Percocet & Vicodin Withdrawal - Part 1

Background: I'm 37, a successful business woman, and an RN. I'm also an addict. My drugs of choice are Percocet and Vicodin. After a legitimate injury that required extensive pain management, I continued taking the drugs for 3 years after the pain had subsided. At my max, I was taking 12 10 mg Percocet tabs and 60mg of vicodin on top of that. Because I know the dangers of Tylenol, I would often extract just the narcotics and leave the tylenol behind.

Trying to quit these has been the biggest challenge of my life, and that's saying something. My 1st attempt was 2 months ago when I tried to quit cold turkey. I made it 48 hours before the intense withdrawal symptoms sent me over the edge and right back to using.

My latest quit attempt began last month. I tapered quickly. (120 mg Perc/ 60mg Vic to 60 mg Perc/30 mg Vic for 3 days, then cutting the dose in half every 3 days until I was taking just 2.5 mg Vicodin a day for about a week). The withdrawal was bad, but tolerable, unlike last time.

During this time, I had to continue to work. My husband is unaware of my addiction, and I want to keep it that way - so I had to suffer in creative silence. I claimed jetlag. The flu. Allergies. Not honest, but I'm not ready to disclose my issue. I plan to, but not yet.

Anyway, this board helped me tremendously. I read through hundred of posts, and it gave me just enough strength to get through the worst. I'm still on shaky ground, but I'm a full 5 days without any narcotics. I've cleaned the entire house of any leftovers, and I've told my supplier that I'm moving. But I still feel the pull. I WOULD be able to say I was 14 days clean, but I slipped up.

If it's helpful, to those who want to quit, here is information that helped me:

1) Have a plan. Tell at least 1 person that you trust what you're going through - or consider going to N/A for support. You will need it, you WILL feel weak at times, and they can help you weather that.
2) If at all possible, plan to isolate yourself or take time off for the worst days. Here's what my w/d looked like:

Day 1- I was grumpy, but mostly because I just wanted to feel high. I had strong drug cravings, but little physical symptoms. Until I was a full 24 hours from my last dose. That came at about 5 pm for me - and then I couldn't sit still. I was itchy and restless, and couldn't sit still even though I was tired. If I had to do this again (which I hope I never do), I would time my last dose to be about 11 pm - so that my 24 hour mark would hit when I was already asleep. As it was, from 5-11, I was a jumpy mess. I took Tylenol Cold PM and an Ambien and was finally able to sleep. Due to the taper, I believe these w/d were actually pretty mild, at least compared to when I went cold turkey. I also started Day 1 with a good multi-vitamin, lots of water, and a big breakfast. And I did anything that required concentration or effort... trying to work ahead for day 2 and 3.

Day 2- I didn't sleep well, so was more tired but equally restless. It felt like there were bugs under my skin, and again I couldn't sit still despite the exhaustion. I tried to take my multi-vitamin, but I was sick to my stomach and couldn't keep it down. This is the day I claimed the flu. I took the Tylenol Cold during the day to try and sleep (didn't work, but the tylenol helped with the body ache). Immodium helped with the runs, and I continued to drink lots of water to help replenish. I'd suggest Gatorade if you like it to stay hydrated. This is also the day the anxiety kicked in. I felt pressure in my chest, and was pretty miserable all around. I was also emotional and would jump from hope and elation, to sorry and misery, to anger and just being pissed off. I made the mistake of watching Home Makeover and balled my eyes out. Oh, and to top it off, I was PMSing . . . so that actually helped with my alibi for why I was being so f'ing nuts. Despite the Tylenol cold, I didn't sleep until I took an Ambien that night.

(Part 1, cont')

[new2thisAZ]

Day 3 - Repeat of day 2, except I could eat some light foods. I also craved sweets and chocolate like crazy. Don't know if that was PMS or w/d. I tend to think it was w/d as I felt this when I tried cold turkey. By day 3, I'd lost 6 lbs with not eating and not drinking enough, despite my attempts to keep up with water. The itchies were maddening, and I switched to Benadryl instead of Tylenol Cold. It helped a little. If I had an anxiety med, I would have taken it, but I didn't have an Rx for anything. I finally couldn't take the anxiety, however, and I took 1/2 an Ambien in the middle of the day and slept for 2 hours. NOT an approved use, but it helped me through. I also tried the herbal stuff recommended elsewhere in the posts... but I didn't get any relief from them. I took a hot shower, and that DID help the crawlies. I forgot to mention those earlier - I took about 2 hot showers a day, when the symptoms were the worst. It took all my effort to MAKE myself, but it was worth it. Just standing up and holding my head was an effort, but when I was done and in fresh clothes, the crawlies subsided for about 20 minutes and I was actually able to relax for almost 30 minutes. It doesn't sound like much but after 48 hours of being in nearly constant motion while awake, it was lovely.

