I am not really sure what to ask or what I am really looking for except some guidance and support. I am afraid to ask help elsewhere for a multitude of reasons. To make a long story short, I am addicted to oxycodone. This is terrible and not really even sure how things got to the point to where they are today. I used to be a first grade teacher and a now a stay at home mom to a 1 year old and almost 4 year old. I want off these stupid life controlling pills. I was taking probably 18 30mg pills a day (I didn't count for a long time....would just pop them like candy. Very stupid). I have decided to wean down and in the past week or so am taking about 12-13 a day. So I have weaned down about 6 30mg. I feel so terrible about myself. This is no way to live! I guess what I am looking for is support....does anyone know of a good taper plan? Any help is so much appreciated.
Hello and welcome.
It sounds like you are going in the right direction. We aren't allowed to give taper plans on this forum because we don't know your medical history and everyone is different but there are several members who have tapered successfully. I am hoping one of them sees your post soon and can help you through private messages. Hang in there.
Thank you for reaching out to me....I appreciate it. It feels good to not feel so alone! I guess if I keep on weaning, I could do it. I just want to wean fast but I have found that difficult to do. It is very difficult but I am very motivated. I just need to be able to function somewhat because of my children which are the most important thing in my life.
If you are able to wean, then do it. Cutting down a little at a time is much easier on your body, but will draw out the mental side of detox. As you get to the point where you have less and less pills, it may be a good idea to have someone hold your meds for you, helping to make sure that you stick to the plan. I couldn't wean; I tried, but knowing that there were pills waiting for me down the hall...
A couple of things - keep yourself nourished. Eat lots of healthy food, drink lots of water. If/when you get to the point where you don't feel like eating, try Ensure. If you're going to the bathroom a lot, find a drink with electrolytes added.
And now is the time to start being truthful with yourself. You should try to cut all sources; if you can't access pills easily, then it will be harder to relapse. You need to get out from behind your secret. This is one of the most difficult things I did, but it is very important if you want to stay clean. You need to tell friends and loved ones about your "problem" with pills. If you keep the secret, you will most likely relapse behind it.
And you need to look in to after care. NA, something.
All the best. Good luck....Hundreds of us have been through what you are just starting, and we are enjoying life clean. There is a lot of life after pills - that's a promise.
THANK YOU for your kind words. You are right, it is time to be truthful. Just typing out this question, on this forum, kind of shocked me. I have been lying to myself. I am excited to be free of these. They are so powerful....I really got in way over my head and fast. I know that life will be so much better when I am free of these. I am just so scared of the process of getting off of them. Terrified is more accurate. Each evening, I am washed over with feelings of depression and hate for what I am doing to myself. It makes me sick that I got involved with these "life ruiners" in the first place, especially with 2 young kids. What a mess! Does anyone have any tips for getting over the depression? Also, if I am having feelings of withdrawl as I am weaning does that mean I am making progress? If I increase the duration of time before taking my next dose is that also benefitting me?
We are all different; any time you cut back on the number of pills you're taking, and you increase the time between pills, then you are making progress. As far as the depression goes - first question...Did you have an issue with depression prior to using? If so, call your doc; if not, then depression, anxiety - all a part of withdrawal.
Finally, I promise you that thinking and worrying and being terrified of detox is much, much worse than the actual process itself. For about two weeks prior to my cold turkey detox I would sit in bed, every single night, and be filled with dread; I couldn't sleep, had the shakes, etc. Two weeks...Then I started detox and, yes, it wasn't fun, but my mind had painted a much darker picture. I think that happens because the mind doesn't want the meds to stop flowing. That is just the beginning of the mental battle. We'll get in to that aspect of detox later.
One of the biggest ways to help with your depression may be to stop beating yourself up. You didn't choose to become an addict. None of us did. It happened. It doesn't mean we are bad people.
The fact that you want to quit is a big step that a lot of people don't take.
Love yourself. You sound like a wonderful person.
The idea of tapering is so that you are not in withdrawal. Try cutting back and sticking with the same amount for a few days or so and then reduce it some more. Don't feel that you have to suffer.
I was terrified when I first found this forum too. The hardest part of this is the fear.
