Ready to quit but scared to death!

Hey Everyone,  this is my first post ever anywhere.  I did a Google search & here I am.  I am getting ready to start home withdrawal for the second time.  I did it the first time C.T. and for god knows why went back on the same meds 6 mos later.  I have been on Oxy 10/325 4xday and MSContin 30 my 2xday for a year.  I never take more or run out but you better believe I'm more reliable than Big Ben for the next dose.  My deal is this....what I experienced the first time seems to have me petrified of this time!  I've reduced to 3xday on the Oxy for the last week and had some symptoms so now can't seem to further!  I just feel very scared and depressed.  I also stopped Ambien and Cymbalta @ same time.....I just need a push because there is NOBODY I can confide in.

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

The withdrawal will probably not be much different this go round. Maybe a bit more intense, maybe not. Since you have been through it, there will be no surprises.

Are you going ct this time? When are you going to start?

[AloneAndAddicted]

Thank you for responding.  Nobody knows I take these meds.  I told my husband last time because the WD was so bad I had to explain....promised I would never take them again but my back ink wore off and I started 6 mos later and my PM Dr put me right back were I started!  I'm just wondering if it's all I'm my mind because I know what I'm in for but just going down one Oxy and I feel ready to jump!  My heart keeps racing just thinking about CT.  My refill appt is Thurs so I was going to start Fri and not get a refill but I'm already saying....."I'll get the refill just in case....NOT GOOD!  Do you think it's because I stopped the Ambien & Cymbalta also?  I didn't last time.  I haven't slept more than a few hrs a night and I haven't even quit CT yet!

[IBKleen]

I always suggest to people to do one thing at a time. Stopping all of those meds at once probably wasn't the best idea. You will have trouble sleeping during withdrawal which will mentally make you crave Ambien (most likely) and anxiety and depression are also a symptom of withdrawal, if you were on the Cymbalta for either of those.

I think you need a better plan hun. I know you want to stop--been there, done that. But it is also important that you set yourself up for success. Have a plan in place to combat the pain or anything else that may drive you back.

BTW, if you decide to go ct, having a Just-In-Case bottle of pills around is very counter-productive. they will be screaming at you and I doubt you will be able to get through this. I know I couldn't.

Have you considered speaking with your doctor on Thursday and getting honest? Share your concerns and ask for help?

[AloneAndAddicted]

Your right.....no plan just alot of good intentions.  Last time I did CT was because I was scared of his plan of Subluxone (sp?).  I just want to know what me is.....me sober with nothing altering anything.  That's why the not so great plan I thought I'd stop 1 a week.  First week went Cymbalta next week Ambien now this week went down a Oxy and I think all I'm doing is making things worse because I felt better about this @ the beginning but now I am dwelling and very anxious, upset stomach, not sleeping etc etc.  I'm sorry I k ow I'm making no sense whatsoever!  My family was supposed to be going out of town Fri & I had to work so couldn't go so I figured I could do it then and nobody would know.  Now they aren't going.....I'm lost.....

[IBKleen]

You ARE making a lot of sense hun, I speak "drug-ease"...LOL

Just remember that your best thinking got you here. Meaning that we should never be in charge of our meds, detox, etc. We are not good at this stuff as addicts. We constantly let ourselves down with our good intensions.

I hope you do not decide to go the Suboxone route. For what you are taking that is very extreme and if you think you are sick now, just wait for that detox!

Listen, only a suggestion but how about you talk with your doctor as I mentioned. Get honest and ask for help. I know that is scary also because you admit that you are addicted you will lose your supplier. Scary, huh? But if you really, really want this then you are going to have to do something that drastic. All I see you doing now is walking around in circles scratching your had and talking to yourself. And you are getting sick to boot. So it is time to make a decision.

I hope you stick around here. It is the dinner hour and it is quiet so be patient as other members come on and will give you suggestions. Hang on, okay?

[AloneAndAddicted]

Crying......and smiling......still crying....THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.  It's so hard trying to do this with no one to talk to!  I feel so alone this charade of mine has got to end!  So what is my recourse if Dr wants to taper or do Subluxone and I want to do CT?  I just want this to be over....NOW!  I just want help with what was the hardest part for me the first time...no sleep and RLS/creepy crawlies!

[IBKleen]

You are not alone...not at all. this is a big community of people just like you who totally understand everything you are feeling.

It's okay to cry. You are probably ashamed (no need to be) and you are scared and you are also losing what you may feel is your friend---the pills. A lot of people feel they can't function without them and stay on them for years with a false sense of security. The pills WILL turn on you so it is real good that you are working toward getting off now before it becomes harder.

