Please help me with my Percocet Addiction!

[mo2000]

Hi!

I come here today because I know I need a support group if I am ever going to be able to kick this habit.  I am a single mother to a 3 year old boy.  My life is nothing but stress, and his father gives me no type of child support, neither physical, emotional, or physical.  I have a wonderful mother, and wonderful siblings.  I was not a great teenager, always getting into trouble.  I got pregnant with my son at 22.  I was married to his father, and it turned out he was using me for his green card.  When I had my son, the performed a C-section.  I was given Percocet for this procedure.   Long story short, when I took these percs, the pain was GONE and I didn't dwell on my son's father day and night.  After my prescription ran out (it lasted about 2 days), and the dr wouldn't refill, I stopped taking them.  Then 7 weeks later, when I got a job, someone was selling them at the job. I was really going through it with my husband and I started buying them everyday to deal with my emotional problems that I was having.  They made me feel great, and not so emotional about the fact that this man was treating me SO BAD.  Ever since then, I'm addicted.  Now I finally go rid of the loser, and I have another loser to deal with.  This addiction.  I decided last night that I was going to quit today.  Unfortunately, the withdrawal was unbearable.  I have to work and take care of my son.  I can not tell my mom about this, as she is not understanding about addictions. She told me when I had my son that he was MY son.  I carry that with me, and know she has 2 jobs and is not able to stop her life to take my son while I go to a rehab or even just while I detox.  I had so many things I had to do today,  I just couldn't do them with those symptoms so I bought 10 end 10.  I want to stop!  Please, someone describe how I can taper off of them, starting the first day (tomorrow) with 5 perc 10.  Please I want my life back!  I can't afford a week off of work or a week away from my son.  I will be forever grateful if someone can give me a way to do this that doesn't interrupt my entire life.  Thank you!

[Kevin_Bacon]

Do you think you can taper? It's worth a try -- how much were you taking and how long? It makes a difference re tapering.

[britt459]

Oh, how I feel your pain! More than you will ever know. I don't have the willpower or discipline to taper. If I have one pill, I will take 4. the same goes for drinking. 23 days for me without lortabs, the first three were hell. It was flu like symptoms people describe, but I think they forget to mention that on top of those feelings you are mean, weeping, frustrated, anxious, tired, but unable to sleep. I took one xanax a day to curb the anxiety, which is nothing, I have panic attacks constantly since I was 17yrs old, 13 yrs ago. I went to the ER numerous times thinking I was having a heart attack, but no, just panic attack. After 5 surgeries, I had received many doses of hydrocodone, I guess the place I was the last time in my life left me vulnerable. 23days with the help of 4 darvocet a day, which I'm not proud of and do not recommend, but I am drinking more and feel like ****. I know it gets better, listen to the others, I just have to many addictions to deal with to be accurate on the withdrawl of one. But I do know you can do it, we all can; sounds stupid but mind over matter. Best of luck!

[mo2000]

Well... I think I can start with 5 a day.

Unfortuantely, I didn't have a "schedule" with these things, some days were worse then others.  I have been "on" them for 2 years now, it's HELL.  I am in a cold sweat now as we speak.  This is the worst :(

[mo2000]

Today I will begin my taper....

I hope I can go about my day without dwelling every second about a pill...

I still have to work and take care of my son...

Will I be strong enough today?

[blueice6542]

Are you on your first day today? If so it’s going to get worse I’m on day 3 and I’m wishing I had some pills to take. Like you I too have other addiction. But they are a cake walk compared to this. I pray you have the strength to do the taper GOOD LUCK

[mo2000]

Thank you for the well wishes

I have never had a physical withdrawal from anything I have ever done, it was always rather easy to quit once I made up my mind.  Unfortunately, this is HELL.  I tried the cold turkey route yesterday and I knew I couldn't go about my life feeling the way I felt. This was when I knew I was left with nothing but the taper method.  I am going to try by taking 4 pills for the next 2 days, 3 for the next 2, 2 for the next 2, 1 for the next 2, and last 2 days, a half a pill.  I sure am hoping that once I am down to those last 2 halves, the hot/cold sweats and pains in the legs will be something that I can bear with because my body will be down to the half a pill.  Has anyone successfully done the taper method, and if so how was it once you got down to your last pills and finally were down to 0 a day?

This site is gonna help me, I think not having a support system was what was holding me down and back.

[blueice6542]

So how are you feeling today? Are the cold sweats gone? Because I’m setting here right know with goose bumps but hot flash at the same time! This is the worst thing that I’ve ever been though. Shoot when my daughter was born the doctors only give her a 10% chance of making it though the day and I don’t think it made me feel as bad as I do right know. Don’t get me wrong I was devastated  when the doc’s told us about are baby girl. Oh by the way she is now 9

[whitie]

I wish you all the luck in the world. I know what its like having to work,be with my kids and go cold turkey over an opiate addiction.  Its not easy, but you are going to have to sooner or later. I have done it quite a few times, then like a bone brain, make the mistake of thinking I can handle it better than I did in the past.


look at your son, and your own life, use that as the ultimate motivator. tell the others you are sick with a major virus, thus explaining your soon to be condition. study,search and read   about the oxycodone that you are addicted too. understand how your enemy works. then set up a battle plan. best to tapper off like you discovered,  but if you could get a few days off, maybe three to handle the worse part of it which is the first 2-3 days. your going to have to fight hard and think about the value of going through this rough spell, inorder to feel normal again :]

[mo2000]

Since I have decided to taper, I have had the sweats and chills creeping up and I am not due for another pill until 12.  I am allowing myself only 4 pills today, from the usual 5-8. It's taking more will power then I thought, and I am realizing it's pyschological as well as physical.  I thought,  without the physical symptoms this would be a cinch.  Now I realize it's also my mind telling me I want these pills.  I am going to be strong, as tapering is the only hope I have.  I can't deal with those full strength withdrawal symptoms.

[mo2000]

I have been telling myself all day to do what you recommended and it is definitely helping.  I am hoping by tapering, the withdrawal symptoms wont be so severe... is there any chance of that happening?

[tylersblueeyedmama]

Hey Mo,

I have been where you are and felt so scared and lost and how did I get here!  You have to have faith in yourself and keep telling yourself you can do this!  We are all here to help and support you the best we can!

You CAN do this!!!!

[whitie]

mo, the problem is you have been on a strong opiate. percs are oxycodone. I do believe a taper method helps. I hate to say that to you, but you need to set the stage for a battle.

how many do you have left?

any chance of getting 3-4 days off when you get ready to go total cold turkey?

[mo2000]

Dear whitie,

The problem with this is that I can't get a day off let alone 3 or 4.  This is what makes me feel like I'm STUCK with this addiction.  If I do a SLOW taper, will the symptoms be bearable? Unfortunately I am a single mother with no help.  I have no one I can leave my son with for more then a work day.  Am I going to be able to do this?????????

[mo2000]

I guess the question is...

If I taper... once I get down to that one day a pill, will the w/d not be as severe as when I tried to go cold turkey yesterday?  I need to know I can do this... I don't want to be stuck in this addiction for the rest of my life.  I wish I could ask my mom for help, but she is just very judgemental, and can't understand how people end up with these addictions.  I can deal with the mental part of not having a pill, it's just that I can't take care of my son during those withdrawals... they are TERRIBLE!  I am crying as I am writing this and reading other people's posts.  I feel like this is a demon I am stuck with, I don't even know how I ended up here.  There is not even one friend of mine who knows I do this, as all of my friends are clean.  I feel so alone, and I don't want to be worried about my next pill for the rest of my life.  I feel so down right now, I just want to pop 2 pills and go to sleep.  But I followed my taper schedule today, and no more pills for me until tomorrow.  I took the pills like I said I would, although all I could think about was watching the clock until the time arrived for my next pill.  I feel like I need a hug, and someone to just tell this all to.  I want to have a better life, and get back to school.  Unfortunately, I know I have to fix this first before I make such a commitment.  I want to be happy and successful, and most importantly, I DON"T WANT TO BE ADDICTED ANYMORE!  I feel like I'm losing my head.

