Really Depressed

[vicaddict]

HI all;
Just venting here is all....I already feel like I have lost something so important to me that I don't know how I will function.

Probably still too early for the worst of the w/d's as it has only been since yesterday afternoon I had my full days doseage, and a half earlier today.

I am already down in the dumps...I suffer with major depression as it is, and with that..and the stuff I am going through with my son's father, and now this...I am depressed triple-triple fold.
This isn't even the beginning...how will I cope come tomorrow???

I swear to god I am soo soo sooo scared. I honeslt do not know how I will get through this...I am petrified.

[addictedtoloratab]

Hi hon, I am sorry you are just in a bad place, and I know this sounds stupid right now, but, this to shall pass.  You are the good one and you will win. Have faith in yourself girl, your a single mom, I think you said you have a boyfriend, but, your the mom and sounds like a damn good one.  Dont worry, the judge will see this, they are used to this stuff.  I know that you cant right now, but, when you can force yourself to get out of the house, I would like you to see that movie Tyler Perrys 3 girls, or somthing like that anyway the beginning is Tyler Perry.  I am so glad I went last night, but, I must confess, I had 2 pills yesterday.  It was a little far fetched, but, it made me remember how important our kids really are and how much we do give up for them and how good the outcome is,, Just please see it when you get out, it was so cute. I have been way depressed lately and way to much into myself, so see this its good, sometimes a movie brings us out of ourselves a little bit.. I know you might now be able to get out for a while, trust me girl, I understand.  Did you see the post Marcie wrote yesterday about how she had to deotx on her family vacation while in a diffrent country without her husband knowing.  Read that one its was really funny..I do love this site cause I we are all in the same boat but, these stories can cheer you up sometimes and then creek is always one to make me laugh,,, Try to take care of you girl..Huggs

[FLaddict]

i too have been very depressed lately. taking things out on my husband, getting totally freaked out at work, staying in the bedroom to be left alone. i am sorry you are feeling this way. fear can take over a person, i know thats what is happening to me. i am afraid of soooo many things right now that i am not myself.

[tink1517]

i swear it seems like the fear of what we know will happen to us in w/d's is as bad as the w/d's themselves. do you have anything to help you sleep?

[Whenwillitend]

Sorry to hear! :(

I do not have a depression issue -- I've had anxiety issues in the past, but I'm far from depressed. However, when I WD, I always experience depression and/or dysphoria. I hate that part -- I remember one time during a WD... it was day 4, I decided I wanted to watch Armegeddon (sp), I didn't have the Encore package, so I ordered it. I watched the movie, and when I was getting close to the end (sad part), I felt so empty inside. I NEVER cry during movies, and I felt I was about to fall apart. I realized then and there that I wasn't over my WD's. I woke up thinking so, but I was mentally drained.

Another time, I blabbed to a co-worker about how sad inside I was. They didn't know what was going on, but I was a blubbering idiot to them. Later that day (day 4 if I recall correctly) I felt good. What a HUGE difference between morning and evening. I started the day wishing I wasn't awake/alive - ended it by laughing with my wife, watching tv... and I'm not a huge fan of TV. lol

I've read some people have months of depression -- I feel SOOO bad for those people. I think the longest I went depressed was 6 days. Seems like a drop in the bucket looking back, but those 6 days seemed like an eternity. Hell, I'm currently on day 2, and going on past experience, Saturday will be day 6 -- that seems like a life time away right now. Come this weekend, I'll be annoyed with not doing much this weekend, where I could have gotten so much done. Heh - it's like a light switch. :)

Anyway - things will get better -- look inside and you will see this. Yea, the WD's are telling you otherwise, but listen to the true you... you will know you will be better. If you do have depression issues outside of pills, you may want to talk to your Dr about this. My only experience with Depression is short term during WD's and when something goes really bad in my life. Otherwise, luckily I've avoided depression most of my life (probably had more in the last year, then the rest of my life).

Good luck hon!