Bottom line---YOU are in charge of your healthcare and if he suggests Suboxone and you don't want to do it, then say no. Thank you Nancy Reagan...LOL

Since you got yourself down to 3 pills a day, this may be the best jumping off point for you. It is dragging out now so going to one pill a day may be very hard, especially with no one at home knowing. If you jump here you can fake the flu. Believe me, I am 100% for telling your spouse and not lying about this (or anything else) but that is your choice. In comparison to some you have not been on them that long either so you may be getting yourself upset and building this up to be worse than it is.

A positive attitude goes a long, long way during detox so you will need to change your thinking. Think good things---know you will be okay---know this is for the best and you will be better for it.

When you decide how you will go about this we can make some suggestions for home remedies and such that worked for us and got us through the first few days of withdrawal.

[AloneAndAddicted]

Plan:  Going to Dr Thur to ask for assistance to go CT on Fri!  GOING CT ON FRIDAY REGARDLESS!  My last pill will be Thur night then I will throw the 1 Oxy & 1 MSContis that I would of taken Fri morning @ 0600 (Big Ben!) out.  It'll be my ceremony to initiate sobriety.  That's all I got so come 1 come all with the suggestions so I can go to Walgreens and stock up on anything that will help on Thur and take charge of this!

[ImDONENoMore]

Okay, I've been reading your post and IB is SPOT ON with her advice.

Shopping list at Walgreen's?  Here goes:

1.  Water or juice.  Just something healthy - soda is NOT a good option.
2.  Fruit (especially bananas), yogurt, fresh tea bags - these things will be easier to eat and digest initially.  Bananas, because of their potassium, are great for RLS.
3.  A good daily multi-vitamin.
4.  Valerian Root (great for anxiety)
5.  Hylands Restful Legs with quinine (or tonic water with quinine) - GREAT for the rls also.
6.  Immodium A-D (an opiate for your stomach -and NO it doesn't cross the blood barrier so you're safe.  And it's a G-DSEND during those early days of withdrawal and the stomach issues).
7.  B-12 sublingual tablets - GREAT for energy - might not feel it right away, but you will.  And it will help.
8.  Excedrin and/or aleve for pain issues - aleve the first few days to help with the body aches and the excedrin is good for early morning pain - plus the caffeine will help to get you going (cause you won't feel like moving, believe me).
9.  Club soda (good for upset stomach).
10. Epsom salts (good for bath or shower).  The salts are great for drawing toxins out of your skin - I'd use as a scrub in the shower since I'm not a bath person, but I'm sure baths are better for this purpose.  Plus the epsoms are really good for body aches too.

And finally, and MOST importantly, remind yourself (every second if you have to) that what you're doing now is the BEST thing you have done for yourself in a long time.  Because it is.  And life OFF the pills - well, it's just no comparison.  It's just better.

Good luck to you!  You CAN do this!!!  Slowly but surely you'll get there.  And of course, keep posting and get the feelings OUT.  Much better way to cope.  I'll be rooting for you!  :)

[AloneAndAddicted]

Thank you so much for your reply....the list is on paper and going to Walgreens with me Thurs!  I thank God for this site because without it the drugs were doing most of the talking!  What do you think of the stuff I've seen about  an amino acid regimen? Tomorrow & Thurs I'm going down to 2 then Fri CT here we come.  Hope you guys don't get sick of me but I think I'm gonna need you!  I CAN DO THIS....I WILL DO THIS!

[ImDONENoMore]

Yes both the thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol are perfect guidelines.  The only thing that didn't work for me on the amino acid list was the 5htp (made me SUPEr jittery) and the thomas recipe used to include xanax which I definitely don't agree with on most situations - but the rest of the suggestions are great.  And the same-E is a great suggestion - a bit pricey at over 40 bucks a box, but it will help a lot for that first month or so.

And keep that attitude of success - it will help you through I promise you.  :)

[ImDONENoMore]

And the melatonin - the BEST sleep aid out there - better than any prescription or over-the-counter sleep aid I've ever tried.  :)

[AloneAndAddicted]

ThanxmI have some of that.  Do you happen to know how much Melatonin to take & is that for Bedtime only? Thx so much!

[IBKleen]

Yes, Melatonin is only for sleeping. It helps to calm you actually...and naturally. Read the instructions on dosing information and remember that it is to be taken in a dark room. In other words, don't take it in the chair watching tv, it may not work. Again, read the instructions and google it as well.

So how about Friday morning you come on here and have some coffee? Sound like a plan?

[AloneAndAddicted]

Good morning,  Yes I will be here Fri morning/mid-morning/ noon/ evening/early am etc etc. It's so odd that this seems so much harder than the first time!  I quess because 1. I know what I'm in for and panic just thinking about it!  2.  I stopped the Cymbalta/Ambien this time and tried to tapper.  In my opinion a bad idea I think because as soon as WD hit my brain & drugs joined forces to start talking me out of going CT Fri.  I'm gonna do it...I have to do it.  Good luck to all I see struggeling!  See you Fri!