Powerlessness over our addiction.

[Lookyhere]

Step 1. " we admitted we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable".
Powerless over our addiction only.
Our lives becoming unmanageable is a direct result of not doing something about or addiction. I wonder, if we were told, and we believed early on, that we suffered from addiction and did something about it, would have our lives become unmanageable?
Anyway.
Being powerless over our addiction does not mean we are powerless over everything in our lives. We have made a-lot of bad decisions before. So, my sponsor has proved to me not to trust my thinking. Cause my thinking has got me where I am today. I don't have to act out on my impulse and immediate thoughts. I could make smart, thoughtful decisions. One way of doing it (my sponsor has showed me) is to take a pen and paper and for every major or important decision i make; do a positive and negative inventory list, or  the outcome of decision i will make  or why i am doing it. This way I am not making a quick decision which my mind is used to doing when i was in my active addiction(how to get more, how to not get caught, how to pass a urine test,how to make supply last, how to hide drugs, hot to lie to family/friends about my using, etc..., )this is all unhealthy thinking and we condition ourselves after a while to think this way in all our every day affairs.
So getting back to pen and paper.
Theeenn, I am able see the outcome of it on paper. So I can't sit there and cry, ohh i am powerless. Yes, i am powerless over people, places and things. But so are non-addicts.  If I made a mistake then i learn from it. Addiction is a disease of obsession and compulsion. I think mostly obsession. Obviously, i obsess over a-lot of things and most of them i cant have. So the compulsion component of the disease does not get involved a-lot. So my thinking is obscured by this obsession (neverending stream of thoughts  over stuff-drugs being most obvious but could be anything, sex, relationships, money, material stuff,etc...)
That is why a pen and paper is good. And if I am not sure, i can call my sponsor or another recovering addict who is knowledgeable of the disease and is working a good program of recovery. Or someone who can think clearly and objectivly and show me where I am wrong or what is the correct choice for me to make.
Hopefully, one day, I will be able to make clear, sound, honest decisions w/o pen and paper. So for now.

Obsession-constantly thinking about something. Most obviously drugs.
Compulsion - once we start (1st drug) we cant stop.

[tztlady]

We do recover.  Great chapter in the basic text.  It takes time to balance out all that thinking stuff.  It will come if you keep talking to your sponsor, working those steps, do a step ten each night, and pray.  Remember attraction not promotion.  I get a little protective of the program when you preach the program and then are mean to people while you are "clean".  If they think this is what NA is, what if what you say determines whether they walk through those doors or not, or when?   These people here are good people who are giving of their time and energy on this forum.  Even if you don't agree, let it go and think of the primary purpose here.  There is more than one way to recover.  NA isn't for everyone and thats ok.
Blessings

[ggin35]

They never worked for me. Just the opposite in fact. We all do things in our own way. I am very glad it works for you. Don't get me wrong! I just think each individual is different. That's all

[Lookyhere]

I am working on it and getting better. Some people know me here from before and can see the difference. This is a direct result of making NA meetings every day. Reading the basic text, over and over and over, and over again. I will be reading it for rest of my life.

You hear at meetings a-lot. addicts sharing how by the grace of God or whatever other reason, their obsession to uses was lifted.
When you make enough meetings, as suggested in the "basic Text" 90/90, you listen to other addicts share. A-lot of what they share has to do with some principals. 3 that are indesposable, honesty, open-mindness and willingness. They listen and listen and w/o even knowing it they are working steps in their lives. step 1 honesty (honest about our addiction).2. open-mindness to( a power greater then myself that can restore me back to sanity)3. willingness(willing to turn my will and life over to care of God, as we understand him).
That is how their obsession gets lifted. By making enough meetings and hearing the message.
I work steps on a daily basis. Not formally. Like 12 says. Apply them to all my affairs. I learned to do this by listening and reading the "basic Text" chapter 4.
Like I said, even after 2 solid years of NA I am still early in recovery.
I was pretty sick.
Thanks for your post.
We do recover

[Lookyhere]

