Really Struggline right now

Well, I'm finally doing my first post - I've lurked and responded to many but haven't posted until today.  I am tapering off Norco, down from 30 per day to 10 and doing okay but today I found out that I have three tiny little lesions in my left breast and cannot get in for a biopsy until Monday.  They are moderately suspicious for cancer and I'm really nervous.  My husband's first wife died of breast cancer at age 38 so he's panicked too - he doesn't know about my drug use (or doesn't mention it)  I really want to take more Norco (10mg's each) but I don't want to ruin my taper.  So I figured I'd post here and get this off my mind.  I took the day off work so I am going to just try to focus on other stuff.  I'm going to try Melatonin for sleep since I know I'm going to be awake a lot.  Thanks for listening.  I get a ton of support just reading all of the posts here and I appreciate all of you!  

[CATUF]

I'm praying for you Lurker.  I pray that you can address both the taper and the biopsy issues with a sense of peace and serenity.

CATUF

[marcatj]

Lurker... first of all, I am so sorry you have to worry about this.

My understanding on something like this is often times, it is nothing.  So if there's any way you can, try not to worry about something you do not know will come to pass.  When they tell you "it's nothing to be worried about" - you will look back and say "boy - I worried for nothing!"  You know what I'm saying?

I am not lessening your fear, and you will be in my prayers, but there is simply nothing you can do in this moment except to accept what is...  easier said than done, I realize...

And don't take more Norco.  Think of the irony: you are worried right now about an unhealthy, foreign "poison" on your breast, so you want to add more poison?  NOT a judgement, just putting it in perspective.

The less junk in your system, the healthier your body will be...

Don't take more... you are doing too good.  And keep posting... it will help.

luv,
mary

[lurker]

Thanks so much for your responses.  I'm a nurse and I know that 90% of these lesions end up being benign but I still worry.  I'm also kicking myself because I went 5 years in between mammograms.  Dumb, Dumb, Dumb - I know better but always seemed to busy to do them.

So - to all women over 40 - get one every year.  If you don't have insurance you can look up places that do them on a sliding scale so you don't pay a lot.  Don't wait!

I'll keep posting.  It does help.  

[retiredrn]

I, too, am praying for you, catuf's prayer is perfect.

[justlikeyou]

90% of the stuff i have worried about never happend.

relax.............

[tooklastdose]

if they aspirate the cyst (if that is what it is)  make sure they send the liguid to pathology.
Many times they just squirt it in the sink,  Make sure they send it in.

If they remove the area, take deep breaths and time will tell.
Like you said 90 percent are benign.

You will be fine.

I have went down this road,  I'm 44 and I know,  WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH.

[bettersoon00]

Best of luck to you. I am really sorry that you have to go throught this. I am really glad you have decided to post. And think about how happy you will feel when get off the norcos. I hope that you have a stressless weekend (as much as you can) and let us all know how it goes.

[JRG]

I had to breast biopsies two years ago and they were both nothing to worry about. My mom had breast cancer and she has been cancer free for 10 years. Don't worry until there is something to worry about.
Take care,
Jackie

[marcatj]

you're gonna be fine, honey bun... you know the stats... :-)

[beachtowel]

I'm sorry to read your post and to have a doctor say they are moderatly suspicious of cancer without knowing would really bother me.......
To scare someone with cancer because of three tiny little lesions on your left breast and the fact that they cannot get in for a biopsy until Monday why would a doctor tell you that?
I have lost half of my family to cancer what if you don't will your doctor say opps sorry?

[VOsRose]

First, I'm so sorry about the breast cancer scare.  I've been there myself and it turned out to be calcification.  I am lax about mammograms (I haven't had one since then and that was 3 years ago).  My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer 10 years ago...she had a radical mastectomy and they removed lymph nodes.  The cancer had not spread and she didn't have to have radiation or chemo.  She is fine now.  My point is, don't worry until you know you have something to worry about.  Also, I agree with Beachtowel...why in the world would a doctor say something like that to you??  That's just cruel.  Surely they know that 90% of the time it's benign or something totally different.

As far as the wanting to take more pills due to the stress of this situation...one thing, as addicts, we all have to learn is to deal with life on life's terms without using drugs to cope.  Somewhere along the way in our addiction we lose whatever coping skills (no matter how poor or great they were) and begin to believe that the only way to cope with problems, stress, etc. is drugs.  It's one of the hardest aspects of the "mental games" of addiction.  Giving into that urge right now will set you back and fill you with regret.  Try to find another option for handling stress.  Meditate, take a long walk, a hot bath, go get a massage...any number of things, all of which are infinately better than more pills.  

Stay with your taper.  Look forward and picture yourself drug free.  Once you're finished with the taper find a good support group to help with the cravings and stress you're bound to face (as we all do).

Good luck to you and please let us know how the test goes on Monday.  I'll keep you in my prayers and thoughts as you're going through this.

xoxoxo
Rosie

[serenitysaves]

I wish I could say something to make it better.  You continue to hang in there.  I'll be praying for you.
take care, Robin

[lurker]

Thanks so very much for all of your kind words and prayers.  I talked to one of the doctors I work with today and have rescheduled my biopsy to a facility that specializes in breast disorders.  I will have to wait a little longer for an answer but I am much more confident that I'll get better and more complete information.
Haven't taken pills over it - thanks in part to all of your kindness!  I'll keep you posted.

[bettersoon00]

That's great news. Let us know what happens. I will be sending you my good vibes.