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Painful Times~
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Painful Times~

Many of us are going thru some very painful and devastating times on the forum.  There are so many questions and no easy answers.  These are the times where our addict brain goes into overdrive.  Our emotions are very foreign to us and we dont understand or know how to get thru the pain.  Our first thought is to use as we think this will help.  I can guarantee that this would only set all of us back and destroy us.  Using is NOT an option for us.  Nothing any of us are going thru is a reason to use.  We have to walk thru our grief, feel our emotions and place one foot in front of the other.  We have to stay close to those that support us and love us.  It is okay to feel things and i for one am grateful that i have been given another chance at life.  Together we will walk this path together~sara
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4149717_tn?1389507161
You are so right Sara and my urge to use tonight is SO strong and because of that I am on my way to a meeting! I cant let my grief destroy my future!! Thank you so much for your words and your support! All of you!!

xo~~Teresa
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2083449_tn?1381358308
Hi Sara, I know that my "urge to use" is so great right now, and none of this is directly happening to me! I have had such feelings of doom, and insecurity lately, and I just don't know why!

Anyway, my heart goes out to those of us who are struggling and suffering with all kinds of losses right now! We must stay strong together! We must keep fighting those urges!

Thank you!
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Avatar_f_tn
You know as i am approaching 9 months clean time, i am learning that life has its up's and down's, good days and bad, tragedy, laughter, happiness, etc, but as addicts we really didn't feel any of this, and now that we are clean its like a baby, we have to learn how to deal with life on lifes terms. It sounds so simple but when we medicated ourselves it just took all the pain and hurt away temporarily and then all the negative feelings would come back and we go ahead and just take so more pills, and so the cycle continues.  We are so strong for beating this addiction and we have to use our strength to live life free and clear and open minded.  I pray that one day we can be strong when faced with some sort of tragedy, loss, and just be "normal" and deal with life like non-addicts do.  That sure is my goal, I'm not there yet, i still crave, i still find it a challenge to stay clean, but i am noticing it does get easier.  There is so much HOPE for us, stay positive and fight, we can all do this!!!!
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You are so right, Sarah. Today is just one of those days where I want to just  pop a pill and make these feelings "go away". Like you said though, using is not an not option. What we really need is each other right now. I know I need you guys a lot today. Good luck to us all.
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Sarah your words are encouraging and so true. There is a lot going on these days, for many of us, but there is strength we can all pull from on here...it is amazing
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What a great post Sara.
I hated how my first instinct was to reach for a pill when I was so upset yesterday.  I am so glad they weren't there.
I am so glad that I found the strength to post on this forum and so grateful for all the support I received.
It sounds like this forum has saved at least 2 people from relapsing this weekend.
Let's keep doing what we are doing and help each other win the battle of addiction.  It's working.
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What a beautiful post honey. It seems everyone I talk with is having a crisis right now. I want so much to reach out and help and sometimes I don't know how. It pains me to see the members I have grown very fond of hurting. I want to take that hurt away. I am going to stick real close here and talk with as many people as I can. Together we can all get through this. I can't, WE can.
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Thank you for this post Sara:)
Using is not an option. One foot in front of the other one day at a time.
I get up each day and first thing I see in the mirror is a post it Note that says
"getting clean is the easy part (the physical WD) staying clean (mental part) is where the real work begins"
Each day my life has gotten better and somedays are hard very hard and I struggle but I do the basics remember that the pills will never change my problems they just make them worse.
Everyday that I am clean is a better day than any day I used. This time last year My life felt hopeless and now I am working on making positive changes each day in my life.162 days clean  Thank you for this Post! thank you for all the people on this forum that remind me that I am never alone God Bless you!
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This is so true. I want to numb these feelings so bad. I am so scared right now and all I want to do is run and hide. Hopefully tomm will bring some much needed answers. Im saying a prayer for everyone on here tonight and Im asking God to hold us all real tight. Goodnight. (((hugs)))~Bkitty
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Thank you for posting this, Sarah.  
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495284_tn?1333897642
I know you want to run and hide.  It comes down to that "fight" or "flight" issue.  Flight is what we are used to and when our past thoughts comes a knocking, we dont answer as we dont live there anymore.  We stand and fight now cuz we are so worth it~
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2120911_tn?1350926261
Nicely put

During thoughts of temptation....some small voice says to me " Just for today.....i'll pass on screwing up my life up"

I hope that voice speaks to everyone during those moments , as it has for me.

