Please talk to me, give me your wisdom

[BodhiJones]

Well I am on day 2 of going cold turkey from 80-120 mil of Methadone a day, and 60 of oxy. a day. My pain management doctor started me on this 3 years ago for back, neck pain and daily migraines. I just can not live my life as an addict anymore. I went from being in pain to being addicted to drugs. I asked when we started this if I could get addicted and the doctor said, "Just let me know when you want to get off and I'll prescribe something for you." Great advice, not. I was prescribed ambien and Klonopin about ten years ago, I when cold turkey off that about five years later and that was terrible. That was horrendous.
So I'm at day two. I'm not in good shape but i'm making it. I have the creeps, the sweat, I'm in it big time. I'm not going to work for the next three days, I haven't started vomiting, but my skin is crawling. I know that the worst will be over in a few days and that everything will begin to get better. Even though I feel sick, I know that I am no longer a prisoner to these pills, and every tragic thing that comes with making sure you have enough each month. My kids think I have the stomach flu, my husband is helping me. I can not believe some of you are able to pull off working through this. I can do this, I am doing this to save my own life, to prolong my life, to live a better life. We deserve better than this. I will sign on later to give an update if I can. Reading everyone's stories here has given me so much strength. Thank you all for letting me know I am not alone. Bodhi

[pinkerthanpink]

hi i dont  mean to butt in to this post and conversation, i have been reading all your messages to each other, im 30 years ols, was taking oxy,s morphine for a car accident than when i couldnt get that it was unbarable so igot herion,, not too many times, but basically jumped around from all 3 drugs than ended off with oxys again. i did this for over a year, didnt realize how bad it was until i broke up with my bf and couldnt get anything anymore, i went to the dr in severe withdrawel, i couldnt stop shaking crying the panic was unbelievable :( they started me on the methadone and i wishto god i would have read all of this before, im at 40 mg , i hate this i feel sick, out of it and having the worst panic attacks of my life or whatever it is! im scared to death! i stopped breathing two  days ago, today idrove m car up a curb!:( im throwing up every day im cold my skin hurts, im falling asleep everywhere! i dont want this horrible crap in my body anymore! is it safe to quit this at 40 mg??????? im really scared after reading all the things people have said on this site! some people i know have said im not at my comfortable dose?.. wtf! i dont know what im at but im slipping bad! i feel like im going to have togo to a mental hospital! i dont want any of this crap anymore! i have no craving for any other narcotic either! at all! im in school taking a dental course and the longer im on this the worse im doing in school! its eating my memorie! my daughter is staying at my sisters until im done school and better but i fear im not going to make it through if i dont stop this!!! what should i do /? im scared to death! i feel like im dying! please help me please!!!!!!!:(:( i just want my life back! i was funny bubbly people loved me i was social happy used to dance sing! write poetry! i had such high ambitions! now ehn i think of too far in the future beyond the next few days i go into panic! i cant answer phone calls! have meetings! i panic over everything! not like little panic like severe panic i wanted to drive my car off the bridge esterday i was so afraid and for a moment thought doing it that way would be a lot les scary than the methadone! im so sick of this !

[gnarly_1]

HI i WRITE thes to encourage you to push forwarard threw the pain and shaking I truly hope you read this in the morning but I write it for you if its 3am and your up with no sleep hag in ther this is all part of it and you will make it threw I found prayer to be very helpful reading the bible is soothing
to the frantic mind dont know if its your thing but it help me bound measure hang in there keep posting for support will check on you in the morning
good luck and God bless........Gnarly  

[t_nuh_had_nuf]

I hope you are ok today. I am 247 days clean from methadone. This is not going to be easy but you can do this! You are such a strong person-You work, you're putting 2 kids through college, have twin teen boys at home and support a husband with a disability- YOU ARE TOUGH GIRL! Try to remember these words from your post " I am doing this to save my own life, to prolong my life, to live a better life. We deserve better than this" That is so True-You are not only TOUGH but very WISE !. Methadone really messes with your body and mind. I wish you all the best-keep posting PEACE  TEENA

[gnarly_1]

hi if your not going to detox properly dont take a 10mg ''fix'' to feel better it will only prolong your withdrawal again I recamend tapering down but if you hell bent on jumping the so be it but dont tease yourself with 10mg here or there it will do nothing but prolong the process I highly doubt you would even feel 10mg its not close to your normal dose keep posting for support good luck and God bless.......Gnarly

[littlebit667]

I am sorry that your dr. and husband..tricked you.  That was not the right thing to do.  My one thought is..your husband is scared of losing you...you are his ticket to living with his agoraphobia.  That is unfair for you and I hope he can realize what he did.

[jlannspr]

You're going to have a wonderful future to look forward to. Three weeks is nothing compared to the rest of your life. I'm on day 2 of hydro w/d. I can't imagine your agony. I really feel like you can do this. Hang in there!!

[gnarly_1]

have you started the vitamins yet they will help in 2 or 3 days but they made a big difference for me dont skip this and yes jumping from 120 your going to be dope sick for 2weeks and then the post withdrawal energy crash last about 90 days this stuff is miserable to kick you do get better slowly threw the 90 days but it is painfully slow let me know how you do on the vitamins
keep posting for support we all want to see you make it threw this
still think you should taper off its a lot safer and a whole lot less painful
may God be with you........Gnarly  

[BodhiJones]

have not taken anything  since yesterdays nightmare with the husband and doctor. Between 1 and 10 i'm feeling like a good 3. was up all night peeing drank a gallon of water. Its so hard. We told my sons last night what I was doing getting off the meds. Husband said that they needed to understand what was happening, and to know that I wouldn't forget words anymore. I felt good about it at the time and now am feeling ashamed for letting them now. hey are 13, my husband is 3 years sober for alcohol, so they totally understand sobriety, they also know that I am the one that supports the family in every way, so they are worried that I will not work, but I always work. Husband is an agoraphobic so its up to me to keep the girls in college and the boys in skateboards and iphones. I am suppose to go to work on Friday, its Wednesday, I have to be okay. I am not feeling hardly any shakes and jumps but is that because of the 10 mil of methadone yesterday morning or because I am on day 4, or was on day four. One daughter isn't speaking to me because she is disgusted with me, the other is calling every hour to check on me. Will I be sick for months????

