Please give me strenght

I have been on travel ALL week and my back is in extreme pain. I went to the spa in the hotel and had a soak in the hot tub and got a massage. This is where I meet one of my clients and started to talk to him about my chronic back pain. He told me he has the same problem and he has been going to PM for years. I told him I had to do a seminar tomorrow and wish this pain would go away so I can get through it. I explained to him my bout with oxys and he said "I know but when you were taking them I bet your quality of life was probably better then it is now". I told him not really because I was liviing (or barely living) in a drug haze and thats why I stopped taking my pain meds. Keep in mind this is a man who I have emmense professional rs respect for. He told me he has resigned himself to the fact that he will haqve to live the rest of his life on pain meds and thats it. With that being said he handed 4 pills and told me that these won't screw you up like those oxys, and since I respect him I put them in my pocket and told him "If I really need them I might take them". I went back to my hotel room and did a google pill ID on them and found out that they are opana. I am now sitting hear starring at them as my back still hurts like h3!!. Since I am away from my support system I don't have anyone to help me not to give in to the pain. As all of you long time guys know I had a rough time kicking this crap, I dont want to take a step backwards. Today I am 130 days clean but my addict brain is saying one isn't going to hurt you, but I know thats BS. Siiting here typing is the only thing stopping from swallowing them. I thought this was all over but I guess addiction is rearing its ugly head again. So please GIVE me strenght---quitin

[FassFeat]

Don't do it. Find another way to deal with it. That is why you have aftercare, the only reason you even considered accepting them was because of the client. Flush them and you will feel 10 feet tall. If you have to take something stronger than OTC stuff, at least get something from your Dr. , not something you have never taken and that wasnt prescribed to you. God Bless, Andrew

You have too much clean time.

[quitinoxys]

I know but I am getting weak, I thought I can just blow it off but now when tey are sitting in front of me its hard. I look at them and think if I take them the pain will be gone and then think no it will just begin

[LeaAnn807]

Allright, you have to get rid of them.  Flush them down the toilet right now.  Take 800mg of ibuprofen.  DO NOT take the Opana!  It won't help.  When he told you that they won't mess you up like oxy, he was lying to you or doesn't know what he is talking about.

You have a choice to make here.  You gotta make the right one for YOU!

[dominosarah]

FLUSH THEM NOW.  They will call your name until you do.  Remember 1 is too many and 1000 isnt enough.  You are 130 days clean and you can make it to 131.  The more you look at those pills the worse your back will hurt.  Your addict brain is screaming at you.  Scream back at it and FLUSH

[erin626]

Don't take them! Taking them after all your clean time will make you feel sooo much worse. Get rid of the pills. It may sound great now but once they wear off and you're in the same spot you will feel worse bc everything you accomplished by getting off the pills will be undone.

[quitinoxys]

I know all of this but I can't believe how hard this is after all this time I thoght I was WAY past this. I feel so ashamed for even thinking about taking them but the pain is f' ed up. When I went CT and dumped 35 80 mg oxys into the bay I felt empowerment, but now I don' know I am losing it.

[dominosarah]

Talk to us.....

[dominosarah]

You dont have to lose it.  Come on, fight hard.  You know what you have to do......walk into that bathroom and toss those pills into the toilet and flush.  I know you are in pain but these pills will not solve the problem.

[10356]

the pain will be with you when they wear off and then so will the guilt .. Do yourself a favor and flush..

[LeaAnn807]

You REALLY have to get rid of them.  There is no reason to lose your clean time!  Pain isn't worth it!  I know it hurts.  I've been there, but the pills aren't going to help....only temporarily, and then you are back in the same boat.  What will that accomplish?

[quitinoxys]

Sara--I am in tears here I am so torn, I know what I shoukd do but the pain is dirving this train right now and I DON"T want to take them thats why I'm here. If I let my additive brain control me they would have been down my throut 2 hours ago. But its getting hard. Man I have posted things on other peoples and given advice on good days and never realized how much hurt they felt. I was just relating now I now the desperation.

[10356]

Sending you strength quitinoxys You can beat your addiction tonight.. you say you have a seminar tomorrow you do not want to mess with that and these will.. so come on flush.. your back may feel a lil better after some rest..

[quitting4my_lil_girl]

This is my 1st time on this website & this is the 1st post I looked at. I've been addicted to oxycodone (oxys & percs) for about 5 years now. I was looking for info on suboxone when i read your post. I just wanted to say be careful with those opanas. I know everyone is different but to me an opana is alot stronger than an oxy. the first time i tried one i done a half of a 40 (yellow & stop sign shaped) & it was stronger to me than an oxy 80. I also withdrawled harder on them. I'm not trying to tell you what to do or anything, just saying be careful. If you do decide to take it, try half first. I hope you decide to not take them at all. 130 days is something to be proud of. I wish i could be that strong.