Keep posting and ask as many questions as you want. We are here for you.
I wish you knew how much I appreciate your words....I have felt so ashamed, alone and worn out through the 8 month or so duration of this. I should have come here long ago. My feelings surrounding this are all over the map. Sometimes I feel like I can get through this and everything will be okay. Other times, I become so frightened that I begin to shake. I just want off of these so I can move on with my life. The irony of this whole thing is that my husband was the person who had the problem with the pills in the first place. I have a horrible back, went to the doctor, was prescribed Vicodin (way too much) and down the spiral I went. I found one of his pills and further down I went. I started taking more and more...I think it masked my feelings of being overwhelmed and taking care of things for our family for so long. He is clean now and doing very well. If anyone found out what was going on with me, I think they would be shocked. Anyway, you have no idea (or maybe you do!) how much your kind words mean to me right ow!
You've done great getting down to less than half your daily dose! I know you want this over quickly but only a very slow taper will work. If you go slow and drop a very small amount at a time,your withdrawals will be much more tolerable.
I think you can do this because you're so motivated. You also have responsibilities at home so you don't want to be sick for a week! Would your doctor help you with tapering? Do you have access to enough pills to do a proper taper?
The depression is something that needs to be dealt with,too. Sometimes, beefing up on good food,vitamins and minerals and amino acids will help. You should also add some st.johns wort or same-e daily. Read label directions.
Tapering works for so many people. When you think about it, dropping one pill right know from your daily dose wouldn't even be noticeable right? Let me know what you think and I'll keep in touch.
This is encouraging....thank you! I do have underlying anxiety issues and am currently taking an anti-depressant which has been a tremendous help. I have never really been depressed. I have so much guilt about this. Knowing that it is going to end helps but the road to get from here to there is scary.
Thank you!!!! I have been taking a multi vitamin and have heard good things about l-tyrosine (hope that is spelled correctly). I think I will try the st johns...we have some at home. I do have access to do a proper taper. I am worried about not being successful but I have the mind set that this is life or death....which it ultimately is. I also can't deal with the lies and sneaking around. I feel like a different person. I'm wondering if I were to cut one out daily if that would work. I have cut down a lot but it has not been comfortable at times. Thanks for your advice. :)
When you take AD's, you shouldn't take Sam-E or any of the type. Also, have you thought about AA or NA...some kind of support therapy. Do you know WHY you take the pills?
Keep your chin up now. Things will improve. As your dose becomes less and less, you'll see your progress. It's also important to take your pills at the same time every day. Just stick with it and it takes discipline. Think about sharing this with your husband, you do need his help and support!
Vicki has given you great advice. Stick with her and you will be able to do this. I know we want it right away but for it to work you have to be patient. I understand your feelings for sure. I hated myself and what I had done to my life. I have learned from this forum that we really have to forgive ourselves and keep trying. Everyone on this forum has been in your shoes. You don't have to lie here. We have heard it all and most of us have probably done it all. There are very wise people here who can help you through it.
If you have enough pills to taper, I think that is the way to go for you.
Good luck and keep posting. Feel free to pm any of us if you need to.
Yes, you can cut out one but not every day, more like every week. That's what I mean by s l o w. and you can see, when you do it that way, you don't really feel it. I think you dropped a lot more than that as you were tapering before. It's just decreasing small amounts ove a long period of time. When I tapered it took me about 9 months. Maybe a little more. But, I barely felt it. It was the mental withdrawal that I had to deal with and that's where some supportive therapy came in.
I would like to try and get down quickly....I know it won't be comfortable but I think I will feel better about myself. I have access to them, but it is costly. I hate the whole process of getting them. Everything about pills is so horrible! I hink I know why I take them...actually as I have weaned down some of this has become more clear. For me, it combats me feeling tired....I feel like I have more energy. It takes away my back pain. I don't feel bored....and it masks stress.
I haven't really been taking them at a set time. I have counted them out and put them in individual bags so I don't lose count. Should I start to take them at regular intervals? I have been trying to hold off on taking Thomas long as I can, then giving in. Also, I chew them up before swallowing them. I probably should just swallow them like a normal person??? It is difficult to admit to all of this! I am so ashamed!!!