[LoveMyKids1]

I can relate to your story in many ways especially with having kids and having to work.  I have been "ready" to stop for quite a while now but due to my husband recently losing his job, the pressure has been on me to support a family with four kids 12-2yrs old.. I understand you feel that you cannot tell your mom and that you cant miss much work, if any  but, the one thing I can say is that as addicts, we get creative when trying to find ways to get the pills dont we? We know how to juggle this bill or that bill to make sure we have the money for our pills, we know how to start a conversation with individuals to test the waters to see if they have or can get any etc.. so now its time to get creative and come up with a way that you can get the "flu" and reach out for some help.  The battle alone is hard enough but to top it off with keeping an excusing lingering over your head on why you have to use daily just to get thru the day is enough to kill anyone.  We gotta reach here girl, and think of ways to make this work so that you can detox at home- bc yes you are a single mother which in my book are absolute SOLDIERS and I admire dearly but, you are also HUMAN and these damn pills play mental and physical games with us.  What could the reprocussions be from your job if you had to miss works for a max of 3 days? combined with your regular off days, this may be possible to get u thru the detox portion....  

[mo2000]

Thank you so very much for reaching out to me right now.... I feel extremely weak.

I barely make my bills, so a day off is impossible.  I am ALWAYS behind as it is ( and this addiction doesn't help at all!) and this is why I realize I HAVE to stop.  The days I am broke I just worry worry worry about getting these damn things.  Even if I could get off 3 days from work, where would my son go?  Those w/d symptoms are worse then anything that I have ever had.  I tried yesterday, and I was just not the mother I want to be.  I love my son more then anything, and I am all that he has, this is why I KNOW i have to stop.  I had given up everything when pregnant, and was clean and sober the entire time.  I wonder why I had to get a C section and be exposed to these pills.  I just wish I had never been exposed to them.  I have no one to come and help me those 3 days that the w/d would be worse, and this is why I feel stuck.  Do you still feel the w/d symptoms if you taper off slowly?  

Once again, thank you for caring.

Maureen

[benevolentlaughter]

Although I don't have any children, I know exactly where you're coming from when you say that there's just no possible way to get out of work for a few days in order to try and detox yourself from the pills. Do you mind if I ask how often and how many you take?

I feel like you and I are in the same boat right now, girl. Let me know if there's anything I can do for you at all, please.. Keep that head up, although I know just how hard that is to do. Here I was, trying today to start tapering, and I get a message over and over again and it just stressed me out and I went for the bottle. Two pills popped.

[mo2000]

I was taking anywhere up to 9 a day and decided to go cold turkey yesterday, but the w/d was tooooooo severe I couldn't function.  So I decided to start my taper today at 5 pills for the next 2 days, 4 the next 2 days.. so on so on....

I am reallly hoping this works for me...

How about you, what is your taper plan? Since we both just started, maybe we can keep each other on track....

Thank you so much for responding :)

[LoveMyKids1]

I understand the worry that comes on those broke days... you can concentrate on nothing else other than when and how you will get the next pill.  I also understand the severity of the w/d's, the feeling of weakness and the worry of where ur son would go.  Honestly, tapering did not work for me (that doesnt mean it cant work for you though).  Everytime I was broke and trying to get money to refill a script or buy more pills I told myself that once I got them that all they were going to be for was to taper, not get high.... notice I said "everytime"....
I have people in my life that I have not told yet about my problem and couldnt fathom telling but, then again I also dont have my mother.  You are a mother too, so never under estimate the love of a mother.  I know you say she feels the way she does about people with addiction but, you never know how she will respond if it is her own daughter. And it sounds like you are going to require some kind of help from some one.  Being in this trap is horrible but if you are ready, then ya gotta find some kind of ways to "bend the rules" to help you start getting off of these.  I know you dont want to tell her but it sounds like you may want/need to....even if it is to help you work something out during w/d's....

[flmagi]

Mo,
First thing to do , is stop worrying, you can do this. Won't be easy , but doable. Make sure you taper slowly, drop down a dose (1 pill) every 2-3 days ( or better yet, every 5-6 days). This will give your body time to adjust to each lowering of the dose and keep you from going thru any real bad withdrawals. When you get down to 1 pill a day, then drop to 1/2 pill. I'm going to assume you have weekends off, so after taking 1/2 a pill a  day for a few days, then jump off on a Saturday. Your withdrawals should be minor and by Monday you should be fine to work.
While going thru your taper, there will be times when you're very tired and you feel that you're not giving your son a lot of attention or keeping up with house work. Don't worry about it. It will pass. Better to have some weeks of fatigue than a lifetime of addiction. Your son will survive your taper. He may not survive a life time with an addict mother.
Accept the fact that you're not gonna feel normal all the time for the duration of your taper, and it's gonna be a mental battle for a while after you're done with the pills.
Make sure you flush any leftovers when you're done. When you're finished with your taper, make sure you tell your source at work, not to offer you any more...EVER.
You're gonna have to dig down deep for strength. When you get weak, get on this forum and post.....don't wait.
Hang in there, be strong, you can do this.

[Greatgreebo]

listen to flmagi-she knows what she is talking about-taper slowly. you can do it. you probably know everything i'm gonna put in here but here it goes anyway. have you worked out a good taper schedule yet? you can do it very slowly and it will not be so bad......let us know if you need help. I'm not here to preach, just to help. stay strong-you can do this!! I'm sure you know this...but you can break pills into 1/2's and eventually 1/4's when you get further along your taper. taking small doses every few hours makes the taper easier (in my opinion).  then you can stretch the time between your small doses out until you get 'comfortable' (you know, when you get to the 'this isn't so bad' stage it's time to drop your doses or push the timing out further). With 5 pills a day you should take 1 whole pill  when you get up..let's say  7 a.m. and save 1 for bedtime...let's say 10:30 pm...  (to get you normalized after a night without opiates)...this leaves you about a 15.5 hour day and 3 more pills to use in that time frame. Get up, take your whole pill at 7 am.....and in 2.5 hours (at 9:30 am) take your first 1/2 pill, and in 2.5 hours (noon) take your next 1/2 pill, and then wait another 2.5 hours (it's now 2:30 pm) take your next 1/2 pill......another 2.5 hours and then it's 5 pm and time for a 1/2 pill......then your home run stretch of 2.5 hours which brings you to 7:30 pm and your last 1/2 pill....give yourself another 2.5 hours, which brings you to bedtime at 10 -10:30PM and you take your last whole pill for the day. This will be a bit uncomfortable but completely doable....once you are doing it, easy breazy(probably after 4-5 days)
it's time to drop your dose...whether you want to space the timings out to 3 hours tween pills and end up lossing one whole pill (4 pills a day) OR you can drop from 5 pills to 4.5. pills and you do the math as to how it will figure in. The biggest thing I can tell you is to keep small amounts in your system that are taken fairly reqularly and as you lower the doses and spread them further apart it forces your body to start making the stuff it needs to feel normal again-but you are keeping enough of the drug in your body to keep you semi-human feeling until your body gets it figured out again. It won't be comfortable-but you can definately work through it (I did) and if you can not afford a whole week to go CT then this is the way to go. You can pass your symptoms off as 'i may be catching something'. The big thing is; get out and get moving. For me excersicing is what kept my wigglys under control. Just stay focused on work-not on your flu-like symptoms. They WILL pass- you will survive and you WILL get your life back. Hopefully this type of taper will be workable for you.....if waiting 2.5 hours is to long for your 1/2 pill-heck cut the pill into 1/4's and only wait 1 hour and 15 minutes between quarters....whatever it takes. Don't get to focuses on waiting for the pill...that just feeds you addiction (gotta get a pill, gotta have that pill etc). it's simply a way to keep a low, constant amount in your system. I vote you do the 1 at 7 am then 2.5 hours for 1/2 pills and then 1 at bedtime----cut it down every 4-6 days and do it again with less pills and slightly more time tween pills....eventually you can cut down your bedtime dose to 1/2 a pill.....and then your morning pill to 1/2.....
enought rambling--read my next post also
Greatgreebo (my computer is goofing up:-(

