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Question about emotions for those who've quit opioids
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Question about emotions for those who've quit opioids

I keep reading posts about how people were in some sort of emotional fog while on painkillers - and that after conquering their addiction things became clearer.

Was that only in hindsight that you realized that?  I really don't feel as if I'm deadened or my feelings are muted in some way because I've been taking vicodin long term ...perhaps they have and I'll only discover it AFTER it's all out of my system.

I will say, that I can cry at the drop of a hat - sad movies, tv commericals, country songs ... I can full on sob in 0.32 seconds.  But I'm not an overly happy person - the other extreme isn't there.  Was it ever there though?  Or is it the drugs that took away my happy?

I've been pondering this for quite a while and I'd love for someone to share their experience on the difference emotionally between using and non-using.  As well as how long it took you after quitting to become whole again - if in fact you weren't whole while addicted.

Hope I'm making sense!
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18 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
It makes perfect sense.. if only to an addict, it makes sense.
Personally I'd say that it wasn't until I quit the first time and was clean for 8 months that I noticed how the opiates "took away my happy." Then when I relapsed I did notice how I was pretty much the shell of a zombie when I was using.
I am 14 days clean today.. and it took about a week for me.. I've told TONS of reading over the past two weeks.. They all say it depends on so many factors, but on average 7-10 days before you'll start to feel the difference.. the first couple days while going to WD I was pissed the sun came up in the morning..
I relate to the instant crying to.  Keep in mind opiates are a depressant.. they may not take away your happy, but they won't allow you to be happy either, if that makes sense.
I'd say that I am still not whole after 14 days, but the part that is missing is going to take time to rebuild. I relapsed after 8 months clean.. I beat myself up, and my self-esteem is for the birds right now.. however, other than that.. I feel 1,000 times better.
Hope this helps easy your brain!  :)
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Avatar_f_tn
Wow ... "they won't allow you to be happy either"

That gives me a lot to ponder.  

I wonder if I really am a shell of what I once was ....

Damn.  
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495284_tn?1333897642
Pills give us a false sense of security.  I thought i was feeling everything while i was using.  I was feeling nothing.....Oh i laughed and i cried but it was just going thru the motions.  Now i actually feel the emotions.  You will understand this more the longer you are clean.    sara
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1613542_tn?1366472143
Master is right 100%. I did not realize what I was missing out on until I quit and was no longer seeing the world through rose colored glasses. Hope you find yourself soon. You will be amazed at what you discover about yourself.

Best of luck, Sissie
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you both so very much for your comments, it gives me absolute hope and encouragement.  It's what I want. I want ME feeling the good and the bad, not the pills.
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Avatar_f_tn
My kids and husband have been treading lightly for the last year saying that I'm "always sick" ... and thing of that nature.  I always argue that I'm not ....

Wow.

Lots to think about.

I wonder when I stopped being me and the pills took over.

I hope I'm still in here somewhere.
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Avatar_f_tn
you're still there...otherwise you even be able to ponder these ?'s
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1613542_tn?1366472143
I so wish there was a like button on these comments lol. You are still there, you have just been numbing yourself along with the pain. You can gain control again! Best of luck to you both.

Sissie
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1700643_tn?1348985292
I never realized how they mask ur emotions either until now14days clean.My anti-deppresants didn't stand a chance against the pills.I feel like some1new now.So happy,lots of energy&clear headed.You just have to do it and while everyone's different(after looking through the forums up2 30days to fully get energy back).I had convinced myself I was just not a high energy happy person I am and feel great and so proud.You will too.Good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
HI Holly.....narcotics drain of us of our ability to '''fulluly feel'' what where suppose to yes I felt bad when something went wrong yes I always loved my wife and yes I had periods of joy.....but never to the fullest extent of what the emotion called for you sorta get ''numb''
things dont effect you as they should you forget how to feel real joy you forget to smell the flowers...in 16 1/2yrs I never really realized just how much my wife loved me ....there was just sort of a bearer there yes I felt loved but nothing compared to how it feel now after a few2 mo of being clean we where like teenagers again....now I feel the rain on my face a cool breeze when it blows the deep dark emotion of loosing someone close and the joy of a wedding or newborn baby....I was addicted so long I experienced these things over and over and it was like I was dead inside ....emotonless ...it happens gradually you dont even notice it for the most part but once your clean life come at you at 100 miles an hr and in tec/na/color be ready fro a rude awaking I wish you all the best on the road to recovery your emotions will be all over the place at first but once they smooth out life becomes a beautiful place once again....good luck and God bless.....Gnarly      
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi holly,

I just read your post and i gotta tell you that after 30 plus norco 10's a day for like 8-9 years, the pills totally leave you a shell of what you once were.  I'm at week three and boy oh boy has it been eye opening.  After the first 6 days i began to FEEL again and it was amazing,  i was grocery shopping and got SOOO friggin mad at the cashier, and as i was leaving i was laughing because i was SO happy to be able to feel mad again.  I forgot how good it felt to really deep down in the gut feel!  Also my husband and family and friends are amazed that i'm back.  The pills numb everything and they trick you into thinking that they give you superior control over life, and it's a LIE.  They steal your life becuase whether you realize it or not your sliding through life at like 20%.  I noticed that over the last 8-9 years there was only ONE picture of me through all that life, and what a realization that was.  So please think about that, and i truly wish you the best of luck!!
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1699153_tn?1327043235
What about someone like myself who isn't a constant and consistant pill abuser?
I am currently abusing Norco and Tramodol but 3 weeks ago I didn't have any and in fact hadn't had any for months and before that even longer. I was fine, functioned but depressed as I have been most of my live and on antidepressants all the while continuing to crave Norco etc...but not having it. I have honestly felt like "a shell of myself" for years and most of those haven't been abusing or taking any pain killers of any sort.
How would you classify me then? I do admit, years ago once I realized I had a problem with pain killers, it has never left me....when I don't have them I think about having them.
When I have them, I think about when they will be gone. When I have them and use them, I look forward to the effects because they give me a euphoric feeling.
I am just self medicating....i have antidepressants and anxiety meds that work ok I suppose, but I am still medicating myself with these when I can get them. I know either way its not good and its very dangerous.
I know though if I stop tomorrow and never take them again and continue with my antidepressants and anxiety meds....I will still feel like ****. There will be no epiphany of
"WOW...I can feel again...I'm so happy"....none of that.
Not to be a downer....LOL....but that is how I feel and how I see it.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm bumping my own 6 month old thread to answer my own question:

"Yes, Holly, you WERE in an emotional fog.  You were existing - you weren't actually LIVING your life."

And yes, I'm a complete and total dork for doing this - but I remember asking this question ... the person I was 6 months ago was not my real self.  

The pills did take away my happy.  

And I took it back.  :)

Merry Christmas!
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Avatar_f_tn
Aawwww..... Awesome post.....and I agree....thanks...
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1926359_tn?1331591739
That's awesome Holly-it's so valuable to be able to look back and see how far you've come...how much you've grown....Congratulations on taking your happy back...Merry Christmas...Lu
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1700643_tn?1348985292
Im thrilled ur no dork at all.Congratulations girl.SO PROUD OF U.GLAD U GOT UR HAPPY BACK
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1700643_tn?1348985292
NO U TOOK IT BACK.DONT LET IT GO
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Avatar_m_tn
HOLY it cool you looked for responses you had to a question 6 mo ago by now you know the answer we so live in a fog itsl kinda like looking out a window and watching life go by your just not fully connected and will on the pills you cant see the fog im glad you are able to see the light now and congrts on 6om clean......Gnarly  
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