Please Help (Tramadol Addict w/ Alcohol Abuse Tendancies)

I'm a newbie on this website also trying to find some support.  I was taking 20-30 + 50mg tramadol/day (1000-1500mg + when I shouldn't have taken any more than 800mgs).  I did this more on than off for about 7 yrs for chronic pain due to arthritis from several injuries and fibromyalgia.  The last one I took was 5/25/2010.  I did the doctor shopping.  I had multiple prescriptions open at one time.  I spent a lot of money getting them online.  I took other people's meds.  I also did a lot of lying to get my hands on them.  Whatever it took.  I overdosed so often that it caused kidney stones and I still continued to abuse them.  It just got to the point that I couldn't do it anymore.  My behavior caused me to burn a lot of bridges in my life.  Now I'm separated from my husband because of this and some of the things that I did when I would run out.  I had to detox from alcohol twice inpatient because I would try to drink the sickness that the detox would cause away.  I would drink a liter of booze in a 24 hr period and drank myself into alcohol poisoning and yet another addiction.  DON'T EVER DO THAT!!!!  Anyway, I'm at a point that I just can't do it anymore.  I'm afraid that if I don't start taking care of myself right now, I'm going to die before I hit 40 (I'm 34).  On 4/26/2010 , I ran out of tramadol early... again.  I found myself performing my usual tricks.  I was pharmacy shopping.  I had a paper script in hand that couldn't be filled until 5/3/2010 and I was getting upset (yes, crying and yelling) in public when no one in Milwaukee would fill it.  I tried to call my doctor to convince them to fill it early with no luck.  The task of getting more pills consumed my life.  The thought of getting them completely consumed my thoughts.  The fear of going without them and getting sick completely consumed my mind.  I knew that I wanted them.  I felt that I would die without them.  I allowed them to make me act like a fool.  I allowed them to make me act like an addict.  That's because I am an addict.  As soon as I figured that out (4/25), I decided that I was not going to allow this anymore.  I finally have the urge to seriously do something about it.  After about 8 hrs without the trams, the w/d symptoms started.  I realized that I couldn't do this alone and I decided to sign myself into a local free detox center to medically detox.  That was the smartest thing that I think I could have ever done.  After about 24 hrs of detoxing, they started me on a drug called Suboxone.  It not only helps with the DT's, but it helps some of the pain too.  The only problem is, my health insurance doesn't cover it (it does, but there's a large amount of hoops that have to be jumped through and it takes weeks for the authorization to go through... you know, politics).  It was recommended that I go back on the tramadol when I can get it filled and go back on suboxone when I can get on a covered program (which has been impossible due to guess...POLITICS!!!).  Anyway, I paid cash for the sub's and took them until I could get the tram's filled.  I get the tramadol and run out early again.  I tried to be honest with the tramadol prescribing doctor and see if they can try to refer me to a covered program and they completely drop me on my head.  On 5/23, I went to the local ER and explained everything.  I was also tachycardic due to withdrawl (withdrawal).  I haven't taken tramadol or suboxone in a few days at this point.  They gave me a few valium to help with some of the symptoms.  It did a little but not as well as the suboxone.  I took them the way that I was supposed to.  On 5/25, I went in to the pain management doctor and passed out in their office due to shock (I was detoxing, very tired from insomnia, and exhausted from walking 2mi in 85 degree heat and walking into a 65 degree building).  I was taken by ambulance back to the ER where they gave me a few tramadol to last me until I got back in to see the doctor.  I tried to make another emergency appointment and they said that I should've had everything taken care of at my last appointment.  I couldn't.  They made me go to the hospital.  I didn't call the ambulance, they did.  A pain management center that should've either tapered me down, referred me to an addictionologist, performed physical therapy, did something, did nothing.  The entire time that I was their patient they did nothing but perform tests and hand out pills.  You would think that they would be a little more concerned about their patients than that.  I should've done something, though, when I noticed that no other healing services were being offered or scheduled.  When I told them that I had become addicted to the tramadol and that I needed help, they told me that they were going to call in a prescription to taper me off.  When the pharmacy refused to fill it, they refused to call it in to another pharmacy and dismissed me as their patient.  I guess if you only offer meds and I want to stop taking them, what would you want with me?  I finally found a suboxone doctor or so I thought.  On june 2nd, I went to see this doctor.  A friend of my mothers came with and went inside.  He decided to tell the doctor that I was only doctor shopping (since he knows more about people than God and he has to control everything).  Needless to say, due to the busybody, the staff seemed to decide that I wouldn't be a good candidate for their suboxone program before I even got to see the doctor.  The MD said that we had a communication issue that I just can't see.  Anyway, he gave me a script for 15 more suboxone.  I am still looking for a good program.  I am also looking for some answers as to why I'm still experiencing bad w/d symptoms (not as bad, but it's still debilitating) even though it's been 26 days.  And on the days that I can't take the suboxone, what can I do to ease the symptoms?  Is there anything different that my primary doctor can do that would be more cost effective?  I'm sorry if I sound frustrated, but I am.  It almost seems as if the more I ask for help, the more cold shoulders I get.  It's either that, or, people who are uneducated and inexperienced getting too involved and forcing me to do things their way (especially when they don't know what they're talking about).  Trying to stay on the "straight and narrow" shouldn't have to be this hard.  Can anyone answer some of these questions or give me some ideas?  Please?

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  I'm glad you posted, but I'm not exactly sure what you are asking...completely.  But let me try to answer some of it.  I have been off of tramadol for a little over 100 days, but I am not a medical professional and don't know why you are having WDs for this long other than tram has a long half life and you were on a HUGE dose every day.  It is just working it's way out of your system, probably.  Also, the sub causes horrible WDs in and of itself.  

I think you should get into NA or some type of aftercare as soon as possible.  Otherwise, you will just keep going back and forth in a vicious cycle like I did for many years.  It's no life.  That is what you have to focus on right now.  The WDs will go away, but you have to deal with the real reason you used meds the way you did, right?  I mean, you may have been in pain.  I"m not taking that away from you, but you weren't in so much pain that you needed 30 tramadol a day, right?  That is addiction talking you into taking that much!

The WDs will pass.  Hang in there.  Take immodium, advil and lots of baths.  Also, don't forget to drink plenty of fluids.  Look at the health pages and read Thomas Recipe and Amino Acid Protocol.  I am still doing the vitamins and aminos.  They really help!  I feel like a million bucks most of the time!  (not now...root canal yesterday and no pain meds!)

Keep us posted.  You can do it!!!  Your life is worth saving, honey!

Lea Ann