the right thing for a change.

Thanks for the nice compliment, Jenny!

J.B.
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
JB:
my hats off to you! i'm not saying i couldn't do the same...i just
would rather not. man that had to put your head thru some changes
to pick up an Rx of god's own medicine, and then deliver it to
your wife "unsampled!"

jennyfla:
i work with a pain psychologist on a regular basis. this guy has
extensive dealing with drug addicts too (used to work for state  dept of prisions). ok so "we" had a major breakthrough about kip.
it slowly has been sinking in, this realization. what it basicly
comes down to is even though i'm a drug addict, i'm also many
other things, some good, some bad. i used to think that drug ad-
dict was the core component of kip"s personality. yes i'm still a
drug addict, but that's only part of what i am.

also: i've been learning (actually re-learning) to love myself.
this mostly involves not doing things that make me miserable. today i love myself enough to not hang around the shooting gallerys. believe or not, i actually frequented shooting gallerys and other "drug spots" after i quit using heroin. what did i get for my effort? the knowledge that even when i don't use drugs,they (the drugs) could still make me miserable.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Oh boy that must have been tough!!!
You're a wonderful husband for being strong for your wife and picking up her script!
I think we're all a victim of circumstances, but as i always said, addicts are very special people, we are the ones who feel so deeply, sometimes this crazy world just gets to be too much!
I look in the mirror sometimes and wonder why this happened to me, why why?  Then I think about all the wonderful things in my life, especially my three beautiful children (my gifts from god).  Each one is very unique and special.  They were given to me during their short time on earth to be cared for and loved.  I do this, but it's not my best because i'm an addict and i'm ashamed of that.
I don't really know where i'm going with this, but basically, we need to be thankful for what we have (which i know you are), and not be so hard on ourselves.  Here's a great big cheer that you were able to accomplish your mission and get your wife her pills without slipping a few outta the jar!!!!!
Hang in there!  
Lv Jenny
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
HI
WAY TO GO ON THE DELIVERY OF THE DOPE!!!I WOULD HAVE HAD TO PINCH
A FEW FOR NOW AND SOME FOR A RAINY DAY...I DO NOT THINK I COULD HAVE BEEN AS STRONG AS YOU.

