Please help me. I am totally alone.

[terrified999]

I have been taking Oxy, 20mg 3 times a day for five years.  I have been through hell.  No matter what kind of withdrawal I felt I never increased the dose and in fact decreased the dose to 10mg 3 times a day when it got really bad.  I have gone back and forth like that for five years.  (Decreasing the dose actually made things much better for a while and then I had to go back up.)  

But I have noticed a change in my personality.  I am so incredibly angry.  Not all the time, just when it is getting time for a dose. But I am really raging.  I try to control it, but it is making my life hell.  

I don't want to be on this anymore.  I am on it because of deformities in my brain that cause incredible migraine type head pain.  Sometimes, even with the meds, I am on the floor screaming into a towel and begging that I stop existing right there so the pain will stop.  

But, no matter how bad the paid is, I can't take the personality changes anymore, so I want to get off this stuff.

I have to do this on my own.  I cannot get help from a doctor.  I cannot get help from any other drugs.  Please help me.  

I have tapered to one half a 20 mg twice a day.  (I don't have any other way to take less, so don't yell at me for cutting the things in half.  The insurance won't let me get 10 mg tabs anymore.  I am spreading it out 12 hours apart.  I am in so much pain.  My back feels like it is in total spasms.  I can't stop crying.  As it gets closer and closer to the 12 hour mark, I am wracked with pain all over.  I don't know if I can go any lower than this.  

I keep trying.  It has been three days like this, but I am in hell.  Please tell me, are the cramps normal?  The intense pain in all my muscles?  The worst depression in my life?  The wanting to throw things?  The rage?  The diarrhea?  The insomnia?  Is this all normal?  Does it ever end?  If so, please oh dear god tell me when.  When?  How long does this last?  I need to know.  I can make it if I know.  

Any suggestions as to how to go lower now that I am at half a pill a day twice a day?  I don't think I can go longer between doses and I don't think I can cut the pills smaller.  What do I do?

And is there anything out there that is over the counter, that might help a little?  

I thank god this drug was there because I was living in a hospital from the pain before.  I might go back to that again and if so, I doubt I will ever get off this drug.  It has helped me live a tiny bit of a life.  Much better than the thirty other drugs I tried with much worse side effects.  So, I am not an oxy hater.  But I need help right now.  Please, someone, anyone, tell me how to go lower than this?  

I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but I guess after five years, your body really hangs on to the stuff and doesn't want to let it go.  

And is all this emotional junk me or withdrawals?  Because I can't tell if the world hates me or if I just not seeing things clearly.  And I am hot and then cold.  I feel twisted like a pretzel and I can't find a position that doesn't hurt.  Even now, it is only 6 hours since my last dose and the pain is coming on already.  

My lower back is the worst.  It feels like it is broken it is in so much pain.  Am I alone in that?  Am I alone in all of this?  

[wildwoodone]

Take a hot bath and just soak, or apply a heating pad to your lower back, or even both (not at the same time of course!)  That should help the spasms.

[blondiiexo]

don't give up! you can do it! their is hope for everyone to stay clean and never go near these evil drugs ever again! i was doing 140mg + of oxy's a day, never once prescribed. I know the back pains that you are feeling there horrible, the thing that made me feel the best was taking a nice hot shower, it made my body feel almost back to normal. heating pads are also great on the lower back. anything that has heat felt best for me. you can stay away from these things just try to be strong! i know its easier said then done!

i hope the best for you!
& dont give up!

[terrified999]

Does anyone have any suggestion for the lower back spasms that keep coming up? I hope to God that is a symptom of WD too.  If not, I am in trouble.  

I have stuck with my plan and am down to 15 mg. a day.  I plan on making that 10 mg. tonight and for the next day or two and then I am done.  But I keep going through this incredible lower back pain as soon as the meds are wearing off.  I noticed if I push through it, it goes away for  while and then comes back - strong.  

Also, I feel like I am crawling the walls and can't wait to get out of this body.  (No, not planning anything silly, just wish I could switch for a detoxed body for a while).

