Please talk to me, give me your wisdom

Well I am on day 2 of going cold turkey from 80-120 mil of Methadone a day, and 60 of oxy. a day. My pain management doctor started me on this 3 years ago for back, neck pain and daily migraines. I just can not live my life as an addict anymore. I went from being in pain to being addicted to drugs. I asked when we started this if I could get addicted and the doctor said, "Just let me know when you want to get off and I'll prescribe something for you." Great advice, not. I was prescribed ambien and Klonopin about ten years ago, I when cold turkey off that about five years later and that was terrible. That was horrendous.
So I'm at day two. I'm not in good shape but i'm making it. I have the creeps, the sweat, I'm in it big time. I'm not going to work for the next three days, I haven't started vomiting, but my skin is crawling. I know that the worst will be over in a few days and that everything will begin to get better. Even though I feel sick, I know that I am no longer a prisoner to these pills, and every tragic thing that comes with making sure you have enough each month. My kids think I have the stomach flu, my husband is helping me. I can not believe some of you are able to pull off working through this. I can do this, I am doing this to save my own life, to prolong my life, to live a better life. We deserve better than this. I will sign on later to give an update if I can. Reading everyone's stories here has given me so much strength. Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone. Bodhi

[BodhiJones]

I am at the end of day two. Feeling pretty bad right now, beyond the physical discomfort, I am questioning every decision I have ever made, feel like a terrible parent and person. I know at some level this isn't true, but I just feel like a piece of sh** right now. My mind is playing with me. I have just taken 2 mil of Lorazapam that we have had in the house for years, a few of you have suggested that in here, I also have some benydrl for the whole sinus-runny nose thing. I should feel a little better soon. I can do his. If any one has words of wisdom please share, at this point you are my only true allies in this battle.
How long until I feel normal again I wonder.

BodhiJones  
10 hours
To: gnarly_1
Hey I have been posting today, I'm on day 3 and really appreciate everything you have written. This is like the underbelly of medical America.
I am a banker, mother of four an hooked on meth and oxy., given to be for pain management a few years ago. I think tomorrow will be the worst and I am really quite afraid of the pain. I could just go to my monthly appointment and get the meds tomorrow, but I don't want to, I will not do this. This is my choice to stop this crazy drugged life. I want to be the best person I can be. I'm trying to stay warm and cool, body temp is going back and forth. How long until you think I will be able to keep food down? Please advice. Bodhi

[vicki595]

Oh Sweetie...that's WAY too much to cold turkey. I'm serious here. You are only feeling a speck of what's to come.

It does not have to be this way. You can taoer down the methadone and then jump off but this way is a huge shock to your body. Will you call your doctor and get a decent taper plan?  Please?  You'll need other meds as well. Meds for b/p (clonidine really helps) and nausea and diarrhea.

You need to be supervised;this is an enormous dose. I'm going to send a msg to our "resident expert" and he'll contact you. In the meantime, please reconsider. I'm not sure you have any idea of what you're in for...

Stay in touch...

[vicki595]

Okay...did Gnarly contact you?  Or was that what you sent to him and you're waiting to hear. I'm almost certain he will share my thoughts on this.

[BodhiJones]

No I have not eaten in days, I can not even think of food. The lorazapam and promethazin are really helping with the vomiting and with my limbs jumping at random. My leg jumped and kicked my husband really hard in his sleep, I said I would go to the guestroom but he wants me near him. I have no time to taper down, this is it for me.

[littlebit667]

Keep hydrated as much as you can.  I hope you can do this.  Keep posting.

[vicki595]

No way. This will be too hard on you. There are a host of meds that will help you. Don't punish yourself here....go to the ER/Urgent Care.


What's with the Gnarly msgs??  Has he contacted you? Are those Private messages?   Pretty soon you are going to be TOO WEAK TO COMMUNICATE.

Put your husband on....

[vicki595]

I need to go to work and you need to go to the hospital...right now.

All the best but don't be foolish!

