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1377983 tn?1296516718

Re-learning how to be sober

After doing 10-15 30mg roxys a day for about two years, I quit again this past weekend.  Today is day 5, not feeling crappy physically anymore (the suboxine I got off the street, combined with JWH aka spice, xanax and some tramadol made the process bearable, and I slept through the worst of it).

Now my problem is not having that crutch... I dont have a terrible life, but with sobriety comes clarity and I'm seeing so many things I ignored while I was zombie-fied on opiates, and it's almost overwhelming to even begin to fix things.  Upsetting even, to the point of wanting to just get more drugs.  I know that's just my addict brain talking, but the crying jags out of nowhere, the futility of this process... all of it is almost too much to bear.  

I successfully quit for three years while living in MInneapolis, partially because there wasnt any script mills or a black market up there, but I think my support system was better perhaps.  Now I feel adrift at sea & am having a hard time finding a reason to bother being clean.  I'm 26, still quite good looking, with a good education, a myriad of friends, a thriving social life (although I'd started to notice I'd forgo going out and instead just want to nod off at home watching Golden Girls reruns... no really, golden girls; Those broads are hillarious), and a enviable career.  SO WHY CANT I BE HAPPY SOBER?  THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A GOOD THING; why cant I enjoy it?  Yes, I understand your brain rewires itself after being on opiates so long, is there any way I can hasten the process of my seratonin receptors changing back to what they were?  Any tips on how to get through this?  Yes, I will be going to NA meetings, which I'm not crazy about due to the religious undertones, but besides that... what can I do?

Also of note, none of my friends are druggies, so no need to change my friends.  I hid what I was up to pretty well, everyone has just thought I was sick due to the flu.
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1122748 tn?1306239764
florida is a hard place to get away from the pills... i am often out in clearwater. i see it everywhere i go from orlando to there.

five days is great.. this aint your first rodeo. 90 days and it will get better. i too felt the pills where like the pill in the ring underdog used (showing my age)..

it gets better..
you are loved
Brother Frankie
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Avatar universal
I understand what you're talking about. Many (or all) feel that way it seems. I did.

Here's the thing: It IS different. The lack of energy,lethargy,whatever you want to call it, is
your brain and you cannot make it do what you want all the time. It's sick. Unhealthy. I'm not talking about your mind here. I'm talking about your brain as an organ. Yes,you have a mindset and you want this but your brain needs time. This is just what I think and what I have experienced.  I tapered for a long time and then stopped. But,I could slowly feel myself becoming a noodle. That's not how I am at all. Anyway,I bought some books(it was easy to read at least) and one helped me very much. It's called: "Magnificent Mind" by Dr. Amen...

Have a nice evening--
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1377983 tn?1296516718
I was indeed dependent on them, however, I was what you'd consider "high functioning addict".... I hit the top of my profession at 25 (almost 27 now) for my age range, and snorting roxys/oxys all day long kept me going... now I'm slamming caffeine & listening to deadmau5 hoping it'll distract me; I'm actually way more productive on them.  That's what scares me... I'll not be able to keep up the ridiculous pace I do professionally.  It's not a good enough distraction, so I'm packing up shop to work from my humidor... it's farther away from where I can get drugs, so I'm hoping that'll keep my mind off of pills.  I think part of it is the ritual... wake up, hop out of bed, bust out of pretty blue or white line and BAM I'M IN BUSINESS!  I dont think I'll have problems not having suboxin... i only had two to start with, but combined with the tramadol, seroquel, xanax, and vitamins (re: vicki- see my previous posts regarding the litany of vitamins I'm taking), I was out of it through the worst of it.  I almost wish I still felt like **** so I could justify putting myself back to sleep for the day.  Hard to think of pills while asleep (not that I havent dreamt of them).