I guess I didn't explain it right.  The anger and rage I felt all the time was when I was on the Oxy and that is why I decided to stop it.  With w/d I just feel like crying my eyes out half the time.  

This may be my last day.  I am not sure I want to drag this WD out anymore.  My stomach is killing me.  Even after taking the meds now, my back hurts all the time - too many spasms in too short a time I guess.  I go through chills and sweats and back again.  But there are a moments when I get a second or two of relief.  I have to believe that will get longer.  Nearly every muscle in my body is in pain.  But the back is the worst.  That is WD right?  

So, any advice for the lower back spasms? I can't get any sleep because of them.  Advil not doing much.  Also, any idea why that is happening?  What is going on inside of me?  Oh, and the runny nose thing.  What is that all about?  

I have decided.  Wish me luck.  Today is it!  No more.  But please, I could really use some advice on the back spasms.  


Thank you all again.  The first night I wrote I was crying so hard I could hardly see and you all made me feel so much better.  I can't thank you enough.  Really.  

[otto1]

You are in the fine company of millions of people hooked on this stuff. I am on day 3 of C/T withdrawal from percocet 10/325 10x a day with the Thomas Recipe. Been off and on it for 2 years...this is my 4th withdrawal...I am a glutton for punishment but my brain won't let me be...This has been the worst day so far...the first day the best cause I slept for 18 hours! I don't know what I would do without Xanax for anxiety of withdrawals. For me, thats the number one, worst symptom, anxiety.

By tomorrow, the fourth day, if everything holds true for me, I will have the worst poops ever. Day 5....starting to feel like myself again.....day 7 you are good to go. You still have to deal with the psychological hangup of relapse. Don't do it! Pray to God, do exercise, or go eat something really good!

Good good luck,,,it really truly will get better soon!

[lovemypillhead]

u are so not alone......

[tryintobeatoxyaddiction]

I took oxy for 5 years too , and in high doses - more than I should have.  You are definitely experiencing WD due to your decrease in mg intake.  I never thought taking less over a period of time was the right answer - but it will help you go off completely when you finally stop period.  The problem with decreasing over time is that you prolong the WD symptoms over a longer period - and to me, that really takes a toll on you mentally.  I too during WD had a change in personality.  I was easily angered, irritable and unpredictable.  Lack of sleep can also do this to you.  If you are not sleeping properly you need to find a med that will help you sleep some hrs through the night.  This will improve your outlook and reduce your anger.  I'm not sure what to say about the headache pain, except that the people here are right about your body accentuating the pain reception right now, also the WD enhances the headaches too.  I believe if you have chronic pain that needs attention - that you definitely get off oxy but take another crossover pain med to get onto short term to get you through the initial pain of opiate WD.  As for long term pain management - I dont know, but maybe your doctor will.  I do know that 5 years of opiates is too long and you will not be getting any benefits from that because you are too tolerant to that specific type of remedy now.  Or rather, as you have seen, the drawbacks are severely outweighing the positives.

[snowflake620]

u r not alone ever we are here and so is god u just can't see him or anything yet but you will go easy on yourself sweetie life will get better sorry about the head pain but like it was said before sometimes our body does play tricks on us especially the brain to get more feel good or so it thinks it will feel good but a little part of it knows it is not good and that is the part you have to listen to good luck

[jt808]

u r defenitly not alone i to have gone thu amd many others here have gone thru what u r going thru rite this very second i am going on just a lil under 2 wks of being of vicodin/norcodin 10mgs i was taking them for going on 6 years now and ate 30-40 a day for the last 2 yrs the feelings of emptiness and aloneness is aweful i wish there was sumthing that we could do to help u but time will be the only thing for u now so just think that soon u will be done with at least  the w/ds as for ur headaches i am very sorry that u have that problem and pray that u find sumthng to help u with that.  i will keep u in mind and im up all nite everynite still so im here for ya good luck

[princess2000]

Bless your heart!  I wished I had a solution for you.  All I can do is pray for you and wish you the best.  Good Luck, it will get better in time.