[BodhiJones]

Please talk to me.

[BodhiJones]

Hey, really bad night and morning. My husband tricked me, my doctor told him to get 10 mil of methadone in me because I was not able to be still and was moaning and crying. I haven't eaten but am drinking lots of water and juice. Okay I think i'm over the oxy wd, but in to the methadone withdrawl. How long to the cramps and leg cramps last and why are people saying that it takes three weeks to feel good? I have no desire to take these drugs, this addiction is physical not mental. Will I be sick in bed for three weeks or just not feeling great? I just need to know when the dt's will stop. Please someone talk to me.

[Innerstrength67]

How are you Bodhi? BTW~ that's our cats name...love it!
Are you staying hydrated? Water just wont cut it. You need electrolytes. Try gatorade, juice. Also have you been able to eat? As littlebit says, eat crackers, toast...you need food.
Hang in there. Keep posting.

[jlannspr]

This is temporary. Your health is permanent. Concentrate on now, not what might be. Can u try soup, crackers, or toast? Stay strong. Think of the $ and time you will have.

[lynnalb15]

How r u feelings today???

[lynnalb15]

Your in my prayers!

[gnarly_1]

Well its 1.15AM  AZ time I hope your asleep but better judjment tells me your laying awake shaking the methadone withdrawals are going to start to set in so battomn down the hatches and roll up the sails for the storm thats coming if you cant sleep and you get up please let this encourage you what your doing is difficult but not imposible we have had other members do it
its never pritty but in the end you will be free the first week is hell the first month your sick the second month you wounder if you ever going to get better it is around 90 days that most come out of it dont getme wrong you do get better gradually its just painfully slow this is a rase wone by the tortus not the hare so bere with it stick it out you will get better but with methadone you got to be in it for the long haul if you have any questions leave them here or message me good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[littlebit667]

Hon, I really hope you get past this!  Methadone seems to be a devil drug.

[vicki595]

As you know, Methadone has a very long half life. Right now I'm sure you're feeling the effects of the sudden withdrawal from oxy. The Methadone detox is still to come...thanks for checking in...this is so worrisome.

[BodhiJones]

One thing is for sure, I never want to take any of these pills again. Never. Thank God this is the beginning of the end of this hell.

[BodhiJones]

Thank you for believing I could do this, my doctor doesn't do Clonidine for what ever reason

[BodhiJones]

Hey. Wow, I dont remember much of today. I DID call my doctor after listening to you and the others. Even though he is 200 miles away he had immodium xanax and Vitamin B delivered to my house. My dad is Chief of Staff at his hospital so i'm guessing he doesn't want him to now he turned me in to a drug addict. For a few hours I couldn't be still... was flipping around like the exorcist.
My husband just stayed with me until the pills, which I will only take for a day or two stopped the twitching and jumping. At the same time I am in such dis-comfort, I know I am one minute closer to getting out of this. It's Monday, and now its time for the boys to get home from practice, I made sure dinner is ready for them. Sorry, my thoughts are random. Thank you so much. I just kept thinking in my haze that I had to let you know I was making it. Well at least I am having a good ten minutes, but I have been able to sleep that is one thing I noticed here, most have to deal with insomnia, thank God I get a little reprise from this even if it is an hour at a time.

[Psychobillyqueen]

Oh honey that's dangerous to jump off at that dose. I tapered from 90mgs all the way to 3mgs then jumped off and I though that was hell! But good for you. Im assuming your withdrawals are pretty bad. Just remember they will go away! Good luck and congrats on the first 48 hours

[vicki595]

I sure hope you went to the ER. They can do a LOT there. The IV's alone could change this entire experience AND they could at least get you detoxed.

[marycarmel]

I have to agree with most of the other comments in that you're at too high of a dose to jump off at.  Even getting some IV fluids at the ER could help you feel a bit better.  Gnarly's suggestion of going to a methadone clinic to taper down a bit is a good one.  This isn't something you should be doing alone. You'll certainly get tons of support here but you need more than that.

[gnarly_1]

HI  how you doing this morning???......we have had members in similar situations they where forced off at 120 mg its not pritty but it can be done my advise is check into a local methadone clinic and wind down your dose a bit C/T ing off that amount is going to be brutal and  last arond 2 weeks if you went to a clinic they usually chage around 60 bucks a week they could bring you down 5mg a week till your at a safer leve to jump at nicoblue was 20 yrs old and in the prim of her life your like me a bit older I detox at 47 and it was brutal doing it the right way have someone go to walmart and pick up the calcium/magnesium/zinc vitamins take 4 in the morning and 4 at dinner time it will greatly reduse whet your going to feel going threw this again we will support you witch ever way you take just know methadone is not like coming off the pills its a lot more intense and last a lot longer you need to monator you B/P wile doing this you can go to a pharmacy and use a michine or pick up a cuff for around 15 bucks my B/P went threw the roof wile I detox I con only imagine where yours is at the trip to the e/r will get you some clonadine you can ask for it it is a b/p med that really helps with the detox I hope you decide to go to the clinic and taper off it will be way less painful and dangerous keep posting for support we all want to see you get well but as of now you just hit the tip of the ice berge good luck and God bless.......Gnarly