Day 4- I got out of bed/off the couch. I forced myself to the store, and the distraction helped. I was foggy in my thinking this day, but the physical symptoms were a tiny bit diminished. I didn't need any Benadryl during the day, but I did take a couple Tylenol because my back ached. A hot shower, and Ambien to sleep and Day 4 was okay.

Day 5 - The mental fog was better, but I was still sludgy in my thinking. It took me a minute or 2 to remember anything. It was kinda like being drunk - I was aware, and I was able to function, but not very well. I think the lack of good sleep also caught up to me. However, while I wanted to be high, the crawlies were almost completely gone. The anxiety was much better, but I still had a couple episodes during the day when I felt chest pressure and super-edgy. My husband saw I was over the "flu", and saw how edgy I was, and actually suggested that I smoke a joint to help me relax, or have a glass of wine. He is a very occassional marijuana user - and by very occassional I mean about once a month he'll smoke. Alcohol had no appeal to me, but I had read about how a joint might help with the anxiety. I'm sure everyone's experience is different, but this was a MISTAKE for me. It didn't help at all, and it actually made me more anxious, and I didn't sleep at all on night 5. I did take an Ambien, and it did nothing for me. I've smoked in the past, and it made me relaxed, but it really turned me off of it.

Each day got progressively better from there. At the start of this, I didn't clean my house of leftovers from the taper. This was a mistake. Because on day 9, feeling NO w/d - I thought... hmm, my back kinda hurts, wouldn't a vicodin clear that right up? Why yes, yes it would. And I took 7.5 mg. I'd like to be able to say it was awful, and I didn't like it... but it was great, and I loved it, and I got a buzz. While I was still feeling the buzz, as I was enjoying the feeling washing over me and realizing I was seconds away from a full relapse... I poured the bottle into my hand. I had 13 pills. I wanted to take about 4 more, and save the rest. But I dumped them down the toilet. I saw them settle at the base. I actually contemplated digging them out. Before I could totally freak out and DO that, I flushed the toilet. And then I cried. Sadly, I cried because I wanted the pills.

About an hour later, the buzz subsided. I was completely pill-less. And I actually felt okay about it. Of course, the drugs were still in my system.

So my new day 1 was technically day 10. I didn't have full-on withdrawal symptoms return, however, I did have a spike of mild crawlies and restlessness. I didn't sleep great, and my back really was bothering me. I exercised in the gym for the first time in months... THAT helped the crawlies better than anything. I took a flexeril (prescribed for my back) that night, and was able to sleep.

New day 2/Old day 11 - Craved the drug again, but mild restlessness. Much better than the first time.

And things got progressively better. So now I'm on day 5 after my slip. I have no drugs, and no plans to get any. I'm uneasy that I'm nowhere near in the clear, but I'm hopeful that I can do it.

It's like I'm waking up slowly to my life again. I realized the fog I was operating under, and it's kind of nice to be aware again. Well, it's mixed. I started taking the drugs to escape the reality, so it's a mixed blessing to be 100% aware of the good AND the bad. But I feel better each day. I think it will continue.

So that's my story. I hope it helps someone know what you may encounter. Despite all the effort and the pain, knowing this is a lifelong battle... it was worth it to me. I'm GLAD to not have the I'm-running-out-of-pills-Oh-my-God stress. I like not looking for my bottle every time I feel uneasy. I feel like I'm becoming the woman I used to be - and I sort of missed her.

Best of luck to any and all who are going through this process.

[LeaAnn807]

: )  Congrats on your clean time!  It will slowly keep getting better!

[new2thisAZ]

OH! And a question.

I'm shocked, but I think one of my main problems is going to be boredom. I have lots to do, I have a crazy work schedule and a jam-full personal life... but I still feel BORED sometimes. And I immediately think: wow, this would be so much better with a percocet. I can be in the middle of an activity, and I'll still think that!!

Has anyone else had that experience? How did you mitigate it? (And please don't just tell me to stay busy... I can be in the middle of something and have this thought)

[BrotherFrankie]

http://www.ctnurses.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=1&subarticlenbr=5

[newchapter523]

