Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Quit methadone - daily progress thread

After a handful of random posts here, it was suggested I start a progress thread.  I don't want to steal anyone's thunder but maybe this can help others - including hopefully myself.  ;)

Long story short - kidney stones - vicodin - dumb decision to go to methadone clinic - 90mg for last 5 years or so.   48 year old male.   Oh, and I quit drinking at 21 after 3 three years of collegiate alcoholism...

The first week wasn't not that bad.   I did check myself into a detox, however didn't use the medication except valium a few nights.   I was with about 25 other high/higher dose methadone patients.   I am now 100% convinced there is a stigma of methadone w/d the festers in the minds of addicts.   Most of us have never stopped methadone.  It's a complete unknown other than 'rumors' and 'line talk'.   I was terrified of the unknown, so was everyone else I was with...  That PURE fear leads to what?!?  ** ANXIETY **  which then manifests itself in physical forms i.e. cravings, nausea, etc.   It is a vicious cycle.  There are true physical issues, however, I'd see a man at day 5-6 off 280mgs absolutely losing it - only to be perfectly fine for HOURS after simply chatting with others (staff, patients, etc.)   Could I have done that first 10 days without detox?  Looking back now absolutely, however at the time I personally needed that ONE FIRST STEP.   A commitment that, at least for that day, I'd be clean.  The last 5 weeks have not been easy - week two and three were a breeze - the last 2 have been challenging but I'm still clean.

Day 39   Stayed up an hour later hoping to sleep in - didn't work - bed at 12 and up at 5.   Tossed and turned as usual throughout the night.   Went to breakfast (something I NEVER used to do) and here I sit.  When I think about the energy crash I know is coming I get anxious.   It's hard to tell between anxiety and cravings.  I called the detox yesterday to ask about energy to which I was told, "yea, we took away your super powers"   Laughingly I agreed.  
65 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Day - 116   Yesterday I did quite a bit...  As much as I hate to admit it, exercise truly does work wonders.  Felt almost normal for parts of the day!   Still hopeful for better days ahead.  It really is amazing (for lack of a better word) how this ordeal comes in waves.  For all those who work full time going through this, you're unbelievably strong.  Someday I hope to not constantly think about all this...  
Helpful - 2
1 Comments
Yay you exercised! Good for you!
I've done the same two days in a row lol ... hopefully more to come as I get completely clean to help the process!
Avatar universal
Thank you both -- your support means the world to me.  
Helpful - 2
1 Comments
Day - 68   Got my arse handed to me by my therapist today...  He's military "suck it up" which is hard to hear sometimes.  He also is totally a "look forward" guy, when I bring past stuff up he almost cuts me off mid-sentence.  I mentioned some physical things I'm dealing with and he blew it off completely.  His response was I don't need to be at "100%" to work extra, do more stuff, etc.
Didn't want to hear that but something tells me he's right...  argh....
Avatar universal
Day - 61  More of the same...  just really weak.   I have noticed that I don't get NEARLY as winded climbing stairs which is great!  I have a huge problem standing for any length of time which makes things difficult esp. at work.
Work this evening hasn't gone as well as of late.  Not performing bothers me.  Shrink asks me, "does anyone complain?" and the answer I give is, "No"  However, I can tell I'm not doing as well as expected.   I know it's up and down with me. Slept quite a bit last night/this morning/this afternoon  ;)   I wake every hour but nonetheless I'm sleeping.  
Helpful - 2
Avatar universal
Day - 59    "This too shall pass" seems to be my calling card as of late...  ;).    There are times where my mind is super clear.    That's positive.  I didn't let my daughter mess my head up today and that's also positive.    I just realised in this moment that I haven't thought about methadone all day.    Despite nagging symptoms I consider that a plus.    My tooth doesn't hurt.    I ate well today.    Took a nap.    I listened to some old R.E.M.   I hugged my wife.    My children have friends and they're playing in the yard.   Still have faith...
Helpful - 2
1 Comments
Sounds like life was good today for you and yours.
