Realizing how much those pills distorted things

[wanttobeclean]

I'm 13 days off oxycodone.  And last night was my first real night out, having fun.  We got a sitter, went to dinner, then a movie and even stopped for a night cap at a bar afterwards.  (Alcohol has never been an issue for me...I drink 1-2 drinks MAYBE 2-3 times a month). When we were going to bed, my husband said he had so much fun. I asked him why...he said, "Because you are so much fun again!"  .  

Here I thought those G--D--pills were making me a better person to be around...more fun and easy going...and meantime they were doing just the opposite. More incentive than ever to stay far, far away!

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks again for all the great information.  I recently opened up to my doctor about my anxiety and depression and have been started on an antianxiety/antidepressant.  I am also writing a lot and trying to work through my issues.  I guess where I'm having some confusion is that I really don't like ANY feelings that alcohol gives me.  I just love the taste of an apple martini or a mike's lemonade...but I don't even want that foggy feeling that being tipsy gives me. That's why I nurse one or two drinks over several hours.  My husband does enjoy a few drinks (he has never had any problems with any addiction), and I like to have a drink or two with him. Like I said, though....it's maybe 1 or 2 times a month.  

I have gotten drunk, MAYBE twice in my life and hated it...last time probably 4 years ago.  I'm certainly open to thinking about alcohol as another drug, but I just honestly don't think of it as one, and have never "used" it like I have the oxycodone.  It's like the alcohol and oxy are polar opposites to me and I absolutely do NOT crave any of the feelings alcohol gives me.  Does that make any sense??

[FriaryGrad]

You've just heard this from other "experts" but I'm going to chime in as well.  The problem with using another drug (alcohol is as much a drug as oxy) is that you're still using a chemical to change your brain while you're "having fun."  All drugs lower your power to resist other drugs....and if you don't learn to have chemical free fun, you could just substitute one drug for another.  Nevertheless, it's great that you got off oxy, and I don't want you to think that it wasn't a huge accomplishment, because it absolutely is. But why not just go off chemicals all together?   I had a roommate in rehab who used meth but hardly ever drank.  When she first got out of rehab, she thought she could drink "normally" like she had in the past.  A few weeks later she called me and said that everything they'd told us in rehab was true and that if she had kept drinking alcohol she would have faced a full blown relapse.  Have you been screened for depression, to help you understand why you used drugs?  I was a self-medicator (sp?) and once I began taking anti-depressants it changed my life. Good luck and keep up the good work..............

[wanttobeclean]

Karen...thanks!

CATUF1140--thanks so much for the information...and I will think about it.  But my DOC was very different and gave me a very very different feeling than alcohol.  I honestly don't even really enjoy the way alcohol makes me feel if I have more than a drink or two...I honestly just like the taste.  In all honesty, I think during my 15 months of use, I drank maybe 10 times..and never more than 1 drink.  ( I was also paranoid about mixing oxy and alcohol.)  I definitely will think about it though and as always, am grateful for any information you guys give me.  Thanks

[CATUF]

"Alcohol has never been an issue for me."  

It is at least worth considering that countless thousands of addicts have honestly and accurately said these same words, only to learn that: a) alcohol leads to relapse with their D.O.C.; or b) having been in active addiction, their brain begins to react to alcohol in a different way.

NA addresses this issue rather well in its How it Works:
=====================================
The only way to keep from returning to active addiction is not to take that first drug. If you are like us you know that one is too many and a thousand never enough. We put great emphasis on this, for we know that when we use drugs in any form, or substitute one for another, we release our addiction all over again.

Thinking of alcohol as different from other drugs has caused a great many addicts to relapse. Before we came to NA, many of us viewed alcohol separately, but we cannot afford to be confused about this. Alcohol is a drug. We are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover.
=============================

Of course, this might not apply to you.  
But what if it does?

CATUF
1140

[scaredmom330]

Your post brought tears to my eyes...Hug and kiss that hubby for me tooo....lol glad you have a good time w/o drugs...way to go girl!!!!


Karen

[wanttobeclean]

Thanks for your comments!

Rue 10--I'm sorry it's so much more of a struggle for you with such little support.  You must be so incredibly strong!  I hope we can get you through some of those rough patches here.

[rue10]

Good for you.  I still have a hard time mentally not being on anything.  For me, I've never felt comfortable in my own skin w/o the aid of some mood altering substance.  But I have hope....especially when I read posts such as yours.  No one knows that I'm fighting this battle except for you guys...so I've not received any positive comments from spouse, etc.  He's not the supportive type and sees addiction as weakness.

It touched my heart to read what your hubby said to you.  I have tears....

I know it's true that life only gets better when you leave the drugs alone.  My life is better although I struggle daily to find the good.

I'm glad you had a good night out.

Blessings!

[Friend999]

WOW!  I am so happy for you.  You back to being you.  

Congratulations and wishing you many, many more days like that!

Friend999