Listen, don't feel bad about this. There's NOTHING we haven't heard before!
And we've all been a little naughty...LOL
I would start swallowing them. If you want to go faster that's entirely up to you as long as you're prepared for the symptoms. In that way, it does drag out the discomfort. And yes, you should take them on a schedule but you don't have to. However. if you take a certain amount on one day, stay at that amount and don't go back up the next day.
I'm going to try and do what you say, starting tomorrow and see how that goes. I do feel awful about all of this. I hope to feel better about myself the further I go down. I didn't do as well weaning today. Hope that doesn't mess my progress up too much. You play you PAY!
If you are going to do it, do it right. Take Vicki's advice please. If you try and go too fast you will end up caving in and that will upset you more. You have a good plan and you are fortunate to have enough pills to do a sensible taper.
Please don't think that you have to suffer to get this done. If you reduce too much you will go into withdrawals and then end up getting all messed up emotionally and physically.
You don't deserve that.
As long as you keep going in the right direction, you're doing a hell of a good job. I agree you have all of the motivation that you need, Best wishes. Keep up the good work. Do you have an NA or AA Big Book? I'm sure it would help and prepare you for aftercare.
I would really like to take the 9 months, but there is no way I could afford to do that....unless I was really weaned down far enough by then. I understand the reasons for taking that long. It makes sense. I do feel like I deserve to suffer as I got myself into this horrible mess!!!! So hopeful I can wean down....so scary.
You don't deserve to suffer. You didn't plan on getting addicted. Stop telling yourself that. Congratulate yourself on your decision to quit.
If you deserve to suffer then all of us do and you don't think that we should suffer, do you? I don't think so.
It happens to a lot of people. People from all walks of life. The pills lie to us and tell us that they make us feel better, give us more energy, let us take better care of our homes and children. Then they turn on us.
This makes me feel better- thank you. :) I am going to follow your good advice. Maybe I could check in here....that would make this easier for me. I feel a little less hopeless since checking in here. I want to do this.
Hi guys. On day 4 here from opiates. About a 300 mg a day situation. I did think for the first three days that I was dying. I made a bed in my bathroom so I could he near my best friend..the toilet! Today, I can't believe this, but I forced myself to sit outside in the sunlight and though I am sweaty and weak and can't eat yet, I think there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I suffer from life long..since birth medical conditions causing severe chronic pain. But as bad as the pain is, it is nothing compared to the emotional.and spiritual pain I have suffered as a result of becoming addicted and abusing the meds. I can't write more, cuz I'm too shaky, but wanted to share this if it might help anyone as well as would love advice if you have any. Thank you.
Hi Meagan and welcome! This is a wonderful place for advice and support! Congrats on your decision to get clean and take control of your life! Day 4 is typically one of the toughest during detox! If you would like, start your own post by clicking the "Post a Question" button! That way we can all get to know you and you will get tons of great advice and support! Take care and I wish you all the best! Hugs!!
That is good to know. Right now I am playing mind games with myself....trying to wait until a certain time to take the next dose. It is hard! This morning I was about to take another one, but so far have held off. Now it has almost been 2 hours since I wanted to take that "one extra pill" to top off what I was already doing. Trying to increase the time between doses. I hope it is helping...I am sweating a lot which is disgusting! I am going to try and take them at the same time as you said. We are going to a BBQ today....hope that is a distraction and I will be able to take less.
Well yesterday I didn't do as well as I had been doing...I took about 16 30mg....and felt good but before that I had gotten down to around 12-14 for the past week. Today, I was going to try and see how low I could go...maybe try and take a total of 12-13? I am going to follow your advice...I will space every 4 hours but try and go longer. I think you are right about feeling it later. Last week I went a long time in the morning but ended up taking a bunch later in the day. I really appreciate your support and advice right now. It is all I have!!!
How ever low you go, that's what you need to stick with as a working dose...
But it shouldn't be so low as to make you uncomfortable. I'd start at 12 per day and taper from there. I know that's a lot lower than what you're used to but we generally don't feel a loss in the higher doses.
Do you take one or two at a time? How many hours apart?