Congrats
Avatar universal
Evening post here anxiety lasted only an hour today - spent time with an old friend which was nice.  I have a tiny bit now but not crushing.  Thanks Lesa I trust you all that it's part of it and "this too shall pass"
Helpful - 2
Avatar universal
Fatigue is one of the hardest things especially since much of the whole reason I used in the first place was because of how much energy it gave me (and I loved methadone for that). Anyway, I am currently tapering from Suboxone. I've done it once before but got scared when it came to jumping and tried some short-acting opiates because someone said that was a good idea (ha) it definitely was not for me! anyway got back on Suboxone within a month and been on it for 4 years and every time I taper the fatigue is brutal. And I do find that reading SOME people's stories can be discouraging. I'm down to 1.25mg (trying to get to 1 currently). So, now for some ideas...i recently started taking an herbal supplement that is supposed to be pharmaceutical grade vitamins packed full of good stuff. It helps with my energy a lot. It's called Thrive. The bad thing is it's not cheap and you can't buy it at the store - you have to know someone who sells it. (This is not a sales pitch). Maybe you could at least look it up and see what all vitamins are in it and try that. I never thought vitamins would seriously help me but they are. I read another girls  testimony about coming off of Suboxone and she said Shakeology helped her a lot which I'm sure is a similar type product.  I've heard that caffeine or coffee  is not good - I guess because of the crash. Also I know a few good doctors (who were once addicts)  that highly recommend exercising I am trying my best to start now before the jump but it is very hard I will admit. Anyway, even though your struggling now you still give me hope. Don't give up. In my experience it's always in the moment we think things aren't going to get better and we want to give up that change is right around the corner if we just don't give up!
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Day 104 -  three and a half months off methadone I am still here. Not really sure if I’m ok or not.  Always saw the world in back and white...  maybe it’s actually not..  
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Day - 98   2:35am  Well that didn't last...  I wish I understood, I was so excited that maybe the sleep thing was past.  So depressing.... a whole 3 hours of sleep and a long day ahead.
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
...I take 1/2 of a Tylenol p.m. they are strong so all I need is a half..have you tried these?
Avatar universal
Day - 95.  Soulscape you're a genius!!!!!!!!  5:35!!!!!  I woke up a lot but didn't look at clock just flipped over and chilled out.   I've not been this excited in 95 days... slept 7 hours wow.  no bordom for hours either...  im in a great place right now
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Reading posts like yours gives me more and more hope this someday will end...  the antihistamine that worked so well last night has done zero today.   Up again at 2:30 and have been sitting here for 2 hours.   It's so weird, like clockwork.  I'm not freaking out like last few nights though.
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
Hey Ftmil , congrats on staying with it , I still wake up at random times in the night, what i found super effective for me was, to just roll back over, to not even think oh damn what time is it, or anything at all. Have you tried mediation. It can work for anxiety also. I use to be super bad , panic attacks and all that jazz. But ive been goin to a therapist since my Day 1 , and have learned alot of ways to help with it. At this point , i havent had a attack or anxiety flare up for months, prob a year.  Just a suggestion for ya. I can promise you it will get better. It can also help to start telling yourself i feel better, even if you know your not 100 percent.
I did this trick recently with cigs, just kept telling my self they stink. now i hate the smell of someone smoking. Our mind is a powerful tool.
Avatar universal
As much as I hate it, I consider it ammo to not go back.  When I quit drinking 27 years ago I kept thinking if I ever drink again it would be all for nothing...   I'd bounce on and off Vicodin so I KNOW how I am.   I'm starting to get out of my comfort zone and learn new skill sets so I think I'm making progress.   Hope everyone is feeling st peace tonight.
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Day - 82.  Tried to go to bed as late as possible - laid down about midnight.   Again, up at 4.   Here I sit in the dark.   Such a lonely ride...
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
Yes it is a lonely ride Ftmill. When it is all over unfortunately we tend to forget the details of what it took to get here I think we are set up like that to survive the horrible things we sometimes have to go thru.
Avatar universal
Yes I won't be going over there anymore
Helpful - 1
20391860 tn?1497230541
Just checking in on you buddy. Hope all is well.
-Dave
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Day - 66   Things are getting really strange...  Last night I was walking with a friend in a neighborhood I've been driving through for 30 years.   I got lost, didn't know where I was.   I stood circling around in front of what I finally realized was a long time friend.   I've never experienced anything like this...  I go "in and out" of feeling crappy.   It's like it just won't let go.   I'll feel decent only to be curled up in a ball in a dark basement.   It's known now as the 'bunker' by my close friends.    I find myself assessing when I'll finally feel normal.   I want that so bad.  
