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Please Help!...Need Advice—MUST stop oxys--HELP
I have been on pain meds for years now but started oxys just after I had my 2nd daughter a little over a year ago. I have an extremely addictive personality yet still I always thought to myself "I don't see how people can really get hooked on pain pills—they're nothing like heroin"...and then I tried an oxycodone. I changed my mind. After being clean for 3 years, I am now prescribed & doing more than 2100 mg of oxycodone a day. I have found myself yearning for my life back! I have 2 young babies; ages 1 & 3...there is no feeling worse (for myself) than to watch myself fail as a mother. I feel like a walking zombie! When my husband was laid off last November is when it all got so severe & he began as well. Now, he will not stop. Our marriage is crumbling. If we talk, we argue. We've been together over 10 years. We've tried tapering a couple times but it's so hard with so many to tempt us & next thing we know, we're out & w/d. He doesn't get sick NEARLY as bad as I do & he acuses me of "faking it". My marriage is my #1 "clutch" (besides my addiction itself)...He doesn't believe in addiction or even see that he's addicted!!! (on our way home now from a 22 hour trip to the doctor). I feel it's come to the point of either my marriage or sobriety...that's hard! I just don't care anymore. I want to help myself this time.(crying)I've been contemplating a rehab of some sort but don't even know where to start (our local health unit ***** so I really don't want to go that route to try to recieve help). Inpatient? Outpatient? Taper? I tried suboxon but it's WAY out of our budget & makes me SICK. Please someone, anyone...if u read this, help me. I'm just looking for advice. This addiction grabbed me up & I feel like it won't let go til' it's too late.
Hi,
I know this is NOT the same situation, but it just wanted to give my support. I AM going through a SIMILAR situation though. I have been on Oxycintin 80 mg but totally under a doctor's prescription. I started out much lower years ago...like 10 mg probably 14 yrs ago. I have a brain disease and have horrible excruciating headaches every day of my life. The docs of the pain management clinic put me on Oxycontin 14 yrs ago...but now, I feel the medicine isn't doing anything anymore, and I'm in my mid 50's and don't want to be a slave to this drug anymore! I have had insurance issues off and on throughout the years, and I don't have to tell you how expensive OxyContin is if you have to pay out of pocket for it! ( well...oxycodone is cheaper...OxyContin 80 mg for a 30 day supply ...even a generic...is about $700-$800!)
I went to my family doctor last week and said...GET ME OFF OF THIS! How do we do this safely?? He said slow and steady is the way to go! He started to wean me down to 70 twice a day for a week ( I was on 80 twice a day). I was SO worried I was going to have withdrawal because I have been on it for so long. He says length of time on it means nothing. I worry too, because it also have Epilepsy. I started the decrease 1 week ago and I am happy to report I could NOT tell the difference at all. I begin going down to 60 mg tomorrow...wish me luck!
I hope you find a solution for your situation. Is it possible fir you to be able wean down slowly like I'm doing? I know I don't have the addiction situation, so it's different, and I'm sorry if I sound insensitive...I don't mean to be. I'm just trying to tell you what's working for me and how I'm not feeling withdrawal problems...which I know are a scary thing for anyone to face! Best of luck to you.
I know this is NOT the same situation, but it just wanted to give my support. I AM going through a SIMILAR situation though. I have been on Oxycintin 80 mg but totally under a doctor's prescription. I started out much lower years ago...like 10 mg probably 14 yrs ago. I have a brain disease and have horrible excruciating headaches every day of my life. The docs of the pain management clinic put me on Oxycontin 14 yrs ago...but now, I feel the medicine isn't doing anything anymore, and I'm in my mid 50's and don't want to be a slave to this drug anymore! I have had insurance issues off and on throughout the years, and I don't have to tell you how expensive OxyContin is if you have to pay out of pocket for it! ( well...oxycodone is cheaper...OxyContin 80 mg for a 30 day supply ...even a generic...is about $700-$800!)
I went to my family doctor last week and said...GET ME OFF OF THIS! How do we do this safely?? He said slow and steady is the way to go! He started to wean me down to 70 twice a day for a week ( I was on 80 twice a day). I was SO worried I was going to have withdrawal because I have been on it for so long. He says length of time on it means nothing. I worry too, because it also have Epilepsy. I started the decrease 1 week ago and I am happy to report I could NOT tell the difference at all. I begin going down to 60 mg tomorrow...wish me luck!
I hope you find a solution for your situation. Is it possible fir you to be able wean down slowly like I'm doing? I know I don't have the addiction situation, so it's different, and I'm sorry if I sound insensitive...I don't mean to be. I'm just trying to tell you what's working for me and how I'm not feeling withdrawal problems...which I know are a scary thing for anyone to face! Best of luck to you.
Hello Miss Flower!
