Pain meds vs Alcohol

[Hinkster]

Hello everyone,
I am prescribed 90 40mg oxys and 270 5mg roxicodones a month for
neuropathy. IT's been this way for a year. I've just about had
enough of these meds as I know they are killing me. I used to
drink alot of beer every day but since I've been on the meds I
have not drank as much as an ounce of beer. If I quit the meds
(I've got all the stuff from Thomas's recipe) I know I'll go
back to drinking. I'am torn up on which way to go. I quit smoking
14 months ago cold turkey so I do believe I can quit the meds,
although it will be tough with this habbit and the length I've
been on the meds. Does anyone have an idea which way I should go?
Also I too have been banned from the other web site. I did'nt do
anything wrong.
                       Thanks Tom

[OxyDout]

I never even got into the other website. I wish I had a straight forward answer but I don't.  First off, congrats, if you can quit smoking you can quit anything.  I would quit the meds first, but I would think you would have to stop both at the same time unless you can allow yourself to have a beer once in a while without over doing it, which I highly doubt anyone of us could do..........so I think you might need some guidance here, such as a doctor! AA, NA, one of them is probably going to be needed, but keep posting, we are all here for you, NO MATTER WHAT!!
GWH

[Hinkster]

Thanks gwh for the quick advice. Its good advice now I only hope
I can do it.
Tom

[skipper]

hinkster:

have you considered what you will do for pain control? your on
all that oxy for intractable pain. i'm on the same dosage of oxy
as you are. every 4-5 weeks i'll take a week off and detox my-
self. i do this to so find out where my pain levels are. if yow aregoing to detox yourself, just be careful not burn your bridges
back to oxy to quiickly. you may find your pain levels so high
that you will want to return to it.

hey every one else:

haven't had a lot of time to post since i got back from the gulf.
hope things slow down soon.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Hinkster]

Hi kip,
  Thanks for the advice. By reading these post for the last two
months before posting I've come to find out your a legend and a
great friend to have. I feel privledged to have you answer my
questions and feel I know you. As to what I'am going to do
about the pain I did'nt want to address that. Thats probably
why I can't quit the meds.I feel by being on the meds and not
drinking I'am keeping from maybe getting an oui or hurting some
one by driving. Again kip thanks for taking the time and answering my post. You are a fantastic person.
Tom

[Dawnslight]

Hi...
I first want to say how happy I am to have found this site!  It's been the very best source for me in the last week than I could have hoped for.

Regarding the drinking vs. meds.  I stopped my daily glass (or two) of wine cold turkey 1 yr ago Feb.  I began getting ill due to the fact I was also taking Lortab and Oxy everyday for chronic joint/back pain.  I thought I was "smart" enough to cut out the alcohol so I would be "kind" to my liver.  Have a 13 yr old daughter.  Didn't want to give her a bad message on drinking by her watching me.  (Plus I smoke).  So I felt stopping the drinking would be the best thing and didn't make me a hypacrite.  You know "child...just say no, but watch mommy".  Except for the cigs...and that was always..."when the stress is gone, I'll quit).

Well...now I'm sitting at my computer w/chills, diarreah and the jitters.  I was up to 20 10/500mg Lortab per day (ten at a time) and 3 20mg Oxys.  The lortab wasn't giving me the pain relief it used too nor was I feeling "good" anymore.  I get a script of 160 lortabs and 94 oxy's a month.

Last week, I decided to tell my parents, my daughter (she was the hardest as she thinks I'm superwoman who can do no wrong), my soon to be ex-husband and my first hubby that I have a problem with my meds.

Each of them expressed how proud they where of me for coming "clean" with this issue and offered to help in any way.  So...my daughter is at my moms for the week.  So she won't see me go thru withdrawl.  My soon to be ex is staying w/me at night in the event of a medical prob.  My dad is telling me (for the first time in my 38 years) that he's never been more proud, as is my ex who is a minister offering lots of prayer for me.

I thought after talking to rehabs, I would try detox here at home for the next 8 days on my own.  My plan was/is...to quit cold turkey my lortab and just take the 3 oxys I'm allowed to have.  I counted out my oxys, gave the bottle to my hubby.  He hid it at his office from me.  And I have no more lortabs.  I have ambien for insommnia.  I bought the stuff for the Thomas receipe, less the valium, xanax and such.  

Well, Sunday was my last day on Lortab. Yesterday, I took more oxy's than I should have due to the wd symptoms late in the day and here today (Tues).  It's 3:00, and I've not had anything so far.  I just figured, I would attempt to discontinue the oxys too.  I'd like to see where my real pain level is.  So far, the only thing that hurts are my knees and shoulders.  It's been storming here for two days.  When the humidity is high...I ache!

My heart-rate is escalating, and I don't have the desire to do a damm thing.  I let my house go last week, hoping I would be so fidgity that I'd clean top to bottom while detoxing.  Maybe I'll call a maid instead.