[lynnalb15]

I can't even imagine the pain your in! Like everyone else said I think tapering is best :/ for your own sake. But you seem so determined. I'm telling you tho I can off 20-30 mg of methadone maybe even less and I had to go to the er ASAP. Good luck you can do this

[BodhiJones]

Thank you for writing me. I just do not have a choice here. My doctor is 200 miles away, I was in a hit and run and lost my car because I didnt have insurance to fix it, oddly enough it was on my 400 mile round trip last month that this happened. I am out of meds and out of money with not much for transportation. Just trying to hold the family together. I have two girls in college and twin teenage boys in the house. I have to keep going. I have a few days off work. This current pain in horrible, its like my empty stomach is trying to jump out of my body, wow that sounds really tripped out. Im just crawling.

[BodhiJones]

Thank you for writing me. I just do not have a choice here. My doctor is 200 miles away, I was in a hit and run and lost my car because I didnt have insurance to fix it, oddly enough it was on my 400 mile round trip last month that this happened. I am out of meds and out of money with not much for transportation. Just trying to hold the family together. I have two girls in college and twin teenage boys in the house. I have to keep going. I have a few days off work. This current pain in horrible, its like my empty stomach is trying to jump out of my body, wow that sounds really tripped out. Im just crawling.

[BodhiJones]

I have lorazapm for the spasms, benydrl for the runny nose, and promethazine for the vomiting. Im trying to do the best I can. I promise if I can not handle it I will go to the hospital. But what an they do, I do not want to be put on some other addictive substance.

[Kendraerika]

If your strong in not tapering, that's good, but do it with a doc supervision. That could be dangerous. Also the dr can make you more comfortable. Talk to them about clonidine, commonly prescribed to lessen the wd. Good luck

[BodhiJones]

What did they do at the er

[jlannaa]

i'm really not sure how your feeling but you should listen to everyone and get to the doc or the hospital i'm sure they can help you feel alittle more comfortable !

[lynnalb15]

I felt faint and have a baby to care for so my mom picked her up and drove me to the er. Well it's actually a emergency clinic at my dr office. All they did was hook me up to an iv and take my blood pressure. They have me a generic prescription to help my bp while wding. Offered me a sedative to sleep but I didn't want it. It's just another addicting substance in my mind and I have a history of sleep paralysis while on sleeping pills. Which is scary enough to scare me away from them if u know what it is. I have a dr appointment Thursday to follow up. Where I now have to explain myself since the drug was not prescribed that I got myself addicted to. But I doubt she will judge. She knows my past as an addict. I'm just saying I jumped off a lot less of a dose and had to go the the er. I hope and pray u will make it! And u seem to be so determined. Lucky you. Now that I'm pretty much thru the wds I have to fight my addict mind who's telling me to brake a bone to get some more. Crazy huh? I need a meeting. Lol :/

you can do this I will be praying for you!

[gnarly_1]

HI  how you doing this morning???......we have had members in similar situations they where forced off at 120 mg its not pritty but it can be done my advise is check into a local methadone clinic and wind down your dose a bit C/T ing off that amount is going to be brutal and  last arond 2 weeks if you went to a clinic they usually chage around 60 bucks a week they could bring you down 5mg a week till your at a safer leve to jump at nicoblue was 20 yrs old and in the prim of her life your like me a bit older I detox at 47 and it was brutal doing it the right way have someone go to walmart and pick up the calcium/magnesium/zinc vitamins take 4 in the morning and 4 at dinner time it will greatly reduse whet your going to feel going threw this again we will support you witch ever way you take just know methadone is not like coming off the pills its a lot more intense and last a lot longer you need to monator you B/P wile doing this you can go to a pharmacy and use a michine or pick up a cuff for around 15 bucks my B/P went threw the roof wile I detox I con only imagine where yours is at the trip to the e/r will get you some clonadine you can ask for it it is a b/p med that really helps with the detox I hope you decide to go to the clinic and taper off it will be way less painful and dangerous keep posting for support we all want to see you get well but as of now you just hit the tip of the ice berge good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    

[marycarmel]

I have to agree with most of the other comments in that you're at too high of a dose to jump off at.  Even getting some IV fluids at the ER could help you feel a bit better.  Gnarly's suggestion of going to a methadone clinic to taper down a bit is a good one.  This isn't something you should be doing alone. You'll certainly get tons of support here but you need more than that.

[vicki595]

I sure hope you went to the ER. They can do a LOT there. The IV's alone could change this entire experience AND they could at least get you detoxed.