[wings444]

Hi Mo
Im on day 8 I was taking up to 20 percs a day... Id say Im lucky to be alive.. I had access to these pills on a daily bases. Believe it or not...I did it cold turkey but beeen through hell since.. The good news is the main wd's are pretty much gone BUT Im going through hell as far as weakness... I cant do much of anything. I also had access to valiem which I also abuse and ended up in er the other night. Well that was a scare for me... Im on clodine now with is wonderful for opiate withdrawls...Please know you Will get through this...Please just get as much rest as possible. I understand having kids and no time off work is so hard for you Im so sorry for that!!! I could'nt taper off I wanted as many as I could get. Please have faith and post here because these people on this sight are absolutly wonderful!!!! I dont know what Id done if I did'nt post here to get some help!!! I wish you the best....ANd please...if you get off these horrible pills try very hard if possible to never touch them again. I dont want to ever go through this again. Also Im starting to go to NA meetings once I get abit of strenfth back!!!
Take Care
Wings

[Greatgreebo]

Time for some technical talk... One of the things which increases "dependence" is a spike in drug blood plasma levels. Addicts do this on purpose to get a "high". They do it by Snorting (Very fast delivery), IV Injections, Chewing up meds and taking on an empty stomach.

The above all produce the most amount of drug in the blood in an attempt to get a buzz. These spikes are one of the reasons we addicts get hooked faster than a COMPLIANT Chronic Pain Patient.

Being compliant means they take only as directed. The goal of compliance is to maintain an even blood plasma at the minimum amount to treat PAIN and NOT to produce euphoria (a high).

Since the blood plasma levels are lower, the levels of dopamine at the synaptic cleft do not spike so the receptor sites do not downregulate or decrease in number in response to the initially MUCH higher level of dopamine released as a result of spiking.

Addictive dosing behaviors, the large doses associated to Spike the blood plasma level, vs the lower low dosing and more often which is the KEY factor to the physical changes the brain makes which cause dependency.

Dependency is the actual physical changes to your body which cause withdrawal. Addiction is the BEHAVIOR of taking the drugs to get high, not as prescribed, and when not needed for clinical reasons. It is the un-manageable behaviors associated with lack of control.

Which comes first... Dependence or addiction? Usually it's addiction, but it can be the other way, but the key issue which causes the progression of addiction are the behaviors.

Addiction is what makes you take more and more, spiking doses, etc. This in turn increases dependence. The higher your dependence the higher the tollerance... Round and round you go. The addiction merry-go-round.

How to break the cycle? The only way is to change the behavior. That is a very difficult thing. Pain is usually a very good motivator. So is Euphoria. When the pain out weighs the euphoria one starts to consider breaking the cycle. Unfortunately the pain being eliminated by the drug is a driving force. Then the addict associated the RELIEF of th pain to the drug instead of the drug being the CAUSE of the pain.

SOoooooooo what to do? Break the cycle.

Many have to hit bottom to do that. That's the point where the pain of using overwhelms the relief of using. It's an emotional point which is different for different people. Not every one has to hit a bottom to quit. The sooner you quit the less pain and suffering you have to experience.

For folks who are on smaller doses and their disease has not progressed very far, they have not felt the extent of pain addiction can cause. Only conceptualizing how bad it can get may not be good enough to motivate a person early in addiction to quit.

Intellectually we know what lays ahead. We hear the truth from others, but yet we continue to use. It is not until we get a glimpse of the pain that lays ahead do we become to believe we need to quit. One HAS to believe that in fact addiction does lead to the loss of everything and eventually Jails Institutions and Death.

Addiction is a lot easier to nip in the bud physically but maybe not emotionally because one has not experienced the pain first hand. Some need more pain than others to quit. Some don't make it and end up end stage and their addiction wins.

If you want to get off of the pills you have to change your behavior.

1) STOP SNORTING your pills!
2) Stop spiking your dose!
3) stop taking enough to get high

You will never quit until you do that. Weather you can or not is up to you.

You have to come to a point where you make the decision you want to quit. The en you have to make a plan then you have to execute that plan. SIMPLE .... but not easy.

The solution from a clinical point of view for you at your point of addiction is so easy. A simple taper, and change the behavior. In short break the cycle.

How to do a taper is easy. Changing the behavior is the HARD part, but you have to want to change.

If you are taking 6 pills a day... then start taking them in even doses and don't take like 3-4 at a time. 24 hrs divided by 6 = 4 hrs. So only take one pill every 4 hrs. Then take 5 pills in 24 hrs. That's 4.8 hrs. Then 4 pills a day... break pills into 1/2's so you have 8 1/2 pills. and take 1/2 a pill every 3 hrs. Etc.

If you can't stick to a taper give the pills to a friend to dispense.

Mean while .. you have to start changing the way you think and the things you do... You should educate yourself... Good place to do all of that is NA or AA. It's FREE and takes up time. It forces you to be doing something other than sitting around with nothing to do and just thinking about using.

It's not the only way, but it's a good place to start. Take what you need from it, and leave the rest.

If you take the same amount or less every day and don't spike your dose you will eventually quit.

30 mg of Hydro can be tapered to 0 in 2-4 weeks painlessly. The PAWS will be minimal too.

The ball is in your court. We can not make you do anything. Only YOU can.

When you are ready is up to you. If you need to stay "out there" using and see for yourself how bad it will get that's up to you.

My recommendation.. Start to QUIT now! It will be a whole lot easier.

You CAN do this. Stay strong and stay focused!-There are three posts in my Journal entitled PAWS part 1, 2,3. Go to my Greatgreebo profile and read up on the PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms/syndrome)... start at part 1 and read through part 3. They will give you some guidance on where you need to go from once you've quit the immediate act of ingesting opiates....do some reading and some soul searching and lean on all of us on the forum for strength. But don't have a pity party....it just makes your time drag. Rejoice!! you are getting your life back, taking control and telling all your bad habits "NO MORE!!!"   and that you are in charge of your life from this moment on. And evey drug free moment you have from now until forever will be spent with the people who love you (your child, your friends, your family) and you will not waste one more second of your life on useless things.....drugs, your ex....people that bring you down.
Okay-it's late and i'm tired. I pray my rambling typos make some sense!!
Stay Strong
Greebs

[mo2000]

You guys have been lifesavors!

I really just needed someone to break down the taper for me, and your suggestions do seem SO doable!

You guys rock, and I am so glad I finally asked for help even if it is from strangers.  It's reassuring to know others have been where I am at!

Yesterday was my first taper day and I stuck to it!

I took 5 like I had planned, and I yearned for more but resisted.  It made me feel proud of myself when I finally laid down to rest my weary body and mind.  

You guys have saved my life... I CAN do this... I woke up this morning in the cold sweats, but I know I have a plan so I don't feel hopeless..

Thank you guys for your compassion and support... I would be lost if I had not reached out to this community.... I know it's going to be uphill from here..

I woke up thinking I can never do this, but once i dragged myself out of bed and got on the computer and saw everyone's response to me, it revived me and reminded me that I CAN do this!

Thank you

[whitie]

nice to see some of the comments above to help her. some great  points.


  I have some good news for you Mo  !!


  it can be done, but it takes focus and determination.