[quitinoxys]

I know I know i will be back at square 1, I hate this crying like a baby to you guys but thats all I have now. I feel so bad about even thinking about this its a real mind f.

[gnarly_1]

HEY Bro....been a wile....you need to get rid of those pills now...stop reading the computer and go flush them.....I got a little over a year now and still cant even handle seeing a pill bottle with them in it....we went threw this my son had pacritic and they gave him perc 10s
I had an awful night of depression from my bipolar and came so so close to using....
do you have anything nonnarcotic you can take ibuprofine 800mg take the edge off
I deal with a messed up back to...tonight im sore from having to empty to sheds out
so the termite guy could drill and spray under our foundation so I sit here sore to
but the ibuprofine makes it tolerable pain is also a huge trigger for me to use
the first thing I think of is 1/2 dozen percs or vics....it just something I have to live with threw aftercare I have learned to get past it.....plaese flush those pills otherwise your going to be flushing your clean time down the drain non of us are that strong dude
put your faith in God...I know you believe pray for strength for tomorrows meeting
now do what you got to do so you dont hate yourself in the morning......Gnarly  

[quitinoxys]

Believe bro I hate myself now for even thinking about this!!!!

[gnarly_1]

flush them and end the torcher....these are not an option...it is addictive behavior to take someone else's  meds  this is not an option for you you have come to far to blow it
now man up and go flush them b/4 you wind up eating them

[dominosarah]

Dont start hating on yourself.  We all know what this feels like and we also know what you need to do.  You can stop this battle going on with yourself so make the right choice here....

[quitinoxys]

OMG my wife called me about 20 min ago and asked if I was alright. Did you guys all her (kidding) She is my tower of strenght and my true soulmate.She told me she couldn't sleep and just wanted leave a message and tell me she misses me. To her surprise I answer my cell,  I was going to BS her and say everything is ok, but that don't work with her. So I fessed up to what I was going through. My baby said " where is that strong firefigther I fell in love with you where ok before you went on travel what happened" I explained to her and she said you and only you know what to do. I just hung up with her and I FLUSHED the F in pills. I told her that I was communicating with all of you and my love said thank all of them from keeping you occupied until you got the strenght back to go on. I want to thank all of you for helping make the right decision, because if I didn't post here I probably would have swallowed that poision. Tomorrow is a new day and I will have to deal with it all over again. I think tomorrow I might think though.

[dominosarah]

Thank God for your strength and your wife.  What a relief this is....Way to go on flushing that poison....Let us know how you are doing tomorrow.      sara

[gnarly_1]

BROVOOO......WOOO HOOOOO....CUDOS DUDE.....your stronger then me if they where in my pocket I would have ate all 4 of them....I know my limitations....you did the right thing
God moves in mysterious ways...what was the chace your wife would be up at this hr
anyways im proud of you dude you got past a real acid test...the next one is telling then no
when they offer....but all tured out well now I can go to bed have a great night and a good meeting in the morning........Gnarly  

[dominosarah]

I am heading to bed now too,  We had a happy ending here tonight.

[quitinoxys]

I thank ALL of you for carrying me through this most of all GOD as he looks down on all of us, I am going to hit the rack now as I have an early morning tomorrow. Again thanks SOOOO much

[10356]

Have a Good day quitinoxys.. I'm happy for you and your wife. You beat your addiction tonight !! Thank the Good spirits.. good night hope your back feels a lil better in the morning... lesa

[10356]

Have a Good day quitinoxys.. I'm happy for you and your wife. You beat your addiction tonight !! Thank the Good spirits.. good night hope your back feels a lil better in the morning... lesa

[laurel453]

GUAu.. have just woke up and seen your post, quitin... WELL DONE , i am so happy for you...when you think of this you have to feel proud of you !!  Don't feel discouraged for having felt like taking those pills, please.. I am also sure that having them make your pain even worse, this is how our minds play with us making everything worse to us but you have have overcome this moment and here you are, you had those thoughts but your actions at the end changed the outcome, you with help changed the outcome, BE PROUD, QUITIN :)

[laurel453]

what a wonderful team you and your wife make , btw :)

[LeaAnn807]

Thank goodness!  Way to go!!!!!! I'm so proud of you for this.

[gizzy32]

So glad you made it through that, congrats buddy. How are you feeling today?

[dominosarah]

Hope you are feeling better today.        sara

[pharma9]

I really understand how you feel quitin...Sometimes when my joints and feet ache I think that maybe a couple narcs would not be so bad...but then right away i realize that the pain relief is temporary and it will come back even worse if I take something.I just stick to my otc pain meds and eventually everything subsides and I am not any worse off than before.
Good for you fighting the urge as well as you did and remember...the pain will always come back regardless of whatever you take..narc or otc's.
You are stll better off refusing the narcs because where will it all stop if you think you will only need a couple.You always need more than a couple...and the cycle starts again.