Helpful - 1
2 Comments
You are going to get well because that's what happens when a warrior meets addiction head-on. Nobody makes it this deep into the fight,the latter rounds, without being a tough S.O.B.
You gotta remember, at all times, the progress you've made. The cunningness of addiction will suggest that you are only treading water and not actually going anywhere. That is a lie. Your journal will save your azz in times like that. Take a read through the recent past sometime. I did and was shocked at how sick I truly was.
If all else fails, you just have to make the conscious decision to be tougher than a 2 dollar steak and power through the weak moments.
Bests, Dave
I had a lot of those moments. They pass but they sure are disconcerting and worrisome, your brain is taking in and processing a lot more now so misfires are going to happen this passes. Once in awhile I will have a spacey moment but it passes quickly instead of lingering. I just came back from a climb halfway up a mountain/hill lol I plan on reaching the top! It feels good to have the desire and motivation back for life I had missed it dearly.. Congrats on 67 Days Ftmill!! lesa
Avatar universal
Spoke to soon -- wow -- cunning, baffling, powerful..   Fought the beast all day..  sitting on the porch watching the sunlight dim.   Gosh small victories...  or large depending on perspective.   On to tomorrow...
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Day -  63    I took a 2 1/2 hour nap yesterday after work.    Needless to say I didn't get to sleep last night at a normal time but I feel pretty decent right now.    I have the day off today.    Strange/good feelings about really believing this might all come true for me.   Thoughts of being able to travel  without worrying.    I'm definitely understanding the good times/bad times dialogue I've read in many posts.    Mornings were very difficult but now very doable.    Anxiety seems to be gone thank the Lord.    I'm sleeping but waking up every hour.  
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
I posted a Day 60 from work but must not have "sent" and I'm I'm sure left the screen up.  Lord knows who has seen this entire thread..    might be out of a job this evening – I can be so stupid.    I was planning on quitting but I wanted to give it a few more months as I recover .     Yet another challenge..   kids first day of school so I'm a little lonely need to find something to do.   Starting to get brief glimpses of life on the other side -- I can't wait.  
Helpful - 1
2 Comments
You are far from stupid it is the wd memory lapse.. I spoke of myself going thru this. If anybody did our is reading this They will get how hard it is to get off this crap and how strong you are how determined How there is a whole industry that preys on people when they are at their weakest Instead of helping with a gradual reduction counseling pain techniques to ease it Clinics just keep increasing doses till the brain is numb to its situation to its hostage. It takes a Drive a Deep Commitment of self of ones spirit to walk away.. They should be as Proud of you as we are.. This to shall pass. Sometimes the worst things can lead to the best.. lesa
I don't remember learning *new* skills while medicated but I was a machine with skills acquired.  Just going to have to push yet understand my limitations.
Avatar universal
Day 60 Ftmill!! Congratulations!! warmly lesa
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
YES!!!
The big 6-0.
We may still feel rough but those liquid handcuffs aren't nearly as tight..
CONGRATS,
       -DAVE
Avatar universal
Day 42  Am I allowed to say THIS SUCKS?!?  Gosh 6 weeks in - watery eyes, sneezing 30 times a day but over all I'm angry.   Anger towards everything it seems.   Got my first CC of testosterone this morning, thought my family doc would be more supportive.  He's cool and all but I guess I wanted more, "HEY GREAT JOB!!!"  I've been taking valerian root and kava per suggestion but now just read it causes drowsiness.  Hmmm...  don't know anymore.   Lower back and thighs super sore too which never used to happen.  Oh well.  No option at this point, onward bound.  