I bought $200 in food for myself w/lots of sweets yesterday.  I've been craving them for months now.  I think it's from the meds.  I never used to eat sweets.  Weird.

Sooo....if you will all say a prayer that this works for me, I'll certainly do the same for all of you that are trying to quit this pathetic habit we got wrapped up in.  

This habit has cost me my marriage, my business, my heatlh.  I thought of suing the drug manufactures, but I don't have the strength or desire anymore.  I think it's my personality, pain and background that helped turn me into an addict.  Now, I think I'm going to write a book.  As long as I can get thru this week, so the book would have a happy ending.

Spring is this week.  A time for new beginnings.  The spirit of God is telling me now was the time to stop killing myself.  I know I can't fail at this or I'll wind up like M. Monroe and all the others that couldn't stop.

It's not that I have a whole hell of a lot of self worth/love.  It's my beautiful daugther that's keeping me from hurting myself anymore.  I want to see her graduate, marry, become an MD, and be a grandmother.

It's ironic.  I'm in the skin care industry.  People come to me to cheat time and look younger.  These pills, my smoking...has aged me soooo much more than they can imagine.  And I take their money to look good and spend it on my "happy pills".  All while I have a puffy face, dark circles, went from size 4 to 0.  Am 5'5 and 108#. I'm always lying to the girls at the shop and stating it's the stress of my divorce that's keeping me up nites, thus the way I look.  

Sorry for rambling...it's got to be the jitters I'm going through.  To comment on this thread...there's nothing to ask yourself "hinkster".  We can not drink or take these meds in moderation.  My only option, and I hope you choose it too...is sobriety.

As far as my pain management...time to find other alternatives.  I don't mean to sound like I have the answers either.  I just have to stay in a certian mind set.  I have two scripts of Lortab at the pharmacy right now calling me in the back of my mind,  And a full liquor cabinet.

If I get too weak...I'll call the rehab.

Thanks for taking the time to read everyone.  I'll be on this site all weak looking for strength.

Hugs and Peace to you all. :)

[GOD]

God bless you and give you strength on this *the hardest* part of your journey to sobriety. I know how you feel... It is the hardest thing in the world that I've ever done. I don't know how I'm getting through it other than the fact that i've been repeating this prayer at least 10 times a day:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I know that's from AA, but it works for me.

My prayers are with you.
May yours be with me.

Love and serenity to you--
Jess

[bronzeback75]

Hey guys its me bronze I just want to say that I can finally see some light I am now 20 days clean from the torture of oxycontin, I still am having trouble sleeping but my  panic attacks, and knot in my stomach are gone ,I still have no energy but make myself excercise  daily my pain level is really high but sobriety is a far better trade off If you think hard enough you can almost cancel out the pain. Acupuncture has also worked wonders for me as far as the 5htp the kid  at gnc didnt no what it was what section was it in the amino acids?  I just want to say be strong stay away from the  pharmacy you can make it through this  god bless guys ang gals

[Ramona666]

      I hope I did this right. First time caller long time listener....
     I can't spell either so this should be some fun communication!
We have soooo much in common it's scary. You are probably craving the sweets because you aren't drinking(or not drinking as much) Your body processes alcohol like its sugar. So, when your are drinking your body is thinking "Ah, a plentiful amount of sweets are here today!" When the drinking slows down or ceases all together your body says "Where are all the sweets, we seem to have run out, must get some now!"
    Drinking will ruin your life, only if you let. But before it ruins you, it will most certainly take your family first, killing them softly while you sip away. Children have instincts as well as parents. They want to love you unconditionaly. THey want to welcome you with open arms regardless of your crimes. THey want to trust you completly. Drinking will interfer with the relationship you have with sober people, especially the children. She will lose her mother altogether if her mother doesn't kick this thing in the ass! But I have NO DOUBTS that you indeed will stomp the hell out of your addiction. Some people have the personality for addiction. You probably enjoy feeling different "lighter" for a bit. It relaxes you, your stress fades away.
       You might benefit from antidepressants, then again you might not. The pills help the pain and also provide the "lift" you require. Pills are a funny thing. They are capable of providing so much relief but they can also trick you into feeling better than you should. Taper off the pills. Don't quit all at once. I speak from personal experience here. Quiting cold turkey puts an enormous amount of pressure on you to quit, quit now and quit right. Plus, have you thought about what you are going to do about your pain, which is real and is a natural part of life. If you can't take those particular pills then what are you going to take? If you suffer on with pain it will make it more difficult to detox.
    I'm on methadone and I wish like hell I had never touched the stuff. I have lots to tell you but very little time left. I hope to hear from you very very soon.You need more support in order to make it. But I have the feeling you will prevail no matter what!  I will keep checking.
***@****                      RAMONA666

[skipper]

tom:
thankyou for the complements...but really i'm just another junky.
what i mean to say is we all come as equals, and we remain equals. drugs and pain...i never gave any consideration as to what i was going to do if i really neeeded narcotic pain relief. quite a deal we got ours selves into. i hope some of the advice posted to you will prove useful. keep us posted, ok



Dawnslight:
welcome to the forum! there will always be room for just one more
addict posting to this forum. that new begining sounded good to me. best of luck with taperin down and quitting. like i told hinkster,keep us posted as to how and what your doing.