I will try 12. I usually take 2 and then start taking another one within the hour and then another, ect. I just now took 3, thinking I would wait at least 4 hours before taking the next dose? Does this sound right? I was starting to feel bad before I took my last dose because I had waited almost 5 1/2 hours.
Part of my problem is I think I am still chasing the "feel good" aspect of taking pills. I need to remember that my goal is to feel normal I think. I have been thinking if I hold off I could take more in the evening as sort of a reward. So sick of these things.
Followed the posts - so proud of you and the progress you are making. I came here to find information about tapering off Hydro for my teenaged son. Since life saving surgery he's been on narcotics for over two years. The tapering discussion was helpful, thanks vicki555 - as is the support you are receiving, but most importantly your honesty about how hard it is to taper. Keep up the great work, and please know that you are providing inspiration and information to a teenaged boy ready to find out what life is like without narcotics.
Thank you SO much for your kind words- really helps me. I feel so awful about the situation I have put myself in. Your encouraging words help!!! I have moments were I am unsure if I will be able to do this, makes me feel like I am making progress and that it just might take awhile. I wish your son the best. Having your support is invaluable to him. You are saving him! Life on pills is no life at all!
Okay, listen. If your head is still wanting the high and you're planning rewards for good behaviour...the taper will not work. You need to believe you're getting away from the addiction.
I'm helping you to taper because it's more comfortable than CT. But you can't be chasing a high. And don't take three at once either and don't spike your doses! Be a good girl here... LOL
Sit down with a paper and pencil and figure your taper out. Take the same amount every so many hours but be specific on the hours between. If its every four hours, stick to that. Don't push it further.
The object of this is to keep you just a step away from wd's and comfortable. It's not about euphoria, okay? I know you know this...and I know you can do this!
You are so right. I needed to hear that. It is so difficult to be good Lol! So far I have been spacing about every 4 hours. It gets hard toward the end, but I have been able to do it. I struggle with being good in the evening. Like right now. I would like to take more but am trying to remember my goal and remember that I will feel so much better about myself if I don't give in. I stuck to 12 today. I feel proud of that but I still need to get through the rest of the night. Need to distract myself.
That's sounds great! 12 is your dose now so don't go up! If you take anymore, it counts as Monday's dose and you've only got 12 so time the doses appropriately. It's easy to break that up into four hour intervals and you can't take more than 12 on Monday !
Big time struggling today. I had a hard time sleeping last night and took one. Then this morning, I exceeded my limit by 1. Feeling discouraged. I want to do this so badly. Is it normal to feel like this? I'm wondering if I was taking even more than I thought or if I am just feeling crappy because I am exhausted and caring for my 2 kids! So wish I could just take a nap! Help!!! Any encouragement is appreciated.
hey iv been reading ur post. ever1 might jump on me but im on suboxone and at the amount u take it might b a good choice for you its costly but i kno how much the 30s cost and its way less about 400 monthly for mine im on a long term plan im not ready to come off yet but u can do a short taper 2 and a half weeks is best
Also, 12 may not be a good starting number if it's possible you were taking a lot more. Don't worry about this! Just push a little more until you adjust to that amount. So much of this is in our head!.
So, I actually got a nap and slept for 2 hours. My husband was home early. I feel a lot better, so I made it 5 1/2 hours before my next. So, I have taken 12-13 depending if the 1 last night counted. I have thought about suboxone. I don't know...I have heard all kinds of things about it. I actually have 2 of them.
I'm kind of laughing a little because I see myself in what you're saying and doing!
When you say last night do you mean after midnight? Let's determine where your new day starts...at midnight or when you get up in the morning. We need to determine when a day starts for you and stick with that. Otherwise you could end up sneaking in a couple extra!!
Do you take pills during sleep time hours? You should write your schedule down so you can refer to it...
Vicki gives very great taper advice One thing I have read in your post is the times in between stay on schedule 4 hours . And in your last post you went 5 1/2 hours then on others it was sooner. I thought about doing a taper in beginning but its so hard it takes alot of discipline.
I would write down schedule like Vicki said and dont rush it or it wont work.