I have done it many a time, probably have gone CT, 20 or more times, because I ran out of pills. but the problem I had in the past is I think I can suddenly take them responsibly, always eneding up in the same trap of overindulgence....typical addict. think I can beat it and do what ever I want.  so my point is for me, its staying clean that is the tough part. which I am VERY,VERY DETERMINED to do this time.


a couple things to add..................  ok, so you will have to work and take care of your boy(obviously his dad is unreachable from what you have said, which is another subject I would personally like to address with him face to face) make sure you save any explanations/time off for when you suddenly have to go total CT,what you do is tell your boss that you have the flu, stomach flu, or food poisoning.....all to explain why you dont feel %100.  I had to tell the guys I work with, that I was sick as hell, because I was coming off a major methadone/norco addiction this last time.


Get yourself mentally strong. think about worst case scenarios. what you are going to have to go through is nothing historically compared to the past that some have gone through. heres some examples.......

what about the marines at guadalcanal, durring WWII....having to fight their azzes off against a massive imperial japanese invasion force, all while wounded and suffering from starvation, malaria and many other diseases !!!!!

what about the jews in Dachau !!!  OMG !!! or in the warsaw ghetto.....

what about the defenders and citizens of stalingrad !!



what about the cambodians that survived the khmer rouge and pol pot's killing fields !!




study your enemy like I suggested......
you can do this MO !!!!!   make it happen and fight it !!

[mo2000]

Today is my second taper day... and I'm doing better then yesterday!  

It's not as bad when I force myself to get out of the house...

Can't say I dont have moments where I'm like... just take what you got (one more day of feeling "good") and then just quit cold turkey tomorrow... but i keep reminding myself of how I felt when I tried this... I don't want to mess myself up... I'm going to stick to this.. it will all be worth it!

[mo2000]

So I did well today... I only took 3 pills so far.....

I will take a half when I go to bed....

I'm having a really hard time right now, I did really good all day, and then poof all of a sudden the percocet monster attacked me.  I am going absolutely crazy and I just feel like I'm the worst... I don't know how I got here, and I don't want to be here.  But I know that I'm feeling this way for a reason, and that to stop feeling this way I have to stop taking this drug.  I am trying to keep the goal in mind... but I feel so bad :(

I can understand everything they say about addiction now... I didn't understand it until I truly had one. At one point I was on the outside looking in.. screaming you just have to say NO!  If I only I had known just how HARD that is when you are addicted.  I have one now, and I don't want it anymore.  I want to be FREE... and I don't want to go through this but I have no choice.  I have to be strong right? It's all worth it, I keep chanting it over and over in my head....

They say an addiction is for a lifetime?

If this is true, does this mean I am going to be obsessing and thinking about these pills for the rest of my life?  In other words, I am going to have to struggle with this my entire life?  Will I forget just how "fun" it was to come off of them, and WHY I got off of them?

I'm just feeling really down, but I REALLY want to stay strong....

[theeagle]

You can stay strong - - And you wont and dont have to worry about the total obsession being a lifetime one.....  it gets better day by day after the hump day of day 3/4 - -  Those "poofs" you speak of are probably quick cravings - - sort of a bio electrical urge to use for a few minutes - distract yourself from thinking about them by doing something - clean something - listen to some tunes and dance around - get into a  movie or show -  But do keep that goal in mind -

[mo2000]

Thank you for responding :)

It's weird because after writing that, I felt bad for about 10 more minutes and now I feel strangely peaceful...

This is so weird, and unpleasant.... I can't wait to see what it feels like to be normal again!

This is the hardest thing I've EVER had to do in my entire life... but I know I want to be a success story not a failure.  I want my son to never know that I even had to go through this... don't wanna end up on the Steve Wilkos show!

You guys here are so nice, and it is truly therapeutic to have people around 24/7 to help you with this... if I didn't have this I surely would have taken a pill.  Just reading other people's stories and crying reminds me why I'm doing this..

Thank you

[theeagle]

This is the hardest thing that many ever have to do - -   hasnt been for me, but I aint right!  Those cravings dont normally last a long time - maybe 15 minutes and they may be defeated ... stay busy or distracted when you feel that way - it does help to have somebody around to chat with - - - use your resources as often as you need to - -

[worried878]

long post...glad u got so much response..if nuttin else it helps u know u r not alone..by any means...but a dose of 5-8 pills a day/tops/i think that is what i am reading/is not an awful lot and often ct is best...if u have the willpower to taper then go for it...but thinking tapering will take u to cleandom wd free is a misbelief...there is no easy way out...and like u stated..the physical is gone so so fast..mentally u need support...and this forum can help..but reaching out in ur community for help can be so much more helpful..people u can touch//people u can feel..tapering thinking that u can beat the chills..te runs etc is just not gonna happen as a rule///but u have a plan and that is important..do it in a way that works for u..but do it..and pick a day to be done...and stick to it...u will be fine..keep posting

[mo2000]

I was on 5-8 10/325 endocets....

thats 80 mg a day!  I tried the cold turkey route on Wednesday and it was UNBEARABLE! I couldn't move!

That was when I knew I had to try something else :(

God how I wish I could just go cold turkey....

[worried878]

kay..oxycodone and tylenol...and u have already decided u can not do it ct???i was at 100 mg of hydro for 4yrs...did try to taper bit i sukked major hot dogs at tapering,,most addicts/true addicts will suk at tapering//but if u have a plan..write it out..pick a QUIT day/stick to it and as a rule/a true addict has to hand over the pills to their trusted "hander outer of the pills each day"   in other words///pick up ur daily supply daily from ur designated trustee...i am telling u this will really bring out the addict in u...pills r one thing we have no control over///and we gotta let them go..tough..but also means u mean business if u r able to let them go...cut off supply//flush extras..can u do this??


i just re-read ur post....u wish u could go ct???  but why can't u?  u felt a bit rough?   u gotta b able to do his...u will now feel ike a million bux tapering either unless u do a 0.25 mg taper each week and even then u wont feel well towards the end...just no way around it..most peole who do a slw low taper who r "true" addicts do not make it cos they lose motivtaion.....u need to mae a plan..80 ms a day is not a

i woulda done ct in a heartbeat but had to wait on a 4 day weekend off work.u do what u need to do,and best of luck to u

[mo2000]

Good morning all!

Ah, a new day.  I actually woke up this morning feeling more determined then ever!  I stayed well below my taper yesterday, finishing the day with 3 pills...

Other then being really sweaty and cold(I took a half at 8:00pm last night, woke up at 8:00am this morning), I am OK! I didn't allow myself to take the pill right before I went to bed, I executed willpower! It sure feels good!

I took a half when I woke up, and let's see, maybe I can make that last me the whole day!

I really CAN do this!  I can't wait to be off this stuff.... I am going to allow myself only 2 pills (max) today spread over the course of the day... Maybe this half will do trick!

This is something I really want... and once I successfully complete this I don't ever want to look back!

This support community just might have saved my life!

Thanks :)

[mo2000]

You know, I'm beginning to wonder... am I dependent as opposed to addicted?

It's the physical withdrawals that always kept me from quitting before, but yesterday I also felt some of the mental withdrawals. There were times in the day where I thought about just popping a couple and having "a good day" but I didn't!  I executed my willpower!

I feel so good today, knowing that for 2 days I have stuck to my taper, although it wasn't easy at all times (it was pretty easy until the evening when I was home dwelling on it!)

I have decided to stop telling myself this is gonna be hard.  I've replaced that with telling myself, this is going to be a cakewalk, and I would like to be completely off these things quicker then I had planned....

I really think I'm going to kick this, and experiencing this has helped me decide what to do with my life.  I have decided to go back to school to study addictions, as I now have a firsthand account of what these people go through...

They say God only gives you what you can handle, and I have to believe there is a bigger plan for me by experiencing this.  I think God is showing me with my own strength and knowledge, I can help others find THEIR strengths to overcome their demons.

I don't know if I am going to feel good all day, I definitely had my moments yesterday.  

It doesn't matter though, cause I have not failed at much in my life and I don't plan to make one of the most important things I ever do in my life a failure.  I am strong and so are you! Remember that once you set your mind to something you can do anything!