Bronzeback:
20 days, that's really great. i wodered what happened to you. i am really glad to hear that you've come 20 days. that's a long way!!

hey everyone  , keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[alchemist]

I haven't posted here since last year but my pain has crept back (from the last ablation)and I am now taking 4 narco and 2x 15 mg ms contin daily for pain from a car accident.  I've noticed lately that my sex drive has dwindled to almost nothing, I know this is due to the meds since I got it all back (and then some) when I got off my meds last year.  My question is, is there anything that can be done about this other than giveing up my meds and putting up with the pain?

Thanks to all for your help

[Nod]

Welcome all you new folks. The more the stronger!  I have been where you all are but proud to say I'm almost clean.  Down from 20 - 7.5s to just 4 a day now.  It took a month so far and has sucked.  But still better than cold turkey for me.  Have 3-4 more weeks on my tapper then the work really starts.  That is where I always fail in the past. But, I'm gonna do it this time.  Have already fessed up to my wife, tomorrow go to my doctor and spill my guts to him.  No more secrets.  Tom, dawnslight and bronzeback... welcome.

Schlub - today was your first day off the Burpenex.. how you feeling?  Hanging there buddy, you've come a long way, your almost there.  Keep me posted.  
Nod (soon not to be nod-ing)

[Hinkster]

Alchemist,
  Yes there is something you can do for your sex drive. I too
had the same problem as you can read from my scripts. I go to
a pain management clinic once a month for my meds. They took a
test and found out my Testosterone (spelling) level was way down.
They have me come in every two weeks for a shot. Bring your own
medicine from a script you got from them. They told me it would
take about two or three shots and I should be back to my old self. I can't wait. I'll let you know as I,ve only had one shot so far. I think I feel some difference already.
Tom

[Schlub]

Two days since I quit the Bup, Nod. Milder than expected depression and lethargy, and I don't have to hide it from my wife.

Remember? It's our secrets that kill us.

Day 15 now since my last narcotic haze.

[singer]

i have benn on this forum only a few times. i realy think its great the way everyone pulls for each other. i am hooked on vics es 12 a day post surgery. i cant believe the way watsons took over. i dont know what the thomsans recipe is but if it is a way to help kick this please inform. you are all angels and i pray for all. the singer.

[1fortheroad]

i can relate so much to your post - we don't have exactly the same addiction, but the feelings are so incredibly similar.  i feel that way a lot of times when i'm here...i guess that is why i keep coming back.  addiction is lonely, and when i come here, i never feel alone.  i KNOW there is so much understanding and compassion here.  people here don't just say "i know how you feel" - they really DO know, and i find great comfort in that.

i am at the point where i am trying desperately to find a dr. willing to prescribe buprenex for me to do an out-patient detox.  NO ONE will do it for me.  i have no trouble getting oxy, hydro, percs or whatever, but when i mention buprenex...the answer is always the same.  clonodine is readily available to me as well, but i've tried it and it does nothing to help me.

i really want to quit, but i need help and it just isn't there for me - i feel hopeless right now...

[Dawnslight]

You didn't mention what your addicted too.  And being new to admitting of such myself, makes it difficult for me to offer any help to you as to where to get Buprenex from.  I don't understand why a detox center wouldn't put you on it unless you have to be an in-patient to get it.  If that's the case, then given the fact you wrote that your getting/feeling hopeless.  That may be exactly where you need to be right now.  

There's really no other alternative to our conditions but to get help and to get clean.  But this I do know...one MUST want to be free of addiction for it to be successful.  It's taken me over 13 years and a trip to hell to learn this. Please find the help your asking this board for.  Good luck to you.  You're in my prayers.  :}

[1fortheroad]

thanks for your feedback.  i am addicted to oxy, hydrocodone, and percs.  i take whatever i can get my hands on.  i am thru with it tho, i cannot and will not be a slave to these pills.  i cannot believe i have ended up this way...two years ago i never would have imagined being in the place i am now.  i have been thru cold-turkey withdrawal too many times to count, and the thought of doing it again is just unbearable to me.

we are taking our daughter to disneyworld in a few weeks, and i cannot fathom going thru withdrawal while there...can you imagine anything worse?  oh god - i cannot go inpatient again right now...if i could just find a good outpatient program, i'd be so thankful.  

thank you for your prayers...i pray for your as well.  i love this forum - such a wonderful group of caring people.