[beachtowel]

Really depressed you can do it. Withdrawls are terrible I won't lie. Recovery from addiction is very hard too.
Withdrawls is the price we pay for dancing with the devil.
You can do it I promise you, get some help. Cold turkey and that suffering is not for everybody. There is help out there.
There are 4.7 million register AA members in the US and Canada and tons of NA and CA members out there too. Your not the first and far from the last to go through this.
This site and all of its members are here to help don't forget that.
good luck

[Marce4]

What can I say that hasn't already been said.  I did not have depression issues before the addiction but I know how that feels now. Still emotions running high and low.  I wake up in the AM very down but as the day goes on, it does get better. You know from experience that the depression is intense during w/d. So you are not down only physically but mentally but you sound so strong that you just have to hang on to the faith that you can get through this.  What do you take for the depression?
I hope you can get some peace tonight. We are here to talk you through!
Marcie

[vicaddict]

Thanks hun..I so appreciate that. I will definately take you up on that, and even more so if I can't sleep tonight.
(You may regret saying you will be here all ngiht) LOL..well I still have SOME humor left...ughhhhhhhhhhhh
I am going to try and sleep tonight b/c I am assuming I won't sleep much at all tomorrow night, or the next or the next, etc..etc.
But I appreciate your kindness, and helps to know that you are here for me.

Huggs hun
Tracy

[vicaddict]

Thanks hun..yes I have some generic soma that has seemed to help. I just hope I am NOT setting myself up for another addiction. I do not think I will get addicted to them but then again who would have thought I would with the vicodin either?
My Dr prescribes Cyclobenzaprine...those are wayy tooo much fo rme. I take ONE and I still can't shake the sleepiness most of the next day. I am not like that on the Soma..odd though as my cyclo's are only 10mg but apparently very potent..from my personal experience and from what Dr said. The soma's are 50mg..I don't get that.
I got them from a friend of mine. I did take one earlier today and just now before I try and head to bed for the night. I have sleep apnea so not sleeping at night has always been an issue for me, although I did not know I wasn't sleeping then. I now have a machine, but the restlessness in my legs when I am off the hydro, I sware I could put my fists through the wall.
So I hope that the soma continues to allow me to sleep at night, and then hopefully just drop em. I really hate anything that makes me sleepy or dopey anyhow.

[tink1517]

i like somas too, and hate things that make me feel dopey/ i like to feel, speedy. i wouldnt woory about getting addicted to them yet, especialy since you really dont like that feeling. i've been on xanax or valium for yrs and i always have extra at the end of the month. i only take them at beditme for sleep. i do know alot of people addicted to xanax and somas, etc., but for some reason they dont like pain pills. i guess its one or the other (up or down) tylenol PM works good to, but i have a hard time walking up the next day and feel groggy all morning. WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES????

[vicaddict]

Thanks everyone....yeah I have been on this site now since about the end of November.
I "seem" strong when sharing my experiences, and or giving advice to another but I am far from it!

Whenwillitend:
I have to apologize to you for a post earlier..I thought I read "whenenlightened"..how DUH of me as I know your ID...I have NO idea what I was thinking. Well Im not thinking that's the problem...so confused today.

I have been on anxiety meds/depression meds/and a beta blocker for 5 years now. Have suffered with all of this since I was 19..but always was switching meds..finally found a combo that works well for me...but I do still have them days...I get more depressed than the normal person does, and with this addiction and the w/d it is just horrible!
Marce:
I take Celexa for for my depression. I see my physchologist every 3 months.
I see him next in March, and I am going to tell him about my addiction this time when I do go in. The last time I saw him..I wasn't even considering quitting.

I feel so bad for the people who suffer from bipolar, and or Schizophrenia, etc. I honestly do not know how these people cope with everyday living. I know my level of depression and it is horrible...I can't imagine how these people must feel.
I am not suicidal..never have been...I am terrified of death. But I remember back when noone knew what was wrong with me, I had wished it a few times, but only b/c I was suffering so badly. Nobody knew back then of anxiety disorders, etc. I also developed agoraphobia from all of the panic/anxiety. I am better today than I have been in many years but still comes and goes.

[vicaddict]

Yes..I am the same way...I am prescribed clonazepam, celexa and a beta blocker.

I always have clonaz left over also..I am to take one in the morning and one at bedtime..the one time I tried c/t..I tried taking 2 at once but they really did not help much at all. I was just more tired is all...and I have to watch what I do during the daytime b/c I have children. Bedtime..I can take the soma and go to bed. So during the day I need to be alert.
The Soma "seems" to be helping some. I hope that continues because like I said I don't really like them, but they are good at keeping me calm and relaxed and of course able to sleep.

:)

[tink1517]

hey sweety, you can do it... i know thats not what you want to hear right now. i suffer w/ depression too. the last few days were HELL for me, but today i'm doing better. I feel like i lost my best friend, theres a void in me w/out my pills, pathetic i know, but unforunately true. i'll be here all night if you want to chat.