Thx sara
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This is how my life has gone here, It was a wednesday when my mom passed, my coworkers dad passed on Friday, my mom's funeral was on that Saturday@10:30, my daughters consumer(who i also knew) died at 10:35 that Saturday.  I just found out 5 minutes ago a friend of mines brother just passed away of natural causes, he was 46 and a close friend of my brother.  This is just overwhelming.........
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Oh Sara :( Why are we all being tested so much??? I jsut dont understand it..Im so sorry...
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I dont have a clue Teresa but we are survivors, we just have to be.
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I hope so Sara!  Its like being on a rollercoaster! Sometimes it makes me sick, other times I get incredible enjoyment out of it! Im just trying to hold on and keep from falling out!
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you. This is the time of year (2 years apart) when both of my parents died. And, this will be the first holiday season in many years that I will be clean. It's like my head has its own podcast dedicated to the healing power of Norco. It never stops. But it does get better.
Thanks again.
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Wow, powerful words from everyone.  It's very difficult time of year period even for the non user.   So it's really demanding . I didn't think about detox time, I just said enough.    A flighting moment hasn't tempted me, I'm scared to death of those pills,   I can't imagine starting all over,  day 5 but 3 week of tapering and being ill..... We all know this drill.  I pray it's our last time.  A
Fake scenes of life being good, now we face the good, bad and ugly. Whatever it is, " it's the real deal " .       Hold tight , we are like a team of sorts, fighting this together, miserably, but never the less, we will take away the prize of a healing mind.      I use to be an addiction counselor 12 yrs ago, if I go back,  I can now relate.     Stay strong ! Keep posting,  So proud of everyone's words on this post, thank you Sara  xox
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The upcoming holidays come with their whole list of problems.  memories of those not with us, family gatherings with their dysfunctional interactions, etc.  We need to be very cautious during this time.
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My belief is that true healing involves pain........
The new me has to learn diff ways to find comfort when in pain......
New ways are hard.......
Not masking pain is hard.......
But God always makes a way.....when there seems to be no way.
Living thru the pain without using will make us all stronger and even better able to "hold each other up"  Helping others helps us......
After the pain.......comes clarity...  and joys in our life taste that much sweeter!  
Blessings to all of you~
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Thank you and you are so right~
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Today we are all here, body and mind.  We have a baby growing, a friend who is showing signs of brain activity and pills in lock down.  Truely amazing~
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Anyone who is going through a sad time or just feel like they are going to use, please post.
I know it works.
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495284_tn?1333897642
How are you today Pat?
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I am forcing myself to do things.  Walks, clean, throw things out.  Put it that way lol.  Staying busy really helps too.
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Good job!  Dont let yourself get overwhelmed.
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I did that already but talked myself out of it. I felt better after my walk.
How are you doing?
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Avatar_f_tn
Your mom just died?  You didn't tell me.  I am so sorry, honey.  What can I do to help?  I will pray so hard for you.  Please tell me how I can help.  I feel awful and helpless.  I'm so proud of you for not using.  You have got to feel so overwhelmed right now.  Oh, I just wanna get on a plane, and come see you!
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She passed away 3 weeks ago.  I am putting one foot in front of the other, that is all the energy i have right now.  I feel like an orphan but am working thru my grief.  I have stayed close to the forum as it is my comfort place, plus i gotta keep an eye on all my chicks!
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OMG.......how dumb am I?  I've been so crazy, unbelievably busy that I didn't even know.  I can't apologize enough.  I know how hard it is to stay clean through great trauma and grief.  Hell, it's hard period!  I'm very, very, VERY proud of you.  I wish I could do something to help.  : (((((
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You dont have to apologize at all.  Just being able to talk to you right now is helpful!!
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Thank you Sara ! Alot of us, you included,  won our battles yesterday!  You are right, today we are here and present in body and spirit! Together we are all incredibly strong!  What a difference 12 hours makes! :)
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Amen you are 100% right,    Xo
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You know, this is like any other day that we struggle to stay clean and sober. You just have to get thru today.  Tomorrow, we will worry with tomorrow.  I've had days that I thought I'd surely die from emotional pain, physical pain.......whatever.  I'm sure you've felt a little that way.  Or a lot that way.  I just wish I had known.  I feel horrible about it!  I'm so dense.....