For those of you reading these posts who are in turmoil and still consuming their drugs but want off so bad, give it a try!  Don't be scared of this... there is help out there! The taper method has kept my withdrawals in check so far, as the CT route was pretty unbearable for me...

[tylersblueeyedmama]

Hey Mo,

You CAN do this!!!!!  You seem determined to and willing to listen to any and all advice given on here!  Keep it up girl...and you will be amazed :)

[road2recovery]

Congrats....Don't ever say you are not strong, anyone that can taper is strong in my eyes!

Magi and Greatgreebs Gave you some very good info....Please try and half all of your pills...If you are able to taper and do a really good one, this will not be bad for you..But you have to follow it exactly right....I know you can do this!!!
I know there was no way i could take care of a 3 yr old when i was detoxing...I am here if you ever need to talk..Good luck girl!!
god bless
r2r

[LoveMyKids1]

You are doing great!!! Percs are a strong drug and I have been on them many times before- anywhere from 20-30 per day (im lucky to be alive).  And honestly they were one of the WORST w/d's I have ever went thru- So you are doing wonderful lady! I am so proud and not to mention inspired.  Keep on goin girl- you are almost there!!

[mo2000]

Thank you so much everyone!

I can look forward to a july 4 with hope that this time next year I'll be way past this....

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, and don't let it be a reason to relapse.  Make it a reason to get stronger!

[benevolentlaughter]

Out of sheer curiosity, let me ask you how many are you taking a day right now?

[mo2000]

I am allowed 5, but I only took 3 yesterday and today...

I am extremely anxious right now, I feel like crying, and I don't know why....

Ugh!

[mo2000]

Ok, I'm REALLY going crazy....

I have worked so hard and got so far, I don't want to lose it!

I keep thinking, well what if I just take a couple tonight and then go back to tapering tomorrow, but I know this is not going to help me... this is so not easy when it gets rough!

I am feeling VERY deterred right now, anyone have any good ideas for me?????

[BD43]

hey man

[BD43]

Do not take them, get rid of them.........  This is the only way to i think to stop


read my story please, then we can help each other


I have been taking vikes and percs for a while, and i only take them to get high.. I loved the feeling. But, today was the day i decided that enough was enough. Well last night was, so today i did not take any or buy anymore to take. I have gone days with out having them. maybe one or two, but always bought more.  I disconeccted with any supply i was able to get.

The #1 reason i NEED to stop is my health. Second, the money... I have never been stupid enough to speed more then i was able to but still if you only knew the $$ i spent on them.

So this is day one going i day two. I will not fall into temptations. I have stopped before in the past and when i was not taking them i felt great, it lasted mostly 1-2 weeks, but i have always went back to them.

I graduated college a few weeks ago i need to get my mind cleared and focused on the future. I am just happy to get this off my chest, I past few days i finally relized that i had a problem, a real problem.

[mo2000]

Well... the reason I am tapering is so that I don't have to feel the w/d symptoms so severe.... although I have to deal with small w/d WHILE tapering....

I have been actually doing really well, but I have like these moments and from what I can tell it's at night.  It happened the past two nights at around the same time...

I feel it must be the "environmental triggers" that they talk about.  I have gotten through every one so far, I just feel extremely down and out right now.. it's another "episode".  

I know that severe withdrawal (CT) is something I can't do, I tried it but I have a 3 year old son that I HAVE to continue to take care of during this whole process, on my own! I was taking up to 8 (endocet 10/325) and I started my taper on Thursday with 5, and managed to keep myself at 3 for Friday and today....

I am proud of myself for that because I was allowed up to 5 and I only took 3...

It doesn't change the way I feel now, and that is why I am reaching out for support right now, because when I ran into these episodes the past two days, this group has helped me enormously...

Today seems worse then yesterday and the day b4, but that's probably just because I'm experiencing it NOW.  Things are never as bad when they are hindsight...

[mo2000]

Ok... so I cut up my 3 pills for tomorrow into 1/4 (hopefully I can do less then 3!) and it is so weird, but it was like peacefulness after I cut them (with of course a lot of praying to god and crying!)  Now, I feel tired and resigned, but I also feel peaceful and I remember why I decided to do this in the first place. It's surprising how you can override the memory of pure unhappiness and loss of self control because of these little yellow pills.  It's something I wish I never had to experience, but I hope when this all finished I will be strong for it.  Stronger then I would have been if life had been easy.  I can't say it enough times, but HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE? This really *****!

Sure hope that sleep is in the cards for me tonight.....

[mo2000]

Oops, sorry I didn't realize you couldn't say that word...

This really stinks!

[flmagi]

Mo, Hang in there, you're doing great.
If you start feeling to bad, slow down on your taper. That doesn't mean add more pills, it means stay at your current dose for a few days, until your body adjusts.  If you drop down 1 pill each day, that may be to fast and end up in withdrawals, which could cause a total relapse. Take it slow and steady. The less withdrawals you feel on a taper plan, the more apt you are to stick with the plan.
Stay strong and know you can get thru this. we're all here for you.
Magi

[mo2000]

Thank you so much for sticking with me through this.... this is the biggest fight of my life!

It's harder then I thought at some moments I'm determined, and there are those moments when I'm so so weak.  Emotional rollercoaster it is!

Since yesterday was rather difficult, I'm hoping this is going to be a good day!

We'll see, I'll keep you updated!

[mo2000]

Oh yes, just thought I should note, I ALWAYS used these pills as my "cleaning buddy"

Since Thursday (my first taper day), my house got OUT of CONTROL!  Yesterday I was able to muster up the energy to do it without these pills! It's great to wake up to a clean house! It makes this a little easier!

Today I'm gonna take my son to the park ALL DAY!  I have found being in the sunshine and watching kids run around happily reminds me what this fight is all about.  I had gotten to the point that if I didn't have these pills, I couldn't get out of the house let alone to the park with screaming kids...

I feel strong now, but mornings have been my strong point each and every day..

I'm just dreading the evening, because this is my breakdown time.  I had started using these things on the regular when I had finally ended a terrible relationship.  I had started using them at night especially because it was hard to be alone in the house knowing my husband was coming home... that NO ONE was coming home!  

So I guess I just have to enjoy my day (let it be good), and deal with the evening when it comes....  

[spongeboy]

Mo, i am on day 8 now and FINALLY slept thru the nite last nite.  My feeling is you have to suffer and deal with it so that you know what you will have to face if you start taking pills again.  Yes, this is terrible to go thru but if you think about it the flu is worse (other than the sleep problem).  Hang in there and fight it. You can do it.

[flmagi]

Mo,
Although keeping busy is an important way to help get thru this, if it comes down to a choice between a dirty house/no pills and clean house with pills, you need to choose the dirty house. Some things just have to be left for later. The most important thing now is getting clean, everything else can wait.
A lot of us had to learn to accept we cannot be super-person anymore. We must learn we are who we are and pills are a false power.
Hang in there.

[mo2000]

3/4 of a pill so far!

Going out tonight with friends and leaving the pills at home....

I feel great! It's weird what getting out the house does for you!

[mo2000]

I think today I'm gonna be done....

I completed yesterday at 3/4 of a pill and took a 1/4 early this morning...

Sleep was rough but other then that I feel great!

[whitie]

wow, great point.  I felt the same way, being a home owner. my grass looked bad,kitchen dirty and the bathroom needed cleaning.  I use to use those damn pills and try and justify them, thinking I needed them to get things done.well I am done with that kind of thinking. when I first started 3 weeks back, I refused to worry about all the "little things"

[mo2000]

Ugh everytime this starts to get easy, it gets hard again!!!!!!!

If I don't have anything to do (sitting in the house) all I can think about are those darn pills!  I'm kinda going crazy, but still have only taken 1 pill today.

I probably should have tried to follow the taper exactly, instead of trying to rush it.

Because I functioned yesterday off 3/4 of a pill, I don't want to add on to that ya know?