[Ketta]

I'm praying for you. You're always so kind to folks here.
On the bup, I think folks mentioned a reputable online gig, healthpharma.com ? check another thread. These were sublingual tabs vs. the shot, but there were reports of effectiveness. This would ensure out-patient, and no hassle. Ketta

[The Golden Slipper]

hello out there,

Here we go again....I call myself the "Golden Slipper" because I am a prescription drug addict who abuses a drug called "fiorinal"  It is a common drug used for migraine/tension headaches.  I have been in recovery several times over the years and have managed to put together 2 whole years at one time.

However...hence my name "Golden Slipper" I keep having slips.  I like the way I feel when I take this drug.  I have no desire to take anything stronger (Oxycodone etc.,) but that's beside the point.  I need to get off of these pills and back into recovery.  Addiction is so irrational and I always considered myself a rational person with regard to other matters.  This thing just throws me for a loop.  I have absolutely no control over it once it takes over.

I keep getting prescriptions and running out and getting more prescriptions.  Sometimes I am amazed at how easily I can get the prescriptions.  I am now taking about 6 fiorinal a day and want to try to taper myself off.  (Easier said than done!!)

I am married (5 years) and my husband is very aware of my addiction.  Although he does not know about my latest slip.  As usual I feel extremely guilty.  We are hoping to adopt a child and right now I don't feel I would make a very good parent.

I feel for everyone out there and can admit that I am "An addict" however, I need to come clean.  It is so difficult!!  I would love to hear back from anybody out there.  Is there anyone who has been hooked on fiorinal.

I'm sure I can't be the only one.

[OxyDout]

Is Fiorinol the little pill with 3 heads on it?????? you know, the outlined profile on the pill..........

[Ketta]

Fiorinal is also fiorocet, and yeah, has the heads on it.

Golden Slipper, are you doctor hopping? I ask because it's illegal as you may have read. I was doc. hopping and got caught. I didn't have any prosecution, but others have. I was simply embarassed and now been "flagged"/?  I tell you this because it can inhibit your adoption efforts. You may have read I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer- long story, but adoption is something we're considering as well. I've been clean for 15 days, I like hydro and tend to get carried away. I've taken fiorinal but never took it up "professionally".. a little humor. Addiction is the same if it's controlled and addictive so don't worry too much in the difference of pill. We're all here to help. This could be considered a substance abuse problem officially by the background check for adoption. How far along are you in the adoption. We can help with detox, and support, etc. but if you've got a chance to adopt use that as serious motivation. I'd be happy to chat with you in email. Mine is listed on another thread, you can give me yours in a post if you prefer. Ketta.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

The way I understood it, Hinkster wanted to know which way to go.  It sounded like if he went off of opiates, he would go back to alcohol.  Well flip a coin Hinkster.  If you really need pain meds for neuropathy it's a different story.  I, too, am in pain management for PN and a few things related to hep C and arthritis.  I went the full spectrum with narcotic meds in about three year's time, myself.  Lortab to MS Contin.  

Or you can drink alcohol if your body will let you. Even with severe liver problems, I could probably drink anyone here under the table and not even suffer a hangover! We drunks like to brag a little, don't we?  Anyways, I'm told that my PN has been caused by excessive alcohol use and yes it is very painful.

I think that in your heart of hearts, you know the answer to your question.  You just needed to use us a a sounding board because we give a damn....right?  You are on the right track, my friend.

J.B.

[Dawnslight]

Hi everyone...my earlier thread said I would be on line all week detoxing form lortab & oxy at home cold turkey.  I did find a script of Klonopin I forgot I had and began the Thomas receipe and FYI...

It's been since Sunday w/out lortab (20 a day) and since Monday w/out oxy (3per day).  Yesterday, I was in the restroom all morn.  But the Immodium helped 100%.  I felt some energy w/the L-Tyro, B6 and such, but really haven't gotten off my brand new sofa that's getting ruined from my fanny sagging the cushions.

Last night I thought 1 Ambien would help me sleep.  HA!  I wound up taking 3 and still was awake at 1, 2 & 3am.  At 5am, I walked the house, found the Klonopin, took it and fell asleep till 10am today.  But I'm a total zombie.  And crying at the drop of a hat.

I have a chronic pain issue.  But I want to see where my real pain is, thus stopping all meds.  If it wern't for my damm knees throbbing to the point of visualizing taking a hammer to my caps, I would be doing pretty well, actually.  (Except for lack of sleep).  Originally, I was just going to stop the Lortab.  That's the one I'm getting carried away with.

I almost took my oxys just now, but called my 13 yr old at my moms.  (Kept her away so she wouldn't see me going thru this), and hearing her little voice, gave me the motavation to stay off all meds for at least one more day.  (She too has a back issue & wears a brace, so she understands chronic pain & meds).