The truth is; that when an addict honestly works a solid NA program. That addict will never has to use again.
I am sorry to hear that.
What are 12 steps?
They are a natural way for any person to live.
Admitting I am powerless over something. Principal of honesty.
Power greater then myself-open mindness. I don't have to live like this. Maybe there is something better for me.
Willingness to try something that has worked and succeeded for so many other addicts.
Honest self assessment(inventory of ourselves-our good qualities, our defects)
Admitting to someone else that we did something wrong.
Decided we don't want that flaw or defect that made us behave like this.
Asked God(as we understand him) to remove that character defect.
On paper wrote the name/name of who we hurt. Powerful step. Like a hit list.
asked that person for forgiveness.
Daily check ourselves, already knowing ourselves better, and if we are coming close to making same mistake. step away from it.
Prayer and meditation. A spiritual self awareness of what we have learned in all previou steps. a better spiritual understanding of ourselves.
12.carry the message of hope ( that what i have just wrote above works) and practice these principals in ALL our affairs.
That is all teh 12 steps are. Pretty easy way to live.

[ggin35]

Like I said, what works for you may not work for all of us. Don't be sorry for me! Just be happy that I am healthy. As for any of us on this forum. The 12 steps are certainly not the only way, and to tell people that gives them less hope.

[dfr3]

i have been sober from alcohol for ten years, but not clean and sober because i got addicted to prescription meds, because i am an addict.

two important terms!!
live and let live
and sorry but as much as you would like to give the gift of sobriety to another YOU can't.  You do not have the power to fast forward anyones recovery.  My sponser told me to always remain teachable, you can learn from someone who has 1 hour or 50 years. pray pray pray that is MY power!

[TXRebecca]

I have been on this forum for around 5 months now maybe?  And of course for awhile I was not able to post, but I was still here everyday reading, and chating with members through IM-ing, text, and phone calls.  I saw that you sated you have been working on how you approach certain people or things, and that people on this site have noticed a difference.  I agree totally!  I will be the first to say that at first you knew just how to "get someone's goat", but since I have been back and able to post again, I have seen how much you have grown and changed.  Your values stand strong and you remain true to your beliefs, but... you have softened, and become more excepting and caring of others and their own personal beliefs, whether they agree with yours or not.  

Just wanted you to know That I too have noticed a change.

Rebecca~..~

[Lookyhere]

You are incorrect about what you said. I never said I was sorry for you. I said " i am sorry to hear that" the 12 steps did not work for you.
A-lot of people, such as you, here on this forum, say that the 12 steps are not for everybody and that there is other ways. Bu they never seem to show us what those other ways are.
learning how to apply the 12 steps to our lives is not an easy think. it is a simple program but it is hard. it takes time and effort. Honestly, i had to make 2-4 meetings a day for 4 months for me to understand them.
Now I make a meeting a day/miss one every two weeks or so. If i wasn't working I woulds still be making at least 2 a day.
I know how these steps work. I don't know about other addicts, but i do. I have put the time and effort and money  into learning them.
I will help you if you ask me too.
I did not try to promote them. I wrote them down in simplest terms. Hoping that you or anyone else who reads them, might at some point start to feel and understand them a little bit.
I will be happy to help you.
Also, the 12 steps and how the NA program works is all in the "basic text". The meetings are for addicts to share their experience, strength and hope. And sometimes someone will explain the steps. And yes, there r meetings that talk about steps only.
I learned them by reading the "basic Text" over, and over and over again. Chapter 4. "IT WORKS, HOW AND WHY"( 12 steps). I did not understand anything at first. But I read it over and over.

[Lookyhere]

Wow, thanks Becky. it means a-lot for me to hear this from you.

[TXRebecca]

Hey, I can be just as much of a stubborn mule's butt as anyone else.  But I sure am better at pointing out someone else's problems than my own.  Its a curse I have. I can't seem to fix my own life, or my own attutide, but I sure do expect everyone around me to have total control all the time, and be perfect.

I'm trying to work on THAT!  Wish me luck:)
Beck

[ggin35]

There is no one thing that works for me. I just know that if I get waisted the way I use to I will risk my health, happiness, and family. I post here a lot. I just try and get out and do things. I have not been sober long but I have tried the 12 step way and the way I'm doing things now seems to work better. I am not knocking your way of doing things. I just think that we are all wired differently and this seems to be working for me. When I went to meetings it just reminded me that I had a problem. I'm not trying to forget, but life is too short to sit in meetings all day and talk about problems. That's just the way I am.