This stinks, I'm going crazy, and I feel so tired yet cant sleep :(

This is like a rollercoaster and I want to get off!!! Will this ever end?

[benevolentlaughter]

I've read all of your posts from the start and have been following your progress the entire time. I've noticed one thing that I wanted to ask you -- Do you have a job?

The reason I ask is because I know a lot of times with tapering, people are able to go to work still and some are not able to. I've been able to go to my job everyday since I started the tapering last week, and so far it's been okay. The pain is still there, but I'm trying to fight through it, if you know what I mean.

Just figured I'd ask.

[mo2000]

Yes, I do work and have been able to go to work everyday.  This was the reason I had to taper as opposed to cold turkey because if I had to call out of work for a week I would get fired!  I think with tapering, it kind of spreads your w/d symptoms over the course of taper as opposed to having them all at one horrible agonizing time.  At times, I feel this is easy and going great, and the next moment I feel like I am never going to happy again.  It's just so hard, and I wish I had never gotten to this point in the first place!

[flmagi]

I have to say, I'm really surprised how good you're doing on such a fast taper. Keep up the good work and stay strong. It's very, very normal to have good days and bad days.  Sorry to say, but that may continue for a little while, but should get better each day once your off the pills totally.
Don't forget to flush any left over pills when you're done with your taper!
Magi

[mo2000]

I am done with these pills....

No more for me.. and guess what it's not too bad!  I did an incredibly fast taper, but it definitely helped me, as the withdrawal symptoms I'm having today are not that bad.  They are actually bearable...

Know there is hope and you can do this once you set your mind to it!!!!

I feel so free, bored, but free!

[peaceinknowing]

I just flushed the last of my pills a little after noon today. So I'm going to try this as well. I am not going to receive help from my PCP, so I will just do this alone. I know I can do this and I know that you can do this as well. Stay strong and keep posting. Your words are honestly what have gotten me through a lot of this, as I am a long time browswer of this site, and saw you recently started this whole thing!

Keep up the good work and stay in touch with me, please!

[whitie]

its just starting, mo. but you have started well, better than most. but keep in mind its only normal to feel and be sick. get over the 2-4 day hump(the worst part) then it will start to get better......

fight it all the way and dont give in

[tylersblueeyedmama]

Way to go girl!!!!  I knew you could do it!!!!  I am gonna call ya later :)

[mo2000]

Ugh I'm feeling pretty sweaty, tired, anxious and miserable overall...

Not as easy as I was hoping I don't know if I can put up with this for a whole week!!!!!!!

I can't stop going to the bathroom.  Gotta keep focused and remember why I am doing this....

[spongeboy]

Fight it mo.  We all know how bad it feels.  At my worst times i would think to myself.. if i cave and take pills after going through this agony i am just going to have to go through it ALL AGAIN.  That is a good way to keep yourself from being weak.  Keep posting and be strong. We are with u :)

[mo2000]

Ok.. so 24 hours now with NO opiates...

not as bad as when I went cold turkey last Wednesday but I am DREADING tomorrow...

I am just very sweaty with goosebumps constantly... and I keep thinking about if I were to just take ONE but I know this will only set me back...

I want to be feeling better by the weekend...

Ugh!

[flmagi]

Mo,
I guessing today my get a little ruff for you, but you can make it thru it. Hang in there. Did you flush any leftover pills? If you don't, you will probably cave in and take some. Don't put yourself in that position. Flush them!
We all know what you're going thru. Take some imodium (immodium) for the running to the bathroom problem. Take hot baths as often as possible.
Soon you'll be feeling better.

[mo2000]

Oh man, last night was HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sweat and NO sleep, despite the Tylenol PM!! I do have to say though that now that I'm awake it's not SO bad.  I can see I'm not gonna be getting any sleep for a VERY long time though..

I did flush all the pills yesterday... 14 10mg to be exact....

I'm glad I did it though, and I'm also glad I did the taper cause I can tell you that when I went straight CT from 80mg it was worse HELL then this!!

I really am ready for this though, can't wait to feel physically better, but thinking of how I got here makes me SICK!

[peaceinknowing]

You are strong, I hope I can be this strong!

[mo2000]

Ok.... 39 hours no opiates...

Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror is playing over and over again! If you listen to the words of this song, it reminds you why we decided to quit this.... I want to be able to face myself in the mirror everyday..

It's bad, but not that bad.. wish I had something to do with my time... or even the drive to do it!

Please pray that tomorrow will be easier....

[peaceinknowing]

I'm right behind you, girl! 24 hours for me, and I had my first stomach pain episode. I'm so glad that someone else is going through this at the same time as I am right now!

[candothis247]

Mo -- hang in there! I’m on day 6 (oxy)I tapered too for 30 days, barley! Day one was the hardest, it got a little better but day 6 here is kind of crappy. Stick it out. I’m going to. Just for today. Good luck.

[mo2000]

Thank you so much for commenting....

This IS hard!  I am going to do it though, you are only as strong as you believe.. I want to look back and be so proud of myself!  I just feel SO SO bored..... I realize how unfulfilled my life is... I realize all my talents that have been wasted the past 2 years!  I am smart, funny, friendly, and a GOOD person, but in a bad situation.  I think I have a lot to offer this world... Think about all the children living in slums and the people who have lost everything due to Hurricane Katrina or the Tsunami in Thailand.. It sure could be a lot worse...

This thinking is the only thing pulling me through!  Im gonna do this though, just wish this anxiety would subside!  The anxiety is pretty bad...

I can't wait to be past this... I really can't wait....

[whitie]

hang in there everyone............Its D-DAY and you just landed on the beach. time to fight it to the death, once and for all.

take it one day at a time.

also I forgot to mention how music helps...........when your bumming big time try blasting some of your favorite tunes !

[mo2000]

OK, so I think this is starting to bet better....

Not so many goosebumps although the mental is there.....

I know tomorrow is day 3, in other words, the hardest day.  I sure hope not... I am hoping I wake up tomorrow and will be feeling better!

Do you think there is any chance that God let me off easy this time??? I sure hope so!!!! I guess well see when I try to sleep tonight.....

[peaceinknowing]

They say everyone is different with this, and I feel like you and I are going through the very same thing right now. How is tomorrow day three for you, though? I thought I read that yesterday was when you flushed the pills, like me. I probably got something mixed up somewhere along the line knowing me! HAHA! I was really expecting this to be so horrible. Worse than what people were telling me, and so far everything has been alright other than my legs going all over the place all the time. Other than that, my stomach's settled down and I'm just taking it easy for the most part!

[mo2000]

I did not take any pills yesterday, I flushed them in the morning.  I had done a quick taper before that when I realized cold turkey wouldn't work for me....

I don't know if I am ever going to be "normal" again after reading how these things affect the brain, and that scares me....

I guess we will see!!!

How are you doing with yours?

[peaceinknowing]

It sounds like we did the very same thing then. I did a VERY fast taper, like within less than a week and then joined here basically the other night when I decided that enough was enough.. I'm doing just fine, I've taken several showers throughout the day to get the hot water all over me, but the legs going bazuuuuuurk are what is killing me right now. Are you having the same thing with your legs? And if so, what are you doing for them?

[mo2000]

Yes, I can't keep my legs still!!!!

The cold part of the hot/cold i think has subsided, but I am sooooo sweaty and hot and miserable....

I am just praying I can sleep tonight...

Oh yeah... and I can't seem to sit still and feel pretty down and out....

[peaceinknowing]

That is the same thing I'm going through to a T minus the whole sweaty and not sweaty thing. I keep taking my temperature like I'm dying or something, though. My husband JUST left the apartment to go and get me bananas and Gatorade, because people on here said that these two things will help me through the legs and electrolytes part of everything. I did take one tylenol [regular, not prescription] earlier to break the "temperature" that I had earlier, and that has really helped. I think that having him around and watching TV has really helped out with all of this. When he was at work this morning up until around 4pm, I was going stir crazy. I sort of let my manager in on what was going on with me right now -- told him I had a bad temperature -- and he said I didn't have to come in tomorrow, but I had to make sure I was there Friday afternoon as I'm scheduled. So I am grateful that JUST incase it gets worse tomorrow, I will be able to sweat it out here in the apartment.