[Psychobillyqueen]

Oh honey that's dangerous to jump off at that dose. I tapered from 90mgs all the way to 3mgs then jumped off and I though that was hell! But good for you. Im assuming your withdrawals are pretty bad. Just remember they will go away! Good luck and congrats on the first 48 hours

[BodhiJones]

Hey. Wow, I dont remember much of today. I DID call my doctor after listening to you and the others. Even though he is 200 miles away he had immodium xanax and Vitamin B delivered to my house. My dad is Chief of Staff at his hospital so i'm guessing he doesn't want him to now he turned me in to a drug addict. For a few hours I couldn't be still... was flipping around like the exorcist.
My husband just stayed with me until the pills, which I will only take for a day or two stopped the twitching and jumping. At the same time I am in such dis-comfort, I know I am one minute closer to getting out of this. It's Monday, and now its time for the boys to get home from practice, I made sure dinner is ready for them. Sorry, my thoughts are random. Thank you so much. I just kept thinking in my haze that I had to let you know I was making it. Well at least I am having a good ten minutes, but I have been able to sleep that is one thing I noticed here, most have to deal with insomnia, thank God I get a little reprise from this even if it is an hour at a time.

[BodhiJones]

Thank you for believing I could do this, my doctor doesn't do Clonidine for what ever reason

[BodhiJones]

One thing is for sure, I never want to take any of these pills again. Never. Thank God this is the beginning of the end of this hell.

[vicki595]

As you know, Methadone has a very long half life. Right now I'm sure you're feeling the effects of the sudden withdrawal from oxy. The Methadone detox is still to come...thanks for checking in...this is so worrisome.

[littlebit667]

Hon, I really hope you get past this!  Methadone seems to be a devil drug.

[gnarly_1]

Well its 1.15AM  AZ time I hope your asleep but better judjment tells me your laying awake shaking the methadone withdrawals are going to start to set in so battomn down the hatches and roll up the sails for the storm thats coming if you cant sleep and you get up please let this encourage you what your doing is difficult but not imposible we have had other members do it
its never pritty but in the end you will be free the first week is hell the first month your sick the second month you wounder if you ever going to get better it is around 90 days that most come out of it dont getme wrong you do get better gradually its just painfully slow this is a rase wone by the tortus not the hare so bere with it stick it out you will get better but with methadone you got to be in it for the long haul if you have any questions leave them here or message me good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[lynnalb15]

Your in my prayers!

[lynnalb15]

How r u feelings today???

[jlannspr]

This is temporary. Your health is permanent. Concentrate on now, not what might be. Can u try soup, crackers, or toast? Stay strong. Think of the $ and time you will have.

[Innerstrength67]

How are you Bodhi? BTW~ that's our cats name...love it!
Are you staying hydrated? Water just wont cut it. You need electrolytes. Try gatorade, juice. Also have you been able to eat? As littlebit says, eat crackers, toast...you need food.
Hang in there. Keep posting.

[BodhiJones]

Hey, really bad night and morning. My husband tricked me, my doctor told him to get 10 mil of methadone in me because I was not able to be still and was moaning and crying. I haven't eaten but am drinking lots of water and juice. Okay I think i'm over the oxy wd, but in to the methadone withdrawl (withdrawal). How long to the cramps and leg cramps last and why are people saying that it takes three weeks to feel good? I have no desire to take these drugs, this addiction is physical not mental. Will I be sick in bed for three weeks or just not feeling great? I just need to know when the dt's will stop. Please someone talk to me.

[BodhiJones]

Please talk to me.

[BodhiJones]

have not taken anything  since yesterdays nightmare with the husband and doctor. Between 1 and 10 i'm feeling like a good 3. was up all night peeing drank a gallon of water. Its so hard. We told my sons last night what I was doing getting off the meds. Husband said that they needed to understand what was happening, and to know that I wouldn't forget words anymore. I felt good about it at the time and now am feeling ashamed for letting them now. hey are 13, my husband is 3 years sober for alcohol, so they totally understand sobriety, they also know that I am the one that supports the family in every way, so they are worried that I will not work, but I always work. Husband is an agoraphobic so its up to me to keep the girls in college and the boys in skateboards and iphones. I am suppose to go to work on Friday, its Wednesday, I have to be okay. I am not feeling hardly any shakes and jumps but is that because of the 10 mil of methadone yesterday morning or because I am on day 4, or was on day four. One daughter isn't speaking to me because she is disgusted with me, the other is calling every hour to check on me. Will I be sick for months????