[fishmeal]

I have relapsed so many times, the only thing that I haven't tried is working all of the 12 steps... I don't have anymore options than to try.  Hope it works for me.  I'll let you know.

[Lookyhere]

We are all human. We are not perfect.
But what you said, expect others. I have learned that I expect from others what I expect from myself. I expect perfection. And I expect respect, courtesy, kindness, love, care all that because i am like that.

I would not place expectations on any one. You will only be disappointed.
What cosmic force out there or some law that says everyone around Becky has to be in control because she wants/expects it that way?

[TXRebecca]

Good luck to you!  If you believe it will work, then it WILL!  I know it!  You just have to have the willpower, and it sounds like you do.  hell, you out yourself in rehab, which is WAY more than alot of us here would have been willing to do.

You are a hero as far as I 'm concerned!

Rebecca~..~

[TXRebecca]

Yep, your right!  Hopefullly I will get this under control sooner than later.  Its like my road rage, I can barely drive now, because its sooooo bad.  

I might need some friendly reminding when I get out of control though.
(thats where you guys come in)

Becky

[swirlingcoffee]

I tend to agree with ggin, I'm agnostic, the twelve steps are way too much structure, and I just chafe on a fundamental level at the idea of admitting I'm powerless and will always be what I am now (addict).  That said, I wouldn't bash them (though sometimes I'm tempted, I'm a basher!).

I love that the 12 steps work for people, and they worked for my sister.  I just think a lot of us are wired to not be receptive to the AA model.  It doesn't mean there aren't other ways to heal.

[ggin35]

No matter what you do to get sober! I mean it!

[Lookyhere]

maybe yo go to wrong meetings. i find meetings that talk about solutions. sure one or two people will share about their difficult times. That is good too.
Anyways good luck. You say you are doing fine? right.
Also, some people come here and post something negative about what i say. Don't listen to them. i am clean now for over 1 year from all opites. I do take suboxone regurarly. And almost 6 months from all including benzos.
You know, I understand that some people have been through difficult experiences in their lives. And God Bless them. I hope they find peace and happiness whichever way.
i have had my share too. There are just some things i do not talk about.

[Lookyhere]

I will pray for everyone tonight. Especially Chrosty and Holliedolly.
Ohh, i know how to cure addiction.
yaaawwnn, i'm tired and going to bed.
Goodnight all.

[kimmieb]

Really, really interesting.  I am basically a "newbie" here -- only came on about a month ago -- and I still do more reading than posting.  I'm a woman and a wife and a mommy and a friend and a sister and a daughter  -- I have a hard time asking for and accepting help (ha!)  But....I love reading the posts.

Anyway, this was an interesting thread I just read.  I do believe that we each can break our addictions and succeed in MORE than one way.  I think we do make our OWN choices in the process (some of us are more honest with ourselves than others when it comes to this), but in the end, I do believe God leads us to wherever we should be -- whether to NA, this forum, or wherever.  I truly believe that breaking an addiction certainly requires a complete shift in thinking, whether we like it or not, and in most cases, a total lifestyle change.  Those who are more open to this seem to find that road easier.  Those who resist have a much harder time.  I don't know a lot about the 12-step program.  However, I do know that it works big-time for a LOT of people.  I'm a Christian, and I totally believe that God is in control, and until we throw up our hands, drop down on our knees, admit we absolutely cannot do this on our own (no matter how tough and strong and smart we think we are, no matter how much education we've had, how much $$$$ we make, how many friends we have, how much our family loves us), until we do that, we are fooling ourselves.  God is amazing and awesome, and I'm not "preaching" -- merely speaking from personal experience.  I wouldn't be happily married with 2 miracle children if it weren't for God.  It wasn't until I finally gave it all up to him that I was able to stop my continuous cycle of behavior that was hurting myself in every single relationship with a man I ever had (if you could call them relationships, that is).  Ditto for every other aspect of my life.  God's timing is not our timing.  Sometimes we have to go through awful sh-- before we finally have our prayers answered in one way or the other.  BUT, all we have to do is ask him for help.......and it will happen.  He's there, guys, for everyone.  He's just waiting for us to ask for help and really mean it, and then he takes over....and our lives are never ever again the same.  