I'm wearing three layers of robes, but I'm freezing yet clammy.  My eyes are sunk and have brown circles.  I have to remind myself to eat.  I choke on the Thomas diet pills.  (Must be a mental thing w/pills).  

But, I'm still willing to try, 'cause I'm beginning to feel/see the light at the end of this tunnel of hell.  I actually have moments of feeling free and being proud of myself.  But then again, I start crying for being here in the first place, and wasting a beautiful Texas sunny day in my living room.  Not to mention, I'm not at work, so I'm loosing money.

If no one is interested in how my home detox is going...please don't hesitate to tell me.  You're just the only group I can talk too without loosing all emotions and worrying my family if I called and spoke to them in tears.

My prayers are with you all...please keep a prayer for me too!

Hugs to all...:)

[Ketta]

What's your email address? I'd be happy to correspond with you. What you're doing is amazing, and you're not alone. Ketta.

[bronzeback75]

Hey I am interested I have been clean 20 days from 160 mg of oxy a day it is hell i  wont lie to you but keep your head up the pain will get better i swear i am 26 and had an unsuccesfull 2 level fusion and feel like some one is drilling in my hips 24 hours a day but its better then being numb 24 hours a day the worst part of this is the sleep i went 12 days in a row with no sleep becarefulll taking sleep aids not to much try music, hot baths for hour , and try celebrex it wont kill the pain but it taks   the edge of at least for me it does, I am a firm beleiver in accupuncture it helps with pain and withdrawls stay focused in quiting if you beleive in god pray for help i will pray for you tonight it helped me atleast my mental aspect,If you need someone to talk email me at ***@**** ill help you as best i can like i said im on day 20 and feel better every day  so please stay strong remember knowledge is power and this forum has given me enough to know its time to say goodbye to oxy forever  GOD BLESS YOU ALL  
                                       Bronzeback

[Witchywoman]

Hiya Dawnslight,
Of course we are interested in how you are doing! Please..write all you need to, whenever you need to and if you need to corespond with someone, write me at ***@****

I think what you are doing is very brave, and I know how hard it is. i've been there, and remember all to well.  The good news is that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you are almost there.  I don't know what to tell you about the chronic pain, but I did the same thing....detoxed shortly after back surgery because I was sick and tired of being addicted and also really wanted to know my true, unmedicated pain level.  I found that even though I still have back pain, it is tolerable most of the time, and it is preferable than being a slave to chasing a little white pill.

Hang in there, know that we are all rooting for you.

love,
WW

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

You bet I care about your detox, my friend!  I get the cold clammy feelings first and the chills.  That recquires an electric blanket or something of that nature. Later, it's the sweatiness and stench of something fermenting.  Take showers and put on clean clothes for God's sake!

When you begin to feel human again, try to do something...anything that can reconnect you with reality like washing the dishes and taking out the trash.  When we are this sick, any symbolic thing we do means a lot.  Take a break when you feel tired and enjoy something for a change.  Life is coming back into your mind and body as it supposed to be.  Don't despair if things look like **** right now, they could get worse.  Then again they could get much better.  Just always remember that the physical withdrawal is easy compared to the psychological one. The second part is where the real work begins!

J.B.

[vikequeen]

Hello, I too have been addicted to fioricet w/codiene. the list of pills I have not been addicted to are shorter by the way. I loved them, They felt sooo good. I have not taken them in years. As a medical professional ( at the time) I called them in for myself. They are dangerous because the main ingrediant butalbital is a sedative/hypnotic and you can have seizures and other health related problems. they are easy to get because I think they are a schedule 3 Low abuse potential Yeah right!!! besides my old friend lorcet 10/650 They were my pills of choice.
Good luck. To anyone who is seeking an outpatient detox I live in Md and there is a great one here. 2 days outpatient supervised with buprenex. Baddgirl

[skipper]

Dawnslight:
of course were intrested in what you have to say! i detox every 4-6
take a week off the oxy-c to find out where my pain level is. i do
not to be on oxy for the rest of my life and this is the only way
for me to find out. about the crying thing-- get yourself a book by
James Herriot (all creatures great and small) and cry your eyes
out! if i have to be this dammed emotionly vulnerable, at least let
me have some say in what i cry over. there is nothing like a good
animal story to grasp my heart and cry my eyes out! if i didn't direct my self i'ld be crying over broken shoe laces, dust bunnys, and every other thing that can race through my little brain. just
remember, there is way thru all of this. KEEP POSTING!!

keep an angel on your shoulder
       kip

[stars]

Dawnslight....  i admire your strenght and your courage.  i have found that there is a small price to pay for our addictions.  You are a very smart women, and loving mother, you will not regret being free from what holds us back from whats real..  i am on my 3rd week of sobriety tomorrow, and it could not have been done without the people from this forum.  you are in very good hands here.  i am glad you are here...  please know that all of us are here for you and will help carry your burden.  