    Thanks for sharing your story. Its amazing how we all start out innocently for real pain and end up here. I think you should focus on what you HAVE accomplished.Considering what you were taking one pill doesn't spoil the whole cart.
    I know EXACTLY what you are talking about boredom. Mine is more satisfaction. I think it was what started me down this road. I look at my life as a cup ,I would pour in stuff and when I was in my 20's the cup trickled out the bottom . I got into my 30's the cup began to leak faster from the bottom. Now in my 40's I pour in it in and it just flows out the bottom. Never being fully filled know matter how hard I try to fill my life with "stuff". So that begins my after care with indiv counseling starting today trying to get to the root. blah blah hopefully didn't bore you or depress you :)
   I think you should be proud of your accomplishment. One day at a time is the best I can tell you. I am on day 21 and still feel my mind wandering all over the place. "I don't need em", "I need em" , sometimes I just want to scream "shut the F**K up mind!!. Of course I'm sure those around me would think me quite disturbed:) I hope you tell your husband or a friend. Mine know about me and you would be amazed at how common this is. I'm selling a house and actually had to tell my realtor, who is an old friend. I didn't want to but was going to be "unavailable" for a few critical days. She wasn't even shocked!! The first thing out of her mouth was "you certainly aren't the only one with that problem".  My wife has been so supportive. This website has been the BEST. Only people here truly know what you are going through and can give you the support and guidance you need to stay clean.
  I'm sorry didn't mean to ramble. I guess I need a little TLC today myself and writing this down helps. Best wishes to you and YOU CAN DO IT!!
  

[sickofpillsandpain]

Thank you so much for sharing your story! You have explained it very well. I too will take Tylenol cold or allergy meds when im w/d i looked up Vicodin and other meds that i take and read alot about them and figured out they have alot of different components to them. I want to take the jump but i just haven't had the guts to do it yet. But by reading these stories it is really giving me the strength to at least begin. People put a huge stigma on abusing prescription drugs. i used to. I have sense realized that it can happen to anyone! when you have a dr that will prescribe pills to you for years without a treatment plan to fix the problem (if its fixable) anyone can and will become reliant on these pills for happiness and energy. I wish you luck!!! keep going!! =]

[new2thisAZ]

Well. I relapsed. Again. Today.

How in the world can this take such charge?!

[sickofpillsandpain]

i hope that you take back charge very quickly before it has full control again! you have gone through the w/d but the emotional w/d still has a hold. but as long as you keep them in your house you will take them and then what? you script is due? and then? please dont go back wards... re read your story that you shared with all of us and really think about the points that you have made in it. i hope that you stop before they snatch you up in the cycle again!

[theirmommie72]

thank you for this detailed account.  very helpful.

[Bad_Obsession]

I'm sorry you relapsed.  But please don't let a slip turn into a fall.  Dust yourself off, and get back on it.  Get back to claiming your life back.  I would suggest some aftercare of some sort if you haven't checked it out already.  You have already proven to yourself that you can quit...and that's the easy part.  Saying clean is the hard part.  Check out some aftercare.  It's a lifesaver....trust me!  Above all...don't let this setback turn into a major relapse.  So you used again...no big deal.  Noone here is perfect and I don't know that I've ever heard of anyone quitting the very first time they tried!  So....keep your head up, stay stong and keep doing what you need to do to stay clean!

[sickofpillsandpain]

i am worried about you... i hope you check in soon!

[sickofpillsandpain]

stopped by to see if you checked in.... and nope =[  i hope you come back soon

[Bad_Obsession]

Yep...I was wondering the same thing.  

Come back and let us know what's going on...even if you relapsed or are still using...just come on back!  We wont judge!  

Hope to hear from you soon!

[new2thisAZ]

You all were right - totally relapsed. Ate the whole bottle of 60. Last dose was today... so now on for w/d and detox.... planning to go through it this weekend. Kind of like penance I guess.

Can't believe I'm back HERE. Again. But I'm hopeful this time will be THE time. Working to end all my drug-related relationships - burning bridges left and right.

I have a plan for the weekend - to work through it. I've got an exercise plan, a food plan, don't have to go back to work until Tuesday.... really hoping I can handle this.

Thank you ALL for your support.

[Bad_Obsession]

are you looking into aftercare?

[sickofpillsandpain]

i am sooo glad you came back! dont look at being HERE  as that bad of a thing! we are all here for similar reasons and like bad obsession said we wont judge! we all fall down a time or 2 with alot of things in life but you can always get back up dust yourself off and keep going! we are all here for you and we are all rooting for you =]   i am always seeing stuff on here about after care and n/a i never really put much thought into them and really just blew the thought off, but the more i see it here and the more i think and read about it the more i think it just might be a life line! might be something worth looking into for you! i hope to hear from you again soon  ~~missy~~

[new2thisAZ]

I think aftercare is a great idea, but I'm terrified to go. I realize everything is supposed to be confidential, but I'm an RN and I cannot afford to be seen by colleagues, patients, or the nursing board. This might be just an excuse, but that just isn't something I'm comfortable with.

I have found 2 sites online that you can do anonymous meetings - considering that. But the chat-room based 1 I did try was *awful*.... so not sure.

Hanging in there - w/d *****. It's more mild than before, but the sleeplessness it the killer.