I also didnt have enough pills to do a successful taper But if done right it can help with WD symptoms. ease into it all. Good Luck to you Stick with Vicki she sounds like she can help you alot. If You do as she suggest.
I would get a pill box also so you can have pills marked when and how many and even set alarm every 4 hours . Good Luck :)
I don't normally take during sleep hours but had to last night. It seems like some days I do better than others. And yes, I have been given awesome advice!!! Should I take them at the 4 hour mark even if I feel like I could wait longer? I am not sure why I am having such a rough go today....I am very anxious. And yes Vicki! I am crafty- Lol. I usually count my day as when I have to get out of bed....meaning when the baby starts crying. :)
Yes,every four hours no matter. This is why it works and you'll thank me later!
Now that you've counted them out, put the rest away at an inconvenient place. I know this is all hard stuff and it goes better if you have a buddy to help you and keep you accountable(like me!). Is there anyone??
Keep it going...you'll get this. Just don't play games with your head or at least catch yourself when you're feeling "clever"!
Listen Sweetie, you can do whatever you want! I'm just trying to give you suggestions of what will work for you. BUT, I know that game! "well, I was good and didn't take anything for six hours so now I can take three! A solid schedule works. Now you know (almost) every thing I know about doing this. I'm putting the ball in your court...don't play games with yourself or with the numbers...just get this done! xoxo
Hi Megan, I just wanted to wish you the best and wanted to let you know you are not alone. I will be in your shoes pretty soon to and am not looking forward to it but i am strong and i know i will want to die but i will get thru it and you will to i will keep looking for your post on this,Candles
Hello and welcome aboard, sorry to hear what you are going through, my son has been addicted to oxy for 3 years, he has been clean 20 days today, with great difficulty, he quick cold turkey, he is having terrible withdrawl, but here are a few ideas that work for him, James has a hot bath with epsom salts, he enjoys that the most, takes gravol for the nausea, immodium for the big D trys to eat healthy, drink lots,vitamins,today he was over and felt a wee bit better has difficulty eating because it does not stay down, he is going into rehad momday 27 days , also they just lost theri baby 13 weeks pregnant, quick little someting funny last week after his bath he dressed himself in his suit, Steph came home and said what the hell are we going to a wedding its 8.00 at night, his reply was it makes me feel better if I am dressed up, thought it was cute, anyway hang in there, remember 1 day at a time.Mom
I have been on a 6 month run taking 40 to 60 mgs a day. I have 50 5mgs. left and am ready to quit. [lost my source]Any one care to give me a plan to follow or am I worried over nothing because of the low dose?
I tapered off of 90-120 mg in 5 days but I was having wd the whole time. I was still able to work but it was really hard. I would just try to go as long as I could and space them out as far as you can then just got ct. It's tough but you can do it. Good luck!
I want to toss out something people don't talk about much when talking about addiction and I had to paste this together through research. The addiction takes place in your "fight, flight, or freeze" area of the brain. That being said what does that mean: It means we have no direct control over that portion which you can see when you have no control over startle responses. It is there for a reason and works well but here is where it betrays us. That is the part of your brain that drives the addiction. You have no direct communication and thus little control over it. It is not your fault because you can not under any circumstance control that part of your brain. There are tricks to get around it and a big part of it is self forgiveness and that is very important because our biggest learning tool as humans is bad feelings. Bad feelings drive us to do better but they also set off that part we don't control. First forgive yourself. Secondly what works for me is a short list of why you want off that the stuff and what you will gain, and also reward your self with a big Awesome! when you succeed. That reinforces the good behavior. Lastly absolute control over dose - count it, divide it, lock it, and wear the key. A quick something planned in advance for the bad moment is essential. "No I will be happier clean and I owe it to my kids." Make sure its an emotionally strong and short reminder you can call at a moments notice. - I have withdrawn from physical dependency many many times because of my condition and the big one was smoking. A friend said something to me very helpful when I called and cried to her how bad it was. She simply said "It won't kill you." and for some reason that has stuck with me for all these years. I have since learned that with some meds that is simply not true but I know when it won't and that still rings in my ears to give me strength. I think as much because of my love for that person then any other reason. Continue to reach out.
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