Vicki: yes, I know I am expecting a lot of of myself... but keep in mind people rise and fall based on their own expectations.  I've always had high expectations for myself in every regard, why should this be any different??  If I had **** poor expectations regarding my career, I'd probably have a mediocre position currently, instead I run a marketing dept for a non profit.  I've managed to get by taking off a couple of days, as the bulk of my detox happened over the weekend.  As I said, I'm not ill anymore; I woke up so antsy I did pushups until I was dizzy.  Tried to do my namaste yoga to center myself, that did not help.  Even got high on some herbal remedies... NO DICE.  And as I said in other posts, I will be going to NA.  No one meets in my area until tomorrow.  Before that I was too sick to go anywhere.

So tonight, good cigars & good company will hafta suffice.  Thnx all for your help.
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Avatar universal
McG---You know, I'm thinking you're expecting a little to much right now. It's only 5 days and for most it's difficult to put a noun and a verb in the same sentence after 5 days! It's early in the show,in other words.

But,I know what you're asking. There are some things: Do you have all the B vitamins?
Good for the brain,they say. I still take them along with extra VitC for cell repair.

A lot of people get really down just like you are,needing the crutch,thinking about the pills.
It's so typical. Some are put on AD's with success. Brain chemicals,as you know,get so screwed up they just need help sometimes. And everyone is different.
There's a really good article in the "health pages" upper right of this page. Click in there and read the article on the addicted brain and the list of foods rich in "brain" vitamins.

Sounds corny,I know. But if it helps!!  It sure can't hurt.  Well,that's all I've got...Oh!
There's a treatment modality called "Smart Recovery" ( it's free) Just google it and you'll find a meeting in your area. Read about it. It's a little different from AA/NA.Some people do
both.

Good luck!
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Avatar universal
Yeah thats the same thing that happened to me. Me and my girlfriend broke up and started more and more. Then got on suboxone for two years now finally clean from all today is 20 days clean for me. It feels good not to have to depend on the pills.
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1377983 tn?1296516718
Indeed it is a sh1t state to get sober in.  I actually was concerned when I moved back almost 2 yrs ago this would happen.  It started as wknd use, feeling ate up throughout the week when I didnt take it, then I broke up with my bf and moved out... and then there was no one to hide it from on a daily basis like that, and due to the resources I have, I fell back into daily usage within no time. fml.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your welcome yeah I live not far from tampa fl. Its not the easiest getting clean in this state. But that suboxone should help alot. Hang in there it will be all over before you know it.
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Avatar universal
You have mail.
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1377983 tn?1296516718
I guess I didnt mention I wasnt having any problems sleeping.  It's when I'm awake that I'm sketched out.  I got some seroquel and melatonin for the sleeping issues.  I am taking a whole regimen of vitamins (all that you mentioned and then some).  I only used the xanax during my violently ill days. I already go to the gym on the reg, and if i could get up the energy I'd go now.  As it is I feel like a pile of mush.  Considering just leaving my house, getting up to my humidor where at least drugs I could be buying are far away.  Bleh.  I havent been eating much, but I am a good cook when motivated.  

Thanks for the "higher power" deal, but no, I do not have one, hence the scornful comment regarding NA and its' religious undertones. Seems kind of like another crutch anyways.

I will be going to a psychiatrist feb 8th, there was a helluva waiting list to get in, so I have that covered.

In the middle of reading "dont sweat the small stuff" actually.

Thnx for your advice.
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Avatar universal
Hey today is day 20 for me without suboxone. To help sleep melatonin which is natural sleep aid or vistaril which is like non narcotic zanax. I took multivitamin, b complex, lysine, a protein shake every day and I recently started a natural supplement that is better than 5htp called SAM-e. For better mood and joint comfort.The RLS you pretty much have to deal with thats what was hardest for me, I also see a counslor. I recently started working out at the gym. For starters try to walk around the block a day and move around. Also try to eat as much good food as you can. Oh yeah read a good motivational book. I'm reading a book called Happier by Tal Ben-shahar really good book. feel free to message me . Hang in there. And if you have a belief in your higher power pray to him.
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