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
I agree Methadone wd sucks!!!! I too went thru a faze where I was just over the top angry anxious tired.. Oh my was I not pleasant to be around for a couple of weeks! Thank Goodness that went by the wayside. You are doing Great Ftmill! I mean really Jumping from 90mgs It must have taken the wd to really start in earnest awhile. What you are feeling now is the parting of a 90mg habit that you had for a few years so yeah it will hurt. warm baths in Epsons salt our showers will help with the muscle pain as will a heating pad a hot water bottle Anything warm.. I do not recommend taking anything except aspirin our whatever your preference as Valerian root is like a Valium mix that with how you are feeling you end up feeling worse. this wd is so freaking long anything that makes you feel worse is not worth putting in your body.. walking is the only thing I know that helps with everything movement forced but movement.. I'm glad to read you are strong as this will take you thru. You got this Ftmill you are tougher then this drug any day!! lesa
Avatar universal
Day Eight months and few days -  Still kicking.  Life is slowly coming back.  Things have leveled out now.  I’ll take it.  It’s still not always easy and I wonder sometimes if I’ll EVER get back to pre-methadone happiness but I believe I will.   I wonder often what truly motivates me to stay clean (there are drugs in the house - son just had surgery).  The answer is unknown - just being honest.  If I had to guess it’s that deep down I long for a time where I didn’t even know what methadone was...  I don’t constantly think about methadone anymore - I just think about wanting my whole life back - every little bit.   Anyway, it’s been a long, long road.   To all those who’ve read through my posts as Ftmill or even Kfred back 10 years ago, I’m telling you right now it ain’t easy.  It sucks.  It’s draining.  You’ll cry.   You’ll doubt.  You’ll hate.  You’ll think long and hard.   The good news is  you will eventually see that sliver of light, that single moment where you caught yourself back to normal.   It’ll get dark again... but that sliver WILL turn to a crack, and that crack into  an opening.   It’s at that point all you’ll want to do is chase it.   I honestly thought that’d never be possible

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
6 months/1 week  -  Pleased to report sleep has pretty much returned to "normal" for a 48 year old male.  No cravings, no anxiety.   Not to sound drama but I'm relearning what "real life" is... ;)   There are ups/downs.  Sometimes I'm tired, sometimes I'm not.  Sometimes I feel great, other times I'm down.   I handle issues much better but I'm not perfect.   Although I believe NA/AA isn't for everyone, I do learn things there, and draw upon positive aspects from the commentary.    Strangely, even when at my lowest/saddest/angriest I don't even consider going back.   Stranger yet is (even deep down)  I can't understand why that is...
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Good to see you post and hear you're doing good!
Thanks for this journal. I've been on 40 mgs for 15 yrs. I'm down to 28 and was thinking of switching to Suboxone. I have changed my mind. I know it'll be a long haul but I'm worth it. Gotta keep telling myself that. This journal is priceless for me. Many , many thx and keep up the stellar work!!
Avatar universal
5.5 months (give or take a day)  ;)    I'm pretty good afternoons and evenings...  Almost zero anxiety.  Concentration is challenging.  I can laugh, enjoy brief moments, etc.  However, I continue to struggle with prolonged interest in things I used to love.  Anything which takes a little mental effort to gain enjoyment I simply avoid now.   Depression would be an understatement but I've really learned to live with it...  Switched my hours to afternoons/evening as mornings are just "forget it".   I sleep 8-10 hours a night/day but wake/toss/turn about every hour literally.  It's getting old but I'll take it.   It's hard to explain to people my situation, I don't think my med. doctor believes me but whatever.   I can't imagine life is like this so I hold onto hope the process is still ongoing.   Oh one more thing, sometimes I get really angry and can hold onto it for a while.  This is new as I've never had anger issues.   I can only guess this, too, is part of my journey.   Anyway, to all still hurtin' keep your chin up.  The pain will pass.
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Hello again.. I wanted to reach out and after reading your posts sounds a lot like my story.. I'm almost three months off methadone and everything else I'd take to ease the pain.. feeling much better now. Other then zero energy and anxiety, depression but still a million times better then I was two months ago.. you reached out to me and I just wanted to thank you.. there is a light at the end of the tunnel after all!!! So glad we made it this far.. keep up the work as will I .. much love xxxxx. One day at a time;))
Avatar universal
Congrats on the 4 months mate, as klb said this is a positive update, keep at it,  4 months was where it started turning around for me, Just push thru it , Things will change . Make sure your eating lean and exercising, at your stage is when i switched up my lifestyle. and i believe it helped my recovery along.  
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.