[vicki595]

Oh Dear!!   I just started reading this now and was terrified for you!!!   We've all been there,believe me!   It's an enormous struggle. You had some major triggers: PAIN !
Being away from your support systems!  Being alone!

I love your wife! How serendipitous that she should call you...a miracle!

Listen to me:  Get some Motrin. Take 800mg 3x per day for the next few days. It DOES work!!   That Opana would have screwed you up!!

Check back when you can~

xo

[quitinoxys]

Thanks for helping me get through last night, it was rough. I did my presentation this morning and pretty much did on no sleep. I am know hitting the road to go home. I hope this never happens to mee again but it probably will. The next time I will refuse the poision so it doesn't sit there and tuant me. Again, I want to express my most sincere appreciation for pulling through this lapse in judgement. Thanks to all of you I DID NOT use. God Bless you all and now I am going to get some sleep I will check back latter.

[FassFeat]

OMG, I went to bed after I answered the initial post.. so glad you were all there for quitnoxys. Thank God.

Congrats quitn, for beating your addiction last night. I too believe your wife is your true soulmate and the God stepped in and intervined for you last night. Alls well that ends well.  Andrew

[quitinoxys]

I arrived home about an hour ago and I feel spent. I slept like a baby on the Acela (train). On the way home from the train station I had a very good talk with my wife. She understands my behavoir but doesn't accept it . She said she can't be with me 100% of the time physically so If it happens again I need to call.her Actually she is always with me in my heart and mind.

Last night was all though painful a great lesson and test. I guess God figured I was strong enough to make and said you have been talking the talk, now lets see if you can walk the walk. Last night I was very fearful that I was not going to make it but thanks to this forum and ALL of your support I made it through any day I learned a tremedous lesson last night and now know how to cope with it. So again THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU God Bless you all

[dominosarah]

Im just glad you made it thru.......That was a tough one.        sara

[crescentmoon]

Wow man! A heck of a battle fought there! To have them in your possession and still not take them even though your in pain? Awsome brother! I don't know if I'd have the strength you just did, but your story here inspires me!

C-Moon

[quitinoxys]

It taught me a very good lesson, I know that it is a possibilty of happening again but I think I will be able to handle it better.  I have learned a valuable lesson through this ordeal and even if you are not actively looking for you DOC somethimes it finds you. You need to be able to decline the offer and get far far away.

[throwindatowl]

You have given me so much hope. Your posts your success. The addict mind is a strong mind. An intelligent mind. Im sorry I wasnt there for you last night. There are so many great people here its awesome to see they had your back. I personally dont think it was very cool of that person to give you pills after telling him about your strugle. He doenst get it. We do get it. I also feel aweful because you suffer in pain. You gain strength each time you say no. Ive found that out. QUITIN I have two weeks today and I can thankyou for helping me. Know it will happen again. Just knowing it will, will prepare you. I was at the beach for a b day party for my brother in law. A  guy was sitting on a picknick table and I think we all know the type. Not sure if he was homeless or what but he asked for a smoke and I gave him one. We started chatting and I told him alot about myself and my oxy problems. I told him I know I had to stay in na to stay clean. He told me his drug was coke. He also said that na was no good and what we do is a choice. Its your choice to use he told me. I agree. He proceeded to bum 6 or 7 more smokes over the next 5 hours. That f n guy had the bells to smoke crack sitting at the bench with my 5 year old girl 20 ft away. He round about asked me if I wanted to ah-then he said I wont go there. I almost knocked his teeth out. I smiled though. He was put there for a reason. For me too see where I would be in 20 years if I listened to him. A bum telling someone thats suffering not to get help. Ive been having a very hard time with the cravings and wished I could forget my dealers number.GUESS WHAT.My phone died at the beach. I was in a rush to get to my meeting last night and finally got the phone on the charger. Turned it on and saw a text that read     this is my new number.  I replyed     whos num?  It was my dealer!!!     I was so happy. I did not look at the new number and hit delete,delete, delete. I was so happy. Still am. Ive told that scum bag how Ive suffered and asked him to leave me alone. Sorry so long quitin. Wanted to give ya a little story from a friend that youve helped stay clean. Your a strong soul and a great person. Im so pround of you!

[quitinoxys]

Hey don't be sorry for a long post that is how we help each other we share. It is true what they say that God works in mysterious ways because what if your phone was working when you had cravings? Just as my wife calling me early morning because she couldn't sleep, which by the way she never does as she usally sleeps like a baby. So I am glad to hear you past the test. We need to stay vigilante aaginst our enemy as it is a cunning one. God Bless and stay safe.