*********Princess***********2000

[cathy5841]

it sounds like you have a good plan.  please keep in mind that many find after a cou[le weeks of the pills thier pain actually decreases.  i think sometimes our body intensifies the pain to get us to feed it the meds.  i understand about the muscle pain mine was awful..i had a much larger oxy habit that you.  i bit the bullet and went c/t, with no sort of taper.  it does get better,  i have almost a year clean and am doing great.  you have to be realistic in you  expectations too.  you used five years you are not going to be back at your best in a week or 2.  your brain and body have to heal.  i have a journal on time...if you get a chance read it, it may help you.  good luck to you.

[terrified999]

Thanks for the suggestion.  I have decided to now space them out 18 hours apart for a day or two and then go to one in a 24 hour period.  Then cut that half in half for a day and then hopefully be done by the weekend.

The pain I mentioned right now is the muscle spasms.  But I do worry about the brain pain.  Nothing but opiates touched it.  I don't know if I am strong enough, but I may have to figure out a way to take the opiates when things are at the worst and then back off again.  

The problem is those terrible

[avisg]

You are not crazy you are suffering and we know how hard this is.I dont know how you can make the pills smaller .If you are in this much pain are you sure this is a good Idea ?There is something to be said about qualty of life .Try the ! half pill a day see what happens it will take time for your body to adjust .

[worried878]

Only thing u can do is opush thru it..be determined and stick it out..lots of support here..thomas recipe helps and exercise..there is an article on tapering in the healthpages that may help...sometimes it is easier for some just to gopr for it and ct verses tapering.,.good luck

[terrified999]

Wow,
I can't believe I got such a response in the middle of the night.  You are all so kind.

Can anyone suggest how I can lower my dosage right now?  I am at half a 20 mg. twice a day.  Should I try spacing them apart further?  Or just bite the bullet and cut the dose in half and only take one half once a day?  Or, even scarier, go CT from here?  I don't think I can manage that.  The pain is too excruciating.

I will try the amino acid recipe.  I can't get any Valium or any of the other Thomas recipe drugs.  

Thank you all for letting me know I am not crazy.  This has been very hard.    

[candoit108]

Please, you are not alone. Stay posted. There is a lot of support here for you. This helped me so much through my very intense withdrawl phase, much like you are experiencing now. I am on day 15 free of roxicodone addiction and I feel great. I promise you will get there.
It is the most difficult for the first 5 days, but it gets better each passing hour, even if your symptoms tell you otherwise. Keep looking forward to the next day.
try taking long hot baths. For me, every few hours of taking advil helped.Especially with the migraines. Also, like you, my personality changed, not for the better, when I was on these drugs, but after ridding your body of this chemical, you will feel normal and happier than you've ever felt. Hang in there it does get better each day. Stay posted.
We are all in this together and we wll help each other get through this.

[laurel453]

noooo ..not at all you're alone in this.

i so hated my personality changes too..i was becoming a sort of paranoid and thought that i might have some bipolar with this hghs and downs... but  they are all gone now.


ok, you're in a very good place s that you wont feel alone in this. Have a look at the health pages and read the amino acids protocol and the thomas recipe . you will find what to expect for next day of wds because all these things you were dscribing are wds. So don't worry cause we have been through the same stuff... and after the read, come back and ask us whatever your doubts are, ok?

and.. goooood luck, it can be done so you can do it , be positive in this time, :)

[troubleinohio]

yes all those horrible symptoms are from W/D. Been there done that. It really *****. For me day 3 was always the worst and then it slowly got better. You should almost be over the worst of the WD pains and symptoms, hang in there. I know its so hard but youve made it this far, you dont want to start all over again.  Im sorry you have such HORRIBLE head aches- that makes it really tough to quit the meds. I dont have headahce problems but do have  a very bad back and it makes it difficult when Im in alot of pain from it.  good luck to you and keep reading and posting here!