i finally went to my doctor today and fessed up.  its ironic that my doctor went to on tell me how he had become addicted to Vicodin...  hhhmmmmmm never would have guessed...  i asked him along with my other doctors and dentist to mark my chart to never prescribe opiates.  even though i am through the acute withdrawls (which is so great) but now my problem has been weight gain, muscle tension, and my blood pressure was pretty high today.  i need to go back next week for the doctor to check it again.  has anyone had any of the symtoms after going cold turkey?  one good thing about quitting is that my sex drive is raging like crazy....  

thank you everyone for all your support and caring...  witchywomen, you are so great about coming around at all the right times.  you were so good for me in my first few days of quitting...  it meant so much...  again as i have said before, i offer all you of up in prayer every morning, along with those who suffer alone!  into a new day we go...  may be all walk with strenght!  prayers and peace.....  stars

[Ketta]

So admirable your telling all the doc.s not to give you dope. I have not been able to do that. I go to the ones that got "THE LETTER" but I don't say anything. That takes big balls, and I applaud you.
Went to church tonight, and we talked about burdens. It was such a release to give this up to god. Your messages are inspiring. I am surprisingly hopeful because of my relationship with god. I pray for all of you everyday. thank you so much, I hope I can give an ounce of what I've taken here. Ketta.

[Dawnslight]

Hi all...
You wonderful people mentioned above, have NO IDEA what your responses to my earlier post meant to me!  I'm crying all over my keyboard, but this time w/happy tears that in such a short time, I feel as if I've made new friends/family that only the few of us can relate too.  Thus, we share a most excellent bond.

I will contact each of you that left your email address.  Mine is ***@****

I took a Klonopin after speaking to my daughter about 4:30.  It knocked me out till 8 tonight.  That's great for the jitters and such during the day, but now...I bet I'll be up w/my 4 cats till the sun rises again tonight.  Lucky me!

If the cold sweats would just go away, I actually might feel somewhat human.  I have absolutely no desire to do anything but watch daytime TV.  What a waste!  But I know it's for a great cause.  At least I have cable.  lol.  

"J.B"...I'll take the longest shower of my life tomorrow, put on bright light comfy clothes, curl my hair, put on purfume and listen to all kinds of music...very loud to pass the time.  Maybe I'll do the laundry.  I think lying around is adding to the pain and such by virtue of total boredom.  Thanks for the advice!

This is shear torture.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.  It's your stories of hope like "bronzeback" off for 20 days that are keeping me going.  I wish we could all meet one day and share our experiences as sober productive people.

"Stars"...thank you for reminding me that I'm a good mom.  That's my most sensitive area w/all of this.  I pray my beautiful daughter never "uses"  just cause mom did.

Tomorrow (Thurs) will be the beginning of day 4 off the lortab, and beginning of day 3 for the oxy. I pray, it will soooo much easier than the last few days.  I'll keep you all in prays as well.  Please keep in touch w/me.  I came VERY close to taking my oxys this afternoon.  Thank God for you, my daughter and the fact I fell asleep today.  Write anytime!

Hugs and prays...:)
Dawnslight

[stars]

ketta, i have been your posts for sometime now.  how many times have you also touched my soul?  many!  forgive all of you if i dont mention you individually... kip, i include you towards my recovery..  this forum is honest and raw... what can be better? we admit our failures and our strenghts, they go hand in hand.  not ONE OF US comes across as being better than the other, we just grasp at other peoples strenght and hopes..  we are all one in a union of despair who wants desperatly to be free from what weighs us down...  for those of us who let go and continue to struggle, but yet are learning to fly, we come back to the place that helped us spread our wings...  its kinda crazy that i have zero cravings, but yet i crave this forum and people in it..  ketta, you talk about "having balls"....  it was harder to admit to myself that i was messed up...  but i thank you for mentioning "balls" while my hormones are outta control...  wonder if i'll get addicted to sex now?  lol!  thank you dear one for your time and kindness of words...  

dawnslight....  just don't stop, and try not to look back right now...  go full speed ahead....  i can tell you this much...  being the "young" mother of four beautiful children, i share your passion in our gift of being mothers...  but you know what?  when the hard part is over.... your gonna wake one day and you'll be blown away at every aspect of your daughter and her beauty because we have been clouded for so long...  i promise you, you will see her in a different light...  i am struggling sending them to school everyday because i feel like i have missed so much of them the last few years...  keep it up dawnslight....  feel free to contact me personally anytime at ***@****....  my address is open to anyone...

remember.....  don't look back and embrace each minute..

love, peace and blessings.....  stars.....

[radioboy74]

Can anyone suggest something for sleep besides Ambien and trazadone?  I have been up for 3 days now and can't get any sleep.