It's really weird because I have been sneezing a lot today as well. More so than I have ever sneezed even while sick -- I find this weird, but some people have said this might happen when I asked the other day. My husband keeps getting me wet paper towels to blow my nose with, and that seems to be helping getting this "sick" feeling out of me.

[mo2000]

Ok... so I after having a hard time falling asleep last night (tylenol pm) I actually slept pretty good!!!!  I have diarrhea like it's my job this morning, but I feel GOOD!!!!!!!!!

No more hot/cold, leg tremors, and mental stuff.... (as of now, ill keep you updated!)

I FEEL GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that God made this easy for me this time (I don't plan on EVER taking another one again!) I consider it my get out of jail free card....

Just know that the symptoms DO subside, I felt dramatically better by the time I went to sleep last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No more Perc!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[whitie]

good attitude MO !!!


some people get over the hump faster than others. also it can be a roller coaster ride some days. just be prepared for a battle .

[10356]

Congratulations Mo Whoo Hoo way to go !! Your attitude is good keep it there as I think it makes a big difference in wd.. I'm so happy and proud of you and so happy you got some sleep.. it sure makes a difference !!.. Welcome to Freedom.. freedom to think clearly freedom of body and freedom from counting pills.. So proud of you !! Keep your eye on the goal. lesa

[mo2000]

I want you all to know you have gotten me through this...

I honestly feel GREAT, after 2 days of hell..  I have NO desire for these things, I feel like I have my life back!  I got things I need to get done, done today!!!!! I was so scared, and afraid this would be a lot worse then it has been.  I truly believe that God decided I suffered enough!!  I didn't give into my temptations past 2 days, and he rewarded me.

My mind is so clear, and I feel so free.. SO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't say thank you enough :)

[AMP233]

HAVE YOU EVER DONE THE METHADONE PROGRAM ?

[mo2000]

No, I actually just did a quick taper and then went CT and I honestly have to say the worst symptoms were over in 2 days...

Some of the things that I am still dealing with are insomnia and diarrhea...

I think you just have to do it, and stick with it, no matter what.  My thing was that I didn't want to just replace one addiction with another, unfortunately the W/D is not something you really can avoid, even with tapering.... although it was a lot less severe then when I went from a high dose to cold turkey...

I really feel good, and I have no desire for these pills....

I am so glad this is DONE now, I feel relieved, although sleep is hard to come across!

[mo2000]

Oh yes, and today is Day 4 with NO opiates.....

[flmagi]

Congrats on 4 days!!!!!!!!! Very happy that you got thru this fairly easy. Just remember, it will not be so easy if you relapse and have to do it again.
Don't let your guard down, don't be overconfident. You still will have challenges ahead. Make plans on how you will deal with things that may trigger you or situations that may arise, like someone offering you some pills. You need to be prepared. I know you feel strong now, and that's great, but there will be times when you'll feel weak. Disaster preparedness! lol
Congrats again and stay strong.
Magi

[mo2000]

I do feel strong, and I also know everything you said is true!! I have actually eliminated any contact with these things, (cut people out, not answering phone, erased numbers), but also am prepared in case anyone ever offers!  I am going to start seeing a counselor next week to try and figure out the root of this problem, to try to prevent it happening again!  I feel like my addiction would come back in a different form if any... if that makes any sense!  I just know I don't even desire the pills!  I will continue to keep everyone updated!

[EKD22]

So, I was addicted to Percocet 10's w 325 APAP for almost a year. Went through 20-30 pills a day, sometimes more (over dosed more than once). It all started bc I have a kidney disease. I tried to quit multiple times, but as we all know the with draw symptoms are unbearable. Not only was I severely depressed from the with draws, but I was in excruciating pain all over, along with the flu like symptoms and cold sweats. Literally hell on Earth. I went to my regular doctor (my urologist thought it crazy that I could possible addicted-yet he was the one writing me scripts for 50 at a time, every like 2 or 3 days) and told him my problem, and begged him to help me quit. He was so kind and understanding, and helped me taper off of them. He told me that if I had tried to stick w/ the cold turkey method, that the with draw symptoms last about 5-7 days. I tapered off over the period of a month. He gave me just enough to keep the with draws away, not enough to get high. I started the tapering by going down to eight 5/325 percs a day the first week, 6 the 2nd week, 4 the 3rd week, and 2 the 4th week. After that, he said that if I could live w/ just two a day, then I would no longer have the extreme with draw symptoms, and I was able to stop taking them all together. The occasional craving for them never goes away, and if I'm ever given them to treat something, I go right back to my old habit of abusing them, taking more than recommended (usually 4) at once, but, I no longer NEED them to feel NORMAL, and my whole entire world and existence is no longer based on  when I can take my next pills, and where I'm going to get my next pills from, and how many pills I have left, etc. Crazy how one tiny thing can control your whole, entire, world. Before this addiction, I was a critic, and was far from understanding about addicts. My mother is still the same way, but me on the other hand, not so much. Experiencing it first hand, I see how quickly and easily it is for things to get out of hand and for someone to lose control of their own life to something. I also found that when I had with draws, it did me good to write about them, write them down, or talk about them, but then again, nothing ever really relieves them except for the drug itself. I hope this helps anyone who's wondering how to taper off of them. You just have to be absolutely ready to quit in order to have the will power; it literally took me hitting rock bottom to quit. I hope this also helps pple who are doing it cold turkey, and are wondering just how long the with draws last.

[anon582]

I will save the sob story as it is similar to everyone on this board.  But long story short, 2 years at around 4-7 (percs; 5mg) a day depending on my mind set.  Going through w/d right now (in an attempt to quit) and it's a struggle just to write this post.  Just wanted to let you know how helpful all your posts have been, you especially Mo; would love to hear an update.  Thats all the energy I have to write.  Good luck to all, and myself as well.

[peaceinknowing]

Mo and I started the same day and we are going through the same thing. I'm waiting to hear an update from her as well, but she has been gone for a few days since her latest struggle. I wish I knew what was going on with her as well, because I miss hearing from her. Today makes 19 days sober from Percocets for me, and I wish she was here to share this with me... I miss her and hope that she is doing well.

[mo2000]

Hi Lady, thank you very much for all your concerns and prayers :)

I have been here everyday, just silently observing.  Unfortunately, I have had 2 other days where I have relapsed (2 pills each day, Tuesday and Thursday) and because of this have been embarrassed and quiet.  I would love to say I have 19 days behind me too, but I would be lying.

Although it has not become a daily thing when I have taken them, each time was guilt-ridden, and I can see myself losing control all over again!  That is why I stay here reading and reminding myself WHY I am doing this.  The funny part is, both times I took them, they didn't have the effect they used to have.  They actually put me to sleep big time!!! That was why I took two both times, to try to achieve that superwoman feeling.  Instead, I feel asleep shortly after taking them and slept unusually long hours through the night.  So this is taking the desire to take them away for me.  I know I have to get back on a strict plan and this is how every recovering addict becomes a current addict again....

I would like to say I'm done for good now, but I said that before and was wrong.  I have absolutely NO plans to take anything, but I didn't on Tuesday or Thursday, but the lack of sleep was KILLING me.  Those days I relapsed were the ONLY days I got any decent sleep, although too much sleep at the same time.

Any words of wisdom or even if you want to give me some tough love, it's appreciated.  I can't imagine anyone can be tougher on me than I have already been.  Like I said, I have so much GUILT inside, this is why I have been QUIETLY trolling these boards.  I don't feel worthy to offer advice that I myself can't even listen to....