I respect each and every one of you here on this forum, whatever your beliefs, whatever your story, whatever your drug of choice, whatever your method of breaking free of your addictions.  I judge no one.  I love every one.  My heart goes out to ANYONE who's suffering and in pain.  Just know that the life that God wanted for all of us is one of joy, peace, and love.  He wants us to be full of joy, and he's ready and waiting to help us break free of any addiction or anything that is holding us back from that joy, whether through NA, counseling, a support forum, or whatever.  He is certainly here on this forum in a big way.  

Blessings to Lookyhere, Rebecca, and everyone else who has ever had or will have an addiction....and who has ever beaten, is beating, or will beat one.  Although we ARE powerless in certain things, our strength is still amazing.  We are God's creation, and he's one awesome creator.

Good luck to everyone.  I hope I haven't offended anyone.  Thanks for this forum.  I read more than I post, so you may not see/hear me very often, but I'm here, always seeking with an open heart and mind.

God bless you all!!     ~K.

[mom2rachie]

Step 1. " we admitted we WERE powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable".

We are all able to regain that power.  For some it's the 12 steps, for others it's here and for almost everyone it's helping people but all those things either by themselves or combined allow us to get one step closer to being powerless no more.
    

[jen46342]

Wow, pretty amazing posts this topic trigered....As for powerless, I would have to agree. Having worked in the mental health field there is s rule of thumb some of you may have already heard....The only thing you can control in life is how you react to the situations you encounter. Plain and simply stated but deeply hard to experience. Never having an addiciton I can not say why AA or NA work for some and not others or how 12 steps is a true miracle for one person but not the next. I think that intially realizing a person has a problem means letting go of control and making oneself vonerable to tohers. Such a hard thing to do whether or not you are suffering from an addiciton or not. Once you tell someone you have an addiciton you open up yourself to a level most people normally do see. Sharing your true feelings, not what some counselor or even loved one wants to hear, is scary! You allow yourslef to be criticized and judged and you may develop resentment or attitude over it. But letting go and accpeting others into your darkest inner part is rewarding becaue as outsiders looking in these other people can offer valuable advice and imput that the person with the addiciton  may have not been able to see in the past due to the clouded judgement their addiciton made them experience. We are programmed from little on to believe that control is a valuable asset or characteristic to have like money and power. And it is a wonderful thing to have but when directed in a positive manner that is supported from other apects of our lives......... I feel for all of those who have experienced addiciton. Watching what my father struggles with, the lose of dignity, the lose of morals, the inability to carry life on without the demons surfacing everday and controlling his motives. It is a hard road and my hopes and prayers for a very long time have been that my father will be able to find the path of serenity once again and that he will live life not just travel thorough it with no destination in mind. I extend these thoughts and prayers to all of you enduring this struggle and I wish all of you the very best outcomes......

[Lookyhere]

Agnostic-correct me if i am wrong. Having no opinion one way or other if God exists and works in our lives -or- does not exist at all. Different from Atheist. Atheist believe in no God. That there is no God. Agnostics, basically, don't have any strong or weak opinion on that point.
Step 2. Say's " We came to believe in a power greater then ourselves that can resorte us to sanity". There is a key word their "came". For some addicts coming to believe does not happen over night. It could take a long time. Months, maybe even years. (that's why it's good to go to meetings and hear other addicts share on how it worked for them).
So, maybe one day you will too, come to believe.
Also, Step.2 makes no mention of God. Simply a power greater then myself.
If you believe in the power of addiction, that it can destroy your life, even against your strongest will. Why not believe in a power greater then you that can restore you back to sanity?
Some people want to "see it to believe it". Step 2 says " you have to believe it to see it'.
good luck

Don't think about God yet. That is step 3.

[Lookyhere]

Recorey is proecess. Coming to believe is a process.
We are all at different stages of our recovery. Do not be discouraged if it is not working for you like it does for others. Keep asking questions, thats how it works.

[swirlingcoffee]

I definitely didn't intend to come across as argumentative, I believe in those programs for whomever they can help.  Faith is just beyond me - and I've tried hard many different times in my life.  

[kimmieb]

I understand what you're saying.  Keep an open mind about faith though.  Sometimes we find it when we least expect it, when we're not trying too hard.  I believe it will find you if you at least remain open to it and don't completely close yourself off from the possibility.  Prayers do work wonders :-)  Blessings and all the best to you!!   ~K.