I do hope and pray your day is sunny and warm for you today. I thank you for your kind post to me. I agree, we most likely have a LOT in common, and you will find that a lot of wonderful people on this site also share the same history. It is a wonderful thing to be able to empower one's self on this site with the incredible wealth of knowledge and support you can get just from here alone.
I am so glad you are so strong to choose to quit. Are there any type of narcotics anonymous meetings close to your area?
I have attached the link to finding meetings in the US for you. If you are unable to get to the search site from my link, simply go to "na.org" and you should be able to navigate the meeting information from there.
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc
What is nice about visiting even just one meeting, you will begin to network with others who may have sage information regarding detox facilities close to your home, and that you may be able to enroll in.
In the meantime, I hope you are keeping yourself as "well" as possible. I truly understand, even though I have never gone through it personally, I understand the difficulty of withdrawal. It makes you feel like it can kill you before it is over. I watched my husband shake and sweat and simultaneously chill, I have seen his legs twitch uncontrollably. I have been told how his arms and legs just ache. Ache so badly, you feel weak. I have seen my husband vomit. I have seen him very ill when he tried to quit without assistance. That is what I mean by I hope you are keeping yourself well.
You have such a large responsibility to your babies right now until you can sort out and plan out your strategy and itinerary for getting sober. I absolutely know you are very good at caring for your children. I applaud you for all you are trying to do, and all you have done so far with your life, Flower.
You have so many people rooting for you and very excited for your choice of sobriety! You are loved here.
Keep posting and God Bless you Miss Flower.
Love,
MJ
I do hope and pray your day is sunny and warm for you today. I thank you for your kind post to me. I agree, we most likely have a LOT in common, and you will find that a lot of wonderful people on this site also share the same history. It is a wonderful thing to be able to empower one's self on this site with the incredible wealth of knowledge and support you can get just from here alone.
I am so glad you are so strong to choose to quit. Are there any type of narcotics anonymous meetings close to your area?
I have attached the link to finding meetings in the US for you. If you are unable to get to the search site from my link, simply go to "na.org" and you should be able to navigate the meeting information from there.
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc
What is nice about visiting even just one meeting, you will begin to network with others who may have sage information regarding detox facilities close to your home, and that you may be able to enroll in.
In the meantime, I hope you are keeping yourself as "well" as possible. I truly understand, even though I have never gone through it personally, I understand the difficulty of withdrawal. It makes you feel like it can kill you before it is over. I watched my husband shake and sweat and simultaneously chill, I have seen his legs twitch uncontrollably. I have been told how his arms and legs just ache. Ache so badly, you feel weak. I have seen my husband vomit. I have seen him very ill when he tried to quit without assistance. That is what I mean by I hope you are keeping yourself well.
You have such a large responsibility to your babies right now until you can sort out and plan out your strategy and itinerary for getting sober. I absolutely know you are very good at caring for your children. I applaud you for all you are trying to do, and all you have done so far with your life, Flower.
You have so many people rooting for you and very excited for your choice of sobriety! You are loved here.
Keep posting and God Bless you Miss Flower.
Love,
MJ
Your comments are keeping me holding on!...please keep sending them & thanks to every1! If any1 knows any treatment centers around the Louisiana area or any others that will accept me & has a GOOD program—please share!
THANK YOU... all I can say is THANK YOU!!! You have no idea what your kind & inspiring words mean 2 me...REALLY! Your words honestly saved my life 2day. I promise 2 write more soon & PLEASE keep n touch! We have so much n common.
I feel for you, Flower. It seems as if you have reached your end point, and yet your mate for 10 years and father of your children doesn't intend on stopping anytime soon.
If subs make you sick, I wonder if your method of quitting may be effective on methadone temporarily.
I agree with you that anything is better than being high, or desperately trying to get high.
If you have some type of health insurance, you could choose a detox facility that is not even in your town. If you choose to detox without a substitute medicine to help you get through the withdrawal process, you must first really get all the information from your detox facility as to how they plan to help you detox, like for instance with other meds that are not as addictive as subs or methadone.
It is cruel for someone to try to get clean without any help. A person could go into seizure so easily. It could be bad. However, your thinking is so clear to me. YOU WANT TO STOP! Bravo for you and your choice.
You wrote about temptations, which is partly why I thought a detox facility out of town may help. Can your parents care for your children for a while so you could actually begin your sobriety? I pray yes because you will not regret getting sober. No one does, they only regret the relapses.
I cannot help you in your struggle with your husband's denial. It is actually the exact same thing I am going through in my home. I can tell you that it is not easy living with someone who uses regularly. The reason why I do not get hooked on opiates of any kind is because I get very ill on opiates. I throw up, and get incredible headaches. It is not desireable for me. When I was younger, I did use cocaine. Never crack, and I tried one line of meth once when my husband and I visited his family in California in the mid 90's, but it gave me incredible pain right up my neck the minute I snorted that one line, and I literally felt the poison of that drug moving through my circulatory system. It took all night and most of the next day to get it out of my system, and when I did, I told my husband, never again on that crap as it is poison.
