Please Help Me

( I added this as a journal entry, but also wanted to post this on here)

Made it another 30+ days and guess what, Seperated shoulder and a nasty absys (abscess) where the sun dont shine. Had a surgey for the absys (abscess) and during recovery, in a great amount of pain. Took to lowest Pain killers and the first week, took em EXACLT as it was prescribed and next thins u know, i was popping more here and there and was down the road of dooooom!!!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK...I'm so frustrated....every time I get clean time under my belt, i feel like my body falls apart and says, "alright, it's pain pilll time"...(i ended up taking 10-12 Vic (5mg) per day.

i have a therapist, my doc knows i am an addict, but he also knows the amount of pain i'm in, my wife knows and she's so helpless - give me the pains to ease the pain and yet give me the pills to aid my addiction...she's so lost and for what it's worth, my pain and hurt comes from making her hurt and endure everything she's had to endure the last few months/years...i criedt last night and i cry as i type this because she doesnt know what to do n e more and she's been SOOOOOOOOOOOOO patient with me....this is prob the 4th or 5th time of this cr*p.......

last night, i was in tears and drive about an hour to an NA meeting, got their late, but found it quite interesting. didnt meet anyone and didnt share, but maybe next time.

I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO frustrated. SOMEONE please help, I WANT out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[whitie]

I know it was injuries that got me wrapped up in pills.

the problem with us addicts,is we just cant control use. I have been down your road many times, and it bites.

I do know now that I have been opioid free for almost 4 months,my pain threshold is much higher than when I was a gassed up on the pills.

you know whats going to happen,if you stay on them,thats for sure..........

[ImGettingClean]

I dont want to....i really dont want to....

[ImGettingClean]

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP

[leeisgettingclean]

you already know what you have to do, you know what to expect out of w/ds you just have to learn how to stay clean...AFTERCARE, what are you doing for aftercare? and what do yu want help with? do you have questions, if so feel free to ask away, i just see none in your post

[ImGettingClean]

i dont think i had n e questins, maybe looking for some support...sorry to bother ya folks.

[leeisgettingclean]

you are not bothering anyone, we are all here to help, to support each other, i am sorry if I made you feel like you were bothering anyone..I just thought i was possibly over looking your question. You mention your wife is not supportive, but the thing about that is you can not expect anyone whos not an addict be supportive because to them getting "clean" this time is no diff than your last failed trail of getting clean, we know how hard it is, sometimes it takes many relapse before we get it. What day are you on? and what w/ds are you having now? how long you bwwn using and what are you using?

[ImGettingClean]

thanks Lee...day 3 (i've been down this road so many times before)...finally went to an NA meeting yesterday...i've been to a counselor...i just can't help from my condition kicking my butt and ending up in the hospital...this time, God forbid it happens again, i'm going to say either keep me here and manage my pain or let me out without any pain pills, cause i m not leaving n e more without pain pills. If they know the pain i'm going to have is going to be sever enough where they give an addict pain meds, then i'm going to request to just be hospitalized until the pain is gone....dont know what else to do... =(

[ImGettingClean]

I meant, "i'm not leaving WITH pain pills n e more"

[leeisgettingclean]

yeah as an addict you have to do what works for you, and keeps you clean at the same time. Have you shared with them that you have a problem with the pain meds? I know that being in real pain only makes it harder but the thing is at some point all addicts have to deal with the pain because we dont know how to use as prescribed we take more and more to get a buzz therefor builing our tollerance and in turn making the pain releiveing part of the meds less Efficient, therefore causing the pain to return, so for this reason its pointless for an addict to take these meds for pain reasons because very quickly they will not be working on that level anyhow

[Jimmy1975]

Yo bro ! You and I have been here before and I am here for you . Day 38 for me and I'm not turning back . Most of us started from ligit pain . I have a friend who had that same absys (abscess) and he told me it was the worse pain he ever had in his life . Get threw it and get back on track . We are here for you ... Jimmy

[ImGettingClean]

Thank you Jimmy and Lee...it's all said and done with...tomorrow will be day 4 and no pain pills...not going to look to much into the future, just 1 day at a time!!!

God Bless u all

Nick

[Holliee]

Check your inbox I left you a message....

[ImGettingClean]

Getting Back on track..as much as i DIDNT want to, i went to the gym, played raquteball, swam and relaxed in a hot tub...now i'm pooped...tomorrow will be day 4 clean (again)...this time I believe I have more strength and support, this time I will make it.

Nick

[dominosarah]

Thats the spirit.....Yes this time you will make it!!!          sara

[ImGettingClean]

Thanks Sara. I went to aftercare as well...so, pray my "ailments'=" dont flare up...i have a great system now...

much luv, Nick

[dominosarah]

Im so happy you are here Nick........

[saddy1406]

I dread having another surgery for the same reasons! This is what got me in this position in the first place and I know there is at least one more for me but I'm probably going to refuse any scripts for painmeds and just opt for some over the counter stuff no matter how much it hurts.

I'd sure love to blame the one surgeon that screwed up my nerve surgery in 2007, and rather than own up and re-do it he just kept feeding my vic's to get through the pain for most of 2008. I don't think we are out searching for this but most times it just sneaks up on us and before we know it we are hooked. Hell I just got married in August and a promotion at work all while plowing through pill after pill and I want to experience all this clean and sober!

[sammie02]

I just wanted to say that I read your posts, and I wish I could be as strong as you are being right now... I can (finally) admit that I am addicted to Tramadol, and I am not strong enough to let it go yet... just finished 120 pills (that I picked up from the pharmacy on 9/20!) yesterday, and now have to go 3 days without pills since I am out... and I am scared. Just want to let you know that I look up to all you have accomplished, and wish I was strong enough to do what you are doing right now! Keep it up!!

[ImGettingClean]

Thank you Sammie, but I am human as is everyone else here...if u REALLY want to get clean, u can too...we're all here for u!!!!!

Just remember, u may want to taper off Trams, C/T may not be the best thing...

[sammie02]

Well, I hate to say this, but I just posted a new question... I picked up a script for 120 pills on 9/22, and finished them off last night. I will now have to be 3 days without ANY... and I am sooo scared. I have no idea what to do... I have read how bad the withdrawls are, and it TERRIFIES me... I have to work for 2 days without my trammies... and the worst thing is that NOBODY knows of my problem, except for the people here on this wonderful board. Not my boyfriend, not co-workers, not my family... I know that I WANT to quit, but I CAN'T quit...  and the only reason I can't is because I am addicted.. and being here, I can finally admit that. So, as I said, I wish I was as strong as you... just don't think I can be yet. (Even though that probably makes absolutely NO sense!)

[Jules1866]

ImGettingClean,

You are doing great! you already know all the secrets, hot baths, working out, you can take some kava kava for anxiety, valerian root for sleep for after the withdrawls are over. And god bless your wife, my husband has been by my side the entire time, i did vics ct and i am still weaning off morphin, was on 60mg and then 50mg and now on 40 mg soon will do 30 and then 20 and then done...i am sure i will feel like **** again when morphin is done!

you are already ahead of the game, just remember to keep posting even when yu think you have beat it or let us know if one of your friends is coming into town and we will help you thru along with your na meetings.

jules

[ImGettingClean]

thanks Jules, I appreciate it..i also read your comment on the post that was moved to the Social COmmunity...thanks a bunch!!!!