I'm right here if you need me.  You know how to find me.  AND I love you and am sending you a big, gignormous, redneck, hillbilly, Arkansas bear hug!  I'll even spit my dip out before I hug ya! :)
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Im sorry but that this just made me LOL!!  "and am sending you a big, gignormous, redneck, hillbilly, Arkansas bear hug!  I'll even spit my dip out before I hug ya! ".....I am from the South and have family from Arkansas so It tickled me probably more than it should have!! hahahaha
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Well, LOL, she knows me.  We tease eachother because I live in the south and she lives in the north.  Opposite ends of the world, it feels like!  But look at what brought us together?  We all share a common problem and goal.  I adore her and admire and respect her so much!  
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I can see why!!! Shes an incredibly strong woman and has been here for so many, me included! She gives incredible support and also gives "tough love" which I for one NEED that!! :)

And I can relate to the north south thing. I actually just moved back to Texas from Chicago, so I have been on both sides!! So I am a little yankee when I need to be and ALOT country when I need to be!!  hahaha
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Avatar_f_tn
This whole pregnancy ordeal this past weekend has taught me a lot. One: using isn't an option. You cant run and hide. Everything that I felt was normal and OK. Today has been a blessing to so many of us here on the forum~I know I was not the only one at my wits end. Even in the darkest of storms~there is light. And I learned that I need to practice relaxation techniques an patience!! Which I have neither of. I am cautious. My senses are keen and sharp. My guard is up. I owe so many members here a big thank you,,if it was not for you I wouldn't have made it this weekend. This forum again,,saved me. Those that know my story know that a year ago it saved my life. I am so blessed. Prayers heard and answered today. I pray now for God to hold us tight. ((((hugs))))~Bkitty
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Oh and I learned that sometimes there are small miracles((hugs))
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And ALWAYS underneath us.....are everlasting arms~
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2218783_tn?1357574681
Sara I am truly sorry about your Mom, I am sending you prayers and Love I am truly sorry. I pray God gives you peace and strength .
God Bless You <3
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bump
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I cannot believe I had missed this thread until now.  Thanks for bumping it Pat, and thanks to Sara for such a great post.  I will leave out the gore of my own troubles, but suffice to say I can relate somewhat.

My thoughts go out to all who are struggling with the challenges of life. . .

Bryan
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3112653_tn?1351625681
my dear friend I'm so sorry to hear of all you are going through, I have been  MIA here lately I had to take a step back and regroup and deal with all that I have been dealing with. and you are so correct using is not option it does not help anything when you sober up all the pain is still there plus guilt lots of guilt I'm still sober but struggling I have made a doctors app to see if I need depression medication. I have just lost my spunk but I had an overwhelming urge to get on here today and wanted to reach out to you I;m so sorry for loss. I understand how hard losing your mom is I lost mine 17 years ago if you ever need a shoulder to lean on or just someone to talk to I'm here and honey I thank you for all your help even though I have not been on here sense josh passed away. your words ring in my ears everytime I want to break down and throw the towel in. you are a true friend and inspiration to all and pray that god gives you peace and comforts you in this very hard time. stay strong hun you are truly loved by all I would love to be able to say something to make the hurt go away but there is nothing one can say. other than I'm here to support you as you have done for so many love and light dear friend I'm praying for you
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495284_tn?1333897642
I am so happy to hear from you.  Please let me know what the doc said.  Many people get on an AD med after they clean up.  Depression can be an underlying issue that the meds covered up.  We continue to put one foot in front of the other and continue in a forward motion~
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Tough time of year for different people for different reasons.  Im sorry for your loss and admire your strength and courage.  Last time I had a clean christmas was 6 years ago after I got out of rehab.  
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