JENNY-
HELLO!!! THINK ABOUT IT...YOU ARE ASHAMED OF A CONDITION THAT FEEDS ON SHAME AND GUILT.  SOMETIME, EVENTUALLY...YOU HAVE TO LET THAT GO IF YOU WANT SOME PEACE.  BE PROUD YOU GAVE LIFE TO THREE KIDS, CARED FOR THEM AND ALL THAT GOES ALONG WITH DOING IT.  IT IS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD.  I HAVE SHOVELED **** IN THE HEAT OF THE DESERT AND IT DID NOT HOLD A CANDLE TO RUSHING MT CHILD TO THE HOSPITAL FOR ASMATHA, OR HAVING TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT WITH MY BABY AND ALL THE THINGS DONE TO BE A DECENT PARENT.  I HAVE TRHEE KIDS ALSO AND I KNOW I AM NOT GIVING THEM "ALL" OF ME BECAUSE OF MY ADDICTION.  BUT I GIVE WHAT I CAN!!!  IT MAY BE WORSE ON THEM IF HAD THE "NORMAL" HUMAN FRAILTIES LIKE WORKING 15 HOURS A DAY, OR HAVING AN AFFAIR,   ALWAYS DOING SPORTS, SHOPAHOLIC ETC OR ANYTHING THAT WOULD KEEP ME FROM MY KIDS.  I TRY!!! I LOVE AND I COUNT TO THEM.  CHILDREN LOVE AND FORGIVE VERY EASILY IF YOU HELP THEM TOO. ASK YOURSELF...WOULD YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD LESS IF HE WAS AN ADDICT.  NO, YOU WOULD ACTUALLY CARE A LITTLE MORE (PROBABLY) FOR THE CHILD IN NEED.  REMEMBER, WE ALL HAVE FLAWS.  OUR KIDS ARE AFFECTED BY THE ENVIRONMENT THEY ARE BROUGHT UP IN.  BUT IF YOU CAN DRAW A LINE WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR SAFETY..I MEAN-DO NOT SACRIFICE IT/DO NOT PUT THEM IN A SITUATION WHERE THEY CAN BE HARMED PHYSICALLY,  YOU CAN ALWAYS WORK ON THEIR MENTAL WELL BEING WITH LOVE AND ATTENTION AND LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE WANTED AND NEEDED.  YES, OUR ADDICTIONS ARE NO GOOD FOR THEM BUT IT IS TERRIBLE TO PUT THEM IN HARMS WAY.  THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE.  BUT IF YOU CAN BELIEVE YOU ARE NECESSARY TO THE LIVES AND WELL BEING OF THE KIDS THEN YOU CAN START TO LET THAT GUILT AND SHAME GO.  IT IS HARD AND THE MIND WANTS TO JUMP BACK AND PLAY THE BLAME GAME SOMETIMES BUT YOU CAN OVERCOME IT.  JUST DO THE BEST YOU CAN AND IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED HELP THEN GET THAT HELP AND DO THE BEST YOU CAN.  IF YOU STUMBLE OR FALL IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE NOT LEFT THE KIDS ON A STREET CORNER WITH A DEALER WHILE YOU HAVE GONE TO DO IT UP.  PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE AND BE PROUD OF YOURSELF... MOMS ARE A-1, MINE HAD SOME MENTAL ILLNESS AND ANGER PROBLEMS AND OCCASIONALLY  BEAT THE HELL OUT OF ME BUT IT HAS NOT STOPPED ME FROM LOVING HER.  I WOULD DIE FOR HER IF NEED BE. OH, I WAS PISSED AND I AM NOT THE LITTLE BOY LOOKING FOR APPROVAL.  I JUST LEARNED TO FORGIVE OTHERS AND IT MAKES IT ALOT EASIER TO FORGIVE YOURSELF.  HER INTENTIONS WERE GOOD THE CONDITIONS SHE PUT US IN MADE IT BAS SOMETIMES BUT WE ALWAYS HAD FOOD AND CLOTHES AND A PLACE TO SLEEP AND THER WERE GOOD TIMES.  TIME WORKS WONDERS ON THE SOUL!!!LIFE IS WAY TO SHORT AND HARD TO CLOUD IT UP BY KICKING OURSELVES TOO.  GOD BLESS
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
I'm just so darn afraid of loosing anymore of myself than i already have.
I have some wonderful qualities, I know this, but i'm afraid of this addiction just swallowing me up and then spitting out the remains, leaving me nothing to scrap back together.
I've lost touch with so many things that used to be important to me.
I guess the feeling i hate most is that i never look forward to anything.  I use to thrive with thinking, ok, we are here, and that is ok, but the strive for something more, making life even better is no longer there.  All I do is sit in fear with knowing I'm an addict, my husband's an addict, it seems things are only going to get worse and worse.  So now i have the opposite way of thinking and that is hard to deal with every day.  
I no longer look forward to the future with kidlike eyes wondering what kind of things await.  I only see sickness and sadness!  That's the hardest part of all for me!!!
But i do love myself, i love the part of me that is a great mom.  I see the love in my childrens' eyes, and I thrive on that.  I see the love in my husband's eyes that he has for me (I still she glimpes of it even through he's an addict and we don't always get along, i do know he loves me more than life itself).
The guilt and shame is what tears me down too!
You should love yourself, you're a wonderful person!!!!!
Lv Jenny
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Hi
You are on your way!!!  I see so many parents that have their kids at the bottom of the "life list" and the kids are in terrible.  I am triyng to feel better at anothers' demise but again it helps to keep things in perspective.  Life is so short.
And "like a vapor it is gone" its' said.  Do not waste your time kicking yourself.  Because you do not have it.  What if you were with a loved who was sick or one you knew was in their last stages of life...Are you going to spend time re-hashing old senseless B-S or are you going to try to make every minute last forever??? Girl,  the final stages are here but most just do not
realize it...Make your minutes count!!!! It will get better
LOL
:0)
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thank you, that was very sweet!
My #1 job in life is to be the best mom that i can be for my kids, and I know i am pretty close to being the best that i can.
Other moms tell me how much their children LOVE to come to my house, sleep over and hang out for the weekend, they just love my house and our family (so we can't be that bad i try to think).  If they only knew, i feel so terrible about that sometimes.  But you know what, I'm twice a mom as some moms who don't even have addictions, i can proudly say that!  Before i had my 3rd child, i told my mom that there was one more out there, i could feel it.  She told me to go ahead and try to get pregnant because that feeling will never go away.  Plus, she said, you are so darn good at it!!! :)  I even knew my little girl was a girl before we even conceived her, and i knew what she'd look like (a cross between my daughter and my son -- adorable!!!)
Anyway, thank you, and i will try to let that guilt and shame fade away and know in my heart that i do the best i can.  This is a very difficult world we all have been thrown into, and as long as we do the best we can, and are good humanbeings that treat eachother with respect, we shouldn't beat ourselves up.
:)
Lv Jenny
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Avatar universal
Thanks, i'll try to stop kicking myself so much and start appreciating each day!
I'd love to have this addiction behind me so i could see the world past this fog i'm in!!!!
Good luck to you too!
Lv Jenny
Comment
Cancel
Comment
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Comment
Post Comment
Your Answer
Avatar universal
Answer
Do you know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Answer
Post Answer
A
A
Doctor Ratings & Reviews
Comprehensive info on 720K doctors.
Complete reviews, ratings & more.
Addiction: Substance Abuse Community Resources
Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333897642
Blank
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
Blank
phoenix, AZ
3197167 tn?1348972206
Blank
406584 tn?1399591666
Blank
7163794 tn?1457370413
Blank
New Orleans, LA
3060903 tn?1398568723
Blank
Other