I suppose cocaine is not physically addictive because I was able to get off of it when I found out I was pregnant with my first born 19 years ago, and I haven't touched it since.
I am aware opiate addiction is not nearly as kind.
I am so sorry for your pain. At the same time, I am elated for your choice of getting clean.
Take one day at a time. Explore your detox facility options carefully, take care of your children's location while you clean up, and just do it! If your husband chooses to follow suit, that would be incredible and so awesome. If he chooses to not quit while you have, then I believe you already know what you will need to do. You can cross that bridge when you get to it. You know? So much will have transpired before you feel able to get your life back in order after getting sober. Neurotransmitters in your brain usually will not get "back to normal" until you are off of your "drug" at least 90 days, then you may need to address the temptation feelings which may manifest in depression symptoms. But again, that is so far down the road. First things first. Pat yourself on the back for joinging this site, then read as much as you can about how to detox safely. Explore facility options if you can, and make sure you care for you so you can continue to effectively care for your precious young children who need you just as much as you need sobriety. I will pray for you. MJ
If subs make you sick, I wonder if your method of quitting may be effective on methadone temporarily.
I agree with you that anything is better than being high, or desperately trying to get high.
If you have some type of health insurance, you could choose a detox facility that is not even in your town. If you choose to detox without a substitute medicine to help you get through the withdrawal process, you must first really get all the information from your detox facility as to how they plan to help you detox, like for instance with other meds that are not as addictive as subs or methadone.
It is cruel for someone to try to get clean without any help. A person could go into seizure so easily. It could be bad. However, your thinking is so clear to me. YOU WANT TO STOP! Bravo for you and your choice.
You wrote about temptations, which is partly why I thought a detox facility out of town may help. Can your parents care for your children for a while so you could actually begin your sobriety? I pray yes because you will not regret getting sober. No one does, they only regret the relapses.
I cannot help you in your struggle with your husband's denial. It is actually the exact same thing I am going through in my home. I can tell you that it is not easy living with someone who uses regularly. The reason why I do not get hooked on opiates of any kind is because I get very ill on opiates. I throw up, and get incredible headaches. It is not desireable for me. When I was younger, I did use cocaine. Never crack, and I tried one line of meth once when my husband and I visited his family in California in the mid 90's, but it gave me incredible pain right up my neck the minute I snorted that one line, and I literally felt the poison of that drug moving through my circulatory system. It took all night and most of the next day to get it out of my system, and when I did, I told my husband, never again on that crap as it is poison.
I suppose cocaine is not physically addictive because I was able to get off of it when I found out I was pregnant with my first born 19 years ago, and I haven't touched it since.
I am aware opiate addiction is not nearly as kind.
I am so sorry for your pain. At the same time, I am elated for your choice of getting clean.
Take one day at a time. Explore your detox facility options carefully, take care of your children's location while you clean up, and just do it! If your husband chooses to follow suit, that would be incredible and so awesome. If he chooses to not quit while you have, then I believe you already know what you will need to do. You can cross that bridge when you get to it. You know? So much will have transpired before you feel able to get your life back in order after getting sober. Neurotransmitters in your brain usually will not get "back to normal" until you are off of your "drug" at least 90 days, then you may need to address the temptation feelings which may manifest in depression symptoms. But again, that is so far down the road. First things first. Pat yourself on the back for joinging this site, then read as much as you can about how to detox safely. Explore facility options if you can, and make sure you care for you so you can continue to effectively care for your precious young children who need you just as much as you need sobriety. I will pray for you. MJ
Sorry to hear you are having this problem. You could try switching to Methadone. It sounds like you have a Dr. prescription. I was on a dose of 3 80mg oxy and 6 five mg a day for many years. I was terrible about getting off schedule, and don't think I could have tapered off of them. My Dr. put me on Methadone because I wasn't able to afford the oxys after I lost my med. insurance. Once on it I realized I did not crave it at all, or even watch the clock. I felt so free! Still, it was a worry that I would end up in the same position with them so I started a taper and have gotten to a very low amount. For a few good reasons I am going to stay on the low dose for a while. Methadone is very hard to get off if you develope a habit, but for me it was an excelent way to get off the oxy and I felt much better right away. Please do know that if you stay on a large amt. of methadone for any significant amount of time it will take a long time to detox from. All I can say is you sound desperant and it sure was a success for me. Plus it's cheep. Just be informed and very very carefull. Please.
Sweety today I am a hundred days clean and believe me I did not think I could do it. You just have to want to do it really bad. I quit cold turkey and it was pure Hell . I have had so many times since then they were shoved in my face and it was hard to say no but I did. All I could think about is. Is this little pill really worth going through all them withdraws again. You will feel so much better and be able to enjoy life so much more. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. And some days its still a challenge but it was the best choice I ever made
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