[Ketta]

unisom and valerian root. they're both over the counter. I use them every night. slight sleep hang over, but at least I fall asleep for for a coupla hours. I've never been a good sleeper and too scared to go to the doc. for fear I'll get a beating or arrested :)

[Hinkster]

J.B.
   That was perfect, Thanks. I'll try to hang in there. My
PN could have been caused by the Alchol. I was told that.
Tom

[Hinkster]

To All,
Now that I have a bit more time to expand on what J.B. said.
He's right. I need a spring board. This peripheral neuropathy
is killing me. My feet feel like their going to explode. This
is one bad ass diease. I've tried everything. Neurontin,topamax,
tegatol,something that starts with a z and even a killer hot
pepper cream called Capzasin.HP. Stay away from that one. The
only thing that seems to work is the pain meds. But I know this can not go on forever. Thats where you people come in. Support,
Support,Support. I need your support. I don't know what to do I
can't live like this too much longer. Thanks for listening to
my complaints. I'll be away for a few days so I'll check back
later. Thanks again.
Tom

[stars]

hinkster!!!!  walk dude!!!  move your feet around..  i'm tellin ya these feelings are temporary!!!!  being addicted may not!!  again as i have said before, our withdrawls are a small price to pay!!!  i want you to be strong!!!  i lift you in prayer Tom!  please be stronger than your medication, because WE ALL have the power to overcome... i found it easier incorporating God into my struggle...  pull from what ever stronger power you can...  hang in there, please!!!! wish i could take your pain away!!!  i am with you in thought and prayer...  love and peace... stars

[stars]

radioboy....  are you in the radio business?  everytime i see your name i think of the days when i was in the early to mid 70's..  the perks and drugs were great!  sometimes i wonder how i survived that!  guess it all helped me become who i am today...  

i am surprised the trazadone isn't helping you...  that was the only was i could get any sleep..  some nights i took alittle higher dose just to pull me through.  maybe you need a higher mg.?  is that something you can get?  check with your doctor.  nothing else worked for me.  i had a few xanax left and they helped also...  trying strecthing also before you go to bed.  as hard as it was i laid on the floor and strecthed out like crazy..  it seem to make my getting into bed more comfortable..  i wish you luck and peace...  hang in there!  

love and prayers.....  stars

p.s.  one more thing...  soak in a hot bath with epsom salts...  that was also a great help....

[freedfrmhell]

hi all,  i have come into this forum and listened for a couple of months now,  you people are the greatest inspiration ANYBODY could have.  i luckily am not an addict of any kind....i quit smoking cigs a couple of months ago and have not had a smoke or drag off one since 01-10-02....im very proud it sucked and was very hard....however reading your posts every day helped me tremendously...my son is 19 and i just found out about a month ago that he was smoking crystal meth on a daily basis....he came to me and admitted he needed help....we put him in an out patient detox for 7 days....as far as i know he hasn't done any drugs since except for smoking weed.....he has no reason to lie to me now that he has come clean with the truth so i believe him....maybe im a little naive...i hope not...what my real problem is...is that he also got my 17yr old to do it too....he knows that i know also...but he swears he doens't have a problem...however...since my oldest came home from detox...the younger one says his brother died the day he came home...he says the older one is possessed by satan....is this all in his messed up mind because he was doing the meth too??...the older one says it is....but im lost...im 38 and have never dealt with these types of drugs before....please help and give me some insight...these two hate eachother right now...my youngest is clean now and staying with an older friend that he is close to, who would never allow him to have drugs around him...thanks all for your help...i know you have troubles of your own and i thank you for taking time to listen to mine....you all are the best...thanks..

addictsmom

[stars]

welcome!!!!  you surely are in the right place.  a place where we all come together to help...  first and foremost addictsmom, whatever you do, don't blame YOURSELF!!  i did that with my oldest and it nearly distroyed me.  your boys have minds of their own and they are the ones who made the wrong choices.  if you were there when they smoked the meth, then you can blame yourself, but i'm sure you weren't...  my son went through the same thing at the same age..  it did not last long.  it is a strong drug, but it also has strong ill effects which one gets tierd of...  i found that with my son and his friends..  they all still smoke pot, but i myself dont have a big problem with that...  i just dont want it in my house due to my other children.  some people get caught up in meth, but you need to pray that they see the reality of the drug..  you know, you must be a wonderful mom in order to have your child have enough faith and trust in you to come to you and tell you that he has a serious problem..  i applaud him, and you, for doing all the right things.  please tell him that i am praying for him and his recovery.  the younger one also.  its so hard being a teenager now..  i have 3 and i thank God everyday that they are focused. but i know things can change in a heartbeat!  i pray for peace for you and your family...  you also have a family here, who will be happy to help carry your burden...  

peace, prayers and blessings
stars.....