[gnarly_1]

have you started the vitamins yet they will help in 2 or 3 days but they made a big difference for me dont skip this and yes jumping from 120 your going to be dope sick for 2weeks and then the post withdrawal energy crash last about 90 days this stuff is miserable to kick you do get better slowly threw the 90 days but it is painfully slow let me know how you do on the vitamins
keep posting for support we all want to see you make it threw this
still think you should taper off its a lot safer and a whole lot less painful
may God be with you........Gnarly  

[jlannspr]

You're going to have a wonderful future to look forward to. Three weeks is nothing compared to the rest of your life. I'm on day 2 of hydro w/d. I can't imagine your agony. I really feel like you can do this. Hang in there!!

[littlebit667]

I am sorry that your dr. and husband..tricked you.  That was not the right thing to do.  My one thought is..your husband is scared of losing you...you are his ticket to living with his agoraphobia.  That is unfair for you and I hope he can realize what he did.

[gnarly_1]

hi if your not going to detox properly dont take a 10mg ''fix'' to feel better it will only prolong your withdrawal again I recamend tapering down but if you hell bent on jumping the so be it but dont tease yourself with 10mg here or there it will do nothing but prolong the process I highly doubt you would even feel 10mg its not close to your normal dose keep posting for support good luck and God bless.......Gnarly

[t_nuh_had_nuf]

I hope you are ok today. I am 247 days clean from methadone. This is not going to be easy but you can do this! You are such a strong person-You work, you're putting 2 kids through college, have twin teen boys at home and support a husband with a disability- YOU ARE TOUGH GIRL! Try to remember these words from your post " I am doing this to save my own life, to prolong my life, to live a better life. We deserve better than this" That is so True-You are not only TOUGH but very WISE !. Methadone really messes with your body and mind. I wish you all the best-keep posting PEACE  TEENA

[gnarly_1]

HI i WRITE thes to encourage you to push forwarard threw the pain and shaking I truly hope you read this in the morning but I write it for you if its 3am and your up with no sleep hag in ther this is all part of it and you will make it threw I found prayer to be very helpful reading the bible is soothing
to the frantic mind dont know if its your thing but it help me bound measure hang in there keep posting for support will check on you in the morning
good luck and God bless........Gnarly  

[pinkerthanpink]

hi i dont  mean to butt in to this post and conversation, i have been reading all your messages to each other, im 30 years ols, was taking oxy,s morphine for a car accident than when i couldnt get that it was unbarable so igot herion,, not too many times, but basically jumped around from all 3 drugs than ended off with oxys again. i did this for over a year, didnt realize how bad it was until i broke up with my bf and couldnt get anything anymore, i went to the dr in severe withdrawel, i couldnt stop shaking crying the panic was unbelievable :( they started me on the methadone and i wishto god i would have read all of this before, im at 40 mg , i hate this i feel sick, out of it and having the worst panic attacks of my life or whatever it is! im scared to death! i stopped breathing two  days ago, today idrove m car up a curb!:( im throwing up every day im cold my skin hurts, im falling asleep everywhere! i dont want this horrible crap in my body anymore! is it safe to quit this at 40 mg??????? im really scared after reading all the things people have said on this site! some people i know have said im not at my comfortable dose?.. wtf! i dont know what im at but im slipping bad! i feel like im going to have togo to a mental hospital! i dont want any of this crap anymore! i have no craving for any other narcotic either! at all! im in school taking a dental course and the longer im on this the worse im doing in school! its eating my memorie! my daughter is staying at my sisters until im done school and better but i fear im not going to make it through if i dont stop this!!! what should i do /? im scared to death! i feel like im dying! please help me please!!!!!!!:(:( i just want my life back! i was funny bubbly people loved me i was social happy used to dance sing! write poetry! i had such high ambitions! now ehn i think of too far in the future beyond the next few days i go into panic! i cant answer phone calls! have meetings! i panic over everything! not like little panic like severe panic i wanted to drive my car off the bridge esterday i was so afraid and for a moment thought doing it that way would be a lot les scary than the methadone! im so sick of this !