[peaceinknowing]

I have no tough love words to give to you right now, sorry. What you're saying to me above is nothing less and nothing more than normal. You're trying the best you know how and that's all that anyone can do through something like this. We're all struggling with the same exact thing whether one person relapses and another does not. You and I are still in this together, and I have no problem in pretending to be back at day one right wlong with you -- HEHE -- I just don't want you to think that this is something to be embarassed about, because if that were the case then there would be a lot of embarassed souls out there on the forums, trust me.

This is what we call life when there's an addiction involved in the mix of everything when you put it all together. You and I will come out on top of this, and those are the only words of wisdom I can share with you at this time; No tough love here as I know that we are all only human!

[chrissy23]

Hey mo2000, i just spent the last hour reading all of ur post and the responses. I to am a recovering addict from pain killers. and have resently relasped. I am a 22 year old cook at a restraunt had 2 years clean under my belt and lost it. I am not proud of it but the first thing i did was tell everyone. Because to get it off ur chest is so much more important then holding it in. Never be asshamed to tell anyone. u think u are the first to relaspe. well ur not thats why they call it an addiction. I do have some words of wisdom for you after reading your last post.

1st. u will never get the same high u use to get EVER EVER AGAIN. Thats the reason why we contiue to use drugs over and over again to chase that first high we ever got.
2nd. the sleep will get better everyday. u saying i havnt gotten much sleep so im gonna use, is just the addiction justifying urself to use again ( when i say use i mean take pills). ur mind will jusifty so many things for using again. They say cravings for pill only last for 20 seconds then they pass. and they say the main reason why u get cravings is casue ur mind is to idle. An idle mind is the devils workshop.
3rd. The main thing that i did to reduce cravings was keep my mind and body moving, move the body and the brain will follow. Workout go running, play games, read watcha  movie anything. and take nice hot and cold bathes. a saying that i was told was HALT hungry, angry, lonley, tired. If you avoid all those things ur craving will be reduced so much.
and one last thing i have to say. never say to urself i dont plann on using ever casue we dont know that. all u have to do is say im not gonna use today ill use tomm, then when tomm comes say it again im not gonna use today ill use tomm, and guess what tomm never comes, its always today. Keep in the day. never have one foot in the future and one foot in the past, cause all ur doing is pissing on the present lol.

well i hope at least 1 thing i said has helped u if so then my work here is done. My thoughts and prays are with u. God bless and good luck im here for u.
love
chris

[peaceinknowing]

I truly admire your coming here to this posting and putting what you did. It helped even me, believe it or not. Today I am 20 days sober from percocets and I know just what you're talking about when you say that an idle mind is the devil's workshop! This is my main reasoning for going out with my friends to the pool [now that it's summertime] and going our for walks, jogs and just driving around in my car with the music blaring out loud. To heck with everyone else if they don't like Aerosmith anymore, it WILL get played in my car right now! HAHAHAHAHA!

[Insert my dry humor right here. HAHA!]

[tylersblueeyedmama]

Hey,

I know this is tough, but you did are doing the right thing!  Just look into your little boy's eyes and like you said...it makes it all worth it!  I wish you would have called me...I told you I would be here for you! You are an amazing person and a great mom!!!  You can do this!!!!  I will call you later today :)

Lots of Love,
K

[Cissy373]

You said so many things that helped me.......and boy I wont say I won't ever use again, cause truly I don't know that...........I surely pray I wont. I just have each minute ahead of me that I won't use, thats all I can promise myself.

I hope I never use again...........but time will tell.

Also what you said about staying busy, that helps a alot, keep the ole mind busy and your not just dwelling on the fact that you want a pill.

I just pray the day comes when I won't want another pill.

Everybody hang in there this is a new day that God has made.

Cissy

[peaceinknowing]

I know this isn't a post you started, but I just wanted to say that I'm glad to see that you're back here on the forums doing what you seemingly do best, and that is helping others through what we call recovery -- HAHA -- I also wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that everything gets better for you after the surgery in which you just had to go through last week.

[chrissy23]

im glad what i have said has struck u and stuck in ur head. Im an here for everyone. this is what we do in recovery we helped others as we have been helped. Dont let it fool u that i am only 22 years old, i know a lot, one of those things is how to stay sober, i was once in recovery myself. recently falling off the wagon and trying to use these post to find my happyiness and serienty threw others. I love doing this, it gives me the chills when someone says hey chris what u said has helped me get threw the day today. everyone stay tough. and stay in there.

[peaceinknowing]

Thanks for all the words of encouragement.

[nick1130]

You have been an inspiration to me.  I am married with two wonderful children. One 8 and the other 4.  Unlike your situation,  not only am I addicted to percocet, but my husband too.  I have been taking them for 2 years straight now and have tried to stop many times. In Octoberof 08 I  went to my doctor for help, which didn't.  He actually made it worse.  He put me on Lexapro which really screwed me up.  I tapered off of that in april 09.  That was horrible.  I now know what depression is.  I want to stop taking these things but I can not function without them.  I take anywhere from 4-6 pills a day.  I try everyday to cut down.  Sometimes I can, and sometimes I can't.  When I can I feel good about myself.  I have tried to stop cold turkey but I have two children that I have to care for.  I find myself needing a pill for every task.  whether it be making dinner,  giving them baths, or just going to the park.  I have to plan my day around how many pills I have.  The financial end of this is a killer.  Especially because there are two of us, my husband and I.  We are becoming irresponsible for the first time in our lives.  We are self employed with a small business  and this economy is killing us too.  I don't know what to do.  My husband finally sees that percocet are a big problem after me crying to him about it. But like I  said he is addicted too.  So when we try to taper, if one falls off the wagon the other goes too.  Not to say its his fault. I take full responsibility for my own actions,  but I think he may have a bigger problem than I do.  He justifies taking them in some way. I guess I do to sometimes.  But I know that I want to stop and I don't think he wants to even though he knows it is a big problem financially and emotionally.  I believe alot of my depression comes from the percs.  I NEED HELP.  I have no one to take care of my children if I have to go somewhere for it. Nor do I have anyone to help if I am home trying to take care of them dealing with the horrible aching legs or blurred vision.  I have tried talking to my  husband about it, and its like I keep hitting a brick wall with him.  One day he will do good and the next he will splurge because he did so good the day before.  I just want to be normal and live a healthy happy life with my family.  I am trying again the taper method.  Hoping my husband follows.

[justice29]

I am on day 5 of opiate withdrwal last night i couldn't take the pain anymore so i went to the  hospital i am a 29yr old single mom who works two jobs and i have never been so scared in my life as i am of my addiction.The Doc hooked me up with med's that lessend my symptoms and im actually about to sleep All i want to say is God can help bring peace to your souls and laughter back to our bellies  

[question417]

Can someone help me with a taper if I am taking 15 percs a day? I NEED A PLAN

[Stupid172]

I don't know what to do and I feel so ashamed...I am on Day 3 of Percocet Withdrawals, I was taking up to 8 10MG/Day. My first 2 days were complete hell, but today, my third day I felt significantly better. But I really really really screwed up and took 2 10MG Loretabs. I am now crying, I mistook them for my Tylenol that for some stupid reason I placed these in the bottle with. I did rid the rest of what I had (I completely forgot they were in there, they were there for "just in case" situations") Although I do feel alot better, I know I'm still experiencing w/d symptoms...no where near as bad as the first 2 days, minor cold sweats...runny nose...that's really it. My question is how far back will taking these set me back?  Please if anyone can help and not criticize me, it was an honest mistake. I'm now bawling over this afraid I'm going to have to start this process all over again. I took 4 days off to do this, I only have 1 more day off. I can't feel like this at work. I work at a pretty strenuous pace, I can't be there without energy. Can someone please help????

[brookely]

guess what i'm on 15 percs a day too, and don't know where to start myself. what miligram are they, and how long.? we can help eachother. please reply, brookely