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I enjoyed scanning through some of the posts here tonight.  It seems like sex(libido)came up a few times.  Actually, the sex drive is a dead giveaway as to how you are doing both physically and mentally.  When it's gone down the tubes, beware!  In my opinion, antidepressants can wreck havoc with libido and opiates simply step in and replace it.  

When we regain that feeling that we "want to look attractive" and somewhat outgoing...it's wonderful!  During my bouts with narcotic and alcohol addiction, I didn't care enough about myself to even be someone that you'ld want to talk to.  Bad hair, bad breath, bad clothes, bad attitude and so on.  I was the anonymus drunk/junkie with no time for real life, being totally into myself. Sadly, nobody even knew my name!

So, you eventually end up with yourself, by yourself and you loathe yourself.  Pistol and ball would likely be more than merciful at this point, but most choose the prolonged suicide attempt of addiction.  This post is meaningless to most of you but I had to get it out of my system and hear myself speak to myself.  Just minutes ago, I had several more tabs of morphine in my hand and put them back in the bottle...they are meant for my wife's pain, not mine!

J.B.

[stars]

your post was far from meaningless...  painful but true..  i dont think ANYONE on here can say anything meaningless...  its our refuge where we dont have to hide..  your message was a perfect example of that J.B.!  i am so happy you made the right decision with your wifes medication.  i feel that each time one of us turns away from taking that little pill, or that drink, or that cigarette, that injection, one person who struggles to be clean gets one step closer....  thank you J.B.!

prayers and peace....  stars

[CASEY]

I totally hear you regarding your self neglect. My 20 year old heroin addicted son looks like ****. It is heartbreaking to see but I have let so much go. He is living in someone's basement. When he comes here, he eats a little and sleeps then goes back for more. He could clean up but he doesn't even change his underwear. This is a total change for him. I love him and have offered treatment but I don't think he believes he can stay clean so won't bother. He detoxed in the hospital last month when he had endocarditis but went back to the streets. He knows we love him and the door is open but we can't make him change. What is it going to take to get him into treatment? We are all dying a slow death. I do go to alanon but there's no magic bullet. How did you get clean? Gina

[freedfrmhell]

thank you stars sooo much for your support, and kind words....i won't say i will bear all the guilt....but as close as he and i are....i should have known he was on something....at any rate i think he is doing ok and making the right decisions...he knows who his "unclean" (for lack of better words)friends are....and his "clean" friends.  he has made the responsible decision to stay away from the ones that bring him down....i am also in the process of moving us out of the small town we live in....the younger one will also be fine....he has a year to go in highschool though and for the first time, looks forward to his senior year...i just wish they would learn to like eachother again....

you ALL are sooo strong...one day if i ever need the strength for ANYTHING i will always come here....and read and remember how every day is a struggle for alot of you....take care all, and never give up your fights....you are all....stronger and braver then anyone i have ever known of....my prayers and thoughts will always be with eachone of you....thanks again stars....addictsmom

[Want2Quit]

Good luck I wish I could go your route, I feel for me to get over my addiction that I need the kids gone and my man.  ( he isn't a supportive type)  I am only taking 5 vicoding 500mg a day, but I am tired of it and want my old life back.  I can take more at times (usually the weekend maybe 6)  But I want to quit and the withdrawls is what I don't look forward to.  It is hard for me to go to work and take care of the house.  I am like you are about the house, I let the house totally go (that isn't me)   I really don't have anyone I am comfortable talking to about it.  I have been doing allot of research since Friday night and some of the stories are going to help me get over this.  What is the Recipe everyone is talking about

YOU CAN DO IT, I KNOW YOU CAN, JUST THINK IF YOU GO BACK THEN YOU WILL HAVE TO THIS DAY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

[stars]

you hang in there...  i want to talk to you but i have a sick child right now...  you were heard...  please don't give up on this board....  i will be back....  

love..... stars

[chancycook]

Hi everyone! This is my first time to find a site like this. It is so nice to know that I am not alone in my addiction. My problem now is alcohol. I have found it to be the hardest drug to overcome. Years ago I was addicted to cocaine, but quitting that was nothing compared to me quitting alcohol.I guess maybe I have inherited genes that make me lean towards alcohol more than any other drug.I was going to try and quit cold turkey, but then read about DT's and possible seizures which scare me. I keep telling myself that I will do it slowly yet my husband will always buy more beer than I ask for and of course I drink all that is in the house. I am determined to quit yet scared of the process. I am worried right now that I won't be able to go to sleep since I didn't buy anymore than two beers. Anyway, I would love to be a part of this group. I have been hiding my problem from many people for a long time.Thanks

[Hinkster]

Hi Chancycook,
  You will find that you a very welcome here. I too am new
and everyone has been great to me. Just keep posting you will
meet some great people here.
Tom